A Virtual Race Unlike Any Other Virtual Race!

Ok, so it’s exactly like any other virtual race but that’s not really very attention grabby now is it? Head on over to ROATM and sign up for Razz’s 6.66 mile virtual race. There are prizes and everything, in fact, one of the prizes is going to be supplied by yours truly and it’s autographed!! Let me say that again: IT’S AUTOGRAPHED!!! Do you have any idea what that’s worth? Roughly $8.57. You might think that I’m overstating it but the item that I’m donating as a prize really, truly was devalued by at least that much when I signed it with indelible ink. You won’t be able to wash that out.

There are certain rules and guidelines to signing up for the race, but you’ll have to go read them at Razz’s blog because I didn’t understand them the first time and I’m not about to put myself through another attempt to make sense of the stilted gibberish he posts over there. (Ooooh, the ref takes away a point for a low blow!) The race can be run anytime between March 5th and March 14th and you do have to sign up in the comments at ROATM.

I think that the idea behind the race is that we’re all giving Ol’ Man Winter the big middle finger, even though I don’t think I should do that since Ol’ Man Winter has been relatively kind to us here in Colorado the last few days. He’s been the friendly old grandpa who doesn’t come around much and always brings you money when he’s in town as opposed to the crusty old codger who finds the worst moments to be incontinent. Razz came up with the name of the race all by himself. It’s the “Global Warming, My Ass! 6.66 Mile Run” which I find kind of ironic considering all of the complaining that Razz did about lengthy race names. (PFCRNRAZM anyone?) Anyway you should head on over to his blog and sign up for the GW,MA!6.66MR which has an even longer abbreviation than the PF Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon, assuming that you count the punctuation, and I do.

Hey, I Know Her

As many of you have probably heard by now the renowned Kristina Pinto who blogs over at Marathon Mama had an article featured in Runner’s World magazine. It’s available at newsstands everywhere so go and check it out. It’s on page 48 and it’s a great read, not that you would expect anything less if you follow Kristina’s blog.

It’s kind of cool opening up Runner’s World and seeing an article written by someone you know, and I use the word ‘know’ in the internet/social media/talked once on the phone for a podcast sense of the word not in the biblical sense. Probably not quite as cool as opening up RW and seeing an article written by someone that is yourself, but until RW starts focusing on juvenile humor, sarcasm and lazy writing it will have to do. (Incidentally, I think RW could use a little juvenile humor and sarcasm; it would be a nice change of pace from all the ‘10 weeks to your fastest 10k’ articles that they love.)

That’s all I got for today. Have a great weekend everyone!

The New Podcast is Up

Which is to say that it is available for download and has been posted at our podcast site. I should probably have a permanent link to the podcast site somewhere on the right side of this blog and get into the whole spirit of promoting it. I’ll eventually get around to that and maybe I’ll even take the time to figure out the embeddable player. The thing that I don’t get about the embeddable player is how it... THEY’RE NOT CARGO SHORTS!!!!!! I’m sorry for that outburst, I just can’t go on pretending that things are OK between us after your mockery of my race wardrobe yesterday. You all owe me an apology and a hug. I don’t wear cargo shorts when I run. I make fun of people who wear cargo shorts when they run (see here). These are the same shorts I’m wearing in this picture, which no one had a problem with at the time... in fact... that’s the same shirt and hat too, even though that was taken almost 2 years ago... hmmm... could it be that it’s time to update my wardrobe? No, the hat stays but maybe I should update the lucky blue race shirt (which has clearly lost its mojo) and the shorts (but not because they’re cargo shorts just because they’re old).

Where was I? Oh yes, the podcast. One of the searches that led to Half-Fast this past week was ‘half fast podcast’ but let me be clear that it’s not the Half-Fast podcast. (I know this because there is no Half-Fast podcast.) It’s merely the podcast that I, the author of Half-Fast, participate in. Sure, I may be the most blindingly attractive of the participants (it used to be Amy, but she went and got knocked up and fat and stuff) but it’s not my podcast and the other members of the team deserve equal recognition, actually probably more recognition. So once again thank you to Amy, Nitmos, and Raz who did their best to make me sound funny and whom I feel weird about referring to by their screen names since we all call each other by our given names when we do the ‘cast.

This week on the Banned on the Run we interview John from Hella Sound about the running music that he records. John has been kind enough to supply us with some original music for the podcast intro and outro (is that a word) which means we don’t have to steal stuff or resort to music that is so crappy that no one wants to copyright it. Thanks John! Anyway, if you don’t want to listen to the podcast I strongly encourage you to go check out John’s site at www.hellasound.com. John records original music for runners, synced to your individual pace to help you through your run, and if you’re like me, you can use all help you can get.

Enjoy the weekend everyone!

What Can You Say?

