How Bad Do You Want It?

I can’t really explain why I like this video so much, but I thought it was worth sharing. It makes me want to go run hard, and that’s never a bad thing. I’m even considering downloading the mp3 to play on my iPod when I run.
 

 Hat tip: theCHIVE

What You Think During a Marathon

The video below may be the best done attempt at marathon humor that I’ve ever seen, and just in time for the Boston Marathon on Monday. It’s so good that I even sat down and wrote a blog post! I mean sure, the first time I watched it I immediately picked out a few minor flaws but that’s just my nature and also the trait that makes me such an awesome husband.

I frequently get e-mails asking me to tell my readers about a new running product or post an informational video. In exchange for the post the e-mailer will be sure to send me some hi-res pictures of the product or of the celebrity spokesperson that I can use in the post and then I’m forced to send them this link which was kindly put together by The Bloggess. By the way, if you don’t already follow The Bloggess then you really should and if your reader is full then just go ahead and delete this blog to make room for it. You’ll be glad you did. OK, don’t delete this blog but definitely delete this one and this one, even if you have plenty of room in your reader.

Anyway, I received a refreshing e-mail from Annalisa at Improv Asylum and all she really said was ‘hey, here’s a video about what goes through your head when you run, tell me what you think.’ I’m paraphrasing but that was the gist of it. No offer to give me a link back from a blog they host, no request for me to share it with my readers, just a simple let us know what you think. Being the hardened cynic that I am, I was prepared for the worst but found myself laughing out loud before it was over.

Enjoy the video below, and then let’s meet in the comments to nitpick the minor flaws because that’s always the fun part of any video posted on the internet.

You want the Proof?

You can’t handle the proof! I guess it was so out of the question that I would win an age group award that some of you wanted proof. Well here is a picture of Candis and I posing with our medals. Candis’ medal is attached to a white ribbon (signifying 3rd place) and mine of course has a blue ribbon because it’s a 1st place medal. Never mind that Candis’ medal is for overall female and mine is an age group award, all that matters is one of them is 1st place (ME!) and one of them is 3rd place. Better yet, the inscription on the back of each medal does not list whether it was an age group or overall award so a few years down the road when we’ve long forgotten about this race the medals will tell a different story.

Question for you readers who have more experience with winning medals: Is it customary to eliminate the top 3 overall winners (male and female) from the age group awards? Candis also took 2nd in her age group and was hoping to take two medals home but was disappointed to find out that she wasn’t eligible as the 3rd overall woman.

Also, if that picture isn’t enough proof for you then you can view the Hawk Hustle 5k results online. Have you ever seen a 5k with such a slow winning time? (21:27 for those of you who, like me, are too lazy to follow the link and see for yourselves.)

Finally, I leave you with a completely random non-running related video. Enjoy the weekend everyone!

Alright, fess up! Which one of you is this?

No question in my mind that this is one of my readers so which one of you wants to cop to it.



I have to give props to the people on either side of her for not even giving her a quizzical look. I don’t think a sharp backhand would have been out of order given the circumstances. I mean, I didn’t go to law school or anything but I did take one Intro to Business Law class in college and I’m pretty sure that you can’t be charged with assault if someone’s acting that stupid. They’re basically asking for it.

Also, a quick pointer for all three of those people in the video; you guys know that those things go faster than that, right? Mmmkay, just checking.

Oh, and sorry about that song playing in the background of the video. You should have muted your speakers if you didn’t want that stuck in your head all day, and I should have mentioned this in the paragraph above the video but if I have to suffer, you do too.

Run!

Do you ever keep watching a video over and over and you’re not sure why? Yeah, this video is kind of like that. I’m not sure why I like it so much, perhaps it’s the awesome title or the music. Or perhaps it’s the fact that it caters to my short attention span and my need to be entertained without having to invest too much of my valuable time.



