A New 10k PR!

That's me in obnoxious day-glo yellow.

What could possibly cause me to get my lazy butt in front of a computer and write a new post for this dilapidated blog? The only possible answers are that I’m back to brag about getting either a new PR or a new pair of shoes for free; in this case it’s both! Go me!

This past Memorial Day was the Bolder Boulder 10k and I ran it in 51:27 which is a 40 second PR. To say that I’m pleased with that time is a gross understatement. My last PR at the 10k distance was in 2008 during the Bush administration. It’s been an eternity since I showed any improvement at the 10k distance and it was getting difficult to keep my ego as inflated as I like it.

So, what was the cause of my new found speed? Was it hard work and training? Hardly. Was it tons and tons of intervals? No thank you. It was as easy as dropping this extra 15lbs that I’ve been carrying around since the Clinton administration. Would you believe that being 15lbs lighter allows you to be faster? Crazy, huh? The product whore in me also wants to tell you that it was probably partially due to the fact that I was wearing those free Saucony Kinvaras that I mentioned in the previous post. I bet they make you run faster.

As for the new pair of shoes that I mentioned in the opening paragraph I’ll have more about those later (probably much later given my recent posting frequency). For now let’s just say that Mizuno has invited me to be a part of the Mezamashii project which I can only assume has something to do with forgiveness and being kind to your enemies since I’ve only ever had bad things to say about Mizuno on this blog. One time I even wrote a limerick about my Mizunos. You can find out more about the Mezamashii Project here including the literal translation of the word which is from the Japanese, ‘meza’ meaning can’t be bothered and ‘mashii’ meaning to check for previous posts on the topic. The Japanese language is such a compact yet oddly specific language.

Bolder Boulder Race Pictures!

You know what’s a good idea for your blog when you don’t feel like writing? Pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Pictures take up more space than words so they make the post seem fuller. Also, they are colorful and shiny and they distract readers with short attention spans. Should you be offended that I just suggested you have a short attention span? Probab... Look PICTURES!!

That guy in green is waving goodbye to me because that’s the last he’d ever see of me.

Sprinting, yes SPRINTING to the finish!

Congratulating the guy that SPRINTED with me.

Candis sprinting to the finish. (Lowercase ‘sprinting’ because she’s not as fast as I am… or as boastful.)



That guy in orange is directly behind Candis in so very many of Candis’s race pictures. Why I oughta’…

There’s also video of me finishing at this link here (6 seconds in, right side of the screen). It must have been slowed down so runners could pick themselves out because I know I was running faster than that, especially at the end when I was SPRINTING. I think it’s pretty cool that they’re showing that video in slo mo.

The Pants, I Wear Them

Bolder Boulder 10k Race Report
Let’s get straight to the point. I’m still the top dog in this house. I’m still the hombre that wears the pants around here. I’m still the one calling the shots. I’m the lead dog, the head honcho, the big kahuna, the top banana, numero uno. When it comes to the Bolder Boulder I still finish before my wife, and yes I like to think that the clarification at the start of this sentence was necessary.

On Memorial Day weekend Candis and I ran the Bolder Boulder 10k in 57:07 and 53:28 respectively. For Candis it was a disappointing time, though still the second best time she’s posted in a 10k. For me it was a major relief, and coincidentally my second best time in a 10k. (Side note: I’m going to start using the term P2B to represent a Personal 2nd Best and I’m going to celebrate P2Bs with the same gusto that I normally reserve for PRs. After all, this is a sport in which we hand out finisher medals and that’s basically just the same as a participation medal. Maybe I’ll eventually start celebrating P3Bs and P4Bs too because that’s the kind of inspirational go-getter that I am!)

The Race
I pulled ahead of Candis in the early stages of the first mile and told myself that I would not turn and look back for her. The entire race I imagined that she was just a few paces behind me waiting to make her move but I didn’t want Candis to think that I was worried even though that’s the only thing that was keeping me going. Whenever I started to tire or slow down I imagined Candis surging past me and I found that visualization exercise to be quite motivational. In fact, I may make Candis run behind me in all my races from now on.

It wasn’t until I crossed the 6 mile mark and headed down into Folsom Field that I began to feel confident that Candis wasn’t going to catch me. I sprinted to the finish weaving in and out of slower runners until some guy accepted my challenge and we sped towards the tape, matching each other stride for stride. We crossed the line in a tie and gave each other a congratulatory handshake, and when I say that we tied I say that the same way a guy who’s just been dumped by the woman he loves says that the decision to end the relationship was mutual. I think in both situations you can probably read between the lines and see what happened but the classy thing to do is just agree with the guy that it was mutual. We finished the race mutually.

Finally, here is the updated chart of our times over the years. This is more for my enjoyment than anything else.

