We Have a Winner!

First of all, a HUGE thank you to all of you who supported this cause whether it was with a comment or a donation. I really didn’t expect the response that I received and it was wonderful to see.

Without further ado let’s get on to announcing the winner. Congratulations to Road Warrior of Philly to LA on Foot fame. Here’s what you need to do to claim your prize:

Send an e-mail to me (halffastvanilla@gmail.com) with a shipping address. How easy is that?

For those of you wondering how the Relay went it was a huge success. Thanks to you, our family reached our fundraising goal and the total fundraising for the night was in excess of $90,000.
Suck it, cancer!

You want the Proof?

You can’t handle the proof! I guess it was so out of the question that I would win an age group award that some of you wanted proof. Well here is a picture of Candis and I posing with our medals. Candis’ medal is attached to a white ribbon (signifying 3rd place) and mine of course has a blue ribbon because it’s a 1st place medal. Never mind that Candis’ medal is for overall female and mine is an age group award, all that matters is one of them is 1st place (ME!) and one of them is 3rd place. Better yet, the inscription on the back of each medal does not list whether it was an age group or overall award so a few years down the road when we’ve long forgotten about this race the medals will tell a different story.

Question for you readers who have more experience with winning medals: Is it customary to eliminate the top 3 overall winners (male and female) from the age group awards? Candis also took 2nd in her age group and was hoping to take two medals home but was disappointed to find out that she wasn’t eligible as the 3rd overall woman.

Also, if that picture isn’t enough proof for you then you can view the Hawk Hustle 5k results online. Have you ever seen a 5k with such a slow winning time? (21:27 for those of you who, like me, are too lazy to follow the link and see for yourselves.)

Finally, I leave you with a completely random non-running related video. Enjoy the weekend everyone!

I’m a WINNER!

Guess which idiot blogger with a penchant for (unnecessary) parentheses and the Caps Lock key just won his age group at a local 5k this weekend? (((THIS GUY!!)))

That’s right folks, I am the proud new owner of a 1st Place medal in the Male 30 - 39 division. Moreover, Candis is the proud new owner of a 3rd Place medal in the Overall Female category. Yes, it was a small race, why do you ask?

Now that I’ve ruined the ending of this story, let me back up and start at the beginning. Late last week we discovered that Horizon High School was hosting the Hawk Hustle 5k to benefit their athletics department and we decided to support them and signed up at the last minute. One of the main selling points of this race was the fact that the high school is located no more than a quarter mile from our house and the race was being run on the paths that Candis and I run on regularly. With the race being so close we were able to sleep in until 8 o’clock on Saturday morning. I think that’s the latest I’ve ever been able to get up on a race morning. Candis went over to the school and brought back our bibs while I brewed us some coffee and took care of my other morning business.

As the Chik-fil-A cow fumbled with the starter’s pistol everyone seemed to shy away from being at the front of the starting crowd so I stepped up and toed the line. The cow finally figured out a way to fire the pistol without breaking character and we were off. I was feeling good and actually ran with the lead pack for about a half a mile, then I looked at my Garmin and noticed that we were at a 6:50 pace and I had to slow down. I ended up finishing 12th out of 103 people and of course, 1st in my age group. And before you ask, no I wasn’t the only person in my age group, there were 8 other guys racing in the 30 - 39 division. Candis finished about a minute and a half behind me as the 3rd overall woman and was 2nd in her age group.

My time was 26:03 which is a lot slower than I would have liked even taking into account that the course was actually 3.25 miles. Normally I’d be disappointed with a time like that since it seems to confirm that I’ve hit a plateau if not a downward trend, but I’m still beaming from finally winning an age group award. It was all that I hoped it would be! What can I say, sometimes the triumphs come when you least expect them.

An Open Letter to My Neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

As you are no doubt aware we’ve had some snow lately and I couldn’t help but notice on my drive to work this morning that some of your driveways and sidewalks are still unshoveled. This is quite disconcerting as you know that I’m scheduled to run tonight. (I trust that you all received my running schedule in the mail along with the rotation of whose turn it is to provide refreshments.) The temperatures today will be in the mid 40s and it’s expected to be sunny all day. This means that tonight when I embark on my run your sidewalks could be completely dry if you just get out there and shovel them so that they can benefit from eight hours of sunshine. I in return will take down my Christmas lights, or at the very least I’ll stop turning them on every night. Also while you’re out there shoveling your sidewalks it really wouldn’t be too much to ask for someone to shovel my walk too, would it? It would? Well then don’t worry about my sidewalk. It’s more important that your sidewalks get shoveled since they occur in the middle of my run. Those of you with north facing driveways whose houses thoughtlessly block the sun might want to think about putting down some salt and I don’t want to insist that you hook up your wife’s hairdryer to the extension cord but I think that basic human decency necessitates it. That snow’s not going to melt itself.

