Morning Running

Those of you who have been following me for any length of time know that I’ve had an on again off again (and on again and off again) relationship with morning running that is kinda back on again. The good thing about morning running is that when I get home from work I can lounge about and do nothing. The benefit of evening running is that it allows me to repeatedly abuse the snooze button in the morning. It’s probably not a good sign for me that the best part of my day is the part where I’m not running. So, why am I running in the mornings again? I’m glad you asked.

One of the things that happens as you get older other than the fun new games you get to play like ‘gray hair or sun bleached hair?’ and ‘hey, I’ve never noticed hair growing there before’ is that your evenings seem to fill up with all manner of family activities that prevent you from running. My kids are 6 and 7 and they love sports and I love that they love sports but you know what I don’t love? Practices. Just call me Allen Iverson. They’re 21 months apart which means that they play at different age levels and have different practice nights and we move from basketball to soccer to baseball to flag football to indoor soccer and then back to basketball to start ALL OVER AGAIN. We actually had them convinced not to play basketball this season and I was looking forward to some more me time but then their school friends convinced them that they should play. It just doesn’t stop, and more importantly it’s really interfering with daddy’s running. And don’t even get me started on the concerts, plays, parent teacher conferences and puppy training classes that fill up the rest of the evenings.

If I don’t get a run in first thing in the morning then it’s not happening and I’m not going to lie, there have been plenty of days lately where it hasn’t happened. Of course with daylight savings coming up next weekend it will start to get easier to run in the evenings (read: easier to hit the snooze button). Morning running, ha! More like mourning running, amiright?

A Glitch in the Matrix

Yesterday morning weird things were afoot. First of all I was out running before dawn which is weird thing number one, but it gets weirder. I was running along the sidewalk when I was passed by a white Volvo and a black BMW. No, that’s not the weird part. I don’t know what made me take notice of them, perhaps the fact that they were side by side travelling the exact same speed, but what made it weird was that they passed me again not 30 seconds later, going in the same direction, same formation and I’m pretty sure there was no possible way for them to loop around behind me that quickly. It made me think of that scene in the Matrix when Neo sees the black cat twice. I’m pretty sure it was a glitch.

Just shortly after they passed me the streetlight that I was approaching went suddenly dark. I hate it when this happens. All of a sudden the street was flooded with darkness and I found myself focusing my attention on the sidewalk because now it was harder to see obstacles or patches of ice that might be in my way. Of course, this left me less time to scan the surrounding bushes and trees for would be muggers or women who might want to attack me and forcibly take advantage of me (because I’m so sexy, see). When you’re running in the dark you have to be alert at all times for women like this, because you don’t want to miss them if they’re out there.

The streetlight thing is something that I’ve written about before and even though I hate it, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m used to it. During almost every run one or two lights will go out as I pass under them and it’s never the same lights. I no longer think that it’s part of some evil genius’s dramatic scheme to kidnap me, but it is weird, right? Do any of you have this affect on streetlights? Do you have any theories on what causes it? Is my Garmin interfering with the lights somehow or is it just the excellence that I radiate from my pores that fool the light into thinking it’s morning?

I also trip the traffic lights coming out of a couple of neighborhoods when I cross the street which probably just means that the traffic sensor is too perceptive and not that I weigh as much as a VW Bug, but I like to think it’s because there’s some paranormal activity going on. Here are some other paranormal things that often occur around me:

• The light in our fridge turns on when I open the door.
• If I close the garage door and then walk under it, it starts going back up.
• Women become nauseous.
• Sometimes when I’m driving down a long straight stretch of highway I’ll notice that my blinker is on, even though I haven’t used it since I changed lanes six minutes ago!

Weird huh?

Ugh. 7am?

I just discovered that the Denver Half Marathon starts at 7am? Um, why? It’s not like this is the middle of the summer and we need to get the race in before it gets too hot. It’s mid-October for crying out loud! Why not start this thing at 8 or 9 o’clock so that I can sleep in a little? As if that wasn’t bad enough their published Race Etiquette states that you should show up an hour and a half before the race starts. 5:30? You want me to be there at 5:30? I’ll still be hitting the snooze button at 5:30, and if that makes me discourteous then so be it. You show me someone that got up early enough to be there at 5:30 and I’ll show you a discourteous runner.