On a running note, I plan to complete Razz’s GW,MA!6.66MR tonight so I should have a “race report” (air quotes!) ready to go for tomorrow morning... or tomorrow afternoon... or the next day, or whenever I feel like getting around to it. What are you, my boss? Get off my back already!

Half-Fast Friday

One of the routes that I run through my neighborhood goes past the back of some houses that have 6 foot privacy fences lining their yards. Several of the houses have dogs all of whom bark at me and one of them even jumps so high that his head pops up over the top of the fence. Somehow I am always startled by this, even when I know it’s coming and prepare myself for it. Then his head pops up and he barks at me and I can feel myself jolt. I used to wonder if he was really jumping that high or if there was something on his side of the fence that he was standing on like a table or piles of dead runners that he’d somehow managed to grab. Then I saw this video (via WG). I wonder no more.



Let me add a note here to say that I own a dog and I love dogs, but I absolutely can’t stand it when dogs bark at me from their yards. Just leave me alone bitch! (Get it, bitch, because it’s a female dog! These are the jokes you get on Half-Fast Friday.)

Reebok Talking Breasts Ad FTW!

You’ve no doubt already seen the first Reebok ad for EasyTone shoes where the cameraman can’t help but focus on the sexy model’s legs and butt which she so obviously got from wearing Reebok EasyTone shoes and nothing else. I saw that ad last weekend and I was ready to give Reebok my full endorsement, but then just when I thought that Reebok couldn’t get any awesomer they went and came out with the following ad featuring talking breasts. It’s like they’re in my head. Seriously, I’m always thinking breasts are talking to me.



Come now, when someone is speaking to you it’s rude not to look at them. But perhaps you find yourself thinking ‘the original commercial was pretty good but those shorts covered way too much of the model’s butt for me to determine how well those Reebok EasyTone shoes are working.’ Well fear not tushie aficionados, they also have the ad below which is just what you’ve been looking for, although it does get a little repetitive after the first thirty times through it.



By running ads that focus on the legs, breasts and the derriere Reebok has pretty much achieved the illusive Triple Crown of chauvinism in the objectification of women sweepstakes. Well played Reebok. So who are these ads designed to reach? While the frat boys in the Reebok marketing department are probably high fiving themselves over these ads, the shoes are clearly designed for women but what possible effect could those ads have on women other than to create a feeling of inadequacy? Is that really the route Reebok wants to go? Whoa. Sorry, I’m getting a little too deep and thoughtful for a Friday video post. (It’s just the medicine talking.) Heck, I’m getting a little too deep and thoughtful for a Half-Fast post period. Perhaps I’ll just go back to quiet admiration. Yes, that’s exactly what I’ll do.

[Via Warming Glow]

Blegh!

Last week my 6 year old brought home something special from school, I believe the technical term for it is H1N1. Not officially confirmed (though there have been confirmed H1N1 cases at his school) but at the very least we all have some flu-ey type of virus thing. It sucks.

Combine that with the week (OK, fine two weeks) that I took off from running after the Denver Half Marathon and it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve run. On the bright side I can’t wait to get back to it. That’s about all I feel like typing today so enjoy this video of NYC Marathon winner Meb Keflezighi reading the Top 10 on Letterman. I stole it from Mike at Running Is Funny. (Shhhhh. Don’t tell.)

I think my favorites are #4 and #5.

Anthony Edwards is Running

Check out the hilarious new video from Funny or Die via the always humorous Mark Remy from RW Daily.

Anthony Edwards has finally found a way to get back into television: The ING New York City Marathon. Listen and learn as he tells you about his preparation and planning for this spectacular live television event.

Anthony Edwards returns to TV in the NYC Marathon from Anthony Edwards

I’m so brushing my teeth with Accelerade on race mornings from now on.

Yeah, that’s all I got today.

Crapulous

This post feels a little disjointed, but it’s better than nothing, which was your other option for today.

