In Training

Training for my November half marathon is going about as well as can be expected. I’m up to 10 miles now on my long runs now and I seem to be completing them a little faster than I had expected. The key here is to have really low expectations. Aim low and you’ll never be disappointed, that’s what I always say. There’s still 7 weeks to go which is plenty of time for me to build up my long run to 12 miles. I find that I race best at this distance if I can get in a few 12 mile training runs prior to the race. I smell a new PR in the works and you know what that means? It means at least one more post this year so that I can beat my chest and brag about being just a little bit more towards the front of the middle of the pack than I was before. (That sentence made sense in my head.) I’ve already had one new PR this year if I had 2 I’d be just about impossible to live with.

Since I’m not posting all that frequently here, I’ll leave you with a new running blog suggestion: Vomit Colored Shoes. He writes with the same sense of humor that I try for here and he pulls it off better than I do. No, no you’re right, nobody does it better than I do but he definitely does it more frequently. He’s still in that cute, post-every-day stage that new bloggers go through so head on over there and leave him some comments. It sounds like he’s a fairly new runner too so you should feel free to give him lots and lots of unsolicited advice, just be sure to mix in some really bad advice every once and a while to keep him on his toes.

48 Laps

Tonight I’m doing my long run (12 miles) on a track as part of the American Cancer Society’s Relay For Life. You can donate by visiting my fundraising page, and if you need a little tugging on your heartstrings then you can read my post from a couple of days ago. If you need a little tugging on anything else you can do that on your own time.

As Nitmos astutely pointed out in that previous post, 12 miles on a track is actually a little more than 48 laps due to a mile being a little more than 1609 meters. So technically I’d have to run 48.28 laps but it seems highly improbable that I’ll fell like doing an extra quarter lap after having done 48. I’ll probably let you know what I decide to do about this matter in a 3 post series next week. It will be captivating.

To ready myself for the boredom that comes from running 48 (and a quarter, maybe) laps on a track I’ve been doing some preparation exercises. Things like:

• Watching paint dry.
• Watching fishing on TV.
• Reading all of Nitmos’ archives. (Zing!)
• Slowly spinning around and around in my office chair.
• Working.
• Talking on the phone to my Mother. (Hi Mom!)
• Watching the Hallmark Movie Channel.

Hopefully I won’t get too bored, but maybe I’ll take my Blackberry and surf the internet while I run just to be safe. Although, I somehow doubt that would actually be safe. You’ve got to keep your head on a swivel when you’re at the track otherwise you’ll end up like the girl in this short 9 second video. I bet you watch it more than once.

Now, please go donate. Do it for the moral sense of superiority that it will give you, do it for the tax break, do it because you don’t want to be seen as less generous than this guy.

Have a great weekend everyone!

There’s No Running in Margaritaville...

... which is why I left work early and got my run in before going to the restaurant last night. Those of you who were hoping for a video of me running falling on the treadmill after imbibing some margaritas! are just going to have to wait because I’m sure it will happen some day. Yes, I had a margarita! with dinner and no, that is not cause for revoking my man card as some of you had hoped. I mean, take a look at this picture and tell me that’s not manly.

I hold it with my pinkie extended because I’m classy!
Incidentally this is not the first time that some of you have clamored for my man card. There have been various attempts at confiscating it here, here, here and here (which is ridiculous since my wife wrote that post!), but I’m happy to report that I am still firmly in possession of it. I keep it right here in my man-bag with my guyliner. You can have my man card when you pry it from my cold, dead, well-manicured hands you heathen barbarians!

Ha! Just when you thought that Nitmos was going to have the unmanliest post of the day all locked up I slap you with this one. Winner: me! Wait... I won right?

FAIL

I was out running my long run this weekend when I started thinking, something that I should not be allowed to do and especially not whilst running. The thoughts that started rattling around inside my head were how much I hate my long runs lately. HATE. I blame Amy Lawson for this (because it couldn’t be my fault), she mentioned on our first podcast that she always thought about how much she hated running while she was running. Anyway, I was thinking about how slow my long runs have been lately (something you’ll all be able to see when I post my December running log in a couple of days, I know you’re all eager to see it), and how much I loathe my long runs. They’ve felt like such a chore these past few weeks. Somewhere running ceased to be fun and enjoyable, and when I realized this at mile 15 of my scheduled 20 miler, I stopped. I considered what this meant for my marathon training and I didn’t care at all because there was a 90 percent chance that if I pushed on through to 20 miles I’d have quit running altogether. Forever.