I write this congenial letter to appeal to you on the basic tenets of human decency, I know you don’t want to see me slip on your icy sidewalk and you definitely don’t want to receive a letter from my sue-happy attorney. Trust me, you don’t want to be on the defendant’s end of a lawsuit when a greedy fat-cat banker such as myself, teams up with an ambulance chasing lawyer. See? Basic. Human. Decency. I’m an expert at it. Try to emulate me.

Sincerely,

Ian (The guy with the Christmas Lights)

Site News: Please note that I have not posted an apology/excuse for not posting over the last few weeks. That’s not because I’m not sorry, although I’m not sorry, you’re sorry! The reason for the lack of an excuse or apology is because there’s a pretty good chance that posts are going to continue to be sporadic at best and if I have to apologize every time I’m gone for a week or two it’s going to get tiresome for me to type and for you to read, but most importantly for me to type. I think we’ve already established that I don’t care about you people. (Seriously, thanks for coming back and still reading.) Anyway, you’re just going to have to put up with my sporadicity sporadicness sporadicality sporadicism sporadicity as work has been consuming a lot of my time lately (like, easily 30 to 34 hours a week) and I covet the time I get to spend with my family (sometimes I even pause the TV and pay attention to them) so I don’t want to spend that time writing blog posts. Also, I think it’s funny that you would ask me where I’ve been when it’s been quite obvious (I have Google Analytics) that over the past few weeks you yourselves have not been coming here. Where have I been? No, where have YOU been?

Coming to grips with the pain... and then glory!

[by Candis]

I want to be careful with this post not to come off as a poor sport or even worse an emasculating wife, however I think that we all know that Ian would have already devoted several posts to gloating had he won. But he didn’t, so I know that you’ll all join me in saying: Haaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Up until last Monday I didn’t think I’d ever actually catch up to Ian, but the gap between our 10K times went from 13 minutes last year to 5 minutes this year and to be completely honest with you I think he’s lost a step.

TRAINING
Races are won and lost in training and I am totally hooked on the FIRST plan. If you’re not sick of hearing Ian & I talk about it then you haven’t been here very long... just wait, you’ll get there. You only run 3 times a week, omitting easy runs which I hate anyway, they’re as useless as a banker in a financial crisis. (Too harsh?) Each run has a specific purpose and is rarely less than 4 miles. You calculate ambitious paces using complex algorithms and spend 12 weeks mostly missing them. For several years now, it has been quite effective for both of us, although obviously more so for me. I think my edge has come in the addition of other training. I am now training for my second sprint triathlon- which means I bike and swim several times a week whereas Ian only ever bikes to our friends house 2 blocks away and would rather [insert just about anything here] than swim. These disciplines have added muscles I didn’t get from running and have done a good job of removing evil fat. The more muscle you have the more efficient you are- muscles propel- fat just jiggles.

Like cramming for an exam, I ate super healthy for 2 weeks before my race and only consumed 2 glasses of wine over 10 days. This was spurred by this chart on runner’s world. WOW. I dropped 4 lbs like nothing when I removed alcohol, sugar, limited my portions and ate useful foods. Who knew? RunnersWorld.com has some really helpful nutrition articles for those of us who know little about it. Use these articles to get started.

Having given all of this training advice, I am not an expert on any of it, nor do I have any authority to speak on it. It’s never stopped me before, but if it doesn’t work for you then you must have done something wrong.

RACE
All that blabbering and now the actual race report. The Bolder Boulder has always been our favorite race. Because this race is such a big deal for us, my adrenaline is always at an all time high on race morning. This year I planned to start at my goal pace and hold it throughout the course instead of speeding up at the end. For most training runs I try to run negative splits when possible, but that would have made my final miles way too fast. So this year my adrenaline rush got me through miles 1 & 2.