Two Weeks and Counting

The Bolder Boulder is 2 weeks away and I have absolutely no idea what to expect out of myself. I mean, I still expect to be handsome and to wake up in the morning and piss excellence and fart distinction, but I have no idea how fast slow what my time will be. Incidentally, there’s always a lot of ‘distinction’ on race morning, must be nerves or something. I’m fairly certain that not knowing how well you’re going to perform is a bad sign. It probably means that I haven’t done nearly enough training and certainly means that I haven’t logged enough miles at race pace.

Of course the big question for BB10k 2011 is whether this is the year that Candis actually beats me. I’m hoping that the answer to that question is a resounding no, hell, I’d settle for a scrawny no or a feeble no just as long as it’s a no. I’m just not sure that my ego could take it if she beat me and it just makes it worse knowing that you’re all rooting for her. All your ‘Team Candis’ comments from last year just serve to engorge my determination (it’s almost at half mast!). Failure is not an option.

This year’s race plan is simple: stay ahead of or with Candis and outkick her at the finish. In past years I have had a detailed race plan broken down by mile and elevation and while that worked well in 2008 it has not been successful in subsequent years. Some things just aren’t as successful the second time around; think of Harrelson and Snipes in Money Train, Gere and Roberts in Runaway Bride, Farley and Spade in Black Sheep or Keanu and anyone in anything - all examples of things that were successful once but failed spectacularly the second time around. And yes, I do think it’s a good idea to base my race strategy on Hollywood movie couplings, but it’s probably too brilliant for you to understand.

The Bolder Boulder Approacheth

It’s that time of year again. Time for the Bolder Boulder 10k (well, in 5 weeks anyway). It’s my favorite race because it was the race that got me into running 6 years ago and has always been a good measuring stick of my progress as a runner, or my lack of progress if you’re only looking at the last couple of years. I know that there are a few folks out there who do not like the Bolder Boulder because of the crowded field or the fact that so many of the participants are out there for fun or are walking the whole way and while I admire their elitist attitude and often like to think of myself as better than others I just can’t dislike this race.

Of course, if Candis beats me this year then I’ll officially change my position and join the ranks of the elitist runners who sneer at the BB10k. I’ve been looking for something to sneer at for a while now so it will be the perfect excuse. You may remember that after the race last year I charted out my results and compared them to Candis’s results, but you probably don’t so here’s that chart again.

After I put this up last year I vowed to train so very, very hard for the BB10k this year so as not to allow those lines to cross. You know that it’s bad if you cross the streams, right? How bad? “Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.” However, it turns out that vowing to train hard and actually training hard are two different things and lately my training can be summed up with one simple word: meh. It’s not even a real word which is appropriate as my training as of late is not even real training.

What I need now more than ever is a Runners World magazine that unlocks the secrets of training and shows me ‘How to Run My Best 10k in Just 5 Weeks.’ I’m going to assume that they’ve already covered that topic multiple times and search through all my issues until I find it.

In past years Candis and I have ended up starting in different waves which means it’s never really been a head to head race, but this year will be different. I’m not about to run this thing without knowing how fast she’s running it. You see, no matter how ill-prepared you are for a race I imagine you get an incredible surge of adrenaline when your wife passes you, at least that’s what I’m counting on. That and a superior race strategy. Actually, it will be interesting to race it head to head because of the different race strategies we’ll both undoubtedly use. Will one of us throw in a few surges to try and discourage the other person? Perhaps. Will Candis try to be fast during the first mile knowing that I like to take it slower on that first mile? Maybe. Will one of us try to rely on a strong finishing kick? It’s possible. Will I resort to childish name calling and psychological warfare if I get passed? Most definitely.

BB10k Race Report

I was successful on Monday in my continuing quest to get slower and slower, posting a time that was slower even than some of my training runs leading up to the Bolder Boulder. Awesome! Candis meanwhile continues to get faster, although not quite fast enough... yet. I ran a 54:39 and Candis posted a 55:56 (a 3 minute PR).

In typical banker/obsessed runner fashion I decided to use an excel spreadsheet to break down our 10k results over the last 5 years. Then I graphed them to see if there were any interesting trends... I really wish I hadn’t.

I wonder what will happen next year at the Bolder Boulder? I’m sure you’ve all got lots of crazy ideas floating around your heads about what might happen at next years race and you’re welcome to put those in the comments if you want, but I’m only going to make you eat your words when I triumph again next year.

The next potential race on our schedule is the Boulder Half Marathon. We’ve never done it before and have heard some good things about it. This past weekend we also heard a couple of bad things about it, so if any of you have run it or have any input to share we’d certainly appreciate it.

Happy Memorial Day!

It was hot at the Bolder Boulder today, some people might refer to that as a "nice day" or "perfect weather" or "beautiful blue skies" but to me it was just hot. Hot and annoying.

Our times were 55:56 and 54:39 or something like that. I'll have a more detailed update tomorrow, but right now we're off to a friends house for some beer, BBQ and then more beer. Have a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day!