I’m feeling crapulous today, which I just learned is an actual word. Seriously, look it up. (You should follow that link just to click the little speaker and hear the computer pronounce it for you, I did it like 14 times, but then I’m easily amused by things like that.) The real definition of crapulous is ‘suffering due to excess drinking,’ which is not exactly how I was planning to use the word. When I use the word I use it to mean ‘having the properties of crap’ or ‘feeling like a piece of feces.’ Classy, right? Anyway, I feel crapulous today, not the actual definition of crapulous, but my definition of it, although I did partake in some drinking last night so who knows what definition I’m really suffering from.

Oy vay, it’s been a while since I wrote a post. I can’t remember the last time I sat down to post something. Between Labor Day last Monday, travelling out to Salt Lake City for work last week, and the subsequent sickness that resulted from me spending time in those flying Petrie dishes that we call airplanes (aeroplanes for you Brits) I just haven’t found the will to post, or to run for that matter. My last run was in Salt Lake City last Tuesday. Being a creature of habit I ran the same route that I had run last time I was in SLC, around Liberty Park but was disappointed to discover that they still haven't erected the statue of me that I had suggested.

In other running related news my wife got me the new iPhone 3GS for my birthday last week and it is awesome. I’m not really sure how that’s running related but I’m guessing at some point in the future there’ll be a post about all the things I can do with it and how it helps or distracts from my running. I was going to formally acknowledge that Candis is the Best Wife Ever, but she’s been rolling her eyes at me since I’ve been answering every question with “I don’t know but I bet there’s an app for that,” and I think the Best Wife Ever would probably laugh at her husband’s jokes even when they’ve long since stopped being funny.

There’s one app that I’m downloading for sure, the shoelace app (video below).

48 Laps

Tonight I’m doing my long run (12 miles) on a track as part of the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life. You can donate by visiting my fundraising page, and if you need a little tugging on your heartstrings then you can read my post from a couple of days ago. If you need a little tugging on anything else you can do that on your own time.

As Nitmos astutely pointed out in that previous post, 12 miles on a track is actually a little more than 48 laps due to a mile being a little more than 1609 meters. So technically I’d have to run 48.28 laps but it seems highly improbable that I’ll fell like doing an extra quarter lap after having done 48. I’ll probably let you know what I decide to do about this matter in a 3 post series next week. It will be captivating.

To ready myself for the boredom that comes from running 48 (and a quarter, maybe) laps on a track I’ve been doing some preparation exercises. Things like:

• Watching paint dry.
• Watching fishing on TV.
• Reading all of Nitmos’ archives. (Zing!)
• Slowly spinning around and around in my office chair.
• Working.
• Talking on the phone to my Mother. (Hi Mom!)
• Watching the Hallmark Movie Channel.

Hopefully I won’t get too bored, but maybe I’ll take my Blackberry and surf the internet while I run just to be safe. Although, I somehow doubt that would actually be safe. You’ve got to keep your head on a swivel when you’re at the track otherwise you’ll end up like the girl in this short 9 second video. I bet you watch it more than once.

Now, please go donate. Do it for the moral sense of superiority that it will give you, do it for the tax break, do it because you don’t want to be seen as less generous than this guy.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

This is supposed to be a humorous blog about running, which may come as a surprise to you but that’s because you have no sense of humor. “You see everyone thinks they have a sense of humor but then they don’t all.” Today’s post is going to be a little different in that it will take a more serious tone, but I’ll probably still throw in a few sarcastic remarks so you don’t forget where you are, just like Lady Gaga will probably wear something ridiculous this week.

Some time after I started writing this blog we learned that my Dad had cancer. At the time I debated whether to share that on the blog or keep it to myself. It was a short debate and I went the typical guy route of bottling up my feelings and I felt decidedly macho about doing so. Fortunately, the doctors caught the cancer early enough, my Dad opted for the most aggressive approach to fighting it (surgery), and he has been cancer free for over a year. It’s a story with a happy ending.

