Race Preparations

In case you hadn’t heard, I have a big showdown with Viper tomorrow. The kind of showdown where one of you gets carried off the dueling grounds in a pine box. The kind of showdown that only two over-inflated male egos could possibly think that anyone cared about. The kind of showdown that makes the O.K. Corral look like a neighborhood game of freeze-tag. Unfortunately it’s also the kind of showdown that we could both win, subjecting all of you to even more gloating and posturing in the coming week. You really should just be rooting for both of us to fail, I know I am. No. Wait, not both of us, just Viper.

On the eve of this epic battle I will be preparing in the tried and tested manner that I use to prepare for all of my races. For the very first time I am making it public so that you can copy my preparations and be as successful as I am.

The Night Before
- Lay out clothes I’ll be racing in, which tomorrow will include my lucky blue race shirt. (As seen here and here.)
- Try on race clothes.
- Look in mirror, practice winking while giving the double guns. “Who loves ya’ baby?”
- Stop before I get myself too excited.
- Check the weather.
- Drink some water.
- Put Garmin somewhere I won’t lose it so I don’t freak out.
- Print directions to race.
- Re-check starting time.
- Freak Out! “Where the hell is my Garmin?”
- Move Garmin to more conspicuous location.
- Drink some water.
- Debate whether to wear my Red Sox hat.
- Change mind 7 times.
- Debate which sunglasses to wear.
- Change mind 9 times.
- Re-check weather.
- Calculate drive time and when we need to leave.
- Re-calculate because it can’t be that early!
- Change mind one more time on Red Sox hat.
- Drink some water.
- Realize Garmin needs to be charged and plug it in.
- Look at course map and elevation.
- Plan breakfast.
- Calculate necessary pace/mile.
- Set alarm clock.
- Change alarm to later time, promise to eat breakfast in car.
- Verbalize above list to Candis ad nauseam.
- Lights out. I’m not a big believer in the whole no-boom-boom-before-big-race theory, but my wife is still sick (because she’s weak), which means that I’ll probably spend a good 15 minutes trying to convince her that the trusty old saying goes; “starve a fever, have sex with a cold.”

Race Morning
- Snooze button.
- Snooze button.
- Snoo... “Holy Crap! Look at the time, we’re going to be late!”
- PeeBrushTeethPutOnClothesDrinkWaterRunOutDoorBackCarOutOfGarage!
- Stop.
- Run back in and grab Garmin from charger.
- Pray for no speed traps on way to race.
- Be thankful of previous night’s pedantic antics.

And that, is how you prepare for a successful race. Let me know in the comments if I’m missing any preparations, because I could really use some more items to fret over tonight.

Best of luck, Viper.

Pre-Race Checklist

I have always been amused by all the things that I have to do before a race and have often felt that I have a bigger checklist than NASA has before a launch. Stopwatch? Check. Sunglasses? Check. Sun Block? Check. I check everything, and then I check it again like I’m OCD. I feel like Jack Nicholson's character in 'As Good As It Gets'. For some time now I've been meaning to put together some kind of checklist for this blog that will give you a good look at the crazy that is my pre-race checklist and while I haven't really managed to organize those thoughts into a list I did find a pre-race check list that someone took the time to put together already.

You’re just going to have to trust me that I already had this idea a while ago because Australian running blogger MorseyRuns already put together a humorous pre-race checklist right here, and beat me to it. [Begin fake Aussie accent] “I throw another shrimp on the barbie and raise a glass of Castlemaine XXXX in your honor.” [/accent] You can (and should) check out her blog.

In the future you can expect that at some point I will post something similar to this only it will probably be a giant let down now that you’re expecting it and I’ve already exposed you to MorseyRuns’ humorous recounting of it. Awww crap!

I hereby, renounce all originality points for this idea.