Long Overdue Update

Candis and I are running the Bolder Boulder 10k on Memorial Day. The Bolder Boulder organizers saw fit to place us in the ED wave which is incredibly unfortunate and not at all allegorical. My disco stick is just fine thankyouverymuch, I’ll prove it to you right now! Anyway, if you’re running on Monday stop by section 204 after the race and say hello, if you’re lucky I’ll prove it to you in person. I kid, I kid I’m totally aware of what’s socially acceptable when meeting someone for the first time.

Site News
Is it just me or does it feel like this blog is writhing in its death throes? It’s not that I haven’t been running, hell it’s not even that I don’t have any good material. I’ve got a file full of half written posts and ideas that would last me a couple of months. I just don’t feel like writing anymore. Part of that is because I’ve been busier at work lately (the economy won’t flush itself down the drain you know, it takes hard work to make it happen). It used to be that even when I didn’t feel like writing I would sit down and force myself to put a post up for consistency’s sake. And if I couldn’t find time at work to throw a post up then I’d go home and write a post in the evening so that I could throw it up the next morning like a supermodel after a night out at a seafood buffet. That’s a terrible analogy; I don’t think supermodels eat at buffets do they?

But fear not. I’m not quitting the blog. I’ll soldier on, posting when the urge strikes or when my guilt level rises to an intolerable level or when someone offers me free stuff to review. It pains me to see my blog in this run-down, neglected state and part of me just wants to put it out of its misery but I think I’d miss being a part of the online running community too much, even though I’m an admittedly diminutive part of it at this point. Maybe the inspiration will strike again someday and I’ll get back to writing on a regular basis but for now you’re just going to have to put up with erratic posts, long periods of silence and awkward apologies that would make George Michael Bluth uncomfortable.

I realize that it’s unrealistic to expect people to continue to read a blog that only updates once or twice a month. Eventually you’ll lose interest because there’s just not enough material for you to care about. I think that was one of the things that drew me to posting at CRN. I was only responsible for one or two posts a month, but there were a host of other writers that were also putting posts up so the blog didn’t lack consistency. Minimum input, maximum exposure. I’m all about maximum exposure.

Finally, I’ve turned on comment moderation for posts that are more than five days old because apparently my comments section is a great place to advertise pornographic sites.

I’m going to leave again for a few days, but you kids behave while Daddy’s out of town. I’ll try to get a race report up sometime next week... or whenever. Have a great 3 day weekend!

Looking Forward

Some of you are no doubt expecting me to respond to the slanderous lies that were carelessly strewn about Feet Meet Street yesterday but I’m not going to lend credence to them by dignifying them with an answer. I’m taking the high road which actually makes me more like Gandhi, plus look, I spelled his name correctly. Poor Nitmos forgot the first rule of mocking someone on the internet; make sure you don’t misspell anything, it makes you an easy target, and stupid. Almost nothing Nitmos said was actually true, except for the waterboarding pandas thing, I do so love to waterboard me some pandas. The other nice thing about pandas? No one is ever suspicious of the black eyes.

For now, I’m putting all that stupidity aside because I’ve got more pressing issues to deal with. In the wake of my horrendous Bolder Boulder experience, I’ve been pondering if it was just a bad day or if it was indicative of me getting slower. Naturally I like to think that I just had a bad day (cue Daniel Powter) but the only way to really find out for sure is to pose the question in the form of a race. Running another race is the only way to determine if I’m getting slower or if I was just having an off day. Initially, it was a question that I didn’t really want to ask but being a runner is all about putting yourself to the test. We do it every time we run which is every day for me, at least during the month of June. The next race on my calendar is the Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon and unless I get impatient and sign up for another race before then, I will have my answer on August 8th. Either that or I’ll be telling you all how it’s weird that I had two consecutive races that just happened to be bad days. In the meantime I’m ramping up the mileage and battening down the paces on my training runs because it’s also possible that I didn’t train appropriately for the Bolder Boulder. That will not be the case come August.

The other disturbing trend that has been consuming my thoughts is the fact that Candis is apparently at that stage of her running career where she is making exponential gains in speed while I continue to see diminishing returns at best. When she first started running we’d occasionally run together and I would have to run at a snail’s pace so that she could keep up. At the time I used to think to myself ‘wouldn’t it be cool if she got to be as fast as me so that we could do more training runs together.’ Surprisingly, I failed to see the unfathomable consequences of Candis being as fast as me; namely that she might actually beat me in a race someday. Now before you all get excited, I still beat her by 5 minutes in the Bolder Boulder and, as we’ve already established, I had a bad race. However, she’s certainly a lot closer to me than she was a year ago, when I soundly defeated her by more than 13 minutes. So now I’m thinking that maybe I don’t care as much about running together, I’d rather be faster than her and have to slow down when we run together. It’s more gentlemanly and less emasculating that way.

Coming to grips with the pain... and then glory!

[by Candis]

I want to be careful with this post not to come off as a poor sport or even worse an emasculating wife, however I think that we all know that Ian would have already devoted several posts to gloating had he won. But he didn’t, so I know that you’ll all join me in saying: Haaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Up until last Monday I didn’t think I’d ever actually catch up to Ian, but the gap between our 10K times went from 13 minutes last year to 5 minutes this year and to be completely honest with you I think he’s lost a step.

