It’s a Wonder I Don’t Fall Down More

As I was putting on my free Pearl Izumi running shoes the other day, I noticed that there were signs of wear and tear around the ankle of my left shoe. I was more than a little perplexed by this which is not an emotion that I’m used to dealing with, unless I’m getting something out of the fridge but who among us hasn’t been perplexed by the little light in there that just somehow knows when to turn off and on? How does it know? I checked the other shoe, I guess that would be the right one, to see if it was encountering the same pattern of wear. It was not.

I sat in my closet with one shoe on and one shoe off trying to figure this out before giving up after a couple of hours and embarking on my run. I mulled it over as I ran and began to notice that I was kicking my left ankle with my right foot 5 or 6 times every mile. I’ve never noticed this before, but it’s obviously been happening for a while given the tattered state of my left shoe. Perhaps this is what’s been making me slower all these years, because I’ve always felt like I’m really an elite athlete trapped in this slow (albeit devastatingly handsome) body.

The more I thought about it, the more I kicked myself in the ankle. I tried to run with a wider stance but I’m pretty sure that just made it look like I was ready to have my diaper changed, and while that may be good practice for my golden years it’s not an image I want to conjure up right now. Perhaps I could take up horseback riding, I hear that really widens your stance although I’m not sure I can pull off the requisite cowboy boots and Skoal rings.

When I got back to the house I went into my closet and checked the other pair of shoes that are currently in the rotation (yes, I am two-timing my shoes because one pair is not enough for me). There were absolutely no signs of wear on my Asics GT-2130s. (By the way, thanks for discontinuing those, Asics. Jerks!) I went and checked several pairs of retired shoes; my Mizunos, my Asics 2110s, even an old pair of Pumas and NONE of them had the same wear pattern that the Pearl Izumis have. I guess I only kick myself in the ankle when I’m wearing my Pearl Izumis. When they say that “run easy is an oxymoron” they’re not kidding, because it’s not easy to run while you’re kicking yourself in the ankle. In fact it’s downright amazing that I don’t trip myself up more than your average runner. Once or twice a mile is average right? Right?

The Return of the Snow Heels

I once again went running in the snow with my Mizunos. After reading about the problems I had in my 8 on the 8th report you may be wondering why I would do this and the answer is because I thought I had found a solution and I lack the mental capacity to learn from previous mistakes.

A couple of commenters who shall remain nameless *cough Jon and Linda cough* left comments on that post and suggested that I put Vaseline or Pam into the hole because oil and water don’t mix. I tried this and it turns out to be an outright lie. What is this world coming to when you can’t trust the advice of faceless blog commenters on the internet. And when I say faceless I don't just mean anonymous, I heard that Jon really doesn't have a face! Freakshow!

I actually didn’t have any Vaseline or Pam so I ended up spraying WD-40 into the cavity in the sole of the shoes, and it did seem to work for a little while but pretty soon I was having the same old problems again. It starts off looking like this:

After a while though it gets ridiculous. The snow keeps building up and building up and before you know it I’m running in heels, snow heels. By the time I was finished my Mizunos looked like this:

Sure, laugh it up but I’m going to roll an ankle if I try to run in those things. If those heels get any taller people will start calling them... um... you know... “do me” heels... except with “F”. Despite their height I don’t find them at all sexy, although that may have more to do with who was wearing them. Still, I’m not sure what you could wear with those heels, something that was both sporty and dressy at the same time. Perhaps THIS would work?

8 on the 8th

Warning: Half-Fast not responsible for hours lost staring into those steely blue eyes.
I awoke on Saturday ready to run 8 miles only to find it cold and snowy. I almost bagged the whole idea in favor of hot cocoa and gingerbread cookies in front of the fire. I wish I would have. Instead I drove to a 1.4 mile loop that circumnavigates a small lake near my house, strapped on my Garmin and commenced operation crazy.

When I began the first lap at 10am mine were the only footprints to blemish the pristine snow that covered the loop. A fresh start. Here I was being a hardcore runner and there was no one around to witness it, nevertheless I was excited to be alone with my thoughts. Alone with the exception of my digital training partner, whom I’ve decided to name Gustavo. (Thanks to Doug for that suggestion.) I set Gustavo out at an 8:50 pace as I was hoping to complete the run in 1:10:00.

