Pick-Up Friday

So it occurs to me that I haven’t said anything about the Denver Half Marathon which is Sunday morning before sun up, literally. Sunrise is at 7:15 am at which point we’ll have been running for 15 minutes, unless we’ve already stopped for a walk break, in which case we might have been running for 12 minutes and walking for 3. You might be noticing that I keep saying ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ and that’s because Candis and I are both running this race, it will be Candis’ first half marathon.

Several months ago when I talked Candis into signing up for the half marathon I promised to run with her and pace her for the entire race and apparently Candis is one of those women who is all into keeping the promises that you’ve made. What. A. Drag. Anyway, this is probably the reason that you haven’t heard me talk about this race these past couple of weeks. I won’t be attempting to PR at this race I will be attempting to push Candis as fast as possible so that she can feel as miserable as I felt when I ran my first half marathon. Our goal time is somewhere around 2 hours and 20 minutes.

Today we went to the expo and picked up our race packets, but that’s not all that we picked up. Oh, no. We also picked up the following:

• We picked up some new cow bells for the boys.
• We picked up our free shirts and goodie bags.
• We picked up every possible free energy drink sample.
• We picked up every possible free energy bar sample.
• We picked up our energy levels. Way up.
• We picked up some more free samples.
• We picked up some unwanted junk mail when we registered to win a new car!
• We picked up our pace when the guy at the Larabar booth yelled “Hey, didn’t you guys already take a handful of those?”
• And finally, we picked up that that was our cue to leave.

Can I just tell you all that it’s not a good idea to let your children try all those energy drink/energy bar samples and then give them cowbells. Let’s just say the buzz we all had going in the car on the way home could have powered it. I think I know how Flubber feels.

Finally, I have to share the conversation that we overheard while we were busy imbibing Clif Shot Bloks like water. A guy walks up to the Clif Pace Team girls and after some pleasant small talk says:
Guy: So... how long is a marathon?
Girls: [Giggling] 26.2
Guy: Miles?
Girls: Uh... yeah.
Guy: And you run it?
Girls: Are you sure you’re at the right conference center?
I LOL’d. It turns out the guy was just there to help set up one of the other booths. He was not a runner, but you had probably picked up on that.

Inspiration in a Quote

I’ve never really taken part in Take It and Run Thursday (TIaRT), which is a weekly meeting of the running minds over at Runner’s Lounge every Thursday. Is it because I’m a maverick and I prefer to do my own thing? Is it because I don’t like being tied down to a specific topic? Is it because I’m highly under-qualified to give advice? No, mostly I think it comes down to laziness. Not my laziness mind you, Tom and Amy’s laziness. Tom and Amy never ever send me a personal e-mail to remind me that it’s Thursday and spell out the topic of the TIaRT. I guess that they figure it’s enough that they tell us what the topic is the previous week and then post about it on the Runner’s Lounge Wednesday and Thursday, but that just feels so impersonal. I mean, is it too much to ask that they pick up the phone and call me?

This week’s theme is Running Quotes and Sayings. When it comes to motivational quotes I’ve always loved Despair.com’s Motivation Poster which says “If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.” The funny thing is, there are some quotes that really do motivate me to get out the door and run. I guess I should make sure my resume is updated.

The first two quotes I’ll share with you are original Vanilla quotes. I wrote them myself, at least I think I did. It’s quite possible that I read them somewhere and then forgot about them, which by the way is the official line that I will be sticking with.

“Respect the distance, don’t fear it.” I scrawled this across the bottom of my marathon training plan in bold red ink. I had become so focused on respecting the distance that I had placed it on a pedestal. I was so fearful of becoming overconfident that I was completely losing all my confidence. I already had visions of how tough it would be at the end. I was already preparing myself for the final miles to be an exercise in futility. I don’t think it has to be like that. I don’t think it will be easy by any means but I see no reason with the right training, that I can’t finish this marathon strong. “Respect the distance, don’t fear it,” is my happy middle ground between being overly confident and expecting a dismal failure.

“I’m in ‘like’ with running, I’m in love with better results.” Coincidentally, I first wrote that phrase for my Open Mic Friday interview at Runner’s Lounge. The idea behind this quote is that I love getting better, I love getting faster, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. I like running, I enjoy it, but what I love is getting better at it. There will probably come a time when I reach some kind of peak and I will no longer be able to get any faster or any better. I’m not sure what will happen when that day comes, but I’ll let you know when I get there.

Along the same line of thought, I have always loved the quote that Frayed Laces uses all the time: “There will be a day when you can no longer do this... Today is NOT that day.”