TRAINING
Races are won and lost in training and I am totally hooked on the FIRST plan. If you’re not sick of hearing Ian & I talk about it then you haven’t been here very long... just wait, you’ll get there. You only run 3 times a week, omitting easy runs which I hate anyway, they’re as useless as a banker in a financial crisis. (Too harsh?) Each run has a specific purpose and is rarely less than 4 miles. You calculate ambitious paces using complex algorithms and spend 12 weeks mostly missing them. For several years now, it has been quite effective for both of us, although obviously more so for me. I think my edge has come in the addition of other training. I am now training for my second sprint triathlon- which means I bike and swim several times a week whereas Ian only ever bikes to our friends house 2 blocks away and would rather [insert just about anything here] than swim. These disciplines have added muscles I didn’t get from running and have done a good job of removing evil fat. The more muscle you have the more efficient you are- muscles propel- fat just jiggles.

Like cramming for an exam, I ate super healthy for 2 weeks before my race and only consumed 2 glasses of wine over 10 days. This was spurred by this chart on runner’s world. WOW. I dropped 4 lbs like nothing when I removed alcohol, sugar, limited my portions and ate useful foods. Who knew? RunnersWorld.com has some really helpful nutrition articles for those of us who know little about it. Use these articles to get started.

Having given all of this training advice, I am not an expert on any of it, nor do I have any authority to speak on it. It’s never stopped me before, but if it doesn’t work for you then you must have done something wrong.

RACE
All that blabbering and now the actual race report. The Bolder Boulder has always been our favorite race. Because this race is such a big deal for us, my adrenaline is always at an all time high on race morning. This year I planned to start at my goal pace and hold it throughout the course instead of speeding up at the end. For most training runs I try to run negative splits when possible, but that would have made my final miles way too fast. So this year my adrenaline rush got me through miles 1 & 2.

SHUT UP AND RUN WOMAN!
Beyond mile 2 took a little more work. My biggest problem in races has been my head. I talk myself out of what I can actually do. Ian’s been telling me for years I’m underachieving. My head says “Aw, it’s too painful.” “You’re breathing too hard.” I recently read that pain is often made up in your brain and not even real. It is amazing the things our brains can control. I have come to grips with the pain of speed and decided to run through it aided by the GI Jane quotes in my playlist. It’s also a matter of how much you want it, the more I want it, the less I care about the pain. I kept telling myself it wouldn’t even hurt 5 minutes after I finished.

The race felt much shorter this year. It was shorter, 6 minutes shorter to be exact. This really helped. Even though I was in more pain, it didn’t last as long. Knowing the course also helped. Surprises in races get in my head, but this year I ran the tangents and was really happy to know what was coming. Hills seem easier if I know how long they’ll last.

I knew I had run as hard as possible because I almost hurled on the metal floor in the stadium stretch- I believe Viper calls this the puke threshold. This happened in the Skirt Chaser 5K last year and was my best time. It is now my standard. No dry heaves = too slow of a race.

The last mile (9:09) was slower than I wanted to finish but I was really happy with my time, 58:52. I love to sprint it out and beat 3 people at the end- like I just won the whole thing. This time it was just an even pace, oh well. I finished. I cried. I tried not to be giddy around Ian. Then I drank a bucket of frozen margaritas.

Suckage Report

First of all, huge props to Candis for crushing her previous PR by over 6 minutes with a time of 58:52 and easily achieving her goal of a sub 60 minute 10K. She rocked it. When I realized that I wasn’t going to make my goal I started rejoicing vicariously for Candis’ PR because I knew that she was going to get it. I was more confident going into this race that Candis would PR than I was that I would PR. This is why I decided that the winner of our bet should have to sleep with the loser, because then I win even if I lose, which I did. The agreed upon time deduction that Candis received was 10 minutes, which means that Candis beat me by nearly 5 full minutes. I’m so proud of her, but that’s really quite enough happiness for this post.

We awoke on race morning to cloudy, overcast skies, temperatures in the low 50s and a 92% chance of suckage. It was perfect racing weather which is unfortunate because there’s one more excuse that I can’t use for my suckitude. Candis and I got split up when I went to the pre-race bag check and she had to go drop a pre-race deucer. (I mention this because I imagine that telling you about her bowel movements takes some of the bloom off the rose of her awesome race and when I’m down I like to drag as many others down with me as possible.) We never found each other before the start of the race and Candis ended up going out in the wave ahead of me.

My pacing strategy was to attempt 8 minute miles the entire way allowing myself to lose some time on the uphill miles and hoping to gain some time back on the downhill sections of the course. When I turned in an 8:10 first mile and felt winded I knew that I might be in trouble. My mile 2 split came in at 8:28 but it was one of the tougher miles on the course and I was still hoping to make up time on the downhill sections of miles 4 and 5. With that in mind I tried to save some energy on mile 3 and posted an 8:48 mile.

