As you are no doubt aware we’ve had some snow lately and I couldn’t help but notice on my drive to work this morning that some of your driveways and sidewalks are still unshoveled. This is quite disconcerting as you know that I’m scheduled to run tonight. (I trust that you all received my running schedule in the mail along with the rotation of whose turn it is to provide refreshments.) The temperatures today will be in the mid 40s and it’s expected to be sunny all day. This means that tonight when I embark on my run your sidewalks could be completely dry if you just get out there and shovel them so that they can benefit from eight hours of sunshine. I in return will take down my Christmas lights, or at the very least I’ll stop turning them on every night. Also while you’re out there shoveling your sidewalks it really wouldn’t be too much to ask for someone to shovel my walk too, would it? It would? Well then don’t worry about my sidewalk. It’s more important that your sidewalks get shoveled since they occur in the middle of my run. Those of you with north facing driveways whose houses thoughtlessly block the sun might want to think about putting down some salt and I don’t want to insist that you hook up your wife’s hairdryer to the extension cord but I think that basic human decency necessitates it. That snow’s not going to melt itself.
I write this congenial letter to appeal to you on the basic tenets of human decency, I know you don’t want to see me slip on your icy sidewalk and you definitely don’t want to receive a letter from my sue-happy attorney. Trust me, you don’t want to be on the defendant’s end of a lawsuit when a greedy fat-cat banker such as myself, teams up with an ambulance chasing lawyer. See? Basic. Human. Decency. I’m an expert at it. Try to emulate me.
Sincerely,
Ian (The guy with the Christmas Lights)
Site News: Please note that I have not posted an apology/excuse for not posting over the last few weeks. That’s not because I’m not sorry, although I’m not sorry, you’re sorry! The reason for the lack of an excuse or apology is because there’s a pretty good chance that posts are going to continue to be sporadic at best and if I have to apologize every time I’m gone for a week or two it’s going to get tiresome for me to type and for you to read, but most importantly for me to type. I think we’ve already established that I don’t care about you people. (Seriously, thanks for coming back and still reading.) Anyway, you’re just going to have to put up with my
The nerve of some neighbors, I'd be furious! :)
ReplyDeleteCan you forward me that letter? I'd do it myself, but you're on a roll right now. You can change the names too while you're at it.
ReplyDeleteLove the letter. If only I had something like that done up to send to my local authorities and management company when we had our "big freeze".
ReplyDeleteCan I contract you to contact my upstairs, downstairs and neighbors that back up next to my apartment about their noise level and my sleeping/training schedule? That'd be great. You seem well versed in these kinds of things and if you could flex a bit of muscle while you're at it that would be great too.
ReplyDeleteGreat letter!! I'm sure everyone will be eternally grateful for your neighborly suggestions. Happy running!
ReplyDeleteHow did I not think of this?! I could've just written a letter instead of taking a spill on this ice at 6 am? Man... genius.
ReplyDeletei'm here. but only when google tells me you've updated. i too am busy and cant be wasting time hitting your blog all day every day hoping you wrote something :o)
ReplyDeleteUp here in the frozen tundra/blizzard central that has been the East Coast, the snow clearing is very efficient. The only places that have not cleared snow: sidewalks in front of city owned buildings and the running/jogging path in the park! Maybe I should write this letter to my mayor.
ReplyDeleteYou're too kind. You put up the Christmas lights which, lets be honest, really only benefit the neighbors driving by. After all, you don't see them...you're indoors. Least they could do is take down the lights for you. And shovel the walk.
ReplyDeleteI have cut and pasted this letter as I see oh so many uses for it. Now if I can just remember how to use Find/Replace...
ReplyDeleteoh you Front Rangers and your shoveling... I kid you not, I saw at least one guy this weekend "shoveling" by driving his pick-up back and forth over his driveway
ReplyDeleteI've been blogging like always, unlike someone.
ReplyDelete"tiresome for me to type and for you to read" - and this would make them...ummmm...different(?) from your regular posts?
ReplyDeleteI've been saying that for years to my neighbors. It's not hard folks. If I had a dog, I'd throw poo in your yard to remind you.
ReplyDelete