So I’m heading into the taper with one 18 miler, one 16 miler and no 20 milers under my belt. It’s the perfect recipe for my first ever DNF! Or maybe, for a downgrade to the half, which is awesome because the half marathon in Phoenix is 13.1 miles less than the marathon and that sounds really appealing at this point in time. On the one hand I’m tempted to still go out and try to run the marathon because if I don’t do it now then I probably never will and no one likes a quitter. On the other hand I’m not so sure I actually want to run a marathon, which is probably not a good mindset to be taking into it.

I’ll probably end up running the full marathon anyway, but I’m guessing that you’re going to want to shield your children’s eyes from that race report.

On a lighter note, I’m off work all week which means it’s harder to keep up with all of your blogs but that will remedy itself in January when I get back to the office. When I’m at the office I have much more peace and quiet to read blogs, plus they block my access to Facebook’s Texas Hold’em game so I have nothing better to do. I hope that you are all doing well and that your runs have been more productive than mine. I’ll catch up with you all in the new year.

18 Miles of Misery

I woke up on Saturday morning and I was eager to get started on my long run. (Note: Only one of those things is true.) The sun was shining and I thought that it looked like the perfect weather for my first attempt at 18 miles and I was right it did look like the perfect weather for 18 miles. I flipped on the active menu on our TV to see what the temperature was and almost crawled back into bed. It gave an actual reading of 22 degrees but also proudly proclaimed that it “Feels Like 8 degrees.” As if that wasn’t enough there was also a cute little wind icon on the screen, right next to the phrase “27 mph,” and yes, I’m being facetious about the wind icon being cute. I’m still trying to figure out how to punch the wind in the face without looking like a total idiot.

Undaunted (lying again) I bundled up in my warmest running gear, donned my sunglasses and headed out the door for the first of what would be three 6 mile loops. The wind was brutal, there’s just no other way to put it. Many of the paths were still covered in ice and snow and the headwind that I was running into was brutal, did I mention that already? (I hope that you’re not sick of hearing about how much I hated the wind because that’s going to be a continuing theme in this post.)

On the upside, I was able to entertain myself by firing snot-rockets and loogies for record distances during most of the first loop. By the time I started running the second loop it was less entertaining and more of an annoyance that my nose wouldn’t stop running. I cursed my nose. I cursed the runner who had obviously run this path before me wearing YakTrax. I cursed YakTrax for not giving me a free pair to review on my blog. I cursed each and every one of you who have ever encouraged me to run a marathon. I cursed the headwind that I was running into and then chuckled when I thought ‘headwind? They should call it giving-head wind because it sucks!’ Then I cursed the wind again because my lips were so dry the chuckling cracked my lips.

I finished the second loop feeling completely sapped of strength and decided that I was done battling the wind. I headed inside and finished my final 6 miles on the treadmill and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve never loved my treadmill as much as I did on Saturday. Don’t get me wrong, I cursed the treadmill too but not nearly as much as I had been cursing the wind.

Things to Do on Your Long Run When Your Legs Are Dead

You might not be aware of this but I’m in the middle of training for a marathon. In January I’ll be heading out to Arizona to run in the PF Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon, an endurance feat that I doubt has ever been accomplished by anyone else in the history of mankind. As part of my training for this daring undertaking I have been increasing my weekly mileage, and more specifically, increasing my long runs on the weekend. I’ve always found long runs to be somewhat boring and monotonous, but that is even more pronounced during marathon training, when your long runs last well beyond their entertainment value, kind of like an SNL skit.

Fortunately for you, I’ve come up with a useful list of things that you can do to help pass the time.