The good news is that the Denver Marathon claims to be ‘iPod friendly,’ which hopefully means that I can listen to my iPod and not that they don’t discriminate against any iPods that want to run the race. This is good news because in the event that I have a really good race and win this thing, I’d hate to get disqualified like that one chick that you’ve no doubt read about elsewhere by now.

I have no idea if you will be able to follow us on Sunday at the Denver Marathon website, but I have complete faith in your online stalking abilities. I doubt that there’s anyone out there who can’t wait until the Monday morning race report to hear how we did, especially since I have no race goals other than something about a happy ending that I didn’t quite follow in the previous post. (What? You think I understand my rambling posts any better than you do?)

Candis is looking for another PR in this race and should be within striking distance of achieving that end. Her time to beat is 2:17:14 which is the PR she set on this very same course last year. Given her recent success I’m certain that she’ll come in under that mark, the only question is how far under? My guess is 2:08:37, your guesses in the comments.

Addicted

So... Uh... I've got a confession to make. I went running again in the morning. In fact, I've been doing it a lot more than I've let on here. I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened... You know how it is... One thing led to another and before I knew it I was up and running at 4:30 AM. I swear it didn't mean anything to me, and I was thinking of evening running the whole time I was doing it.

It's not what it looks like. I can quit any time I want to. It's not like I'm the only person in the world doing this, there are tons of people who are even worse than me. Besides, I'm only hurting myself.

Yeah, so I'm a morning runner now. I didn't even see this coming, and it happened so quickly. It was a mere 6 weeks ago that I posted how I was dreading getting up to go run in the morning, and now I dread the thought of having to wait until I get home to go run. Me and morning running, we go together like PB and J, like Siegfried and Roy, like Lindsay Lohan and hooch.

It's like I'm having an out of body experience and someone else is controlling my actions, because 6 weeks ago I would have told you that you were out of your dome for suggesting that I'd look forward to morning runs. I am NOT a morning person. I don't understand what's going on. I'm going to be really worried if I start getting actual work done at the office instead of reading blogs and researching fantasy football. I mean, call an exorcist or something because I'm no longer in control here.

Let the intervention begin in the comments, and someone be sure to bring the Holy Water.

Oops!... I Did It Again

Remember when Britney Spears used to be normal? Me neither.
What did I do again? I got up this morning at the butt crack of dawn and went for a 10 mile run. In case you're wondering what time the "butt crack of dawn" is, it's much earlier than the crack of dawn. For me it was 4:30 am. No, that's not a typo, I got up at 4:30 this morning and went running. I'm going to make an appointment to have a CAT scan in the near future because I think that something must be wrong with me in the head.

I had to change my route a little because when I came to the trail that I like to run on I discovered that it is not very well lit. I could barely even see the path let alone all the murderers and weirdos that I knew to be hiding behind every single bush, and tree. So I ended up sticking to the sidewalks with streetlamps until the sun finally got its lazy ass up at 5:30. I'm not used to being up before the sun and I know it's not used to seeing me first thing in the morning. I think it was confused at the sight of me, as it spent the rest of the morning hiding behind clouds, occasionally peeking between them to see if it could figure out who that crazy runner was. No way it could be Vanilla? Yes way!

In conclusion I don't much like getting up that early and I don't like running in the dark by myself, perhaps I'll take my dog with me sometime, but he can't handle 6 miles, much less 10. I DO however like not having to spend an hour and a half running in the evenings when I get home from work so I've got that going for me.

And yes, I am embarrassed by that post title. But no, I'm not sorry if that miserable song is now stuck in your head.

My Much Anticipated Morning Run

At five o'clock this morning my alarm sounded. SCREW. THAT. I leaned over and hit the snooze button, perhaps a little harder than necessary, but certainly no harder than a snooze button deserves or is used to. Six minutes later the alarm clock again started begging for more punishment. I turned it off. What idiot thought this would be a good idea? But then, just when I thought that I couldn't be any stupider I found my feet on the floor and I was getting dressed to go run. At five o'clock. In the morning. In spite all of YOUR negativity in the comments of yesterday's post and in spite of my ever supportive wife, who said to me last night as I was getting into bed: "You know, it would be funnier if you failed."
"Excuse me?!?"
"Your blog. It would make for a funnier post in the morning if you failed." Awww, thanks honey. I love you too.