In November of 2008 Candis’ Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer and has been undergoing treatment. She is currently in the final days of treatment and doctors are amazed by her progress and her positive and upbeat attitude. Recent tests indicate that she too is cancer free and has fought the battle and won. Another story with a happy ending. However, there are many families out there for whom there are no happy endings. (Ed. Note: I really should have rethought using the phrase ‘happy ending’ but I don’t feel like going back and changing it now.) Candis and I realize that we have been blessed by fortunate outcomes in our encounters with cancer, but there are still far too many families that are negatively affected by cancer which is why we are participating in the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life.

The Relay For Life is an all night walk that takes place at a local high school track. Our team, which includes Candis’ Aunt, will join other teams in walking around the track throughout the night this Friday, July 24th. Last year there were a couple of guys there who were running laps while everyone else was walking and this year I’m going to be ‘that guy’ (or one of those guys). I’m going to stave off the insanity that comes from running at length on a track and attempt to do my long run. 12 miles. 48 laps. Ugh! That ought to show up those walkers. Silly walkers, tracks are for runners.

You can learn more about the Relay For Life and donate by visiting my fundraising page. If you can give even a dollar it will be appreciated, by me and by the thousands of families that are affected each year by cancer.

As a side note, this is the type of post that always gets very few comments here at Half-Fast because you’re probably asking yourself ‘do I say something funny like I normally would or do I say something sincere?’ Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s OK to leave funny comments on these type of posts but let’s face it, you’re not that funny anyway. Go ahead and feel free to say whatever it is you want to in the comments. With that I’ll leave you with a video that I’ve posted before of Jimmy V giving a speech at the ESPYs.

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

What Can You Say?

This is a running blog. Occasionally I get sidetracked with other topics but even then they are usually loosely related to running. With that in mind I started out to write a post about running today, I was going to completely avoid the subject of Michael Jackson because there’s really no way to tie it to running other than to say I have some of his songs on my running playlist. The thing is, it feels wrong to me to just ignore it outright and not say anything about his tragic passing last night. That’s how big Michael Jackson is. That’s how much of an impact he had on this world. There is no reason whatsoever that I should be feeling compelled to talk about Michael Jackson today on a running blog, any yet here I am babbling incoherently about him. Perhaps that’s the biggest compliment I can pay him, he is too big of an icon to ignore.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson, The King of Pop.

Is there any cooler dance move than the moonwalk?
In running related news, Kristina, the marathon mama has finally moved to her new blog that you should totally check out and subscribe to in your reader. The name of her new blog is Marathon Mama, which you might be thinking is the same as the old name but you’re wrong. The old blog was called ‘the marathon mama’ which is significant because if you order your blogroll alphabetically, as I do, it means that she just jumped up a few spots. She’s crafty. Kristina, I will always remember that you started Marathon Mama on the day that Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died.

Don’t Drink and Run

With Memorial Day weekend already upon us many folks will be reminding you not to drink and drive as you celebrate your 3 day release from work. That’s solid advice, but I don’t think it goes far enough. I’m reminding you not to drink and run this holiday weekend, at least not in that order. As with drinking and driving, drinking and running is only safe when performed in the reverse order: Run first, then drink. The video clip that follows is Adam Savage of Mythbusters demonstrating what happens when you get drunk and then run on a treadmill.

I love Mythbusters. Where else on TV are you going to see a clip of a drunk guy running on a treadmill filmed with a high speed camera? I’m not sure if this clip has been aired on the show yet but this version of it includes Adam’s commentary of what he was thinking each step of the way.


Have a great Memorial Day everyone, I’ll catch you all on the flip side with a race report from the Bolder Boulder. I’d post my bib number for those of you who can’t wait until Tuesday to learn how I did but I don’t remember it so you’ll just have to look me up by name. I’m assuming that you’ve already figured out my real name, what with those creepy, stalker tendencies that you display. Don’t make me get a restraining order, you sicko.