SHUT UP AND RUN WOMAN!
Beyond mile 2 took a little more work. My biggest problem in races has been my head. I talk myself out of what I can actually do. Ian’s been telling me for years I’m underachieving. My head says “Aw, it’s too painful.” “You’re breathing too hard.” I recently read that pain is often made up in your brain and not even real. It is amazing the things our brains can control. I have come to grips with the pain of speed and decided to run through it aided by the GI Jane quotes in my playlist. It’s also a matter of how much you want it, the more I want it, the less I care about the pain. I kept telling myself it wouldn’t even hurt 5 minutes after I finished.

The race felt much shorter this year. It was shorter, 6 minutes shorter to be exact. This really helped. Even though I was in more pain, it didn’t last as long. Knowing the course also helped. Surprises in races get in my head, but this year I ran the tangents and was really happy to know what was coming. Hills seem easier if I know how long they’ll last.

I knew I had run as hard as possible because I almost hurled on the metal floor in the stadium stretch- I believe Viper calls this the puke threshold. This happened in the Skirt Chaser 5K last year and was my best time. It is now my standard. No dry heaves = too slow of a race.

The last mile (9:09) was slower than I wanted to finish but I was really happy with my time, 58:52. I love to sprint it out and beat 3 people at the end- like I just won the whole thing. This time it was just an even pace, oh well. I finished. I cried. I tried not to be giddy around Ian. Then I drank a bucket of frozen margaritas.

You Run Like an Animal!

[by Candis]

Ian is completely swamped at work. It’s like they expect him to actually do something now that the financial services industry is in the tank. I, being the wonderful wife that I am, offered to post the winning animal- because darn it, free shoes don’t wait for bankers!

And the winner is... ME! Just kidding. You will however notice that when the Pearl Izumi rep contacted my loving husband, Ian replied by emailing his own shoe size and preferred style with nary a thought about me. Hey I have feet too! (Bonus question: Name this movie “Hello? I have a neck too! This thing holding up my head!” - you don’t win anything for it, just like me.)

Just once I wish someone would write Ian “Your wife is so great, would she like a wicked fast tri-bike?” “Your wife is so supportive, would she like compression gear?” “Honey, you’re so great. Why don’t you win that contest and get yourself some hotpink and red Pearl Izumis.”

Ian claims the free Pro Wash Detergent we got is for me. Now don’t get me wrong- it’s awesome. Our clothes smell like a meadow instead of an armpit in the drawers and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they used 83% less plastic with their ingenious bag vs. bottle... but it’s still just soap! Next thing you know I’ll get a clothes dryer for Christmas.

You might be thinking that this is not the post Ian had in mind. Well, you’re right. I guess if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

And, without any further griping...

I am quite impressed at the creativity with which you all run. I will now think of how animals look while running in my sleep. Unfortunately creativity here gets you squat. It’s just a crap shoot... I mean a random number picked using an online, unbiased number generator.

Congratulations to Rachelsdaddy! You run like an animal!

Now with your new Pearl Izumis, you had better look like a cheetah streaking by. Except not really streaking. Good grief man no one wants to see that!

Thanks to all the entrants for running with such poor form that you could easily come up with such horrid animal analogies. Thanks also to Pearl Izumi for loving us so much that they gave away 2 pairs of their snazzy looking speedsters. (Don’t let Ian fool you- he buys shoes totally based on their looks.) We really do appreciate it (all jokes aside).

And to Ian’s employer… Seriously it’s Friday!

Shave Your 5K Results!

When I first announced this challenge back on January 14th last year I wanted it to be a competition that anyone could win, from the beginning runner to the seasoned veteran. In that vein I stated that prizes would be awarded for most seconds shaved and highest percentage of time shaved, thinking that this would respectively benefit slower runners and speedier runners. Unfortunately this did not work out as I had planned because the top 3 shavers by actual time were also the top 3 percentage shavers. So, in order to stick to the original intent of the contest every runner was placed into 2 divisions based on their Stubble Time; The Over 30 Minute Division, and The Sub 30 Minute Division.

The winner of the Over 30 Minute Division (and overall winner) improved so much over the course of the year that when he first e-mailed me his Smooth Time I called him a liar, a cheater, a sandbagger and a toe-jam-licking-snot-guzzler. I had no idea about the last one but it seemed likely and I needed something that stung a little bit worse than ‘cheater’. After a few e-mails back and forth and after checking his other race results on Athlinks I decided that he was in fact telling the truth. Give it up for the overall SY5K winner: Shaun.

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Shaun	39:37	25:57	13:40

Congrats Shaun, sorry I insulted you and keyed your car... a little turtle wax will get that right out, the insults I mean, those scratches are there to stay.

