Closure

We need to talk. I don’t think this blogger/reader relationship is going to work out. I mean, I do all of the work. You guys do nothing. NOTHING! I’m sorry to be so blunt with you, but I really think we should take a break. As it’s been two and a half months since I last posted I’m going to assume that most of you saw this coming.

I really wanted to contact ESPN and have them put on a one hour special where I talked about the process that I went through to come to this decision, but then I remembered that even I’m not that arrogant.

I’m writing this post because I feel like I owe you all an explanation as to why I’m quitting blogging going on hiatus. First of all, I DON’T owe you an explanation, but you certainly deserve one. I simply haven’t felt like writing lately. It’s a short explanation but it’s all you’re getting. I knew that it was time to call it quits when I was recently offered a free pair of expensive, custom-made running shoes in exchange for a review and I thought to myself “yeah, but that would mean I would have to sit down and write something.” Wait a second... I should have used the time I spent to write this farewell post to write about the free shoes! I can’t believe I missed out on free shoes just because I felt guilted into writing this stupid post for YOU people! You all owe me a free pair of shoes!

In all seriousness, thank you all for taking the time to read and comment on my sarcasm riddled ramblings, I am humbled and flattered that so many of you have enjoyed reading what I have to say. I received a tremendous amount of enjoyment from entertaining you and I want to express my thanks to every single one of you by sending you a $5 gift certificate for the Garmin online store. I can’t afford to express my thanks that way, but I want to. Anyway, I don’t honestly believe that I’ll be able to permanently quit blogging so there’s a pretty good chance that I’ll be back at it again at some point in the future. Whether that means a couple of months or a couple of years is anybody’s guess.

I’ve received several dozen offers (read: one) to do guest posts at other running blogs so I may show up elsewhere from time to time and if I ever make a triumphal return to full time blogging I’ll be sure to announce it here at Half-Fast (in the event that I start a different blog) so go ahead and keep Half-Fast in your reader if you want to find me again. Or you could pay attention to any CNN breaking news updates as my return to the blogiverse is sure to be headline news. Or you could follow me on twitter @IanAHunter. I don’t tweet much because I can’t seem to condense my thoughts to 140 characters. I’m just so complex, you see.

Many, many, many thanks to all of you for reading, I simply cannot express how appreciative I am. (Inability to express oneself is always a winning formula for a blog!)

Oh, one last thing, I promise to put up a post if Candis ever beats me in a footrace, since I know that many of you have just been eagerly awaiting that day.

Ian Hunter (the artist formerly known as Vanilla)

Taper Gladness

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read about runners suffering from Taper Madness, a case of the crazies resulting from running less during the 2 weeks leading up to a marathon. I guess that’s what makes me different from a lot of other runners because I’m suffering from Taper Gladness. I’m loving all of this running less. I just checked my schedule and discovered that tomorrow’s run is a 3 mile tempo run with a couple of easy miles thrown in for good measure and it warmed the cockles of my oversized heart. Sayonara 8 - 10 mile tempo runs, arrivederci track repeats, hasta la vista 30+ mile weeks, adios laddering intervals, and au revoir long runs. You see, running sucks, ergo running less puts me in a cheery mood, so much so that I am inspired to break out in song as though this post was some kind of musical:

“So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu”

Ahhh yes. I am in a delightful mood this morning. I’m in such a good place right now that I might even flush the toilet in the office bathroom after I use it. I’ll even make some more coffee if I finish the pot in the break room. Yes, life is grand today.

I suppose that this Taper Gladness is a testament to how burned out I’ve been on my long runs of late. It seems as though every long run over the last couple of months has been done in windy conditions. It’s the one thing I didn’t take into consideration when deciding to train for a marathon in the winter months, which was stupid of me because I hate running in the wind with a passion, I hate it the way that Oprah hates the way she looks again. It also occurs to me that this is normally my off-season. Usually as December rolls around I stop running for specific paces and training goals and start going on leisurely jogs, nothing more than a quick calorie purge before the next holiday party binge. I thought that my off-season could wait until mid January this year, but it turns out that I miss it more than I thought I would. You could even say that I miss it like Oprah misses her skinny jeans. What I don’t miss is all that running, I’m glad that it’s taper time and I’m actually looking forward to this marathon again. After all, the end of the marathon marks the beginning of my off-season.

And before anyone asks, no, I’m not bilingual, that was just a phase I went through in college. Wait, no! I’m talking about the French class I took in college, I swear it only happened once and I didn’t even like it, I’ve been strictly heterolingual ever since.

SY5K Update
The Shave Your 5K results are still being tabulated, (read: I haven’t gotten around to it yet) but I am planning on announcing the winners and posting the full results on Monday, January 12th.