The Truth

[by Candis]

And now the real truth. Someone in this household is yet to have a PR this year (ahem - Ian).

While I normally play the part of a loving supportive wife, this role has been suspended for the day in lieu of a demonstration on superior racing strategies and the truth of who is really getting faster in this household.

Half-Fast
Exhibit A: The Bolder Boulder 10K- almost 2 minutes slower. “Aw honey just a bad race.”
Exhibit B: Granby Gutbuster 5K- 30 seconds slower. “Aw honey it was at altitude.”
Exhibit C: Georgetown Half-Marathon- 7 minutes slower. “Aw honey downhill sucks.”
Exhibit D: no swimming or biking

Mrs. Half-Fast
Exhibit A: Bolder Boulder 10K- shaved over 6 minutes
Exhibit B: Tri Babes Sprint Triathlon - shaved almost 10 minutes

Ian once told me when a friend of ours went out without training and ran a 48 minute 10K, that “some people are just fast”

Apparently some people are just fast honey (ahem - me).

(Before you defend the sweet talking Mr. Half-Fast- You should not grant your wife posting access, then trash talk and get in the shower.)

Coming to grips with the pain... and then glory!

[by Candis]

I want to be careful with this post not to come off as a poor sport or even worse an emasculating wife, however I think that we all know that Ian would have already devoted several posts to gloating had he won. But he didn’t, so I know that you’ll all join me in saying: Haaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Up until last Monday I didn’t think I’d ever actually catch up to Ian, but the gap between our 10K times went from 13 minutes last year to 5 minutes this year and to be completely honest with you I think he’s lost a step.

TRAINING
Races are won and lost in training and I am totally hooked on the FIRST plan. If you’re not sick of hearing Ian & I talk about it then you haven’t been here very long... just wait, you’ll get there. You only run 3 times a week, omitting easy runs which I hate anyway, they’re as useless as a banker in a financial crisis. (Too harsh?) Each run has a specific purpose and is rarely less than 4 miles. You calculate ambitious paces using complex algorithms and spend 12 weeks mostly missing them. For several years now, it has been quite effective for both of us, although obviously more so for me. I think my edge has come in the addition of other training. I am now training for my second sprint triathlon- which means I bike and swim several times a week whereas Ian only ever bikes to our friends house 2 blocks away and would rather [insert just about anything here] than swim. These disciplines have added muscles I didn’t get from running and have done a good job of removing evil fat. The more muscle you have the more efficient you are- muscles propel- fat just jiggles.

Like cramming for an exam, I ate super healthy for 2 weeks before my race and only consumed 2 glasses of wine over 10 days. This was spurred by this chart on runner’s world. WOW. I dropped 4 lbs like nothing when I removed alcohol, sugar, limited my portions and ate useful foods. Who knew? RunnersWorld.com has some really helpful nutrition articles for those of us who know little about it. Use these articles to get started.

Having given all of this training advice, I am not an expert on any of it, nor do I have any authority to speak on it. It’s never stopped me before, but if it doesn’t work for you then you must have done something wrong.

RACE
All that blabbering and now the actual race report. The Bolder Boulder has always been our favorite race. Because this race is such a big deal for us, my adrenaline is always at an all time high on race morning. This year I planned to start at my goal pace and hold it throughout the course instead of speeding up at the end. For most training runs I try to run negative splits when possible, but that would have made my final miles way too fast. So this year my adrenaline rush got me through miles 1 & 2.

SHUT UP AND RUN WOMAN!
Beyond mile 2 took a little more work. My biggest problem in races has been my head. I talk myself out of what I can actually do. Ian’s been telling me for years I’m underachieving. My head says “Aw, it’s too painful.” “You’re breathing too hard.” I recently read that pain is often made up in your brain and not even real. It is amazing the things our brains can control. I have come to grips with the pain of speed and decided to run through it aided by the GI Jane quotes in my playlist. It’s also a matter of how much you want it, the more I want it, the less I care about the pain. I kept telling myself it wouldn’t even hurt 5 minutes after I finished.

The race felt much shorter this year. It was shorter, 6 minutes shorter to be exact. This really helped. Even though I was in more pain, it didn’t last as long. Knowing the course also helped. Surprises in races get in my head, but this year I ran the tangents and was really happy to know what was coming. Hills seem easier if I know how long they’ll last.

I knew I had run as hard as possible because I almost hurled on the metal floor in the stadium stretch- I believe Viper calls this the puke threshold. This happened in the Skirt Chaser 5K last year and was my best time. It is now my standard. No dry heaves = too slow of a race.

