Run In The Morning? No Thank You

I don't ever run in the mornings. Ever. I run after work when I get home. Sure it is usually hotter at that time, and sure, it takes time away from my family, and yes, it gives me more of the day to make excuses why I shouldn't run, but it does have the added benefit of not being the morning.

I'll admit that lately I've been considering how much more time I'd have in the day if I ran in the mornings, but I just don't think it's going to happen. I am not a morning person. I despise having to get up early and often hit the snooze button upwards of 10 times. I abhor getting up to run in the mornings. I don't think you understand just how much I hate running in the mornings, so allow me elaborate. Here is a list of things that I would rather do instead of running in the mornings.

• I'd rather sleep.
• I'd rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.
• I'd rather round up stray dogs wearing only Milk-Bone underwear.
• I'd rather go hunting with Dick Cheney.
• I'd rather run every day for two months.
• I'd rather slather my ear in BBQ sauce and play Chinese whispers with Mike Tyson.
• I'd rather wear a Vick jersey and leather pants to a PETA rally. (I could totally make that outfit look good.)
• I'd rather get into a pissing match with a used car salesman about the warranty.
• I'd rather get between Rosie O'Donnell and the buffet.
• I'd rather you give me the full length slide show presentation about your recent prostate exam.
• I'd rather eat yellow snow.
• I'd rather watch those annoying erectile dysfunction commercials on a continuous loop.
• I'd rather bet money on the Cubs winning the World Series this year. (Yes, I'm aware that they've come on strong lately and as of this writing are only a game out of the division lead, but they're still the Cubs.)
• I'd rather have an enema.
• I'd rather watch a Yankees game with a know-it-all Yankees fan. (Redundant?)
• I'd rather have my teeth cleaned by my barbaric dental hygienist.
• I'd rather this conference call that I'm on continue another hour because people are asking inane questions.
• I'd rather you include me in your chain mail forwards.
• I'd rather submit to a lie detector test where my boss asks me if I blog at work.
• I’d rather SLEEP.

So as you can see I'd rather not run in the mornings, thank you very much. Despite all that, I'm going to attempt to run in the morning tomorrow, so you can probably expect a mumbling, caffeine aided, complaint filled rant of a post. I'm scheduled for a 6 mile run which means I'll have to set the alarm about an hour earlier than usual, or just leave it set as is and not hit snooze. I can't even type that with a straight face. Not push snooze? Yeah. Sure. That'll happen.