• Use the time to plot the perfect murder.
• Ponder the chicken and the egg, which one came first?
• Use the time to concoct the perfect margarita.
• See if you can balance your water bottle on your head.
• See if you can balance your check book in your head.
• Write your next blog post. If nothing exciting is happening then just make stuff up.
• Try out some pick-up lines on everyone you see.
• Listen to your mp3 player and figure out what Weird Al would do to each song. Surely you can do better than Rye or the Kaiser.
• Call a cab.
• Curse this cold weather.
• Think up insanely long and confusing titles for your next blog post based loosely on movies that you haven’t even seen.
• Pee on things.
• Count the number of steps you take in a minute.
• See if you can increase that number.
• See if you can decrease it, maybe even to zero.
• Stop somewhere for lunch.
• Shout obscenities at some random passer-by.
• Steal candy from a baby.
• Change the screens on your Garmin to display sunrise, date, calories, and GPS Accuracy because knowing your time, distance and pace is overrated and only makes the run feel longer.
• A spirited game of Ding, Dong, Ditch is a great way to get in some fartleks. (Did anyone else call this game Knock Down Ginger? That was how I knew it growing up in England but my wife had no idea what I was talking about.)
• Take your Blackberry and reply to some e-mails.

Before you know it your run will be over and you’ll have a speedy time, because time flies when you’re having fun.

Do you mind if I run with you?

Such was the question posed to me during a recent tempo run while I was paused at an intersection. As I waited for the walk signal to tell me it was time to run again, I was approached by a guy who was probably still excited that he could now legally buy porn and vote, although probably less so the latter. “Do you mind if I run with you?” he asked. I nodded and pointed out which trail I was intending to follow, and then we both obstructed our hearing with our earbuds, bringing our clumsy attempt at socializing to a screeching halt. As we waited for the walk signal he jogged in place and I tried to distance myself from him so that people wouldn’t think that we were together. I used to be one of those people that jogged in place at intersections, but I haven’t done that since this post.

After a few seconds the traffic light turned red, the little white man started flashing (the crosswalk signal, not me) and I took off across the street. I made it safely to the other side and headed on down the trail, moving to the far right so that Junior could run alongside me, but Junior never did. At first I was worried that he hadn’t made it through the busy intersection, but I didn’t want to look back because if he had been hit by a car I’d feel obligated to stop and assist him. If I just kept on running I could pretend I didn’t know that he’d been run over and avoid unnecessarily interrupting my run. Curiosity got the better of me and I glanced back over my shoulder. Fortunately for me, Junior had made it across the street and was 7 or 8 paces behind me. I stayed to the right, expecting him to pull up next to me at any second but he never did.

I glanced back a couple more times and Junior was always 7 or 8 paces behind me. This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I told him he could run with me. I glanced down at my watch and was shocked to find that I was running a 7:20 pace, a full minute faster than I was attempting to complete the tempo section of this run. I tried backing off the pace a little but there was something about having company on a run that wouldn’t let me slow down. After a quarter of a mile at this blistering pace (for me anyway) I managed to back the pace down a little and shortly thereafter Junior pulled up next to me. He was flush in the face and visibly winded and it took everything I had not to crack a smile at this realization. I backed off the pace a little more and pulled out an earbud when it looked like he was about to speak, “I’m going to turn around and head a different direction,” he said between gasps for air.
“Okay,” I nodded, “I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah, thanks for letting me run with you,” he said while offering up a fist bump. I tried to return the fist bump, but missed awkwardly as he had already turned to run back the other way and my arms weren’t long enough. I quickly turned the fist into a wave so as not to seem like so much of an idiot - whew, really sidestepped that landmine! I finished the rest of my run grinning from ear to ear. I had run with a younger guy and I had beaten him soundly.

While I’m on the subject of great runs, I had another one on Saturday. It was my first attempt at 16 miles and I chose to run two 6 mile loops and then a 4 mile loop, again attempting to run negative splits. Here’s how it worked out:

1st Loop (6 Miles) - 58:30 (9:45 pace)
2nd Loop (6 Miles) - 56:04 (9:21 pace)
3rd Loop (4 Miles) - 35:56 (8:59 pace)
Total: 16 miles – 2:30:30 (9:25 pace)

My training schedule was calling for me to run this at my intended marathon pace (9:09) + 45 to 60 seconds per mile, but that seems way too slow to be doing my long runs, so again I started at a 9:45 pace and tried to pick it up as I went along. I still felt strong at the end of this run, so it’s possible that I might need to increase the pace a little more on my long runs, but there’s still time for that between now and January.