Finally, here are a couple that I’ve actually posted before, I’ve never been able to pin down exactly who said these so I’m not going to give any credit other than to say that these aren’t mine:

“Somewhere in the world someone is training when you are not. When you race him, he will win.”

“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.”

I think that’s enough quotivation out of me for one day, but be sure to check out what other bloggers are saying on this issue by heading over to Runner’s Lounge.

Another Half-Fast Sighting

Thanks to the ever-alert (and apparently ever-camera-toting) reader joyRuN who e-mailed me the pictures you see below. Says she:

Your poor boat is looking neglected. I spotted it during a 5-mile route that I rarely take, so I hadn’t noticed it before. I looked around & couldn’t find I & II.

There’s something decidedly redneck about the manner in which that boat is being stored, perhaps it’s the rusted trailer or the weeds growing up the side or the fact that it looks like it’s just parked in someone’s unkempt backyard. Come to think of it there was something decidedly redneck about the last Half-Fast sighting too, the fact that it was on the infield at a NASCAR event. I’m starting to wonder if the term Half-Fast might have some redneck connotations y’all.

This means that we’ve now had Half-Fast sightings by land (the bus) and by sea (the boat), although I’m not sure I’d trust that boat to remain afloat for any significant length of time. What we need next is a sighting by air. I’d like to think that there’s a sleek private jet out there somewhere named Half-Fast with all of life’s luxuries built in, a pilot to take you wherever you want to go as long as it’s someplace warm and a sexy flight attendant to bring you drinks from the well stocked onboard bar. Unfortunately, if anyone finds the Half-Fast airplane it will probably look more like this, but huge bonus points will be awarded to anyone that finds it.

On a running note, since this is intended to be a running blog, we went back to the track again yesterday and I ran a set of intervals from hell. The FIRST plan called for the following intervals: 1200m, 1000m, 800m, 600m, 400m, 200m with rest intervals of 200m separating them. 200m rest intervals? I thought I was supposed to get a full lap for my rest interval? When I first saw this on the schedule I didn’t think it would be too bad because each consecutive interval was shorter than the last. What makes it a little tougher is that each interval is supposed to be run at a faster pace than the previous one, meaning that I was supposed to be getting faster and faster despite the fact that I was getting fatigued-er and fatigued-er. (If it’s not a word it should be.) If my wife and kids weren’t there watching me I might have just quit after the first two intervals, but I guess that’s just one more reason not to have a wife and kids.

Thanks again to joyRuN for the awesome Half-Fast boat pictures.

Splitting it Negative Style

If you are one of those unfortunate souls who reads Nitmos’ blog, Feet Meet Street, then you probably remember a post on Friday in which he discussed the challenge of running negative splits. His rhetoric, *checks dictionary* yes rhetoric, while causing my eyes to bleed a little, also caused me to pause for a moment of introspection (curse you for this, Nitmos!). It caused me to think back to a time when my long runs felt faster and I began to remember that earlier in the year I almost always ran negative splits on my long runs. I even mentioned in this post that I had been setting my Garmin’s digital training partner to the goal pace, letting him get out ahead of me, and then reeling him in over the last half of the run.

After this time of enlightenment and meditation ended on Friday I checked my training plan and saw that it was calling for a 15 mile run at a 9:45 pace on Saturday. Up until Saturday the longest I had ever run was 13.1 miles and my average paces on my last 4 long runs were 10:34, 9:44, 9:34, and 10:15. This has been somewhat frustrating because before the Georgetown Half I was completing long runs at a pace somewhere around 9:15 to 9:20. Nevertheless, I decided that I would attempt this longest run of my life on Saturday using negative splits. The plan was to run two 6 mile loops and a 3 mile loop so that I could consume water and Clif Shot Gels at the end of each loop, freeing me to run without the fuel belt and making me look much cooler. I wanted to run the first loop at the 9:45 pace and then have each loop get progressively faster, here’s how it worked out:

Loop 1 (6mi): 58:28 - 9:45 pace. BAM! Right on target.
Loop 2 (6mi): 55:37 - 9:17 pace. Stay on target. Stay on target.
Loop 3 (3mi): 27:48 - 9:16 pace. Whew! That was close!
Total Time: 2:21:56 - 9:28 pace.

My fastest 2 miles were the 13th and the 14th but then I really crapped out on the final mile which is why the 3rd loop was almost a positive split. All in all I was pleased with this run, but I still have a lot of work to do.