I started the 4th mile with a bang, charging down 19th street with steely resolve. I was going to make up the minute and 26 seconds that I was behind, or at the very least get back onto pace to set a new PR. I could not be stopped, I floated down the downhill sections like a gazelle and I attacked the uphill sections like a crazy man. Like Forrest Gump, I. Was. Running. As I dashed up Casey Hill (the highest point of the course) I crossed the 4 mile mark and checked my Garmin for my split: 8:44. 8:44? Are you freaking kidding me? That was at least a 7:25 mile! It certainly felt like a 7:25 mile. I cursed my Garmin and had I not been so exhausted I would have probably chucked it into the side of a building but that sounded like too much effort.

I kept an even effort for the 5th mile and posted another 8:44 mile. A few quick calculations brought the realization that not only was I not going to make my goal, but I wasn’t even going to PR. OK, so there was nothing quick about my calculations, the math probably took me 2 minutes. I began to think about Candis, who I had passed somewhere in the 2nd mile. I thought about waiting for her and pacing her to the finish, but really that would have just been an excuse to stop and rest. I hoped and hoped that she would get her sub 60 minute time so that she wouldn’t have to run the final mile the way I was running it. I decided not to kill myself on the final mile and I’m OK with that decision. I rounded out my race with a half-fast 9:03 mile and a final time of 53:50. Disappointing to say the least. I drowned my sorrows in free Michelob Ultra before heading to a Memorial Day BBQ where I continued drowning them in... well to be honest I don’t remember all the specifics of how I drowned them, I just know that I did. It turned out to be a good day anyway.

Running Sucks!

I hate running. I didn’t even PR at the Bolder Boulder today, but Candis totally rocked it. More tomorrow, but probably not until the afternoon as I’m going to watch my son’s Field Day in the morning. Hopefully he takes after Candis’ performance and not mine.

Race Goals and Pipe Dreams

As you already know, Candis and I will be running the Bolder Boulder on Monday. If you too will be celebrating Memorial Day by cursing at your alarm clock and then running 10,000 meters feel free to stop by and say hello to us after the race. Unless of course, you’re rising early and running 10,000 meters somewhere that’s not in Boulder, CO, then don’t bother stopping by to say hello because that’s just going to waste your Memorial Day. We’ll be in the lower half of section 108 drinking beer at 8:30 in the morning (now I remember why I like running so much). Just look around until you see a couple that looks like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie because if there’s a couple there that looks like that, there’s a pretty good chance we’ll be sitting behind them, staring. Or just look for us, that might be easier. I’d tell you what we’ll be wearing but do you really think we plan what we’re wearing that far in advance? OK you’re right, we totally do. I’ll be wearing a black and grey CU shirt and Candis will either be wearing a pink shirt or her Kiss My Asthma shirt. Also, don’t be fooled by amateur imitators who are only running 5,000 meters on Memorial Day. Get that weaksauce outta’ here!

Goals
I’ve already stated my goal is to run a sub 50 minute 10K but Candis’ goal of a sub 60 minute 10K has remained a secret up until roughly 3 seconds ago when I JUST SAID IT! Maybe 8 seconds ago for some of you slower readers. I also mentioned earlier this week (Bolder Boulder Week!) that there would be an advanced handicapping system that would allow Candis to compete against me. Originally I thought we could take the first place men’s and women’s finish times from last year and use the difference as a deduction from Candis’ time but it turns out that I thought that without really thinking much and the difference is obviously not big enough to make us even. (It’s only 3 to 4 minutes.) Since our goal times are exactly 10 minutes apart I’m going to attempt to finish 10 minutes ahead of Candis (hey, just like in the bedroom!) and she’s going to try to finish less than 10 minutes behind me. See, I told you it was an advanced handicapping system, well it was advanced for you 8 second people. Basically it will come down to who beats their goal by the most, or maybe, who misses their goal by the least. Loser has to have sex with the winner. (I just threw that in there to see if Candis was paying attention.)

I ran some intervals last night to see how my g-g-groin injury responded to speed and there was virtually no pain at all. It was a little tender this morning so I’m just going to make sure and rest for a couple of days before the race. I’m pretty sure it won’t be a problem on race day but if you think for one second that I won’t use it as an excuse come Tuesday morning then you’ve seriously misunderestimated me. Although... it wouldn’t hurt to have a back-up excuse at the ready since I’ve kind of confessed that the g-g-groin injury shouldn’t be a problem. Hmmm, maybe I could use one of these excuses... or maybe I’ll eat some spicy Mexican food the night before the race.