The last mile (9:09) was slower than I wanted to finish but I was really happy with my time, 58:52. I love to sprint it out and beat 3 people at the end- like I just won the whole thing. This time it was just an even pace, oh well. I finished. I cried. I tried not to be giddy around Ian. Then I drank a bucket of frozen margaritas.

Ohmmmmm

[by Candis, who is sick of looking at the picture in the post below]

Yoga on a beach? Does life get any better?
It’s everywhere. It’s great for you and you spend half your time curled up like a child. No, I’m not talking about Thanksgiving with your in-laws I’m talking about yoga. We don’t take yoga classes as runners because we are above that. We are better. We pound the pavement faster by the month. People gawk at us as they drive by with their Baconator in hand. “Wow, look at her go.” [Ed Note: or him!]

But the press is everywhere. Yoga, like Wal-Mart is taking over and once you try both you’ll be more flexible, stronger, and have more money in your pocket- not to mention a lifetime supply of Smiley-O cereal for your carb loading needs.

It takes different lengths for us to give in and take a yoga class. For me it took a large word that I still cannot pronounce. Plantar Fasciitis, which looks way too much like fascist- coincidence? My left arch and calf are attacking my heel. It’s like little rubber bands snapping through my heel. The solution... stretches. Crap! I was hoping it was surgery or expensive orthotics- anything but stretching!

I’ve been intrigued by yoga for a few years but feared it was too new age. Fortunately I’m not good enough for the class where you teach your body to harness high powers- Ya right. Other than a few mentions of “sending your breath to muscles that won’t stretch” and something about my light that I missed, it was just plain relaxing. Like a massage that makes you strong and flexible. (I should mention that I took a class recently from a woman who I think was used to teaching a fast step class- her tempo was not helpful or relaxing.)

I should also mention that yoga is not only for gumbi women or only for women for that matter. [Ed Note: Nice try, but I’m not falling for it that easily.] I have taken classes with generously portioned women and biker dudes (like Harley not like Lance) and with muscle guys whose muscles quiver as they beg them to bend. There is no ogling because you have to look cool to hit on someone. It’s really just about you. It’s not about chocolate milks, laundry, meetings or a declining economy.

I do have one requirement for you. It’s just my personal requirement as most people would allow you to go on your merry way now. Buy your own mat. Seriously. I forbid you to borrow a generously offered class mat off of the mountain of sweat and germs. My feet sweat like nobody’s business and after seeing some of the others in the class, I do not want their mat next time. Now that I’ve grossed you out, shell out the $20 and get over yourself. It’s soooo good.

You Run Like an Animal!

[by Candis]

Ian is completely swamped at work. It’s like they expect him to actually do something now that the financial services industry is in the tank. I, being the wonderful wife that I am, offered to post the winning animal- because darn it, free shoes don’t wait for bankers!

And the winner is... ME! Just kidding. You will however notice that when the Pearl Izumi rep contacted my loving husband, Ian replied by emailing his own shoe size and preferred style with nary a thought about me. Hey I have feet too! (Bonus question: Name this movie “Hello? I have a neck too! This thing holding up my head!” - you don’t win anything for it, just like me.)

Just once I wish someone would write Ian “Your wife is so great, would she like a wicked fast tri-bike?” “Your wife is so supportive, would she like compression gear?” “Honey, you’re so great. Why don’t you win that contest and get yourself some hotpink and red Pearl Izumis.”

Ian claims the free Pro Wash Detergent we got is for me. Now don’t get me wrong- it’s awesome. Our clothes smell like a meadow instead of an armpit in the drawers and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they used 83% less plastic with their ingenious bag vs. bottle... but it’s still just soap! Next thing you know I’ll get a clothes dryer for Christmas.

You might be thinking that this is not the post Ian had in mind. Well, you’re right. I guess if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

And, without any further griping...

I am quite impressed at the creativity with which you all run. I will now think of how animals look while running in my sleep. Unfortunately creativity here gets you squat. It’s just a crap shoot... I mean a random number picked using an online, unbiased number generator.

Congratulations to Rachelsdaddy! You run like an animal!

Now with your new Pearl Izumis, you had better look like a cheetah streaking by. Except not really streaking. Good grief man no one wants to see that!

Thanks to all the entrants for running with such poor form that you could easily come up with such horrid animal analogies. Thanks also to Pearl Izumi for loving us so much that they gave away 2 pairs of their snazzy looking speedsters. (Don’t let Ian fool you- he buys shoes totally based on their looks.) We really do appreciate it (all jokes aside).

And to Ian’s employer… Seriously it’s Friday!