In a state of semi-sleep, I pulled my shorts on, laced up my shoes, and went to go check on the coffee. I had pre-programmed our coffee machine last night so that it would be ready for me this morning. Great thinking right? Except for one little oversight. Some idiot forgot to put the coffee grounds in it. Can I interest you in a nice hot pot of water? No? How about a new coffee machine to replace the one I just threw across the kitchen? This is not looking promising.

As I am about to head out, I observe that my shorts are on inside out. Nice work genius. I guess that's what happens when you dress yourself in a sleepy stupor. I remedy the problem and start out for my run. The first thing I notice is that the picture I posted yesterday of the morning runner is full of crap! It's still pitch black out. There's no beautiful sunrise like the one in the picture. Even the sun is not stupid enough to be up at this abominable hour. Undeterred, I continue with my run. It was actually a pretty good run, all things considered. I ran 4 tempo miles (9:00 goal pace) with a warm up mile and a cool down mile. I don't imagine that you're particularly interested in the splits, but you're getting them anyway because I'm a little cranky.

Mile 1 - 9:45 (warm up)
Mile 2 - 9:00
Mile 3 - 8:30
Mile 4 - 8:44
Mile 5 - 8:25
Mile 6 - 9:47 (cool down)

So the actual running part was good. The getting up early, not so much. I've already had two large cups of coffee here at work and I'm still as tired as a Lindsay Lohan excuse. Another good thing about the run this morning was that there was no one else on the trail, and that made me feel like I was a hardcore runner. The bad part was that there was no else on the trail to see me being a hardcore runner. You will all just have to take my word for it. I was hardcore this morning.

The jury is still out on whether running in the mornings is good or not. It's supposed to get up to 97 degrees today so I guess it's a plus that I got my run in early. We'll see how tired I feel for the rest of the day. The real payoff will come tonight when I get home from work and don't have to run. I'm already looking forward to getting my couch potato on. Oh, and the sun did eventually rise. I took a couple of pictures (below) of the sunrise as proof and because I don't know if and when I'll ever see another one. Sunrises are really, really spectacular! Who knew?

Click pictures to enlarge.

Run In The Morning? No Thank You

I don't ever run in the mornings. Ever. I run after work when I get home. Sure it is usually hotter at that time, and sure, it takes time away from my family, and yes, it gives me more of the day to make excuses why I shouldn't run, but it does have the added benefit of not being the morning.

I'll admit that lately I've been considering how much more time I'd have in the day if I ran in the mornings, but I just don't think it's going to happen. I am not a morning person. I despise having to get up early and often hit the snooze button upwards of 10 times. I abhor getting up to run in the mornings. I don't think you understand just how much I hate running in the mornings, so allow me elaborate. Here is a list of things that I would rather do instead of running in the mornings.

• I'd rather sleep.
• I'd rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.
• I'd rather round up stray dogs wearing only Milk-Bone underwear.
• I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney.
• I'd rather run every day for two months.
• I'd rather slather my ear in BBQ sauce and play Chinese whispers with Mike Tyson.
• I'd rather wear a Vick jersey and leather pants to a PETA rally. (I could totally make that outfit look good.)
• I'd rather get into a pissing match with a used car salesman about the warranty.
• I'd rather get between Rosie O'Donnell and the buffet.
• I'd rather you give me the full length slide show presentation about your recent prostate exam.
• I'd rather eat yellow snow.
• I'd rather watch those annoying erectile dysfunction commercials on a continuous loop.
• I'd rather bet money on the Cubs winning the World Series this year. (Yes, I'm aware that they've come on strong lately and as of this writing are only a game out of the division lead, but they're still the Cubs.)
• I'd rather have an enema.
• I'd rather watch a Yankees game with a know-it-all Yankees fan. (Redundant?)
• I'd rather have my teeth cleaned by my barbaric dental hygienist.
• I'd rather this conference call that I'm on continue another hour because people are asking inane questions.
• I'd rather you include me in your chain mail forwards.
• I'd rather submit to a lie detector test where my boss asks me if I blog at work.
• I’d rather SLEEP.

So as you can see I'd rather not run in the mornings, thank you very much. Despite all that, I'm going to attempt to run in the morning tomorrow, so you can probably expect a mumbling, caffeine aided, complaint filled rant of a post. I'm scheduled for a 6 mile run which means I'll have to set the alarm about an hour earlier than usual, or just leave it set as is and not hit snooze. I can't even type that with a straight face. Not push snooze? Yeah. Sure. That'll happen.