It’s Bolder Boulder Week

That’s right running fans the Bolder Boulder 10K is held every Memorial Day and I’m proclaiming this week Bolder Boulder Week here at Half-Fast. The Bolder Boulder was the first race I ever ran and has become the annual yardstick against which I measure my running progress. Things you can expect to see here at Half-Fast during Bolder Boulder Week include: an in depth discussion of my race goals, some preliminary excuses that I can circle back to if I fail, posts that yo-yo back and forth between boastful arrogance and hopeless defeatism, Candis’ race goals and an advanced handicapping system that will allow her to compete against me, a complex pacing strategy that I will abandon within the first mile of the race, my post race meet-up location so that you can ask me to sign your race bib, delusions of grandeur. It’s going to be a busy week.

In past years I have never doubted my ability to PR in this race because every year my training runs preceding the race have been significantly faster than they were the prior year. This year my training paces have been pretty inconsistent and at best could only be considered marginally faster than they were last year. At worst they could even be considered slower.

In this post in February I stated that one of my goals this year was to run a sub 50 minute 10K which would require an 8 minute mile pace. Two weeks ago I ran 4 straight tempo miles at a 7:56 pace which was very encouraging but then last week I ran some 1 mile intervals where the goal pace was 7:40/mile and they went like this: 8:08, 8:12, 8:22. Very discouraging, not to mention disastrously inconsistent.

As I was pouring over my training log and contemplating what these inconsistent results meant Candis sent me a link to an article on Runner’s World. Not being much of a reader, I skimmed through it until I saw a nice looking chart that just happened to contain the secret to my success for achieving a sub 50 minute 10K. It basically says that if you lose 10lbs you will unequivocally shave 2 minutes and 4 seconds from your 10K time. My 10K time? 52:07. So really after I drop 10lbs this week all I need to do is be 4 seconds faster than I was last year, and even I can do that, right? Right? Plus, think how healthy I’ll be after losing 10lbs in one week. Win-win my friends, win-win.

Irony in an E-mail

So the other day I’m sitting in my office minding my own business when I get an e-mail from the Bolder Boulder advertising a free entry to the race which is completely worthless to me since I’ve already paid $42 for an entry. I was naturally curious about how to get the free entry and whether I could apply it retroactively so I put down my Bloody Mary and started reading all the fine print. (What, you’re going to judge me for drinking a Bloody Mary at work? It was too early in the day for scotch.) The basic premise of the e-mail was that if you open a free checking account at the bank that sponsors the event you get reimbursed your entry fee. (Note: It’s not the bank that I work for but I’m still not going to name it. I fully realize that you could easily find out which bank it is by looking online at the sponsors for the Bolder Boulder, but if you’re anything like me then you’re way too lazy for that and if any of you post the name of the bank in the comments your comment will be deleted. Go ahead, test my resolve on that one.)

Here’s what the fine print said (emphasis mine):

Minimum opening deposit of $50 required to receive the gift. To be eligible for the award, you must open your new personal checking account between April 1, 2009 and May 22, 2009. The $42 award is considered interest and is subject to IRS and other tax reporting. The award will be given at account opening. The $42 award is considered a bonus that can be revoked if the account is closed within 6 months of opening.

If you’ve been paying attention to what’s been going on with banks, and in particular AIG, lately then you can see where I’m going with this. If you’re not keeping up on your current events then you can stop reading right now, you mouth-breathing simpleton. The bank is threatening to revoke your bonus! They actually put that in writing. This couldn’t be more ironic if Alanis Morissette wrote a song about it. I also like how they’re clear about telling you that it is subject to tax reporting, kind of like how executive bonuses at banks are now subject to a 90% tax. It’s almost like they’re trying to stick it back to you for revoking their bonuses.

I can totally see all these big execs sitting in a conference room (I picture them like the stodgy old guys in that WaMu commercial) thinking up a promotion that gives the consumer a bonus just so they can threaten to revoke it. “It will be hilarious,” they’re saying in my mind. “Yes, yes. It will be even funnier than that one time when Mortimer put dimes in his penny loafers!” Chortle, guffaw.

Bowel shaking earthquakes of doubt and remorse...

[The video on the right is provided as a soundtrack for this post. You don’t need to watch it, just push play and listen while you read, that is, if you’re capable of two things at once.]

I’ve stated previously that my training right now is aimed towards a sub 50 minute time in the upcoming Bolder Boulder 10K. I’m just now starting to get into the heart of my training and I find myself struggling to keep up with the suggested paces and this is causing me to doubt my ability to run an 8 minute pace for 6.2 miles. I know, it must be hard for you to believe that someone as awesome as me would doubt his abilities but I’ll bet that even Superman had doubts and misgivings some of the time. Like about wearing those knee high red boots, come on Clark, only Supergirl can make that look work.

Fortunately, my choice of footwear is as awesome as it is well documented so I don’t have to worry about looking like a tool in the wrong shoes or wearing white after Labor Day. No, all I have to worry about is running faster than a speeding bullet and that is proving to be a challenge. I’ve gone back and looked at my training runs leading up to last year’s Bolder Boulder to see if I’m any faster than I was back then, but if anything I think I might be slower. This is really quite frustrating and I might have to stop running all together if I don’t at least PR in the Bolder Boulder. It’s not all bad, I’ve been thinking that maybe I’d like to quit running anyway and devote more time to couch potatoing. Crashing and burning at the Bolder Boulder may give me just the excuse I need to stop running.

