Shocking Video: Shark Attacks Jogger!

When I was a young boy my parents let me stay up late one night to watch Jaws with them. It was a bad idea. For weeks afterwards I would lay awake in my bed at night, soaked from the cold sweats just waiting for a shark to pounce from my closet and make off with my torso, leaving the rest of me to bleed to death all over my urine soaked sheets. Sure, in the history of mankind there had never been a recorded shark attack on dry land and by the light of day I was pretty sure that a shark couldn’t get that far inland without dying. But I guess when the lights went out my rationality and bravery dissipated with them. All of a sudden it would occur to me that if a shark did make it that far inland he’d probably be pretty hungry, not to mention more than a little put out, and a young boy lying paralyzed with fear in his bed would obviously look like a tasty fisherman bobbing along on a raft. I was certain that the following morning Mom and Dad would find my bloody remains and feel remorse over making me go to bed so early instead of letting me stay up later, you know, when sharks were less likely to attack. That would show them. The thought of my parents being reprimanded by the local news anchors for playing a role in my untimely and tragic demise by making me go to bed so early would momentarily bring relief from the gripping fear, but then it was back to that super-heightened state of awareness that is necessary for detecting sharks in your bedroom.

Every noise I heard sounded like a crafty shark slithering across the carpet, bringing me ever closer to my impending doom. I knew he was crafty because when I’d hold my breath to hear him better he’d pause and wait for my heavy breathing to resume. The point I’m getting at here is that I was irrationally afraid of sharks for a long time, and also that the wet spot on my bed was from the cold sweats and nothing else.

I eventually conquered my irrational fear by rationally coming to the conclusion that despite the SNL skit to the contrary, (which I fortunately didn’t see until many years later) sharks can’t attack people on the land. I’ve held firmly to that belief for many, many years. The new evidence presented in the video below is going to cause me to reevaluate everything.

The stunning footage that you’re about to see shows a shark attempting to attack a human as he jogs along the beach. Let me tell you, it’s a good thing that a young Vanilla never saw this video because it probably would have scarred me for life. Can you imagine if, as an adult, I was still afraid of sharks attacking on dry land? That would be embarrassing, especially if I moved to a landlocked state smack in the middle of the country just so I could be as far away from sharks as possible. It’s a good thing I don’t have any irrational fears anymore. *Casually glances over shoulder to make sure a land shark isn’t standing behind him and rests his hand on the harpoon gun under his desk.*


[Tip o’ the hat to TheDailyRunner.com]

Marathon Update: RazZDoodle has announced that he is running the PF Chang’s Arizona marathon. Head on over and congratulate him on his idiocy.