G-g-groin Injury

About a week ago I pulled my groin and it felt so good I’ve been doing it everyday since! Hi-yo! No seriously, somehow I strained my groin muscle last week but I’ve been fortunate in that it hasn’t really hampered me too much. However, last night while I was playing rec league softball I managed to reinjure it. I’m going to do a couple more easy runs this week leading up to the Bolder Boulder and hope that I’m shipshape by Monday. Some of you may be thinking that it is extremely unfortunate that I injured myself the week before a race but then you people aren’t paying attention to my M.O. Now I have the perfect excuse for failing to meet my race goal. I mentioned yesterday that you should be on the look out for some good excuses this week but I had no idea that I would find one so quickly.

Actually I don’t think the injury is going to slow me down at all as I seem to be OK running on it. So why bring it up? Well, it was a good excuse to post this video of Sam Malone (Cheers) rapping about a g-g-groin injury. I cannot hear the words ‘groin injury’ without thinking of it.

Enjoy.


Sam Malone - I On Sports

Happy Mother’s Day!

How much do I love my Mom? Enough to write a special Mother’s Day post! Happy Mother’s day to all of you mothers out there. I hope that your family is leaving you in peace so that you can read Half-Fast, I know that’s probably how you wanted to spend your day. Also happy Mother’s Day to my wife, who told me that what she really wanted to do tonight was watch the Red Sox game. I’ll be making dinner which means that we’ll be having something that you can grill, probably steak with some lobster on the side.

It occurs to me this Mother’s Day that I never told the story of my Mom’s parting advice right before I left to run the marathon in Arizona. I won’t bore you with the entire counsel but it boiled down to something like this; you have a family to think of now, and people die all the time running marathons, and you’re responsible for a family, and if you aren’t feeling good at some point during the marathon then it’s best to just quit, because people die all the time at marathons, and you shouldn’t take any chances, and did I mention that you could die so be careful and quit early. Worst marathon advice ever? Worst marathon advice ever. Thanks Mom! I love you. (This will be a good test of whether my Mom is still reading my blog.)

The following video is exactly how I imagine my boys taking a Mother’s Day picture when they are old enough to have a place of their own. When will that be? It can’t come soon enough.

Phone it in Friday

Hey, who wants to see a video of some guy named Danny MacAskill doing some tricks on his bike? I hope you answered yes, because that’s what you’re getting today. Speaking of bikes I rode mine the other night, but Candis says it doesn’t count. I got home from a 7 mile tempo run and was invited to a friend’s house for some drinks to celebrate his wife passing her nursing exam (whatever that thing is called). Congrats Ruth! Anyway, since they live literally 2 blocks away we usually walk but I didn’t feel like walking on account of the 7 tempo miles I had just run and driving 2 blocks seemed too lazy, even for me (not that I haven’t driven to his house in the past) so I rode my bike there. And back! Isn’t that what you triathletes call a brick workout? Candis laughed when I suggested this and said no, but what does she know?

Update on yesterday’s BBQ post:  Last night I did a 3 mile easy run and when I got home Candis was grilling chicken on the BBQ, so despite her refusal to acknowledge my brick workout she’s still OK in my book. I think I’ll keep her. Naturally, I still found some things about the meal to complain about i.e. I didn’t smell anyone grilling on my run last night so I wasn’t particularly in the mood for BBQ.

The video below, like many of the videos that I post, was found at With Leather and features Danny MacAskill doing all kinds of sick stunts on his bike. Incidentally, for a guy that has obviously spent a lot of time on a bike seat, MacAskill ranks right up there with Bolt on the name-to-sport appropriateness scale.




Have a good weekend everyone!

