Off Track: Idiot in an Elevator

When I returned from lunch today I was riding the elevator up to my office when I had the following conversation:

Unknown stranger: Did you vote?
Me: Yeah. Did you?
Stranger: No... It doesn’t matter, it’s going to be a landslide anyway.
Me: You think Nader’s got this all locked up too, huh?

Keep in mind that I live in Colorado, which is one of the more evenly split states according to recent polls and that we have 9 electoral votes. Now this stranger may be right, this thing may be a landslide and his vote may not have mattered but I find myself hoping that he’s weeping into his loafers as the results come in tonight. The really bizarre part was that he brought up the question of whether I had voted, obviously knowing that I would likely return the question. It was like he was dying to tell me that it didn’t matter whether you voted or not.

I know every other blog is telling you to go vote today and I really wasn’t planning on doing it because I hate to be like every other blog, but please don’t be like the idiot in the elevator. Go vote. It does matter, even if everyone already knows that your state is red or blue. It matters that you vote. It’s your civic duty to vote. If you don’t do it, then I don’t think we can be online friends anymore.

Evening Running Again

I slept in again this morning instead of running, which means that I’ll be running when I get home from work this evening, or maybe this afternoon because really, who wants to work a full 6 hour day anyway? Not me, that’s who. You might be thinking that I should have learned my lesson in yesterday’s post, but if you’re thinking that then it’s like you don’t even know me at all! Learning from your mistakes is for history teachers and people who are too weak to make the same mistakes twice. Me? I like to make the same mistake several times before I learn from it, that way it really sticks, kinda’ like taking the same class several times because you flunked it the first 3 times. Who do you think knows more about economics, me or the guy that only took it once?

I guess I’m kind of in a running funk right now and not the good kind of funk. If anyone has any ideas that might motivate me then be sure to send them my way, and send them repeatedly since I probably won’t catch on the first few times.

Daily DNC Report
The number of cops here in Denver has increased significantly, or maybe they’ve just been more visible in the past couple of days. They’ve been pretty congenial, even posing for pictures with kids and tourists on several occasions. You literally can’t walk 20 yards without passing a group of SWAT cops decked out in riot gear. It’s been difficult to maintain my regular practice of mouthing something like “you filthy pig” from under my disdainful glare to each and every one of them, but I’ve struggled through. What else am I going to do with all the righteous indignation that has welled up inside me based partially on my own experience but mostly on movies depicting cops as bad apples who enjoy abusing their power, and flexing their authority to compensate for their teeny, tiny... intellects. What? You thought I was going to say something else there? Also, when did The Rock become a SWAT cop?

Can you smell what the SWAT is cooking?
There are so many groups out there trying to get their message out that you really need to turn on your BS filter before heading out the door. Or if your BS filter is not very good (i.e. you’re gullible or a moron) then you can always get some glasses like these that will filter it out for you.

It’s kind of hard to see, but the girl with the BS glasses is also wearing a neon pink sticker at the bottom of her shirt, right next to where I annoyingly branded the picture. It says “Make Out, Not War.” Michael Phelps (far left, red shirt) is not impressed. I always thought it was “make love, not war” and frankly that’s much more poetic and makes me think of Michael Jackson’s duet with Paul McCartney where he tells him “Paul, I think I told you, I’m a lover not a fighter.”

When I first saw this ostrich (see below), I thought we were going to get a demonstration from the bird porn people, maybe something like this, but I guess not. Boy, I hope that link doesn’t get me into hot water with the bird porn people. If it matters I didn’t get aroused at all watching that video.

Running is a Harsh Mistress

Last night’s run sucked, it was a VW Jetta run for sure. I skipped my long run this past weekend (meaning I didn’t do it, not that I was skipping for 12 miles) and then I sacrificed yesterday's morning run on the alter of the sleep gods. Sleeping in felt good, but I’m pretty sure the running gods punished my indiscretions with a crappy run last night.