I blame my newly found slowness on running a marathon. I spent the bulk of the winter months focusing on increasing my mileage and I’m beginning to wonder if that was to the detriment of my speed. Is it possible that training for and running a marathon could make you slower at the 5K and 10K distances? And if so, why do you people keep on running them? I still have 2 months before the Bolder Boulder so there’s plenty of time to work on my speed deficiency (is there a vitamin I can take for that?) but I have to admit I’m not nearly as confident this year about a PR as I have been in past years.

Additional Bolder Boulder Thoughts

Congratulations to Ilsa Paulson (pictured right) who won the Bolder Boulder Women’s Citizen’s Race. Eat a sandwich! Something’s not right when you can dramatically shift your center of gravity by nodding your head.

I don’t have any race pictures yet, but I will post them as soon as I get them. I didn’t notice any photographers when I did the Slip ‘n’ Slide so I doubt that there will be any pictures of that forthcoming. Many of you have requested pictures of my pace team (A.K.A. the awesome pantless running chicks) and rest assured that I am using the wealth of my powers for evil and attempting to secure those pictures. I do it all for you guys.

As per usual there were numerous sightings of runners who should have been cited for RWAI, that’s Running While Ability Impaired or running in a ridiculous costume. I’m not talking about the pantless pace team (although they nearly caused me to be RWAI if you know what I mean. Wink, wink), I’m talking about people running dressed up as giant hot dogs or gorillas and such.

At the end of the race we were walking through the line to get our post-race snacks, beer and soda and I couldn’t help but notice that many of the runners had grabbed the first soda available (Pepsi) and then ended up trading them in further down the line once they saw that Diet Pepsi was available. What a pathetic bunch we are, I thought to myself as the girl ahead of me traded down from sugar to aspartame, even after a race we don’t want the empty calories, even now we’re watching what we eat/drink. I rolled my eyes and gave the universal crazy sign behind the girl’s back before asking politely if I too could switch out my soda for a diet. Hey, no one wants to be a Fatty McDimpledButt.

Mission Accomplished!

Bolder Boulder 10K Race Report
Do you guys remember last week when I said that my goal for the Bolder Boulder was to run it in under 52:08? Well, guess what? I totally made it! I finished in 52:07! (8:24 pace.) Mission accomplished! If you don’t remember me setting that goal, then just take my word for it. No need whatsoever to go back and check that post to confirm what my stated goal was.

I was going to have to run an unprecedented race to achieve my pipedream of a 50 minute 10K, and 52:07 is a new PR so I’ve got that going for me. As a point of reference I ran the Bolder Boulder last year in 56:00 and that was a PR at the time. So while I didn’t get down to 50, I’m still happy with my time (I’m just going to keep telling myself this). Sometimes in life you have to lower your expectations, and when you’re me, you have to do it a lot. I’m still planning on breaking the 50 minute mark before the end of this year which means I’ll have to look for another 10K to run, and of course if that doesn’t work I’ll lower my expectations some more and try to break the 50 minute 8K or the 50 minute 5K before the end of the year. By the time all is said and done I’m confident that I’ll achieve all of my goals for the year. I’m a positive Type A personality like that.

The Race
When we arrived at the start it was a cloudy 53 degrees, a perfect day for running, and an even perfecter day for sleeping in and sitting in front of the fireplace with coffee and a donut. Unfortunately we were doing the former. We sorted through the jumble of humanity in search of the mobile lockers. Runners wandered between packet pickup, registration and port-a-potties before being funneled through the starting gate; a scene that must have looked like a sausage being stuffed from the helicopter above. In line for the mobile lockers my friend pointed out two girls preparing to run in tie dye shirts and their underwear, the words “couldn’t find pants” written on their legs. It took a good amount of ogling to determine the message, but it needed to be done so that this race report could be accurate. You. Are. Welcome. When I saw them again in my wave I knew that I had found my pace team.

The gun fired and I immediately ditched my spouse and went off on my own, something she should have done a long time ago. I managed to reign myself in a little over the first mile or two which was one of my goals for this race. Too often I have gone out fast in the first couple of miles and then faded towards the end, but this year I am pleased to report that I went out slow in the first 2 miles... before fading towards the end.

Somewhere around mile 2, I saw the Slip ‘n Slide and I noticed that it ended in a huge muddy puddle at the bottom of the yard. I quickly evaluated the situation and ran right on by, knowing that I would just have to disappoint my dear readers. It was a surprisingly easy decision and one that I did not feel remotely guilty about. Hey, if you’re not used to me disappointing you on a regular basis yet, then you’re not a regular reader.

