Running in Salt Lake City

If a post goes up at 4:00pm on a Friday will anyone read it before Monday? Let’s find out...

I liked Salt Lake City. There are a few things that I could do without, like the motion-detecting soap dispenser at the office with the itchy trigger finger. Three times now that thing has ejaculated all over my sleeve because I’m too dim to learn from my mistakes. I’m also not a big fan of the crosswalks chirping at you when it’s your turn to cross the street. Shut up already! The people here seem really nice though, everyone has been very accommodating and this guy even offered to run with me, which would have been cool if we could have worked it out because I’m always looking for someone to carry my water bottle, my phone, and my oversized ego.

I used Google Maps to look for a park close to my hotel and found Liberty Park roughly 2 miles away. I memorized the route (7 blocks south, 5 blocks east), said a fond farewell to the free wine in the lobby and started out. I had a 6oz water bottle in my pocket because no one offered to carry it for me... hmmm... so much for everyone being really nice here.

Liberty Park had some beautiful views, by which I mean that there were hot chicks in sports bras running, playing tennis, and rollerblading. Rollerblading? Holy crap! Have I been transported back in time to the year 1998? In addition to the talent, Liberty Park is quite scenic. There are tennis courts, a lake pond with ducks on it, and plenty of trees to shade your way. There’s even a 1.5 mile wood-chipped loop that’s built for running (pictured below). I ran on it for maybe a minute before going back to the concrete sidewalk with the Rollerbladers, it was too soft, almost like running on a bouncy castle. Thanks, but I’ll be over here tearing my knees up on the concrete.


As I left the park and headed back to the hotel I remembered seeing a plaza on the map and decided to take a short cut. The plaza consumed a couple of city blocks and would allow me to cut a corner, cutting corners is what I do best. I arrived to discover that this plaza was a raised plaza and I was faced with the unpleasant reality of having to climb 23 whole steps!

As I slowed to walk up them the Rocky theme came blaring through my MP3 player and I had visions of Rocky running up the steps. I bounded up the steps as fast as I could, and because it felt so good and stroked my ego, I ran back down them, took that picture and then ran back up them again. 69 steps! I told you I was dedicated.

I was rewarded at the top of the plaza by this:

I took out my ear buds and leaned my head under the cool water. It felt wonderful. Standing there with my head in the water I pronounced this the greatest fountain in the history of fountains, and I just got back from Vegas where we watched the Bellagio fountains. Unfortunately these Salt Lake City fountains will probably have to be taken down to make way for the gaudy monstrosity of a statue that will be erected in my honor. I think that everyone will probably agree that it’s totally worth it though.