Beer Time.

Finished.

4 30

Done happy and upright! 4:30

[UPDATE: Official Time was 4:32:38]

UPDATE AGAIN: New Official Time listed as 4:31:06. That is much closer to my Garmin time than the first update was.

23

3 53 leg cramp gonna do it :)

22 plus

It's a fight. (Editor note: I'm a wreck)

20!!!!

3 20

Fighting it

18. 3 40

Dip

Slow 16. 10 30 picked it up a little 17. I'm reading him your
comments. Send some motivation

Half way half fast

2 10 at half! Enjoying it so far. Who knew? Hope it keeps up. (Editors
note: asked for body glide ???? Where is it for? New :)

10 miles

1:39:59. 1 second under!

5 miles

Positive part of negative splits :). 51 min at 5. Ian said "this s@?!
Is easy. I'll ask again at 20 if it's easy.

Cleaning Really Interferes with My Running

[by Candis, as if you couldn’t tell that from the title]

[image by Ian, as if you couldn’t tell, because this is how I pictured it]

Children and dogs are much dirtier than I was led to believe. I think owners of the previous understate this to those of us considering an acquisition.

This morning (is 1:30am morning?) my floors were bombarded with messes from both ends of our personal acquisitions. You should know that I’m a germ freak. Our home is not however freakily clean. (Odd eh?) Ian did not marry me for my cleaning skills- or he’d be gone already. He must actually like me. See, years of barely cleaning has paid off. I now know how much I really mean to my husband. Try it if you like, it’s risky though.

Even us ‘barely-cleaners’ must draw the line somewhere and I draw it at poop and throw up. As such, I spent a working man’s day and 3 boxes of baking soda disinfecting 2,000 square feet of floor.

My back is KILLING me (and to preempt the sarcastic, it’s not just because I’m not used to such extended periods of cleaning). I attempted a few lame runners’ yoga poses to fix my pain and trod off to our hamster wheel. It was the most painful easy run of my life. My arches hurt, my ankles hurt, my hip-flexors hurt, my back screamed and my shoulders locked. Usually I only come up with one reason I should stop running and have to talk myself through it- five is much harder to reason with.

This simply won’t do. It’s not even a running related injury, it’s an “I need a maid” injury. There you go honey, the perfect gift for me this year. I just can’t clean anymore.

You’re Hurt Because You’re Weak!

[a post by Candis]

Remember this post? It’s payback time!

As you all know from Ian’s last post he hurt his widdle knee on his long run last weekend.

Ian took his usual hour to prepare for his run Saturday. He mixed potions, calculated gels, went out on the back deck and then put on gloves, went out on the front porch and then took off his gloves, set up his private water station at the street and triumphantly announced he would return in an impressive 2 hours and 40 minutes (while we could also see him at his water stops). He bounded down the street while 2 PJ clad boys screamed “run blazing fast Daddy!” maybe they should have shouted “Don’t bust a knee Daddy!”

Tick, tick, tick... 45 minutes gone and the phone rang. I knew who it was and knew he needed a ride. Let’s just say it’s happened before. It’s a bad habit someone started. “Something’s really wrong. I can’t put weight on my knee... wait, let me try to run some more (genius)... argggg! Can you come get me?”

“Boys! Gotta’ go get Dad.” They jump in the car without so much as a question (normal).

All the way home, Ian showed his calmness and played down the injury. “I missed another run this week because of that dinner and now I owe RazZDoodle a beer and I probably won’t be able to go long next week, my marathon training is ruined!”

All day Saturday and all day Sunday Ian sulked around the house and used his “injury” to get out of being a useful human being. I thought he was really, really injured. “Oh, I wonder when you can get in to the doctor to get that looked at,” I asked worriedly.
“It’s not serious enough to warrant a trip to the doctor’s office,” but it was serious enough that he was unable to get up and get a beer. It was serious enough that he couldn’t stand to make chocolate milk for the boys. It affected his ability to think. He couldn’t even remember for himself when he had last taken Advil! “Honey, can I take more Advil yet? Do you remember what time I took it?”

Why is it that men are such babies about getting hurt or injured? I’ve never heard a grown man complain so much about how cold an ice pack was. Ya, it’s ice, it’s supposed to be freezing.

Don’t even get me started on his FBNH recovery system or whatever he called it. It was more like CLAW- Complaining, Loafing, Advil and Whining. (At least mine actually makes a word.)

This is all very suspect. It’s convenient that Ian got injured at the start of the weekend. He had to rest during football- all 7 games that we watched.

Hey, Ian was right -for once- it is fun to mock other people’s pain!

