My Kryptonite

I attended a Holiday Party yesterday afternoon that was thrown for my department by another group in the company. We send a lot of business their way and they always have an afternoon Holiday Party for us in December. It was an opportunity for me to showcase my iron willpower and forgo all the calorie rich foods on display, a time to amaze my coworkers with my tenacious pursuit of healthy eating. There was a token platter of fruit and some bottled water at one end of the spread, it was easy to spot because there was no one circling that end of the table. I would be the Spartan among them.

I grabbed a plate of fruit and a bottle of water, but as I was turning to go mingle I caught a glimpse of the most wonderful looking sugar cookies that you’ve ever seen. You know the kind, with icing on top that is made by mixing powdered sugar, water and heaven. To be honest I don’t even like the cookies that much but it’s apparently impolite to just lick the icing off and toss the cookies, which you undoubtedly do if you only eat the icing. A rainbow of colors burst forth from the little holiday themed shapes of paradise and a beam of sunlight shone down from above to the accompaniment of an angelic chorus of “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”

I didn’t even hesitate. I grabbed one and placed it next to the fruit on my plate. I ate it quickly and then licked the crumbs from the plate so that I could regain the appearance that I was only having fruit. It was delicious. DE - LICIOUS! I walked to the trash can, disposed of the fruit and went back for another couple of cookies. Pretty soon the water bottle had been discarded too in favor of a pumpkin spice latte from the barista, because that goes much better with cookies anyway.

My conversations with coworkers grew shorter and shorter, my eyes nervously flitting over to the plate of cookies. Would it be inappropriate to excuse myself from the conversation to go get more cookies? How can I end this conversation and break away? For the love of all things holy will you please stop talking and let me go grab MORE COOKIES!

I lost count of how many cookies I’d eaten somewhere after 7 but my consumption was definitely north of that mark. I didn’t eat anything else because nothing else would have been able to compare. As I was about to head back to my office I grabbed a napkin and placed a couple of extra cookies in it ‘for later’. Except as soon as I got back into my office I closed the door and inhaled both of those too, and you know what? I don’t even feel the least bit guilty. In fact, I wish that I had brought even more cookies back with me so that I could have eaten them all. It is a miracle, a Christmas Miracle that I didn't go back for more cookies later. So I don't know how many cookies I ate yesterday, and I like it better that way. It was a good day!

I was like Cookie Monster, but not the new version of Cookie Monster that claims that cookies are a sometimes food and eats them in moderation after a well balanced meal. No, I remember a Cookie Monster that used to eat as many cookies as he could and then eat the plate too. Yeah, that was me yesterday.