This is a running blog. Occasionally I get sidetracked with other topics but even then they are usually loosely related to running. With that in mind I started out to write a post about running today, I was going to completely avoid the subject of Michael Jackson because there’s really no way to tie it to running other than to say I have some of his songs on my running playlist. The thing is, it feels wrong to me to just ignore it outright and not say anything about his tragic passing last night. That’s how big Michael Jackson is. That’s how much of an impact he had on this world. There is no reason whatsoever that I should be feeling compelled to talk about Michael Jackson today on a running blog, any yet here I am babbling incoherently about him. Perhaps that’s the biggest compliment I can pay him, he is too big of an icon to ignore.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson, The King of Pop.

Is there any cooler dance move than the moonwalk?
In running related news, Kristina, the marathon mama has finally moved to her new blog that you should totally check out and subscribe to in your reader. The name of her new blog is Marathon Mama, which you might be thinking is the same as the old name but you’re wrong. The old blog was called ‘the marathon mama’ which is significant because if you order your blogroll alphabetically, as I do, it means that she just jumped up a few spots. She’s crafty. Kristina, I will always remember that you started Marathon Mama on the day that Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died.

Competitive Spirit

I recently discovered that one of my coworkers is a runner. He works in a different department which means that we don’t have the opportunity to interact all that often but he mentioned in passing that he couldn’t afford to miss another run, which is totally something I would do to let others know that I’m better than them a runner. We talked about running for a few minutes, what races we were doing and how much we hate all the wind we’ve been having lately. It felt a little like we were sizing each other up, two fighters standing eye to eye at the pre-fight weigh in. In the interest of congeniality neither one of us mentioned any PRs or goals for our upcoming races and neither one of us asked. It was as though there was some kind of unwritten don’t ask, don’t tell policy. I desperately wanted to know who was faster but I didn’t want to appear too competitive, although that may have gone out the window when I stood inches from his face and stared him down. I also didn’t want to ask him his 10K PR and have him say “36:22, what’s yours?” because that’s when the lying starts.

Enter Athlinks. If you’re not familiar with Athlinks it is a wonderful resource. As far as I can tell Athlinks goes about gathering up as many online results as they can find for races (running, biking, triathlon etc.) and then they put them all into a searchable database. If you’re a member you can even track your friends and rivals. So I went to Athlinks and searched for this guy’s race results. Turns out we’ve run two of the same races, last year’s Bolder Boulder and last year’s Georgetown Half Marathon. Can you guess who won both of those races? (Hint: Do you think I’d be posting about it if I lost?) I beat him by 6 minutes in Boulder and 7+ in Georgetown. POW! Take that, coworker I barely know! Next time I see him I’m going to ask him about his race results. Then when he tells me I’ll be all condescending and sympathetic, I’ll tilt my head and be like “Aww, that’s OK. That’s still a good accomplishment, you should still be proud of those times,” because that’s also something I would totally do to let others know that I’m better than them.

So next time you run into someone who tells you that a long time ago they once ran a marathon in under 3 hours go to Athlinks and find out if they are lying. I use it all the time now, so don’t even bother trying to tell me that you ran a 19 minute 5K when I can clearly see that it was 19:14 you lying sack of crap.

Incidentally Athlinks is not paying me to write this but they should be, that’s the 3rd time I’ve linked to them in this post. Plus, I’ve come up with some cool new slogans that they can use:

Athlinks, the great new lie detector.
Athlinks, helping you put coworkers in their place since 2005.

Whichever one they choose it will certainly be better than their current one which is Compete. Connect. Ha! More like Lame. Boring. Am I right? It doesn’t even start with the name Athlinks (4th time!), it’s like they know nothing about branding. It doesn’t even convey that you can catch people in their lies! Madness.

Video Friday

I don’t feel like writing a post today so I’m just going to post videos that I’ve seen on some of your blogs over the past week. It’s a little bit like plagiarism or stealing but I don’t like those terms so let’s just say that I’m giving some shout outs today. The first video comes from Flatmans Blog and features Lance Armstrong in a SNL skit about the Ironman. Unlike many SNL skits, this one is actually kind of funny.


Say what you will about Lance, but he’s a pretty funny guy.

The next video is from With Leather, a site that I’ve stolen many videos from over the years. This video was shot at the NFL Scouting Combine and features host Rich Eisen running the 40 yard dash. The best part of the clip is after the half way point when they simulcast Rich’s 40 with some of the other prospects that ran it. I don’t know what my 40 time would be, but I’m pretty sure I’m faster than Rich.



Finally, I’ll leave you with a video from Topher at I’ll Run for Donuts. The irony level in this video is off the charts. Comparing a McDonalds quarter pound cheeseburger to running a marathon is almost as ironic as a running blog with an obsession for donuts, although to be fair, I think the blog is now named I’ll Run From Donuts.