The Sub 30 Minute Division winner was none other than: Sherry.

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Sherry	28:19	23:58	4:21

Sherry entered the SY5K contest with an initial time of 32:03 in February of ’08 and then in a raging bout of honesty asked me to reduce her Stubble time after she ran another 5K in March in 28:19. Sherry then went on to shave an additional 4:21 off her new stubble time when she posted a time of 23:58 in a November 5K, making her the best shaver in the sub 30 minute starting corral. Ironically, had Sherry not told me about her improved Stubble Time she would have remained in the over 30 minute starting corral and would not have won anything. Honesty, you guys should try it sometime.

Both winners will receive a Performance Microfiber T-Shirt complete with the SY5K logo emblazoned above the word “Winner” and a mildly humorous slogan. The rest of you can purchase one of said shirts right here, but without the “Winner” inscription, sorry, you’ll have to get the affirmation you so desperately crave elsewhere. I’ve contacted the winners by e-mail and asked them for their shipping address, which probably creates quite a conundrum for them. On the one hand, you want the free shirt, but on the other you don’t want me to have your home address because I’ll likely sign you up for all kinds of junk mail and maybe even send you a dead cat, or worse, a live one.

Please join me in congratulating Shaun and Sherry on Shaving their 5Ks this year.

Full Results

Over 30 Minute Division

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Shaun	39:37	25:57	13:40
Kitzzy	44:38	33:50	10:48
})i({ Runnergirl	38:40	30:14	8:26
Chris	31:48	25:18	6:30
AndrewE	31:01	24:38	6:23
Stacy	39:14	33:33	5:41
Katie	36:07	31:12	4:55
J~Mom	35:01	31:17	3:44
KimsRunning	30:50	27:25	3:25
Danielle	39:03	36:18	2:45
sherijung	30:02	27:27	2:35
Jim	31:15	28:42	2:33
Jess	30:54	28:29	2:25
Viv	35:57	33:33	2:24
Mrs. Half-Fast	31:54	29:40	2:14
Bill	41:55	40:48	1:07
Pam	31:34	30:40	0:54
Jeanne	30:22	29:59	0:23
Linda	32:11	31:59	0:12
lil 1/2 pint	34:41	35:12	+0:31
Non-Runner Nancy	31:40	32:45	+1:05

Sub 30 Minute Division

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Sherry	28:19	23:58	4:21
Jon	26:35	22:23	4:12
Chad Stevens	24:12	21:25	2:47
Kevin	22:01	19:25	2:36
KdoubleA	22:43	20:27	2:16
Amanda	26:40	24:25	2:15
Reluctant Runner	28:00	26:12	1:48
suzee	28:30	26:44	1:46
Robert	27:49	26:23	1:26
Viper	25:37	24:20	1:17
Kristin	26:16	25:04	1:12
Glaven Q. Heisenberg	27:34	26:25	1:09
Shoreturtle	22:18	21:12	1:06
audgepodge	28:45	27:41	1:04
Renée	24:37	23:53	0:44
Sarah	23:19	22:44	0:35
running private	17:05	16:32	0:33
Vanilla	25:56	25:26	0:30
Laura	24:37	24:17	0:20
Eric Gervase	23:08	22:53	0:15
Ewen	21:30	21:45	+0:15
speedygeoff	19:25	19:54	+0:29
Marcy	23:16	23:50	+0:34
kyle	21:44	22:46	+1:02
kara	24:36	25:48	+1:12
runatthemouth	28:14	29:27	+1:13
Bill	21:02	22:55	+1:53
Irene	27:26	33:30	+6:04

Additional Bolder Boulder Thoughts

Congratulations to Ilsa Paulson (pictured right) who won the Bolder Boulder Women’s Citizen’s Race. Eat a sandwich! Something’s not right when you can dramatically shift your center of gravity by nodding your head.

I don’t have any race pictures yet, but I will post them as soon as I get them. I didn’t notice any photographers when I did the Slip ‘n’ Slide so I doubt that there will be any pictures of that forthcoming. Many of you have requested pictures of my pace team (A.K.A. the awesome pantless running chicks) and rest assured that I am using the wealth of my powers for evil and attempting to secure those pictures. I do it all for you guys.

