Cheating in Sports Exposed

Since I haven’t run at all since the marathon (did you guys know I ran a marathon?) I thought I’d use this post to give you another peek into the formative years that molded me into the outstanding individual that I am today. I had previously posted an excerpt from some of my grade school writing that talked about my first (perhaps) running experience, and I’ve got another one to show you today.

It says:

June 23 Ian
Yesterday it was Sports day and a ribbon told you if you won or not a red ribbon was first blue was second and green was third and I did not win a ribbon and Tim in blue won the skipping but I saw him cheating and Richard in blue got disqualified because he held it on his head and the second got first and third got second and foreth [sic] got third

Once again I don’t remember much about this, I certainly don’t remember the talking ribbons that told you if you won or not and you would think that one wouldn’t forget something as cool as that. As a point of clarification, Richard was holding a beanbag on his head which was cheating because you were supposed to balance the tiny beanbag on your head while running 100 meters, I don’t think that came through in the story. Also, it appears that this was written sometime before we learned any form of punctuation whatsoever, I’m sorry if you had trouble following it.

I think you can see that even at an early age I was already starting to make excuses for why I didn’t win, obviously I was not winning because everyone else was cheating. Little Timmy and Richard probably thought that they had already suffered enough for their crimes, but they didn’t realize that I was going to re-publish this after all these years, causing them to relive the shame of their youth. To put this in perspective, Tim was my very best friend back in those days, we were as close as brothers and yet I still had no qualms pointing out that he was a cheater. I’m sure that I did it out of love, Jay McGwire and I both know that sometimes a brother needs tough love, especially if you think you can make a fortune by publishing the story. Now where’s my book deal?

Also, skipping? Seriously?

Bolder Boulder to use "Smart Chip"

From the Denver Post:

"Runners will wear a "Smart Tag" that contains a pair of antennae and utilizes radio frequency identification. Electronic readers at mile markers and the finish line will detect the tags as they pass, recording each runner's progress.”

“Before they head home on race day, runners will be able to pick up a card at the race expo giving them their official finish time and mile splits.”

Well at first I was extremely disappointed to hear this news, I mean I had a nice little shortcut all planned out, but I think there’s a tiny chance that maybe someone might find it suspicious that I missed mile markers 2, 3, and 4. I don’t know call me a conspiracy theorist or something. I’m going to have to institute “Operation Kick Me”, which is to arrive early and tape my Smart Tag onto the Kenyan in my wave. What’s that? What do you mean there won’t be any Kenyan’s running in the jog/walk wave?