For those of you who don’t remember Nitmos’ post (easily forgiven as it wasn’t very memorable) or who don’t read his blog, this is what he said on Friday:

“I am suggesting that a negative split is the sign of a seasoned, well trained, and developed runner. Either that or someone who started out woefully slower than their ability so had an abundance of energy late.”

I think he just called me a seasoned, well trained, and developed runner. If that doesn’t convince you that Nitmos’ has no idea what he’s talking about then I don’t know what will. I mean, I’m definitely ‘developed’, and you might even say handsome, witty, charming and urbane, *checks dictionary* yes urbane, but seasoned and well trained? Hardly.

Update: Congrats to Viper who finished the Towpath Marathon (his second marathon in as many weeks) with a new PR. As of right now he hasn’t posted about it, but his sidebar has been updated with his new time. Congrats!

Boulder Pumpkin Run

Have any of you heard of the Boulder Pumpkin Run? It’s a Halloween run held in the beautiful city of Boulder every year. Much like the Denver Gorilla Run that I’m participating in you must wear a costume to run the Boulder Pumpkin Run, but not just any old costume, it has to be your birthday suit. Yes, the Boulder Pumpkin run is a naked run, which makes it the perfect Friday topic here at Half-Fast. Just to be clear though, the runners aren’t entirely naked because they do wear jack-o-lanterns on their heads. We wouldn’t want their ears to get cold or anything.

No, I’m not going to participate in the Boulder Pumpkin Run because it would be a total waste of my awesome Gorilla costume. Also, the average temperature at 10PM on October 31 is not conducive to showcasing your male reproductive organ and I can do without all the laughing and pointing thankyouverymuch. However, I will gladly volunteer to be the official photographer, I’ll even wear my Gorilla costume.

If you’re interested in learning more about the Boulder Pumpkin Run you can visit their website at nakedpumpkinrun.org. Fear not, that link is safe for work but where you go from there is at your own discretion, particularly if you decide to click on the Gallery or view the videos.

I really don’t get why this sort of thing would be enticing. I mean sure, I get that you want to see other people naked, but doesn’t it hurt to run naked? I mean, isn’t everything kind of bouncing around in an uncomfortable manner? If it was really cold enough then I suppose your junk might shrink enough to reduce the flopping around to a manageable amount, but then you get back into that undesirable area of the laughing and the pointing. No thank you. Perhaps some of you readers who have participated in naked runs can enlighten me as to what the lure is. Be sure to include pictures* with your e-mail... you know... to prove that you’ve actually done a naked run.

*Does not apply to male readers.

Editorial note: Please accept my apologies for the recent lack of posts. I’m a banker and I’ve been extremely busy these past few weeks, what with the market deciding to take a dump and my insistence on continuing to work banker’s hours. It’s going to be OK though. My company is planning a luxurious retreat at a 5 star resort so that I can recharge my batteries and I’ve been meaning to thank all you taxpayers out there for making that possible. Without your help we probably wouldn’t be able to spend a cool half a mil on golf and fun in the sun, it’s just what the doctor ordered.

Family Night at the Track

Yesterday was one of those days when my training schedule clashed with Candis’ training schedule in that we were both scheduled to run. Since we can’t leave our young children alone I naturally assumed that Candis would run on the treadmill so that I could go run outside when I got home from work, but was disappointed to discover that this wasn’t the case at all. Apparently I’m supposed to be willing to make compromises or something but I don’t remember that being part of our agreement. If I hadn’t taped over our wedding ceremony I’d go back and see what we each vowed to do because I’m pretty sure that Candis’ vows had something in there about bowing to my every whim, but Candis doesn’t remember it that way. Selective memory, I guess.

Since we were both planning on doing some intervals we decided to go to the local track and take the kids with us where they could annoy and get in the way of other runners. We packed some snacks for the boys, gave them a stern lecture about staying out of other people’s way and headed to the track. For the most part the boys were content to sit and watch from the bleachers while Dad ran circles around Mom. They ran a few laps with us when we were running cool down laps and David (my 5 year old) even ran a complete lap with me at a 9:45 pace. The rest of their time was spent shouting “go Mom!” or “go Dad!” or “Mom, can I have this Krispie Treat?” They also practiced their long jump, which is good because they totally suck at it.

Good form, poor distance.
All in all it was a fun evening. The boys ran several laps and got a ton of exercise and Candis didn’t have to run on the treadmill. I really wish we’d thought of this earlier in the summer because it would have been a great way for us to spend time together as a family while Candis and I both got some training in, of course now it’s starting to get dark early and it will be harder and harder to squeeze it in. Perhaps next time we’ll bring a happy meal and our portable DVD player with us so the boys don’t get too much exercise and can fit in better with society. I wouldn’t want them to be outcasts.