K.I.S.S.

Hi, this is Candis again. Ian asked me to mention that you can read more of his drivel (drivel is my word, I think he used “prose”) over at Linden’s Pensieve today because Linden asked several bloggers for advice before her marathon. Why anyone would ask Ian’s advice on marathoning is beyond my comprehension. Speaking of running a marathon, I’m certain that Ian finally decided to run one so that he could announce it this week and overshadow my Sprint Triathlon that is ONLY 4 DAYS AWAY!!

Tick. Tick. Tick... the last time I heard the clock’s every tick I was waiting to go into labor. I am just as nervous for my upcoming Sprint Triathlon. I understand it is no Iron Man, no ½ Iron Man, no Olympic Tri but that’s because I am not that obsessed... yet.

I’m a simple girl. OK that’s not true at all, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t like simple running plans, simple race plans and simple packing plans. This is not that plan. There is nothing simple about it.

So for now, pretend it’s challenging and for you pure runners, revel in my idiocy of attempting two sports too many.

Pack Plan Tri Shorts Tri Top 2 hair rubber bands Extra contacts Pam Wet suit Plastic bag Goggles 2 swim caps Nose plug Inhaler!!! Kashi bar Garmin Half towel Socks Shoes w/ elastic laces Wind jacket Sport Beans/SHOT Bloks 1 bottle iced Accelerade

1 bottle water Tube Tire tool CO2 canister & pump Mini screwdriver Pump BIKE!!! Mark bike w/ number Helmet! Sunglasses Belt Safety pins Bib Timing chip Flag for transition spot? Sweats/sweatshirt Bag My mind

Race Plan Set Up Transition Find landmark to remember it Mark arms Timing tag Check enter/exit spots for T1, T2 & Finish CALM DOWN Start swim at back right Start slower speed up STRONG & STEADY SWIM Stay to right at buoys Peel wet suit down to waist and remove swim gear by T1 T1 Drink at start of bike Eat Sport Beans at mile 4 PUSH ON BIKE T2 BIB ON!!! Fight through the first 0.3 miles Try not to get caught in race photos looking like this. 10 minute miles for run Whoop & Holler at Finish Line Drink Pitcher Margaritas [Ed. Note: I’d like to add one more after that one: Get taken advantage of by loving husband.]

I am VERY excited to just run after my tri is over. Ian’s simple running plan has been taunting me. For months I have been calculating the arc tangent of the 7 day week to discover the Pythagorean Theorem of muscle recovery and hydration percentages marked by the stupidity of the bored runner.

Of course, we always want what we don’t have. In 2 months I’ll just want to swim and ride my bike, yeah right.

Agony

[by Candis]

It hurts, it actually hurts. I don’t think I can do this. I have had to do horrible, unimaginable things for 5 whole days now. I don’t want to hear I told you so. I had to... I had to... I had to write my training sessions down on a piece of paper! That aggravation which is Windows Vista has struck again and for two weeks they expect me to be without my computer!

Did you know that runners used to just keep spirals full of pages and pages of their runs. No auto-generated calendars. No motivating graphs. No Google maps. If I want to remember how I did, I have to page back through my high schoolesque trapper keeper and remember.

I have this fantastic running toy that tracks my pace, elevation, and distance but I can’t download it anywhere! Ever heard a Garmin cry? They are made to analyze. Made to tell me every little detail about my run. They comfort, “Oh honey, it was a slow run because it was 93 degrees out.” “Really, who can be expected to run intervals in the wind.” Your Garmin will even stroke your ego, “Wow, you are getting so fast, look at that hill you obliterated!” even “Don’t worry, you own that race!” Now I just stare into it’s gray, listless eyes and it tells me how unfulfilled it is. “Don’t worry, we’ll fight through it. Let’s run anyway.”

For those of you who are wondering how I posted this without a computer... First of all, I’ll thank you all to just mind your own business. And second of all... telegram STOP

Ian's Next Half Marathon in 1:36:30!

[by Candis]

Before I get to my race report let me do a very important projection for you...

Allow me to state Ian’s Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon goal. (Glad you started this?) Based on Ian’s Bolder Boulder 10k time of 52:07, the McMillan Running Calculator claims Ian could run a half marathon in 1:55:58 (an 8:52 pace). The Georgetown Half is ALL downhill... so we’ll subtract a minute off the pace for that (a 7:52 pace). Ten more weeks on the FIRST training plan? We can subtract another half minute from the pace for that (a 7:22 pace) making Ian’s goal time for the Georgetown half 1:36:30! Ha! Now when he blows the doors off his 1:59:52 PR with a 1:50 you won’t be impressed because I told you he could do better! Annoying isn’t it!