Hello Treadmill

Last night it was raining and cold and windy and wet (as a result of the rain I suspect), so when it came time to do my 5 mile tempo run I went down to the basement to run on the treadmill. Usually I really hate having to run on the treadmill because I get so bored with it, but lately I’ve noticed that my feelings can no longer be described as hate because that is much too nice a word for the way I feel about the Rubber Band of Doom (Raz’s phrase, not mine). Lately my feelings towards the treadmill are better summed up by the words despise, loathe, and abhor and even that’s not enough. What I need is a superword that combines all those things like despoathor. My despoathor for running on the treadmill is so deep and dark that the depths of it cannot be known to mortal man. If despoathor was measured by human rights violations and pollution I’d be China. But I’m letting the analogy runaway with the post so I’ll try to get back on track.

What I’m trying to tell you is that I don’t like to run on the treadmill, I hope that came across. This despoathor for the treadmill usually results in me watching TV while I run to distract myself from what I’m doing. If I can get lost in a good TV show like Gilmore Girls SportsCenter then I can lose my focus on how many hundredths of a mile have ticked by and the time seems to pass quicker. Last night I found a new show to watch that was great to run to: UFC Unleashed. For those of you who haven’t seen it’s an hour long program that shows old UFC fights. (UFC = Ultimate Fighting Championship.) Now I’ve never been a huge UFC fan, but there was something about watching it last night that made my run feel so much easier. Maybe it was an adrenaline rush from watching two guys beat each other’s brains out or maybe it was the idea that no matter how hard my run was I knew that I still wasn’t in as much pain as that guy on the TV. Whatever it was, it worked. I’ve got a new show to TiVo just in case I have to run on the treadmill again in the future.

For those of you who have never watched UFC, here’s a compilation of some knockouts courtesy of Anderson “The Spider” Silva.



Finally, because it’s Friday and I do actually listen to your comments, here are the pictures that you’ve been asking for. For the guys: More Anna! For the ladies: Ryan Reynolds who ran the NYC Marathon and Matthew McConaughey, who some of you astutely pointed out ran a triathlon. Confidential to Matty: Get yourself a manlier running stride. You may be faster than me and more successful and more attractive and more ripped and more famous but I’ve got the manlier running style. Winner? Probably Matty, but it’s close, no?

I Crack Me Up

So hopefully you’ve all figured out by now that yesterday’s post was an April Fools’ Day joke. I realize that there are some people out there who hate April Fools’ Day and the jocularity that comes with it, but I don’t suppose that those people read Half-Fast in the first place. If you were one of the people who were initially duped then you weren’t alone as I received several comments and e-mails yesterday indicating that people had fallen for it. I guess it must be entirely believable that I would sell out and pull a stunt like that for a buck or two. Maybe it’s because I’m such a sell out when it comes to product reviews and free stuff? Nah, that can’t be it.

What really should have given it away (other than the tags at the bottom of the post) was the idea that I’d even consider allowing Nitmos to post here. Half-Fast would be overrun by calf cramps and llama references quicker than you can say “fruit from your anus,” and if you understood all of those references then you have my sincerest condolences.

Anyway, I don’t have much to say today but the good news is I did make another video over at xtra normal. It’s like I’ve found a new crutch to lean on when I don’t feel like writing a real post! If you didn’t watch the first video you’ll want to watch it before you watch this one otherwise this one won’t make any sense. Or maybe you won’t want to watch either of them and that’s totally fine but you’re missing out on some wonderful, puerile humor which is why you come here in the first place, isn’t it?



If you’re having trouble viewing the embedded video you can click here to watch it at xtra normal.

The Track Coach

I don’t really have a post this morning because I spent several hours playing around on this cool new site instead of composing a post for you. You may have already seen the site if you follow The Bloggess or Cranky Fitness or any number of other blogs that were quicker on the uptake than I was. Basically, the site allows you to create movies using characters like the ones you see below and it’s just plain fun to see what kinds of inappropriate things you can make them say.

My first creation is just barely over a minute long. I hope that you enjoy it because it’s all you’re getting from me today.

And that, kids, is why you don’t do steroids.
If you have trouble with the embedded video player click here to view it at xtra normal.