Unnatural

Some of you are not going to like what I have to say today. I know this because my reader has recently been speckled with more and more posts about Vibram Five Fingers and the benefits of barefoot running. My quarrel is not so much against barefoot running or those funny little hobbit shoes but more against the argument used to promote it which goes something like this: ‘Barefoot running is more natural and therefore better.’ I’m not buying it.

We’re supposed to believe that primitive man ran barefoot and so it’s the best way to do it, but you know what? There are a lot of things that came naturally to primitive man that we no longer do and I, for one, am happy about that. For example, do you know how primitive man trimmed his toenails? He didn’t! The toenails just wore themselves down from all that running around barefoot or broke off when they got too long or when he stubbed his fat little toes on rocks. In fact, I postulate that primitive man only ran barefoot as a means of toenail control and that had he owned a pair of nail clippers he’d have been hunting down behemoths in Nike Waffle shoes long before the 70s.

Just because the human body does something naturally doesn’t make it better or more efficient. As evidence I offer this heartily abridged list of things that are fake (not natural) and are vastly improved because of it: Meat Paste, Demi Moore’s face, Pamela Anderson’s chest, Cool Whip (interesting that this would be the next thing that came to mind after Pam Anderson, no?), Cheez Whiz, *breaks into song* ‘these are a few of my favorite things.’

If you played any kind of sports growing up then you have experienced a coach showing you a better way to throw, hit, shoot, etc. (followed by sobbing into your pillow at home if you’re like me) because your body doesn’t always naturally do things the most efficient way. As my son has been learning to play baseball his natural inclination was to throw with his feet firmly planted perpendicular to his line of throw. He had to be coached to step with the opposite foot when he throws, but now that he has learned this behavior he is able to throw with much more efficiency and effectiveness.

Even if natural was better, I’m not convinced that running barefoot is more natural than running in shoes. The human body is incredibly adaptive. When your parents first put shoes on your feet and you began walking and running, you didn’t make a conscious effort to change your stride, your body ‘naturally’ switched up your foot-strike pattern. Your body was smart enough to recognize the innovation of the shoes and adapt to them. Couldn’t you argue then that the way you run with shoes on your feet is also pretty natural? You could, because I just did. It doesn’t really matter though since I’ve already established that natural isn’t necessarily better.

To sum up: 1) Natural doesn’t necessarily equal better. 2) Running barefoot isn’t natural. That might seem a little contradictory but this is the kind of circular logic that I like to employ because it’s very hard to argue with. Go ahead and try arguing with me *sticks fingers in ears* “la la la la la la I can’t hear you!”

For actual scientific analysis of such matters I point you back to this article by Science of Sport. They agree with me... at least I think they do. I didn’t fully understand everything they said due to their use of big sciency words. We get it guys, you’re smart.

Gait Analysis

Candis and I headed down to our local Rec Center this past Wednesday night because they were doing free gait analysis sessions for runners and I have always subscribed to the premise “if it’s free, it’s for me.” The gentleman who appeared to be performing the analysis immediately gave off the impression that he was a smooth operator. He had slick, dark hair and was more tan than anyone in the northern hemisphere should be in March with the possible exception of George Hamilton. His movements were fluid and calculated and I immediately decided that I didn’t trust him at all. He completed his own character assassination when he introduced himself to me as “Dr. D.” It seemed strange that he would avoid using his last name, especially when he later introduced himself to my wife and gave her his complete last name.

We had a brief discussion and I could tell by the way he threw around words like “alignment” and “adjustment” that he was a chiropractor i.e. not a real doctor. Then he asked me to take off my shoes and socks and run on the treadmill while he filmed it for a couple of minutes. Having never run barefoot, with the exception of chasing my wife around the bedroom (high five myself), it felt strange. My stride didn’t feel right. I was up on the balls of my feet much more than I normally would have been, and in the quarter mile that I ran on the treadmill I never felt like I settled in to my stride.

We looked at the footage on Dr. D’s computer and he informed me that as far as my stride, everything was centered and looked good (I’ll say). I didn’t over-pronate or supinate or coagulate, I was just plain average. The one thing that he did point out was that my right elbow seemed to flail out to the side a little more than my left elbow and this was perhaps due to the fact that my alignment was off. I could see where this was heading. He informed me that they were holding a runner’s clinic next week covering things like gait, alignment, and various tips for runners to make sure you’re running with the utmost efficiency. It was not a free clinic.

I didn’t feel like Dr. D ever really told me what I could do to fix my right elbow flail and he even seemed to avoid directly answering some of the questions I had for him. He kept telling me that they were going to cover some of these things at the clinic. It was like I was talking to a politician. I declined to sign up for the clinic because I didn’t see how I was going to find the solutions to the glitches in my individual gait by paying to sit through a generic presentation to a bunch of fellow dupes.

I was beginning to wonder if this had been a complete waste of time when my wife made it all worthwhile. Once she had finished her barefoot gait analysis, Dr. D asked her if she had ever been to see a chiropractor before. “Yeah,” she answered without realizing that Dr. D was probably a chiropractor “but it was totally worthless.” Just like that she trampled all over his ego, and she did it without any right elbow flail at all.

*This post does not apply to Jared Lawson, who is a level headed and legitimate chiropractor.

New Running Shoe Technology

I admit that I’m always skeptical when I hear that, but in this case I think it’s valid. Today I came across Newton Running and was very impressed by their website, apparently they’re located right here in Boulder, Colorado so you see, good things do come out of Boulder.

They have engineered a line of shoes that are designed to make your feet feel like you’re running barefoot which causes you to land on your forefoot, which in turn reduces injury risk and is a more efficient way to run. Essentially, your feet are suspended on a hammock over the sole of the shoe, but you should check out their website for a more technical description of how it works.

When I hear ‘hammock’, I’m thinking about relaxing, not running and I’m biting my tongue to suppress the childish ‘banana hammock’ joke that must be in there somewhere.

I will say that I’m genuinely intrigued by these shoes and I’m seriously thinking about giving them a try but I’ll have to wait until they come down in price because I’m not going to pay $155 for shoes that look like they’re straight out of the 80s. So if you’re going to buy some, be sure to wear them with your matching slap bracelets and dig up the old leg warmers to complete the look. And remember, if you’re planning on running early in the morning: Wake me up before you go go.

Tip of the hat to The Goat for finding this first (or before I did at least).