I set up my Garmin for some 3 x 1600 intervals and headed out down my usual running trail. The warm up and initial interval went pretty well, but then it headed down the crapper faster than a supermodel’s purged lunch. My legs felt like lead weights, my breathing was off, I was extremely hot, and my ears were ringing, which has never happened before but can’t be good. I’ve tried to come up with every possible excuse reason for my horrendous performance and can’t think of any. I guess that there are just some days when you are going to have a bad run and on days like yesterday, even wearing your lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.

Daily DNC Report
Hey, if I have to put up with all the disruptions it brings, you have to hear me whine about it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to bring you all a little flavor of the DNC at the end of some of my posts this week.

I know I said yesterday that I would not be revealing my political affiliation or candidate of choice but I’m going to break my silence today and throw the full weight of Half-Fast behind one candidate who I saw campaigning yesterday on the mall. I am officially endorsing Captain Morgan.

A platform of booze and wenches is one that I can definitely get behind. Incidentally, this reminds me of a joke. A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s helm protruding from his pants, the bartender looks at him and says “Hey, you’ve got a ship’s helm sticking out of your fly!” The pirate snarls at him and responds “Ayy matey, ‘tis drivin’ me nuts.” Completely unrelated, but a funny joke, no?

I also took a flyer from a woman with a sign that said “Stop Bird Porn,” because I think that bird porn is going to be one of the topics that decides the outcome of this election. Here is an excerpt from the flyer: “The elderly find that Bird Watching is not strenuous. And this erotic experience can be enjoyed privately through binoculars. Most disturbing are groups of Bird Watchers seeking vicarious sexual gratification in the woods. Shamelessly, they blatantly observe God’s defenseless creatures mating. LEAVE THE BIRDS ALONE!”

As you can see, crazy has busted onto the scene here in Denver in Kramer-esque fashion, (unfortunately in some cases, complete with racist overtones). The bird porn lady is just one example of crazy and she’s got it all wrong. I mean, I agree that these dastardly peeping toms are the pondscum of society, but if birds didn’t want to be seen mating then they wouldn’t do it in my front yard for all the world to see. Stupid, exhibitionist birds! She says stop the voyeurs, I say stop the exhibitionists!

Interestingly, the flyer was translated into Russian on the back which leads me to think that maybe our Russian immigrant friends are the ones who need to hear her message.

Off Track: DNC is in Town

The Democratic National Convention is in Denver this week and I work somewhat close to all the action. I took a trip down the 16th street walking mall at lunch time yesterday and thought I’d compile a few stats for all of you.

Number of people I judged to be ‘obviously a Democrat’ or ‘obviously a Republican’ based solely on outward mannerisms: 13
Number of times I felt guilty for judging a book by its cover: 0

Number of people walking the 16th street mall with signs displaying political messages: 31
Number of people that will see those signs: 89,024 (estimation)
Number of people whose minds will be swayed by a sign or poster board: 1
Number of people yelling at people with signs: 5

Number of helicopters seen overhead: 9
Number of police and security officers seen: 1,057
Number that looked bored: 1,053
Number that I could most certainly outrun: 1,035

Number of opportunities to buy overpriced DNC memorabilia: 14
Number of times survey-takers asked if I was registered to vote in Colorado: 7
Number of times I lied and said no: 7

Number of times I was asked for directions: 3
Number of times correct directions were given: 2

Number of people wearing Obama pins, shirts, bags etc. 2,695 (estimation)
Number of people wearing Hillary Clinton pins, shirts, bags etc. 3
Number of people wearing McCain pins, shirts, bags etc. 0

Number of dollars that the parking lot next to my office increased its daily rate: 31
Number of empty parking spots in that lot yesterday when I arrived: 0
Number of times I have since wished I owned a parking lot downtown: 16

Number of clients who trekked into the downtown area to pay us a visit yesterday: 0
Number of clients expected over the next 4 days: 0
Number of reasons for me to work in the office instead of at home: 0
Number of days I have been given permission to work from home: 0

Number of times I will reveal my political affiliation or candidate of choice on this blog: 0