It’s a Wonder I Don’t Fall Down More

As I was putting on my free Pearl Izumi running shoes the other day, I noticed that there were signs of wear and tear around the ankle of my left shoe. I was more than a little perplexed by this which is not an emotion that I’m used to dealing with, unless I’m getting something out of the fridge but who among us hasn’t been perplexed by the little light in there that just somehow knows when to turn off and on? How does it know? I checked the other shoe, I guess that would be the right one, to see if it was encountering the same pattern of wear. It was not.

I sat in my closet with one shoe on and one shoe off trying to figure this out before giving up after a couple of hours and embarking on my run. I mulled it over as I ran and began to notice that I was kicking my left ankle with my right foot 5 or 6 times every mile. I’ve never noticed this before, but it’s obviously been happening for a while given the tattered state of my left shoe. Perhaps this is what’s been making me slower all these years, because I’ve always felt like I’m really an elite athlete trapped in this slow (albeit devastatingly handsome) body.

The more I thought about it, the more I kicked myself in the ankle. I tried to run with a wider stance but I’m pretty sure that just made it look like I was ready to have my diaper changed, and while that may be good practice for my golden years it’s not an image I want to conjure up right now. Perhaps I could take up horseback riding, I hear that really widens your stance although I’m not sure I can pull off the requisite cowboy boots and Skoal rings.

When I got back to the house I went into my closet and checked the other pair of shoes that are currently in the rotation (yes, I am two-timing my shoes because one pair is not enough for me). There were absolutely no signs of wear on my Asics GT-2130s. (By the way, thanks for discontinuing those, Asics. Jerks!) I went and checked several pairs of retired shoes; my Mizunos, my Asics 2110s, even an old pair of Pumas and NONE of them had the same wear pattern that the Pearl Izumis have. I guess I only kick myself in the ankle when I’m wearing my Pearl Izumis. When they say that “run easy is an oxymoron” they’re not kidding, because it’s not easy to run while you’re kicking yourself in the ankle. In fact it’s downright amazing that I don’t trip myself up more than your average runner. Once or twice a mile is average right? Right?

I’m So Confused

A little over a week ago I posted a video of the Treadmill Bike and brashly proclaimed that it was of course a joke. I based that statement on my own vast intellectual prowess. I mean seriously, what is the point of a treadmill that you can ride around? In the comments section of that post one of my awesome readers said "wait a minute... it's a joke" and I thought that said commenter was just being funny. But it caused me some consternation. What if they weren't being funny? What if it wasn't a joke?

Then I stumbled upon this website which would appear to be a legitimate website where you can purchase the treadmill bike for $2500 Canadian eh. They even have reviews from people who have bought one which leads me to believe that this actually might not be a joke, and that would make me... wrong. (So this is how that feels. How does my wife put up with it?). Or is this website all part of the joke? Is it some kind of giant hoax designed to fool poor innocent bloggers like myself? I am truly baffled. On the one hand common sense dictates that it must be a joke, but on the other hand the website looks genuine. I feel like Vizzini trying to choose which wine to drink in The Princess Bride.

I'll conclude by stating that I believe that the treadmill bike is not just a joke… or it is. I don't know. The one thing that we do know for certain is that the treadmill bike is Canadian. Probably. We'll need to find out how well it plays hockey to be certain. Fortunately I am not a journalist and don't have to check my facts or find corroborating sources because I've already spent more time thinking about the treadmill bike than I care to.