Failure in the Making

There’s been little running as of late and even littler caring. Shocking, right? I don’t know if it’s the product of a sub-par year of racing or if it’s just me being lazy. Probably the latter. With the Denver Half Marathon less than 4 weeks away now, I’m on a collision course with failure. The light at the end of the tunnel is actually a train and I can’t even muster up the fear to step off the tracks. Usually the closer I get to race day the more dedicated I become to my training but I can’t remember the last time I went out for a long run and I can’t even go look it up on my running log because lately I really haven’t bothered to write my runs down.

Unfortunately those crafty folks at the Denver Half Marathon suckered me in several months ago with the early bird discount otherwise I probably wouldn’t even consider running it. I’m thinking that my goal for the race should just be to try to avoid another PW at the half marathon distance this year but even that seems a little naïve. Even Candis’ taunts that she’s going to beat me haven’t scared me into training harder, in fact, the other day I told her that I don’t really give a crap how slow my time is and it’s completely true. 3 hours and 10 minutes, here I come!

It will make for an entertaining race report, as Candis likes to remind me: “It’s much funnier on the blog when you fail.” I’m sure when it comes time to write the race report I’ll be befuddled as to why I continue to get slower this year, but you can all point me back to this post and remind me that I haven’t been running nearly enough to expect good things at the Denver Half Marathon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about getting slower (at least not in this post) I’m just putting it out there that I don’t feel like running much right now, and I’m OK with that.

Who you should be concerned for is Candis, because apparently laziness loves company just as much as misery does; I’ve been trying to talk her into skipping her training runs, and I know what her weaknesses are. While she’s trying to get ready to run in the evening, I’m pouring her a glass of wine. When she gets up to run on Saturday morning, I suggest breakfast at LePeep. I may be fixing to go down hard, but I’m taking as many people with me as I can. I’m like the Pied Piper of laziness. Speaking of which, why don’t you skip your training run today. You’ve earned a much needed break from running and I’m sure there’s something good on TV tonight. (Wipeout anyone?) In fact, you know what? Go ahead and take the rest of the week off. You probably deserve it, I know I do.

The Podcasts Just Keep On Coming

Good news for all you aficionados of stilted conversation and awkward silences, the latest Banned on the Run podcast is up. Actually, I think we’ve found the secret to making the podcast funny, informative and useful. We just invite someone funny, informative and useful to be on the podcast with us. Ta-da! Quality podcasting ensues. In this most recent podcast we spoke with Kristina, the über-talented writer from Marathon Mama, about her recent run-about in Australia. We even accomplished the entire podcast without any of us attempting a cheesy Australian accent or a lame “throw another shrimp on the barbie” quote which shows remarkable restraint on our part. During the podcast we ask Kristina a few of the questions that you probably wanted answered as well as a lot of the ones that you didn’t really care about. We’re good interviewers!

I’m joined by these three bloggers as we discuss some things that are only loosely tied to running, because if we didn’t it wouldn’t be a Banned on the Run podcast. Anyway, you should go download it right now because Kristina was funny, informative and useful despite our attempts to interrupt and talk over her. Also you should give it a 5 star rating before you listen to it, because you certainly aren’t going to rate it that highly if you listen to it first.

Crapulous

This post feels a little disjointed, but it’s better than nothing, which was your other option for today.

I’m feeling crapulous today, which I just learned is an actual word. Seriously, look it up. (You should follow that link just to click the little speaker and hear the computer pronounce it for you, I did it like 14 times, but then I’m easily amused by things like that.) The real definition of crapulous is ‘suffering due to excess drinking,’ which is not exactly how I was planning to use the word. When I use the word I use it to mean ‘having the properties of crap’ or ‘feeling like a piece of feces.’ Classy, right? Anyway, I feel crapulous today, not the actual definition of crapulous, but my definition of it, although I did partake in some drinking last night so who knows what definition I’m really suffering from.

Oy vay, it’s been a while since I wrote a post. I can’t remember the last time I sat down to post something. Between Labor Day last Monday, travelling out to Salt Lake City for work last week, and the subsequent sickness that resulted from me spending time in those flying Petrie dishes that we call airplanes (aeroplanes for you Brits) I just haven’t found the will to post, or to run for that matter. My last run was in Salt Lake City last Tuesday. Being a creature of habit I ran the same route that I had run last time I was in SLC, around Liberty Park but was disappointed to discover that they still haven't erected the statue of me that I had suggested.

In other running related news my wife got me the new iPhone 3GS for my birthday last week and it is awesome. I’m not really sure how that’s running related but I’m guessing at some point in the future there’ll be a post about all the things I can do with it and how it helps or distracts from my running. I was going to formally acknowledge that Candis is the Best Wife Ever, but she’s been rolling her eyes at me since I’ve been answering every question with “I don’t know but I bet there’s an app for that,” and I think the Best Wife Ever would probably laugh at her husband’s jokes even when they’ve long since stopped being funny.

