Runners Expose Their Pumpkins, Get Ticketed

The Naked Pumpkin Run took place in Boulder, CO on Halloween night and police were out in full force ticketing people for indecent exposure. As opposed to ticketing them for decent exposure which is what happens when models and beautiful people expose themselves and is only a misdemeanor if there are kids around. You might remember that I had mentioned the event in a previous post, but I just wanted to write a quick follow up today because things got interesting this year.

In this the 10th annual Naked Pumpkin Run through the streets of Boulder police decided to crack down on the naked runners and issued citations to 12 of them. There were upwards of 100 participants this year, so I’m not sure what these 12 people did to warrant indecent exposure citations but I’m sure you can all come up with some creative guesses in the comments. Now pay attention because this is where the story gets really funny, if these charges stick the naked pumpkin runners will have to register themselves as sex offenders. ROFLOL! It’s funny because it’s not happening to me!

I’m no legal expert but I’m fairly certain that being required to register as a sex offender has far reaching implications that could possibly change your life forever. Your neighbors will shun you, no one will let you near their kids, and you could possibly lose your job and find it difficult to get another one. No, stop, you’re killing me! I’m in tears laughing over here! OK, maybe it’s not quite as funny as I’m making it out to be, but next time you decide to expose your pumpkins (unisex euphemism) and go running down the street you might want to think twice. Heck, even thinking once might have helped in this situation.

[Source: Daily Camera]

Boulder Pumpkin Run

Have any of you heard of the Boulder Pumpkin Run? It’s a Halloween run held in the beautiful city of Boulder every year. Much like the Denver Gorilla Run that I’m participating in you must wear a costume to run the Boulder Pumpkin Run, but not just any old costume, it has to be your birthday suit. Yes, the Boulder Pumpkin run is a naked run, which makes it the perfect Friday topic here at Half-Fast. Just to be clear though, the runners aren’t entirely naked because they do wear jack-o-lanterns on their heads. We wouldn’t want their ears to get cold or anything.

No, I’m not going to participate in the Boulder Pumpkin Run because it would be a total waste of my awesome Gorilla costume. Also, the average temperature at 10PM on October 31 is not conducive to showcasing your male reproductive organ and I can do without all the laughing and pointing thankyouverymuch. However, I will gladly volunteer to be the official photographer, I’ll even wear my Gorilla costume.

If you’re interested in learning more about the Boulder Pumpkin Run you can visit their website at nakedpumpkinrun.org. Fear not, that link is safe for work but where you go from there is at your own discretion, particularly if you decide to click on the Gallery or view the videos.

I really don’t get why this sort of thing would be enticing. I mean sure, I get that you want to see other people naked, but doesn’t it hurt to run naked? I mean, isn’t everything kind of bouncing around in an uncomfortable manner? If it was really cold enough then I suppose your junk might shrink enough to reduce the flopping around to a manageable amount, but then you get back into that undesirable area of the laughing and the pointing. No thank you. Perhaps some of you readers who have participated in naked runs can enlighten me as to what the lure is. Be sure to include pictures* with your e-mail... you know... to prove that you’ve actually done a naked run.

*Does not apply to male readers.

Editorial note: Please accept my apologies for the recent lack of posts. I’m a banker and I’ve been extremely busy these past few weeks, what with the market deciding to take a dump and my insistence on continuing to work banker’s hours. It’s going to be OK though. My company is planning a luxurious retreat at a 5 star resort so that I can recharge my batteries and I’ve been meaning to thank all you taxpayers out there for making that possible. Without your help we probably wouldn’t be able to spend a cool half a mil on golf and fun in the sun, it’s just what the doctor ordered.