When we got home for the evening the major downfall of this plan became immediately evident, which is to say, where the hell is my dinner? You see, usually when I run in the evening my dinner is ready and waiting when I get home, but this was not the case on Tuesday. Moreover, Candis had to put the kids to bed and iron my clothes for work the following day and didn’t even get started on making me dinner until after that. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as famished as I did last night, sitting there on the couch playing Mario Kart Wii.

Personal Running Log - September 2008

Has anyone tried the new Gatorade G2 drink? I had it once and it wasn’t bad, but I’ve been seeing a ton of commercials for it lately. I suppose that Gatorade’s marketing department felt like they needed to clear things up because I suspect I wasn’t the only one who first heard of G2 and thought it was some kind of minor summit meeting. If you haven’t heard of it, it has nothing to do with international gatherings but is a light sports drink intended for athletes when they are off the field, because apparently it’s always important to hydrate.

The commercials tout G2 as a ‘low calorie hydrator’ but you might be surprised to learn that there is another low calorie hydrator already out there; water! I know, I didn’t believe it at first either, but I asked my doctor and he confirmed that water is indeed a low calorie hydrator. This was good news for me because when I’m at work (i.e. “off the field”) and looking to hydrate I sneak into the break room where my boss keeps a water cooler and when nobody is looking I steal some of the water from it, and take it back to my desk in an oversized Nalgene bottle. BAM! Free low calorie hydration for Vanilla! My fight against The Man continues. Also, while we’re on the subject, if anyone needs any free pencils or post-it notes then just let me know because I’ve totally got the hook-up.

As far as low calorie hydrators go, I’m more of a Propel Fitness Water kind of guy. I’ve purchased their powder packets that you add to water and they are delicious, especially after a long run. I think that someone from Propel once contacted me and offered me a free 16 oz bottle in exchange for a review, but I turned them down because I have principles I already knew I liked Propel and also because that offer was worth, like, a buck and a half. Note to marketers: If you’re going to offer me free stuff to review, then please don’t waste my time by being cheap, offer me a whole case of fitness water, or a car with a Propel logo on the side. If I’m going to be a sell-out, then I’m going to be the biggest sell-out that I can be, let’s talk high dollar items here.

Without further ado, here’s my Personal Running Log, brought to you this month by Propel Fitness Water. Don’t just hydrate. Nourish.*

Date	Route	Type	Distance	Time	Pace
9/30/2008	Treadmill	Intervals (3 x 1600)	5.2 Mi	43:39	8:24
9/27/2008	Grand Lake (Alt. 8500 ft)	Easy (w/Candis)	5 Mi	1:01:48	12:22
9/24/2008	11 Mile Loop	Long	11 Mi	1:46:56	9:44
9/23/2008	5 Miles Out & Back	Intervals (6 x 400)	5 Mi	44:22	8:53
9/20/2008	11 Mile Loop	Long	11 Mi	1:45:13	9:34
9/18/2008	6 Mile Loop Long Hill	Tempo	6 Mi	53:32	8:56
9/15/2008	5 Miles Out & Back	Intervals (6 x 400)	5 Mi	44:43	8:57
9/13/2008	10 Mile Lake	Long	10 Mi	1:42:26	10:15
9/11/2008	4 Miles Out & Back	Easy	4 Mi	36:53	9:14
9/6/2008	Skirt Chaser 5K	Race	3.1 Mi	24:28	7:53
9/4/2008	6 Mile Loop Long Hill	Easy	6 Mi	52:58	8:50
Totals: Distance: 71.3 miles Total Time: 11:16:58

* No, I didn’t really sell the naming rights to my Personal Running Log to Propel, they totally didn’t offer enough swag.

Weekend Splits

Weekend Splits is my recap of things that I found interesting or humorous over the past week. If you have a submission for the weekend splits, e-mail me.

El Overcompensato?
Huge truck? Check. Huge fake balls hanging down from trailer hitch? Check. Personalized plates with overly masculine phrase? Check and check. Yup, either this guy is packin’ light or he’s hiding something. I’d guess that he’s two, maybe three therapy sessions from finding a new calling as an interior designer. This is the kind of thing that you see in really bad movies when the writers want to portray someone as a tough guy but are too stupid to show it through the plot and dialog or think that the viewers won’t pick up on subtle hints. As I drove past I looked at him half expecting to see a caricature of Steven Seagal, instead I saw a regular guy staring back at me through tinted glass that was probably paid for with stolen lunch money. “I’m sorry about your small penis,” I mouthed to him before he could gun the engine and overcompensate some more.