Splitting it Negative Style

If you are one of those unfortunate souls who reads Nitmos’ blog, Feet Meet Street, then you probably remember a post on Friday in which he discussed the challenge of running negative splits. His rhetoric, *checks dictionary* yes rhetoric, while causing my eyes to bleed a little, also caused me to pause for a moment of introspection (curse you for this, Nitmos!). It caused me to think back to a time when my long runs felt faster and I began to remember that earlier in the year I almost always ran negative splits on my long runs. I even mentioned in this post that I had been setting my Garmin’s digital training partner to the goal pace, letting him get out ahead of me, and then reeling him in over the last half of the run.

After this time of enlightenment and meditation ended on Friday I checked my training plan and saw that it was calling for a 15 mile run at a 9:45 pace on Saturday. Up until Saturday the longest I had ever run was 13.1 miles and my average paces on my last 4 long runs were 10:34, 9:44, 9:34, and 10:15. This has been somewhat frustrating because before the Georgetown Half I was completing long runs at a pace somewhere around 9:15 to 9:20. Nevertheless, I decided that I would attempt this longest run of my life on Saturday using negative splits. The plan was to run two 6 mile loops and a 3 mile loop so that I could consume water and Clif Shot Gels at the end of each loop, freeing me to run without the fuel belt and making me look much cooler. I wanted to run the first loop at the 9:45 pace and then have each loop get progressively faster, here’s how it worked out:

Loop 1 (6mi): 58:28 - 9:45 pace. BAM! Right on target.
Loop 2 (6mi): 55:37 - 9:17 pace. Stay on target. Stay on target.
Loop 3 (3mi): 27:48 - 9:16 pace. Whew! That was close!
Total Time: 2:21:56 - 9:28 pace.

My fastest 2 miles were the 13th and the 14th but then I really crapped out on the final mile which is why the 3rd loop was almost a positive split. All in all I was pleased with this run, but I still have a lot of work to do.

For those of you who don’t remember Nitmos’ post (easily forgiven as it wasn’t very memorable) or who don’t read his blog, this is what he said on Friday:

“I am suggesting that a negative split is the sign of a seasoned, well trained, and developed runner. Either that or someone who started out woefully slower than their ability so had an abundance of energy late.”

I think he just called me a seasoned, well trained, and developed runner. If that doesn’t convince you that Nitmos’ has no idea what he’s talking about then I don’t know what will. I mean, I’m definitely ‘developed’, and you might even say handsome, witty, charming and urbane, *checks dictionary* yes urbane, but seasoned and well trained? Hardly.

Update: Congrats to Viper who finished the Towpath Marathon (his second marathon in as many weeks) with a new PR. As of right now he hasn’t posted about it, but his sidebar has been updated with his new time. Congrats!

A Mid Week Long Run? Say It Ain’t So!

This weekend is going to be busy, and I’m not sure that I’ll have time for my regularly scheduled suck-fest otherwise known as my long run. Because I’m so dedicated, I am going to run 12 miles this evening after work and call that my long run for the week. I’ve been working to increase my mileage the past couple of weeks in anticipation of the beginning of the end, otherwise known as my official marathon training plan.

As mentioned previously, I am using the FIRST plan and have decided to blend their two marathon plans together to formulate my very own personalized marathon training plan because I wanted a happy medium between one 20 miler versus five of them. The first timer’s training plan was 18 weeks long and the old timer’s plan was 16 weeks, naturally when I blended them together I opted for a 16 week plan. What this means is that training for the PF Chang’s RNR Arizona Marathon officially begins next Monday, but since I am planning my runs on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday I guess it actually begins next Tuesday... unless of course something else comes up and/or I sleep in Tuesday morning and then the training plan begins next Wednesday, but Wednesday’s are no good for me so at that point I’ll just push it back to the following week. This whole rigid training plan is a pretty fluid concept, but I tentatively anticipate that I’ll probably start training sometime next week. Maybe.

What I am sure of is that I’m running 12 miles tonight after work and that it will be a horrifically unpleasant event. I’m so excited I can hardly wait. I hate mid week long runs like Amy Winehouse hates being sober, I hate them like Nitmos hates children. Long runs are much better suited to the weekend. When you do your long run on a weeknight it takes up your whole night, at least it does if you’re as slow as I am. Even more depressing is that I’m totally going to miss the premiere of Lipstick Jungle wait, no, not Lipstick Jungle, I meant to say Knight Rider. Fast cars and violent, action-packed chase scenes, GRRRRRR!