I ran on, thinking about how I would break the news that I had failed to Slip ‘n Slide. I decided that I was going to title this post DNS and then explain that it stood for Did Not Slip ‘n Slide, it was going to be great. However, half way through mile 3 I came across another Slip ‘n Slide with no mud in sight, I built up a head of steam and dove headlong into sopping misery. I popped up at the far end amidst raucous cheers and high fives from the college students who were already completely Winehouse’d in spite of the fact that it was 8:00 in the morning. My wet clothes clung to me and the shock of the ice cold shirt sapped the air from my lungs. My breath came in short gasps and my heart thumped loudly against my ribcage. I slowed my pace and tried to ring out my shirt as best as I could. On the positive side my legs were so cold that they no longer felt tired.

I tried to push the pace in miles 4 and 5, even waving off the friendly gentleman offering bacon and veggie bacon, before my ritual fade on the hill to the finish in mile 6. Side note: Veggie bacon? Welcome to Boulder. Vegetables can never be bacon, they just can’t and they shouldn’t even try. The stadium finish was fantastic, and I’m really not that upset about missing my goal; one of the benefits of a life spent aiming low, I suspect.

Candis finished in 1:05:12 shattering her previous PR of 1:13:30, but there’ll be more on that later. We didn’t spend much time in the stadium due to the fact that it was still chilly and I was wearing wet clothes and shivering like a paint shaker. For your enjoyment, here are my official splits:

Mile 1 - 8:25
Mile 2 - 8:28
Mile 3 - 8:31
Mile 4 - 8:20
Mile 5 - 8:15
Mile 6 - 8:25
Total: 52:07

Miscellany

Just a couple of housekeeping items today. First, I don’t think Candis ever posted her goal time for the Bolder Boulder. What’s up with that? I put myself out there with a 50:00 minute goal and she just tries to slide by with a post about how much tapering sucks? I won’t stand for it. Allow me to tell you what her goal is for the Bolder Boulder 10K on Monday: 1:06:30 (10:40 pace). Of course, I don’t particularly feel like this will be much of a stretch for her. She ran her St. Paddy’s day 5K at a 10:15 pace and has since zipped through a significant amount of speedwork as part of the FIRST training program. Personally, I think that she can get a lot closer to 10 minute miles, a 1:02:00 race time and since that’s so close to the 1 hour mark I’m going to go ahead and announce that as her goal time. 1 hour.

Second, if anyone is going to be at the Bolder Boulder on race day, Candis and I will be running in the FC wave (as in Fail Completely) which means we should finish somewhere around 8:30am. We’re meeting up with some friends and anyone who wants to stop by the stadium afterwards in section 108. I’ll be wearing a white shirt and probably this sweaty Red Sox hat, Candis will also be wearing a Red Sox hat or visor along with her Kiss My Asthma shirt. If you can’t find us, then look for the two most beautiful people in the section, we’ll try to sit right behind them. Or just stand in the middle of section 108 and yell “Yo Vanilla!” at the top of your lungs. I’ll be the one laughing at you, but don’t let that deter you from stopping by to say hi.

Stadium Map (click to enlarge)
Enjoy your 3 day weekend everyone. I’ll have the Weekend Splits post tomorrow, and then a detailed list of excuses race report for you on Tuesday.

Blatantly Unattainable Goal

A post in which Vanilla sets a goal for himself that he has no chance of sniffing and talks about himself in the third person. You’d probably be better off just skipping it.

This was going to be just another “dull statement of intention,” but Nitmos really raised the bar on race goals yesterday with his Setting Race Goals post. If you missed his post then you should go check it out because there’s nothing like a good race goal post... and that was nothing like a good race goal post! Ba-Boom Cha! (Thanks, you’ve been a great audience. I’ll be here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitress!)

I mentioned back in February that I wanted to do a 50 minute 10K and I hate to back down from that even though I doubted its attainability when I first wrote it. However I did write that on Leap Day (a day that doesn’t REALLY exist), so it doesn’t REALLY count. This is known as the Leap Day Rule; you can’t be held accountable for things that you say on February 29th in much the same way that people cannot be offended by insults that you preface with the phrase “with all due respect.” Allow me to demonstrate: With all due respect, Nitmos is a blathering, self-absorbed tool. (Zing!) See, no harm done.

Now where was I? Oh yes, a 50 minute 10K. No chance in hell. I want it so bad that I can taste it. It tastes a little like chicken, not delicious fried chicken mind you, but more like a bland, unseasoned chicken that I could picture them serving in England. I ran Nancy’s 10K on the 10th last weekend in 52:43, but that was done as the middle part of an 8 mile training run, without carb loading, and without the additional motivation of knowing it was a race. I think that I’ll be able to run the Bolder Boulder in 51:30 and if I use Nitmos’ patented method of multiplying by 0.975 I come up with 50:13 which is so close to 50:00 that I really should just make that my goal, my Pie-Eyed Optimist goal. It’s OK. I’ve started working on a doozey of an excuse in case I miss that goal, it starts out like a regular excuse but then out of nowhere it turns out that I’m blaming you the reader for my shoddy performance.