This Saturday is the Denver Gorilla Run and I’ve already received my gorilla suit. I tried it on the other night and it was hot just standing around in it. How am I ever going to run a 5.6K race in that thing? Also, 5.6K? Obviously I knew that it was going to be hot running in a gorilla suit, but I had no idea that it would be THAT hot. What is it made out of real gorilla fur? I guess it’s probably not, because that might conflict with the whole “save the gorillas” theme of the race. So if they’re going to use synthetic gorilla fur anyway then why can’t they make it out of some dry-fit, wicking material so that it’s nice and cool? Have we as a society not yet become technologically advanced enough to make a wicking gorilla suit? I think science needs to step it up a little here, maybe even pull some people off that whole curing cancer thing so that this can happen.Also, when I try to raise my arms in the air (and wave ‘em all around like I just don’t care) the suit kind of gives me a wedgie. You’re probably thinking “well just do like McCain and don’t raise your arms in the air,” and that’s good advice but you’ve clearly forgotten this picture of my running style, and I’m using ‘style’ in the loosest possible sense of the word. Between the sweating and the wedgieing it’s not going to be a good day to be Vanilla’s underwear, and man oh man how I hope that you were eating lunch when I graced you with that visual.
I’m still trying to scrape together some items to make this costume less gorilla and more “Gorilla Ice” because that would be cool, and not at all geeky or nerdy despite what other people might say. I’m not sure yet if it’s going to happen or not, but I guess you’ll just have to wait until Monday when I have some pictures to post with my race report, and maybe, if you’re lucky, a video too.
If you're that concerned about your underwear, why not just wear a thong. It's used to that kind of treatment.
ReplyDeleteWith that image in mind, I'm off to barf now...
Here is some help. It's all in the hair, but the proper garb would help.
ReplyDeleteMake sure you stitch "Word to Your Mother" in the back. That's all you really need to make it Gorilla Ice.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest concern is the person who gets that suit next!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to pick mine up today, I'm just curious to there one size fits all Gorilla Suit.
ReplyDeleteActually, I had just finished lunch when I encountered that visual. And whoever came up with the aphorism, "It tastes as good coming up as it did going down" was either lying or taste-bud-ularly retarded.
ReplyDeleteThis post put me in mind of the "Welcome Back, Kotter" episode in which Horshack wore a gorilla mask, took it off, and said: "It's hot in there. I don't know how those gorillas stand it."
So you're right. Science has not made any strides in gorilla suit technology since the '70s, at least. Stupid science! Why can't it be more like sci-fi? People don't get scorched in gorilla suits in any sci-fi I've ever read.
maybe if your gorilla was ... Naked... you COULD run in the Boulder pumpkin run. hmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteIn the name of not trying anything new on race day, I think you need to go for a run in that suit before Saturday. At the very least you need to practice picking a wedgie with gorilla hands. Or maybe if you're a gorilla you can use your feet?
ReplyDeleteSounds like soon your underwear will be as hairy as your suit. Just curious, who does the laundry at your place?
ReplyDeleteYou must shave some lines into the fur on the temples of the Gorilla Head! And maybe attach a long fake rat tail, then dance dance dance your way to one-and-out 5.6k, because doing it more than once would NOT be like Vanilla Ice. 20 years from now you can be on a reality show with Flavor Flav...
ReplyDeleteI say you go commando. Although, if that suit really is that hot, the last thing you need are sweaty, potentially chafing balls.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I bet you get that anyway.
I kind of like the idea of running in a costume. This way, in the event of a terrible assplotion, no one will see the telltale streaks running down your thighs. And no one expects a gorilla to have excellent bowel control, anyhow.
ReplyDeleteNow I have "Gorilla Ice, Ice Baby" in my head. So STOP, collaberate and listen.
ReplyDeleteI don't even have a useful comment, I'm just far to entertained by the sweaty, wedgie. Yeah, I'm really an 11 year old boy LOL.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm with Jess, commando. 'Cause if you're crazy enough to run 4ish miles in a gorilla suit, you're surely crazy enough to be nekkid under it.
ReplyDeleteHave fun, can't wait to see the pix!
Sweet Bloodhound Gang reference!
ReplyDeletejust run with a teenage mutant ninja turtle, people will instantly get the reference.
ReplyDeleteLOL. That's a cute suit, but yes running in it is a totally different question.
ReplyDeleteDo we REALLY have to wait till Monday? How about you stop lying around on the couch basking in the glory of your gorilla run and let us know how it went? It's not like you had exciting Saturday night plans anyway...
ReplyDeleteI always wonder how ideas like this are born? Anyway, can't wait for pictures!
ReplyDeleteI'm WAY behind on reading blogs . . . but had to stop and comment here because I'm excited to "know" someone who is running a race in a gorilla suit - I read about the race in Runner's World and wondered if there REALLY was someone who would do it!
ReplyDeletewhat...
ReplyDeleteyou mean you have never seen ROBOT MONSTER. the movie that had a budget run out , so their alien was a man dressed in a gorilla suit with a diving helmet.
Classic. So bad it is good!