Winter Gear

The end of daylight savings time is depressing. The days feel shorter, it’s colder outside, it’s harder to see when I’m out running, if I didn’t know any better I’d think that I was dying. Of course I’m not dying, at least not any more than the rest of you are. In these cold and dark times I need some advice. What do you wear when you go running in the cold darkness of winter?

Viper has a couple of posts about good reflective wear and how to stay warm. I’m really liking the Reflecto-Vest idea but I need some more ideas on warm gear to run in before I end up freezing. No one wants to see Vanilla, ice. Wow, look at that - the jokes really do write themselves (not very well, but by themselves nonetheless).

I currently own one warm running shirt that wicks away sweat and keeps me warm, the one you see in the picture above. I wear the ski mask thing over my nose so that it doesn’t freeze and so I cannot smell my one and only winter running shirt, which often goes running multiple times between washes. If you’re running the 8 on the 8th, you should be glad it’s a virtual race because you won't have to smell my running shirt unless you live in Colorado or maybe Nebraska or Kansas if it’s windy.

When that shirt is in the wash I usually go with an Under Armor heat gear compression shirt and a hooded sweatshirt. This works OK and has the added benefit of making me feel like Rocky Balboa or LL Cool J “I’m gonna knock you out, Mama said knock you out!”

So let’s hear it. What do you wear when it’s cold out? Oh, and before any of you year-round-warm-climate folks chime in with chippy remarks about how you don’t have to worry about this kind of thing, allow me to invite you to help yourselves to a bucketful of SHUT UP JUICE! Yeah, you know who you are.

8 on the 8th

If you haven’t yet heard of 8 on the 8th then you probably suck at the internets. Nancy is organizing a virtual 8 mile race that will take place on the 8th of December and everyone is invited. I was originally scheduled to run 10 miles on the 8th so I will just run a couple of cool down miles after I’m done (yeah right) or I’ll add a couple of miles to one of my other runs that week (not likely), at the very least I will add a 2 mile run to my schedule to make up the miles (not happening).

In order to encourage you all to participate I’ve put together the following list of reasons why you should sign up for 8 on the 8th:

• Pick your own course. I’m going to drive up into the foothills and run all 8 miles on the steepest downhill stretch of road that I can find. Sure I could end up tripping and falling for a half mile, but that’s just less distance that I have to run. Here’s a peek at my 1600 foot elevation drop 8 miler.
• Race start time works out perfectly with your schedule. If you’re late, they won’t start the race until you get there. I am sooooo sleeping in.
• Entry fee fits in perfectly with your budget. Have you ever heard of a race that’s free to enter?
• No annoying online registration forms to fill out. Simply let Nancy know that you’re participating over at her blog or join the 8 on the 8th group over at the Runners Lounge.
• You won’t get chicked. (I guess you could get virtually chicked, but you won’t see it happening).
• No annoying lines for the porta-potties before the start. Better yet, no porta-potties period.
• No race pictures of you walking and looking exhausted.
• No backlog at the starting line.
• No rules disallowing headphones, dogs or jogging strollers.
• No timing chip to attach or to fall off.
• No waiting for your official time to post.
• No one will cut you off or yell “on your left” as they pass you.
• Post race beer is your favorite beer and is not served in wimpy 8oz cans. (The downside is that it’s not free, but if you’re like me you’re taking the $30 - $40 you saved by not paying a race fee and using that to procure some post race refreshments.)
• You get to run a race against Vanilla. Despite the fact that I’ll be running a downhill course many of you will still beat me and will have bragging rights for the foreseeable future. I welcome any trash talk in the comments which will be promptly met with responses of “I know you are but what am I” or “Your Momma!”

Go Run

I don’t know about you but I want to go out and run right now.

I don’t remember where I first saw that video but everyone that has recently posted it on their blog kept saying that they stole it from someone else, I tried following the links so that I could give credit to the original poster but it got boring quickly. So if you would like credit for that video just claim it in the comments and it will be just as if I gave you the credit myself. During my endless clicking through blogs I did however, discover something worth sharing with you.

I’ve always maintained that if you ever take the time to read an elite athlete’s blog you will be bored to tears. Every one I’ve ever tried to read has been dryer than a Chicago Marathon water stop. It appears that I’m going to have to modify my thinking on this issue though. Allow me to introduce Chuckie V and Tim Luchinske. Chuckie V is, according to his own words “... a has-been pro triathlete/cyclist and past Ironman winner.” Tim Luchinske’s blog tells us that he’s a “15 time Ironman, ex-professional triathlete.. [who is] switching to the marathon. In my 3rd attempt I placed 5th at the Denver marathon in 2:30.” Well I’m sorry to tell you Tim, but you didn’t finish in Denver until AFTER I had already finished. (Editor’s Note: I only ran the half marathon.)

Both of their blogs are quite funny and they give advice that is actually worth listening to, unlike my advice which usually consists of things like “be careful not to pee on your shoes” or “don’t jump onto a moving treadmill”. In one post on Tim Luchinske’s blog he talks about showing up at a 10K race, checking out the competition at the starting line and figuring that he could probably win. Ho Hum. No big deal. He then goes on to win in a time of 33:00. Yeah, I hate him too. Although I must admit I do the same thing at all my races. I check out the runners who are there and as I make my way back to the 9:00 minute/mile pace corral I think to myself “crap, if those 300 people ahead of me hadn’t shown up I might have had a shot at winning my age group.”