Chicks Dig the Long Run

A quick perusal of my always exciting running log tells me that I haven’t run double digit miles in over two months. That’s appalling, especially when you take into consideration that I have the Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon approaching quickly. I’m feeling the need to get longer, which is actually very easy according to the forty e-mails a week that I find in my spam folder. Anyway, I’ll be putting in some long runs over the next few weekends and hoping that the last minute cramming technique will serve me as well in my running as it did in my skooling. Hoo boy, I’m screwed!

I may even throw in some double digit runs in the middle of the week which is unheard of for me. I was giving serious thought to putting in a 10 miler this morning but I forgot was too lazy to get up early enough to squeeze it in before work and the forecast calls for temperatures in the low 100s today. My run tonight will depend greatly on the temperature when I get home from work, but I’m hoping to gut out an 8 miler at the very least.

My fear is that I have been too focused on getting faster and have forgotten that I need to maintain a healthy long run. By way of example, my last run was only 4 miles but it did include some 4 x 800s. Hey, everyone else is doing them, I thought I should too.

Interval 1: 3:39 (7:18 pace)
Interval 2: 3:46 (7:32 pace)
Interval 3: 3:41 (7:22 pace)
Interval 4: 3:45 (7:30 pace)

At this rate I will have no problem maintaining my goal pace for my upcoming half marathon... right up until I hit 7 miles, at which point I expect the lungnuts will come loose and the wheels will fall off the wagon. The only saving grace here is that the second half of this course is downhill (as is the first half) which means that I might just be able to tumble all the way to the finish. Let’s call that Plan B. Plan A will be for me to get in some more double digit runs over the next 3 weeks so as to stave off the biggest fade since Kid ‘N Play took the mic.

How to Ice Bath

So you just finished up your long run, your legs are tired and you’re considering an ice bath but you’re not sure if you want to put up with the torture of sitting in ice cold water. As you often do when confronted with an unpleasant running situation you find yourself wondering “What Would Vanilla Do?” The answer to that question always runs through the path of least resistance, which you will no doubt see by reading on.

Far too often people go overboard with the ice, this is a MISTAKE! I recommend that you begin with 2 cups of ice. Now I know you’re thinking that 2 cups of ice doesn’t sound like anywhere close to enough, but hear me out on this.

Place the 2 cups of ice into a medium sized pitcher. Bathe the ice by adding the following:

• 12 oz silver tequila. I am partial to the Milagro Silver Tequila, but you can use whatever tickles your fancy.
• 8 oz Cointreau.
• 8 oz freshly squeezed lime juice. Some people substitute frozen limeade concentrate here but it really tastes better with fresh lime juice.

Take the leftover lime skins and use them to wet the rim of your glass, then dip the glass into a plate of coarse salt - your body loses salt when you sweat you know.

Mix the contents of the pitcher well and then pour over ice into your already salted glass. Finally add a small umbrella or better yet a palm tree with a monkey on it. Some people may call this ‘girly’ or may disparage your manhood, but I never really liked those people anyway. If they’re laughing it’s just because they’re jealous and you don’t need them. Everyone knows a margarita tastes better when garnished with a monkey in a palm tree and it really adds to the ambiance.

Finally take your margarita out to the HOT TUB, being careful not to step on a pop-top or blow out your flip-flops, and climb in. Relax your aching muscles. During these cold winter months you will want to remember to bring the pitcher out with you so that you don’t get too cold running back in to refill your glass. Also, Half-Fast advises against ‘running’ to and from a hot tub after you’ve had a couple of margaritas. Remember, safety first.

Speedo’s are prohibited, swimming trunks are optional.

Best ice bath ever? Best ice bath ever.

Editorial Note: I am aware that I have some Mormon readers and perhaps there are some other teetotalers out there. Feel free to replace the margarita with a delightful Arnold Palmer (one part lemonade, one part iced-tea) and enjoy a sober soak in the hot tub. For the record, a sober soak in a hot tub still beats an inebriated soak in an ice bath.

UPDATE: The Editor is an idiot. Mormon commenter Topher informed me that Mormons do not partake of the tea either. Really? Even if it’s decaf? I thought it was just a caffeine thing. Anyway, I’m changing my suggestion to Freckled Lemonade. Enjoy.