The Marriott Wants Me Dead

OK, so maybe the title of this post is a little too drama queen or melodramatic, but it can't be far off. I'm out of town on business over the next few days which means I'm not just getting paid to write this blog and surf the ebays but now I also get to expense my meals. Ahhh, corporate America.

I'm staying at the Marriott and they have this wonderful breakfast menu that you fill out and hang outside your door at night. The next morning, your breakfast is brought to you by an over-eager employee who stands around and uncomfortably waits for a tip despite the fact that the menu clearly says that a 20% gratuity will be automatically added to any room service orders. That’s right Johnny-No-Tip, I read the fine print.

As a runner who has been told he has borderline high cholesterol I was pleased see the "Fit" section on the menu where I can order healthy food. Number one item on the list: Steak and eggs with a mushroom bacon hash. I kid you not, you can click the image above to read it for yourself. Let me say that again, steak, eggs and bacon. I can actually feel my arteries tightening up. In what world is that a healthy breakfast? Is this what America has come to? Hotels claiming that steak, eggs and bacon is a 'healthy' breakfast, employees blogging at work? I understand that they were pandering to the low carb diet fad with this menu item, but my doctor just sat bolt upright in bed and started planning a new addition to his home that will be made possible by my triple bypass surgery.

So what did I order? Hey, far be it from me to tell the Marriott what is and isn't healthy. Personal note to Dr. Abrams if you're reading this, I’m free on March 14th 2008 if you want to go ahead and schedule my surgery, mornings work best for me.