As per usual there were numerous sightings of runners who should have been cited for RWAI, that’s Running While Ability Impaired or running in a ridiculous costume. I’m not talking about the pantless pace team (although they nearly caused me to be RWAI if you know what I mean. Wink, wink), I’m talking about people running dressed up as giant hot dogs or gorillas and such.

At the end of the race we were walking through the line to get our post-race snacks, beer and soda and I couldn’t help but notice that many of the runners had grabbed the first soda available (Pepsi) and then ended up trading them in further down the line once they saw that Diet Pepsi was available. What a pathetic bunch we are, I thought to myself as the girl ahead of me traded down from sugar to aspartame, even after a race we don’t want the empty calories, even now we’re watching what we eat/drink. I rolled my eyes and gave the universal crazy sign behind the girl’s back before asking politely if I too could switch out my soda for a diet. Hey, no one wants to be a Fatty McDimpledButt.

There’s No I in Team

… but there are two in Bonnie Richardson, who has absolutely no use for teammates. Richardson was the only track and field athlete at Rochelle High School to qualify for the State meet, but didn’t let that minor detail get in the way of her winning it all. On Friday Richardson took first in the high jump, second in the long jump and third in the discus, ho-hum. On Saturday she won the 200 meters (25.03 seconds) and took 2nd in the 100 meters earning herself a team score of 42 points which was good enough to win State. It’s an inspirational story, destined to become a Lifetime original movie that I’ll pretend my ever-supportive made me watch.


Bonnie Richardson, pictured above either competing in the long jump or wishing she had read Emergency Procedures: Quicksand.

Richardson is a gifted athlete who also plays tennis and basketball for Rochelle High School (pictured below) while I struggle to tie my laces and wear matching socks. She may have more talent in her big toe than I do in my whole body but I don’t have to convince someone else to buy me beer. Winner? Me.

Source: Chicago Tribune, via WL.

Winner! Winner!

Sorry about that earlier post, I needed some time to put together the video below announcing the winner. I hope that you can all view the video because I’m not posting the name of the winner, at least not in this post, that would be too easy. If you can’t view the video then I suppose you’d better hope that someone who can is nice enough to tell you who the winner is in the comments.

Without further ado, here’s the official drawing.



Congratulations to the winner. If you’re the lucky one who was announced above as the winner then please e-mail me with your name, address and phone number to claim your new bike!

Have a great weekend everyone, and remember that you have until May 11th to enter the “Free Your Y” video challenge at http://www.areyouyoungenough.com/ where you could win up to $25,000.

We have a Winner!

Updating a previous post in which I had asked for your votes on which running shirt to have made up for my wheezing, asthmatic wife who is running in her first road race (the Bolder Boulder Memorial Day 10k), I am pleased to announce that we have a winner, and also a runaway sentence that just won’t quit. Also, since I don’t want to sleep on the couch tonight, I should mention that my wife never “wheezes” on runs any more and rarely even needs her inhaler. Take that Asthma!

Here’s the breakdown of your votes from the comments:
* Kiss my Asthma! 3 votes
* You’re Losing to an Asthmatic! 2 votes
* Blow me, I’ve got Asthma! 1 vote
There was one write in vote each for fo’ Sheezy I’m Wheezy and Asthma is Sexy!

Voting was Chicago style so if you or your late grandfather voted multiple times, they were all counted. Also of note, my better half liked the “Kiss my Asthma!” idea so in reality that one had 4 votes and none of the other votes mattered one iota but it sure is nice that the votes matched the pre-determined outcome. I guess it’s kind of like an Olympic figure skating contest in that regard.

The image that you see here is the graphic that we sent to Running Banana superimposed on the shirt, it is purple to match her running skirt. I know several people mentioned that they wanted one, so if you’d like a high-res copy of the image let me know and I’ll e-mail it to you so that you can order your very own from Running Banana. Actual pictures of the shirt will be posted when it arrives.

Olympic figure skating? Running skirts and color-coordinated matching outfits? I need to stop now. Expect a more testosterone filled, manly post tomorrow.

And your winners are...

Robert Cheruiyot (KEN) won the Men’s Boston Marathon in 2:14:13 (the slowest winning time since 1977) and Lidiya Grigoryeva (RUS) took first in the Women’s race with a time of 2:29:18. The top US finishers were Peter Gilmore (8th place at 2:16:41) and Deena Kastor (5th place at 2:35:09). On the Men’s side the top 4 and 7 out of the top 10 finishers all hail from Kenya.

Once again congrats to all the finishers!