Being a seasoned, asthmatic runner of 2 whole years, I am beyond proud of my pace accomplishments. I’m becoming blazing fast! I’ve shaved 1 minute 20 seconds off my 10k pace and 47 seconds off my 5k pace! (My Colder Boulder 5k in December will astound you! You better get busy Shaving Your 5K!)

My Bolder Boulder goal was 1:06 (a 10:40pace). Ian knew I could do it although he claimed a one hour goal for me (sure). My biggest concern was feeling like crap. It’s an odd concern, but that’s how I felt last year when I first ran it. I had trained for 9 months, but I absolutely hated it and cursed the entire way. I finished by sheer will power (which I have little of) and knew I’d hate myself if I didn’t run the entire way. (Even though 1:13:31 feels like I was barely running.)

This time I was determined to kick some serious butt. I adopted the FIRST plan and forced myself off the hamster wheel. It totally worked. If you’re tired of hearing about the FIRST plan, then you’ll have to filter me. The Furman Institute of Running doesn’t pay me but they should. I am done with easy runs and running 5 times a week. 3 hard, to-the-point-of-failing runs a week, yup that’s for me.

My goal pace of 10:40 turned into an impressive 10:30 pace. Even more impressive and telling were my last 2 miles, both 10 minute miles. If I can run two 10 minute miles then in a few months I should easily be able to run 6.2 of them.

I should also mention that I’ve now been duped into running the Denver Half Marathon. Peer pressure I guess, I can’t seem to say no to Ian. [Ed. Note: Giggity, giggity!] He ran a 52 min 10k and I would have done anything he asked- too bad you wasted it on a race :) [Ed. Note: :( ]

Also of note... According to my scientific calculations I’ll be an elite runner in 2012 and we’ll retire on my winnings. Follow me on this, in one year I reduced my pace by 1:20 if I do that every year then I’ll be running a 5:09 pace by 2012. That would give me a 32:02 10K time, which would have easily taken first in the Elite Women’s race this year.

And because Ian didn’t post any of his pictures...

As if you care, here are my official numbers...
Overall place: 21198
Division place: 293 out of 673
Gender place: 8620 out of 26287
Mile 1: 10:49
Mile 2: 10:54
Mile 3: 10:46
Mile 4: 10:43
Mile 5: 10:00
Mile 6: 10:01
Net time: 1:05:11 (Pace: 10:29)

Tapering Suuuuucks!

[by Candis, because Ian was just going to leave that disgusting post at the top of the page.]

Last week my training schedule called for a decrease in mileage, this week a decrease in mileage again and a decrease in intensity. I have heard other runners complain that they hate tapering because they miss running or because they have this running itch that they just need to scratch. Screw that.

You want to know why tapering sucks? Let me enlighten you...

• Long John Silvers
• Cappuccino Heath Blizzard
• Multiple Cosmopolitan Nights

Now you should know, I don’t normally eat like this (ok other than the cosmos) but now that I’m tapering my eating as well as my running for the upcoming Bolder Boulder 10k, it’s ALL I can think about!

I average 25 miles a week, at an estimated 120 calories per mile this means I get 3,000 calories. I don’t consume them all, but I don’t obsessively watch what I eat- especially after a 10 mile run. I’ve been a runner for 2 years. For those of you who don’t know, I’m also an asthmatic, which is part of the lure to be a kick ass running machine. Needless to say crispy, greasy Long John Silvers is not a normal part of my diet- but I love it (don’t gag, you probably have your own ‘this-will-cost-me-10-seconds’ fat food). Guess what, if I want it, I EAT IT! But this week I will run 8 miles total and that devil scale called me slow this morning!

Non runners often ask why I would want to run so much. My brother’s skinny girlfriend even had the nerve to tell me she’d never even walked 10 miles (bite me). I have come up with lots of reasons, much like the Miss America answers...

• To kick Asthma’s butt
• To fight heart disease
• Because I have 2 boys (running is hours of an abandoned husband)

But my #1 reason that took me 2 years to realize (I’m not a fast learner- don’t mock): refined sugar, white flour, high fat, sodium overload splurges. Our family is on an increasingly healthy wheat, whole grain, high fruit and vegetable diet and this is going to open the gates for widespread temptation. Running for food is as good a reason as any. I think it was Amy Lawson who once said that she ran 40 miles a week because that was easier than saying no to baked goods and I’m totally with her. 40 miles a week huh? Just imagine all the food I could eat at that mileage.