Built for Speed

Lately, I am obsessed with the McMillan Running Calculator. Not with the video that auto-plays when you go there, don’t they realize that I’m at work and their loud video gives away the fact that I’m not working? Why not just send an e-mail to my boss of my daily internet history and instructions on the best way to fire someone. It’s a good thing companies can’t really track internet usage among employees, right? Right?

If you’re not familiar with the McMillan Running Calculator, it is a tool that allows you to plug in a recent race time and then tells you what your training pace should be for your long runs, tempo runs, intervals etc. But the really cool thing about it is that it also estimates what your race times should be at other distances. This is the part that I’m obsessed with. I like to go over there, plug in my PRs and compare how they stack up against each other. In my case, the shorter distances (5K, 10K) always project out to faster finishing times than I’ve been capable of at the longer distances (13.1, 26.2). Granted this could be a glitch in the formula that McMillan uses but I prefer to think that it means I’m built for speed.

If any of you use McMillan, I’d be interested to find out if your results skew towards the shorter distances or if I am (as I suspect) just a speedy guy over shorter distances. If you are looking to waste some time in the office today or if you are looking for a way to delay your run and procrastinate you should totally head over to McMillan. Of course the number one recommended way to waste time in the office today is to watch the NCAA tourney online, I heard they were streaming the games free today.

The one thing that has always bothered me about my predicted race times from McMillan was that it claimed that my time for the 100 meter dash would be 20 - 21 seconds. That was way too slow for my liking, but it’s been pretty close on predicting my other times so I just figured I was slower than I thought. However, earlier this week I was back at the track for my weekly abuse and after I was done with my intervals (or after Intervals was done with me) I decided to run a 100m sprint, just to see how I fared. 15.7 seconds! Suck it McMillan! Plus, this was after I had finished my intervals so my legs weren’t entirely fresh. I figure if I did the 100m with fresh legs I could shave off another 5 - 6 seconds. Yeah, 9.7 sounds about right.

For the record, a 15 second 100m time in McMillan translates to a 2:51:56 marathon time. Wow, I really underperformed in the Arizona Rock ‘n’ Roll marathon (4:31:06).

I’m off to watch some free online basketball. (Update: Free on NCAA.com. You’re welcome!)

Podcast
Be sure to check out the new Laugh Tracks podcast featuring me, Amy, Nitmos, Raz, and guest starring the ridiculously talented J-Money. Apparently, we ruffled some feathers with this one, and when I say ‘we’ I mean Amy. Nice going Amy.

Sweet Sixteen

Forgive me, for it has been 16 days since my last run. Sixteen sweet days of blissful rest and not running have passed since I crossed the finish line in Arizona. I had intended to run this past weekend, but then I didn’t. I intended to run this morning, but then I didn’t. Without a race in the foreseeable future I have little motivation to get out and run and even the smallest excuses keep me from lacing ‘em up. The good news is that I’m starting to miss running, which I wouldn’t have thought possible only a month ago when I was in the heart of my marathon training.

2009 Goals
The completion of the PF Chang’s RnR Marathon brings my 2008 running season to a close, despite the fact that it happened in 2009. Only now do I feel like it is appropriate to start setting some goals for the year. Obviously the first goal is to complete a marathon in 2009, not another marathon, just the one that I’ve already completed. Hooray for retroactive goals! As has always been the case I like to focus on getting faster more than anything else and I think you can see that showing through in some of my goals below:

• Get faster.
• Don’t get slower.
• Run a sub 50 minute 10K.
• Win an age group award, and by win I mean take first, second or third, I’m really not that picky. This is going to require entering some small, local races, but I think it’s about time I placed within my age group.
• Shave my 5K. As the host of the SY5K Challenge it would be embarrassing for me to get slower.
• Set a new PR at the half marathon distance.
• Not sign up for another marathon.

Incidentally, I told Candis about my goals and she didn’t think that I could win an age group award even when I told her that I was going to find a really small local race. I tried to convince her that I could find a really small race where there was only one other person in my age group and take second place by default, but she remained skeptical. Whatever. I’ll show her. If any of you know of any really small races in Colorado or maybe even Cheyenne, WY then be sure to let me know, but let’s keep it on the down low so that the race doesn’t get too popular. I don’t want to actually have to earn the age group award, I totally just want to get it by default. That’s how I roll.

That Wasn’t Me You Saw Running

No, it wasn’t me, at least not the real me. When you run past me on the trail I see you coming and I prepare myself. I lengthen my stride, I puff up my chest, I suck in my gut, I pick up my pace, I smile, I do everything I can to appear relaxed and in control, because this is easy and I’m fast. And if you're a woman... double that. I'm not even sure what it would mean to double that, but I do it, and you know why? Because I'm fast and this is easy.

How long have you run so far? Seven miles? Pssssht - I've already gone nine miles... oh... you said eleven? I said nineteen and I've got another 10 planned... and then I'll turn around and head back, because I'm fast and this is easy.

Do you see my shoes? They’re expensive, brand name running shoes, you know why? Because I’m not some amateur runner who only recently started running and has to run in his Skechers. No, I’m fast and this is easy.

Do you see my expensive runners sunglasses? You probably think that they’re just for show, but that’s because you’re not as fast as I am. When I run the bugs come at me so fast I have to wear eye protection, it’s astonishing that the State of Colorado hasn’t enacted a mandatory helmet law for me, because I’m fast and this is easy.

Do you see my technical running shirt? It’s designed to control my body temperature. Without it I would probably burst into flames. It’s also designed to wick away sweat and keep me dry, but I don’t sweat, and do you know why? Because I’m fast and this is easy.

Is that you running up ahead of me? Not for long. Now that’s you running behind me, because I’m fast and this is easy.

Riding your bike on the trail? Not me! I’m using my legs, I like the challenge and your bike looks too effortless. Are you even pedaling? Weak! Rollerblading? Weak! Walking or even worse wogging? Weak? Gliding in your Heelys? Weak, and you look beyond ridiculous at your age! None of that stuff is for me, I run. And do you know why? Because I’m fast and this is easy.

When I get back home, I’m all sweaty, I’m literally oozing testosterone from my pores and my ‘sexy’ is at dangerously high levels, my wife wants me. She thinks I’m hot. She usually takes me back to the bedroom and you know why? Because even there, I’m fast and this is easy.