You know, now that I think of it, the way that a quarter pounder would run a marathon is pretty much exactly how I ran a marathon, aside from the short shorts. That’s all I’ve got today. Have a great weekend everyone!

On Weight Loss and Triathletes

Two quick things today.
1. It would appear that the secret to weight loss has finally been unlocked. Johnny Virgil has a post on his blog, 15 Minute Lunch, about an old book that hails from the 1930s and contains guidelines for things like pinching off the fat cells. The premise of the book is hilarious as is Johnny’s commentary on it, and I suggest you go check it out. For those of you who don’t remember, Johnny Virgil is the guy who wrote the 1970’s JC Penney Catalog post that swept through the interwebs like a bad case of venereal disease and had me peeing my pants with laughter.

2. Candis (that’s my wife for those of you who are fashionably late to the party here) has gotten this idea in her pretty little head that she’s going to do a sprint triathlon. Running is somehow no longer enough for her and I can’t help but feel like she’s kind of two-timing, nay three-timing running. I’m happy for her that she’s setting aggressive goals for herself and that she’s working hard to stay in shape because I’d really hate for people to refer to me as “that blogger with the fat wife.” I’d consider joining her in her quest to complete a triathlon if I wasn’t certain that it would end in my bloated corpse being discovered with eight gallons of pool water in my lungs. I have no desire whatsoever to attempt a triathlon.

Yesterday I arrived back at our house after a 6 mile run and began the usual practice of reading off my split times to Candis. This is usually where Candis strokes my ego and tells me how impressive they are and how manly I am. Without this charade my sense of self worth goes right down the crapper. Yesterday was different. “Is that all you’re doing?” Candis asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re ONLY running today? Because I ran AND swam today.” And just like that she stripmined my self-worth and left me the cavernous empty shell of a man that sits here typing this entry. Unfortunately I couldn’t think of a good comeback, and that’s where I need your help. I really hate to keep cutting her off in the bedroom, because no one should be forced to go without some Vanilla-love for an extended period of time. That’s just cruel and unusual punishment and to be honest it’s no fun for me either. So I need your suggestions on how I should respond to these new taunts and this new perceived feeling of superiority. Hey, I’m no dummy. I saw Sleeping with the Enemy and I know what happens when wives start taking swimming lessons.

Go Run

I don’t know about you but I want to go out and run right now.

I don’t remember where I first saw that video but everyone that has recently posted it on their blog kept saying that they stole it from someone else, I tried following the links so that I could give credit to the original poster but it got boring quickly. So if you would like credit for that video just claim it in the comments and it will be just as if I gave you the credit myself. During my endless clicking through blogs I did however, discover something worth sharing with you.

I’ve always maintained that if you ever take the time to read an elite athlete’s blog you will be bored to tears. Every one I’ve ever tried to read has been dryer than a Chicago Marathon water stop. It appears that I’m going to have to modify my thinking on this issue though. Allow me to introduce Chuckie V and Tim Luchinske. Chuckie V is, according to his own words “... a has-been pro triathlete/cyclist and past Ironman winner.” Tim Luchinske’s blog tells us that he’s a “15 time Ironman, ex-professional triathlete.. [who is] switching to the marathon. In my 3rd attempt I placed 5th at the Denver marathon in 2:30.” Well I’m sorry to tell you Tim, but you didn’t finish in Denver until AFTER I had already finished. (Editor’s Note: I only ran the half marathon.)

Both of their blogs are quite funny and they give advice that is actually worth listening to, unlike my advice which usually consists of things like “be careful not to pee on your shoes” or “don’t jump onto a moving treadmill”. In one post on Tim Luchinske’s blog he talks about showing up at a 10K race, checking out the competition at the starting line and figuring that he could probably win. Ho Hum. No big deal. He then goes on to win in a time of 33:00. Yeah, I hate him too. Although I must admit I do the same thing at all my races. I check out the runners who are there and as I make my way back to the 9:00 minute/mile pace corral I think to myself “crap, if those 300 people ahead of me hadn’t shown up I might have had a shot at winning my age group.”

Site News

Just a couple of housekeeping items. First, I've added some additional links on the right side of this blog, it's not comprehensive by any means and I'm sure that I'll be adding more to it in the future as I discover more blogs.

If you'd like me to consider posting a link to your blog then write a more interesting blog.

Second, I will be leaving on vacation tomorrow and posting may be sporadic at best over the next week. Hopefully I'll be able to log in and update you all about what it's like to run in San Diego (which is where I'm headed), but posting to your blog whilst on vacation might just put me into the super-geek category and I'm not sure that I'm ready to go there just yet. Besides, I really can't guarantee the quality of my writing when I'm sitting by a pool sipping an umbrella clad banana daiquiri pounding Guinness and Jager Bombs.