Roughly one tenth of a mile into the run I noticed that my right shoe had a fairly large rock jammed into the cavity in the heel. Just my dumb luck I chuckled to myself and stopped quickly to pry it out. What I discovered was not a rock, but a snowball. As I ran the snow would press up into the cavity in the heel (see Figure 1.1) until it was full, at which point the snow on the ground would stick to the snow packed into the cavity and cause a buildup. It was like trying to run in heels that were getting progressively taller with each step, or at least what I would imagine it’s like to run in heels. Despite the fact that I felt like a saucy minx for wearing “heels” I was convinced that this was not a healthy way to run 8 miles.

Strangely enough, this snowball effect was occurring mostly in my right shoe. I tried everything to stop it, I tried landing more on my forefoot, I tried stopping and scrapping it out with a stick, I tried to ignore it, I tried cursing like a sailor on leave which didn’t abate the problem but it sure made me feel better. In the end the only solution was to thump my heel down hard into the gravel path under the snow and then drag my heel. This seemed to work to clear it out, but I ended up having to do this every 50 yards. For 8 miles. I considered quitting many times, and even now while I write this I do not know why I didn’t. Trust me, it’s totally in my personality to just give up and quit when the going gets tough, but for some reason I hung in there on Saturday.

Figure 1.1

As I began my final lap, I noted that my footprints had been joined by a few others. One jogger, and a couple of walkers who had no doubt puzzled over the man with the epileptic twitch in his stride. The path which had once looked like a fresh white canvas was now forever ruined by the punch marks in its surface, the scars of a frustrated runner etched into it by my spastic heel-dragging routine.

My Garmin beeped signaled that I had completed the 8 miles. My final time was 1:13:11 for a pace of 9:09. Gustavo had long since finished. He was already at home in front of my fireplace, drinking my hot cocoa, eating my cookies.

Thanks to Nancy for putting this together, you can visit her blog to see everyone’s final times. It was fun. Honestly. Also, Mizuno running shoes suck!

Guest Blogger: My Running Shoes

Every now and then I have a guest blogger write a post here at Half-Fast just so that I don’t have to write one, and so that you get to read something from someone other than me. It’s really a win-win situation. Today I’d like to introduce a new guest blogger who hasn’t posted here before. Please give a warm welcome to: My Running Shoes.

Right Shoe: Hello to all of Ian’s readers and welcome...
Left Shoe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t think he wants you using his real name. I think you’re supposed to call him Vanilla.
RS: Vanilla? Really? That’s so lame!
LS: I’m just saying.
RS: Sorry. Hello to all of Vanilla’s (*snicker*) readers. We are sorry to have to tell you that we believe that Vanilla (*snicker*) has given up on running. We haven’t seen him since that lady jabbed and poked us trying to cut the timing chip off at the end of the Denver half marathon.
LS: I thought she was quite nice.
RS: Well that’s because you NEVER carry the timing chip. Anyway if any of you readers happen to see Vanilla (*snicker*) around then please tell him that it’s been 9 days since he last ran. 9 Days! Do you know what that makes you?
LS: Don’t say it!
RS: It makes you a ‘JOGGER!’
LS: Oh no you didn’t!
RS: That’s right. I said it. You’re a JOGGER! You like to think that you’re hardcore, you like to think that you’re a dedicated runner but you aint nothin’!
LS: You are going to get us replaced for a newer pair of shoes.
RS: You know what I wish? I wish that we’d fit well on that guy that came into the store and tried us on before we ever saw Vanilla (*snicker*). That guy was fast! If he’d have bought us we’d have won some races with that guy. None of this middle of the pack, taking 9 days off, slowly jogging, crap. You’re not half-fast, you’re all-slow! And you’re probably getting slower from not running! And while I’m at it, haven’t you ever heard of nail clippers? Hello? I’m sick of getting stabbed every time we go out.
LS: You’re going to get us replaced.
RS: Well maybe that’s for the best. If it means that I never get peed on again then I’ll gladly retire.