There’s one app that I’m downloading for sure, the shoelace app (video below).

Pearl Izumi is a Needy Lover

I got an e-mail from Pearl Izumi the other day, which is a pretty frequent occurrence, but I actually started to read this one before dismissing it to the archives and something caught my eye:


Sorry about the horrendous image quality, I only had MS Paint at my disposal.

First of all, Peal Izumi? Nice work PI marketing department and editing team.

Secondly, ‘my relationship with Peal [sic] Izumi?’ My ‘relationship?’ They give away a pair of shoes on my blog and buy me a couple pairs of shoes and all of a sudden we’re in a relationship? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why don’t we back up the relationship train and turn down the heat on this pressure cooker. I mean seriously, we’re not even Facebook friends.

I bet Pearl Izumi is out there telling all her other girlfriends that we’re getting pretty serious and that we’re in an exclusive relationship, but it’s just not true. In fact, I’ve got some bad news for you, Pearl Izumi; I’ve got two other shoe brands that I’m still seeing on a regular basis. What? You thought the once or twice a week we get together was enough for a guy like me? I need it much more frequently than that, and by ‘it’ I am of course referring to running.

Crap. Pearl Izumi is totally going to key my car tonight isn’t she? I gotta’ get outta’ here pronto. I got a stage 5 clinger on my hands. Have a great weekend everyone.

Site Note: I’ll be travelling for part of next week so things might be a little slow around here, but I’ll try to keep the posts coming.

Drinking Induces Exercise

Good news everyone, according to an article that I read yesterday on WebMD, drinking alcoholic beverages on a regular basis makes you more likely to exercise. Even better, the more you drink the more likely you are to work out and I found the article on the internet so you know it’s true.

The study, performed by Michael T. French, PhD, from the University of Miami reports that “Compared with abstainers, light drinkers exercised 5.7 more minutes per week, moderate drinkers 10.1 more minutes, and heavy drinkers 19.9 more minutes.” Finally a French man does something useful for a change. (You see what I did there?) So the next time you find yourself lacking motivation to get out there and run, Dr. French and I both suggest that you pour yourself a stiff drink and watch your motivation soar. You’ll be running in no time, running out of Jack Daniels that is.

If you think that’s good news wait until you hear the rest. The study classifies ‘heavy drinkers’ as men who have upwards of 76 drinks in a month. That seems high to me but who am I to argue with a PhD? This means that at worst I’m a ‘moderate drinker’ and maybe even a ‘light drinker’ by their standards. You hear that friends and family members, I’m not a heavy drinker so you can take your interventions and stick ‘em in your ear. In fact, drinking leads to exercise and exercise is good for you, ergo drinking is good for you. (That’s deductive reasoning at its finest.) I will point out however, that most of your runs probably last longer than 19.9 minutes so you’ll want to go ahead and exceed the study limits of what constitutes a ‘heavy drinker’ just to make sure that you have all the motivation that you need for that 16 miler.

In summation, drinking adds minutes to your exercise routine. Now I’m not sure how all this science stuff works, but I think it’s pretty safe to conclude from this study that heavy drinking leads to increased endurance while running. Bottoms up running friends!

Fantasy Football League Update
As of this morning we had 7 out of 12 spots filled and we need to fill the other 5 spots by the end of the day otherwise the league gets disbanded and we’ll all be sad. :( So if you want to play or were thinking of playing you should go sign up. Do it now. (League Password is: fartlek)

Off Track: Fantasy Football

Half of the female readership of Half-Fast just rolled their eyes and ignored this post on their reader, but that’s OK because football season is almost upon us and that means it’s time for lazy Sunday afternoons on the couch with a beer in one hand and my scrotum in the other. It’s also time for the return of the Half-Fast Fantasy Football league (read: something else to distract me from being productive at work). Fall is coming, the temperatures are getting cooler and my long runs will get done on Saturday or not at all because Sunday is for football.

Last year someone other than me won the league and I would announce who it was except I’ve forgotten and CBS deleted the league so I have no way of finding out. If it was you, be sure to let us all know in the comments. This year, since I don’t have a list of everyone who played last year, I’m opening the league up to anyone, but you’ll have to sign up soon because the draft is on Thursday, September 3rd. I know it’s late notice but I’ve been too lazy to make this announcement prior to today.

Those of you who are fantasy football fanatics like me can click this link to sign up, those of you who are not can feel free to make fun of the rest of us in the comments. I suggest things like “fantasy football is just like Dungeons and Dragons for handsome, sexy people!” Ouch. I’m feeling the burn already.

Sign up link: http://freemeeting.0.football.cbssports.com/splash/invite/5960/370911/4f5dec490661d5ad
League password: fartlek

You know what you need to do.