The Men’s Running Skirt

Ever since I posted about my running skirt experience it has haunted me. I constantly find references to that post all over the blogosphere and it’s one of the more common Google search terms that leads to Half-Fast. In fact if you Google “running skirt” you’ll find Half-Fast at the bottom of the second page (as of this writing), if you up the ante and Google “mens running skirt” I am the number one search result. Needless to say I did not set out to become the world’s foremost authority on men’s running skirts, and yes I am well aware that this post will do nothing to abate my standing in that regard.

Men’s running skirt or 1950’s cheerleading skirt?
Just yesterday I found a post by The Marathon Mama who has actually found a men’s running skirt. It’s made by Utilikilts, an American company that hires actors for their commercials with Scottish accents that are worse than Mel Gibson’s. Their marketing strategy seems to be two-fold. First, they make fun of all of us “pants wearing wimps” and then they show a lot of pictures of men wearing Utilikilts doing overly macho things like construction work, lumberjacking (I’m not making this up), rock climbing, and welding - all of which just screams “TRYING TOO HARD!”

Anyway, as I perused the site I actually considered for a nanosecond how funny it would be to buy one and then post some race pictures of me wearing it without even mentioning that I owned a running skirt. That thought quickly faded when I remembered that I wasn’t a woman and also when I saw a price tag of $110. $110? Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea how many pairs of running shorts I could buy with $110? And that’s the cheapest “kilt” they sell. Now, if they sent me a free one...

The rose goes in the front big guy

I went shopping for some new running shorts this past weekend, not because I needed them mind you, just because I wanted to. I was grabbing some shorts that I liked off the running shorts rack and not paying real close attention. I grabbed a couple different sizes to try on and a variety of colors. Note: I do NOT wear the short shorts, I wear the shorts that are a little longer.

Shorts in hand, I headed off to the fitting room to try them on. I grab a pair, pull them off the hanger and then I jump into them, because I don't put my pants on one leg at a time like the rest of you do. I come to the last pair and something strikes me as a little odd. As I start to pull on the final pair of shorts I notice that I'm not pulling on shorts at all. I am pulling on a running skirt! I quickly check over my shoulder as though someone might be watching and then look around at the ceiling to see if there’s a security camera. I can just picture some security guards watching me on a 6 inch black and white TV, laughing their butts off. They can't be allowed to put security cameras in fitting rooms can they? I must admit that I was a little alarmed to find myself half way into a skirt for the first time in my life (at least as far as I can remember), but after the initial shock wore off, it struck me how soft and comfortable it felt.

Then came the knock at the door. You've never seen a man get out of a skirt so quickly. Oh crap! They were watching on the security camera! They think I'm some kind of cross-dressing pervert! How will I explain all this? It's not my fault! They're the one's who put this skirt on the men's running shorts rack! Standing there in my boxer shorts I answer the knock "Hello?"
"Sorry," comes the reply. It was only an employee trying to find an empty dressing room. Whew, that was close.

I leave the skirt in the fitting room and close the door behind me, it really didn't match my running shoes anyway. My heart is racing and it feels like everyone in the store is staring at me. I just want to scream out "I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS A SKIRT!"

So that was my ordeal trying to buy a new pair of running shorts. What did I get out of it? One new pair of running shorts, a new under armor shirt, a lot of anxiety, a lot of judgmental stares, and one new men's running skirt. What? IT WAS ON THE MEN'S RACK! I can only assume that I am on the leading edge of men's fashion. I'm the tip of the sword, the trend setter.

P.S. Bonus points for whoever can tell me where the post title is from or why it's relevant.

P.P.S I hope this is the only time I ever use the cross-dressing tag.