Sorry for the tangent there, I know it has nothing to do with running but you know what does? The links:

• I weighed in on Kid’s Treadmills at CRN on Tuesday, although it feels like that was 2 weeks ago - it’s been a long week.
• I was interviewed by Runner’s Lounge. (Don’t worry, the rest of the links are not me-centric.)
• Mike is going to start a Running Carnival over at runningisfunny.com. Head on over there and check it out.
• This one’s from a week or two ago, but it was too good to pass up. It’s called Endurance Poop 101 and I think that you can see now why it was too hard to pass up. Or maybe just too hard to pass. Yay poop jokes! Thanks to J~Mom for e-mailing it to me.
• Tiggs went looking for groceries and found some soup mix from a company that should probably fire their entire marketing department. You have to go check this out, even just to look at the picture.

Random Non-Running Related Video of the Week
This video follows the seen-while-driving theme of the picture above and it has been around for a little while so you might have seen it, but try to guess if I care.

All of a sudden I feel a lot safer about having taken the top picture on my camera phone and writing this post on my Blackberry, while driving.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Vanilla Exposed!

This is going to have to be short, because the overlords here at work are actually making me work. I’m convinced that they tried to kill me yesterday by making me sit through 8 hours of compliance training, death by boredom. Fortunately, I figured out how to get my Google Reader on my Blackberry. That really saved my life yesterday because I desperately needed something to take my mind off the stiff with the 4 inch comb-over bombinating at the front of the room. They tried to get us excited for the training by providing a free box-lunch (read: dry sandwich and a fruit cup) and free coffee in the morning. I’m always down with free coffee, but providing 4 oz paper cups to drink it out of was just plain cruel. The man is trying to keep me down, but I managed to get in a good 6 mile run this morning before work so I’m a little less cranky today.

I’ll try to get a Weekend Splits post up on Saturday, but in the meantime, head on over to the Runner’s Lounge to see who the handsome devil is that got interviewed for Open Mic Friday. (Hint: It’s me!) Not only can you read my witty responses and discover what type of blog I almost started writing instead of Half-Fast, but you can also see all-new, never-before-seen pictures of me and my family. It’s a big Vanilla exposé, but fortunately with out any of that kind of exposing - get your minds out of the gutter! While you’re over there, if you haven’t already, be sure to sign up to be a member of the Runner’s Lounge and we can be totally awesome online friends. Runner’s Lounge; it’s where all the cool kids are hanging out these days.

The Denver Gorilla Run

Ever since my wife signed me up for the Denver Gorilla Run I’ve been getting e-mails about the plight of gorillas and the things that I can do to help. Isn’t it enough that I dropped 150 bones to run in a gorilla costume and that I’m drawing attention to it by blogging about it? I sure hope so because that’s pretty much all the kind-heartedness that a self-absorbed humanitarian like me can muster. Why can’t it be enough for me to just draw attention to the problems and then hope that others will step up and deal with them? Consider yourselves officially ‘put on notice’ that there are only 723 Mountain Gorillas alive today, now go do something about it. You can start by visiting my donation page and making a donation to save the gorillas. Not only is it tax deductible, but you’d also be helping me out because the person who raises the most money wins a prize, and me winning a prize is the real cause to rally around here.

In these trying times when the value of your home is plummeting and the price of gas is so high it has the munchies, just try to remember that there are gorillas who are less fortunate than you. Sure they don’t have gas to buy, or a mortgage to pay but they’re more endangered than your 401K, although if we’re honest that’s getting closer to being a toss-up. But just think, if every one of my readers gave a dollar then we’d be able to see how many readers I have and find out just how accurate SiteMeter is, and if you don’t want to support the gorillas or help me win the highest fundraiser prize then do it so that we can figure out how accurate SiteMeter is.

Finally, if you can’t afford to donate or just don’t feel like it (you cold, heartless git) then you can help me win the prize for most creative gorilla costume by leaving your suggestions in the comments. Right now, the leader in the clubhouse is “Gorilla Ice” meaning that I would dress up like Vanilla Ice and then do a lot of 90s dance moves, which could be detrimental to my marathon training and possibly devastating to my street cred. It’s your chance to suggest ways for me to further humiliate myself, I expect full participation in the comments.