Irony in an E-mail

So the other day I’m sitting in my office minding my own business when I get an e-mail from the Bolder Boulder advertising a free entry to the race which is completely worthless to me since I’ve already paid $42 for an entry. I was naturally curious about how to get the free entry and whether I could apply it retroactively so I put down my Bloody Mary and started reading all the fine print. (What, you’re going to judge me for drinking a Bloody Mary at work? It was too early in the day for scotch.) The basic premise of the e-mail was that if you open a free checking account at the bank that sponsors the event you get reimbursed your entry fee. (Note: It’s not the bank that I work for but I’m still not going to name it. I fully realize that you could easily find out which bank it is by looking online at the sponsors for the Bolder Boulder, but if you’re anything like me then you’re way too lazy for that and if any of you post the name of the bank in the comments your comment will be deleted. Go ahead, test my resolve on that one.)

Here’s what the fine print said (emphasis mine):

Minimum opening deposit of $50 required to receive the gift. To be eligible for the award, you must open your new personal checking account between April 1, 2009 and May 22, 2009. The $42 award is considered interest and is subject to IRS and other tax reporting. The award will be given at account opening. The $42 award is considered a bonus that can be revoked if the account is closed within 6 months of opening.

If you’ve been paying attention to what’s been going on with banks, and in particular AIG, lately then you can see where I’m going with this. If you’re not keeping up on your current events then you can stop reading right now, you mouth-breathing simpleton. The bank is threatening to revoke your bonus! They actually put that in writing. This couldn’t be more ironic if Alanis Morissette wrote a song about it. I also like how they’re clear about telling you that it is subject to tax reporting, kind of like how executive bonuses at banks are now subject to a 90% tax. It’s almost like they’re trying to stick it back to you for revoking their bonuses.

I can totally see all these big execs sitting in a conference room (I picture them like the stodgy old guys in that WaMu commercial) thinking up a promotion that gives the consumer a bonus just so they can threaten to revoke it. “It will be hilarious,” they’re saying in my mind. “Yes, yes. It will be even funnier than that one time when Mortimer put dimes in his penny loafers!” Chortle, guffaw.