Site News

Check it out. Half-Fast now comes with tabs. They’re sugar free and they taste better than any diet cola because I care about my readers. I’ve felt for some time now that the side bar on the right was getting a little cluttered so some of those things have been moved into the tabs that you now hopefully see below the banner image. I like the new look and I hope that you do too. If you have any technical problems with the site please let me know, if you have any problems with the content of the site you can stick it in your ear.

Also, consider this post fair warning that Half-Fast will be selling out sometime in the near future. I’ve always wondered what would possess people to have those Google Ads plastered all over their blogs, but did you guys know that they pay you to put those Ads on your site? Crazy huh? I looked into putting Google Ads on Half-Fast a few months ago but I was only going to make 3¢ /month and quite frankly it was insulting, I felt that my time and effort was worth more than 3¢/month. However, Christmas is coming up and if I’m really honest my time and effort might not be worth more than 3¢/month.

And now, in honor of my new tabs I leave you with a 1960s Tab commercial that oozes awesome, and chauvinistic overtones.


Ladies, are you a mindsticker?

Weekend Splits

Weekend Splits is my recap of things that I found interesting or humorous over the past week. If you have a submission for the weekend splits e-mail me.

I’m going to begin the Weekend Splits today on a serious note (a little ironic after the way I started out my previous post, I know). Bolder in Boulder is a great Triathlete blog. This past week he shared the story of losing his wife to breast cancer and announced a call to action for all bloggers. I can't say what he says any better than he did so I’ll just provide a link to the story.

Another Triathlete blog, Crash FistFight has a side-splitting-kick-you-in-the-crotch-spit-on-your-neck-hilarious entry that takes you on a magical journey down the virtual fashion catwalk of a 1977 JC Penny catalog. I had to close my office door when I read it because I was laughing so hard. I’ve since seen this posted various other places, but I first saw it at Crash FistFight so he get’s the nod here. UPDATE: The post has seemingly been taken down. You can find it at 15 minute lunch (original author, I believe).

Crabby McSlacker wins the award for goodest news of the week with what I will simply refer to as the Beer Post. The Beer Post over at Cranky Fitness, talks about a study that was done by some science-y people at some scientific institution or something, the details of which are not important. What is important is that these “experts” determined that drinking beer after a workout may actually help you rehydrate better than only drinking water. Predictably, Viper at The Booze Hounds Inc. Running Team was all over this idea this idea like ‘loud’ on a drunk, giving it his full support and endorsement. Now all we need is for someone to tell us that bacon is the best post race recovery food. Woo Hoo! Bacon and Beer after your run! Link to actual study.

Mary over at Sheesh lists 2 things she likes about running. Number 1: Stopping. I couldn’t agree more. Being done with your run is a great feeling, also from now on, stopping running = starting drinking beer. So, it’s got that going for it too. The number 2 thing... I’m not going to give away the whole post. Head on over there and read it for yourself. Also, check out the 2 things she hates about running. (Mary, you only have two?!?)

With Leather breaks the news that recent NYC Marathon winner Martin Lel was aided in his victory by his trainer’s adherence to carb loading and celibacy. Apparently Lel’s trainer had him eating pasta for lunch and dinner 4 days prior to the race and kept his girlfriend away from him for a fortnight. Lel’s trainer must subscribe to the theory of “no boom boom before big race.” Me on the other hand, I don’t just load up on carbs the night before a race, I... wait... you probably don’t need to hear that...

Random Non-Running Related Video of the Week
A pair of 8 year old twins were sick of being bullied and being given wedgies, their solution: Wedgie Proof Underwear. Fortunately for you dear reader, FOX News reported this hard-hitting exposé of bullying and the technology used to fight back, so there is video evidence to view.


This is nothing new, I own several pairs of tear-away underwear not because I’m afraid of bullies but because that’s how we sexy people get out of our underwear. BAM!! I just ripped off my underwear! Does that blow your mind? Incidentally I believe that this is the only time that it is OK to ask an 8 year-old boy “is your underwear around your knees?” without having charges filed against you. Sicko!
Thanks to Geekologie for the video.

A "Serious" Review of the Garmin Forerunner

Among the comments from yesterday’s post were several that I am resisting the urge to focus on. However there was one comment that caught my attention. Amanda, who eats hills for breakfast, asked “but seriously I want to know what you think of [the Garmin]?” Amanda, I am offended by your use of the word seriously. We do not do ANYTHING seriously here at Half-Fast, you should know better. What I can offer you are my real opinions of the Garmin couched in juvenile humor and sarcasm. It’s what I do best.

Last night I strapped on my Garmin Forerunner 205 and headed out for a 5 mile run. What I liked the most about the Garmin is that it let’s other runners know that I’m a serious runner. When I passed people on the trail our eyes would lock for a fleeting second and I could tell that they were thinking “not only is that the prettiest man I’ve ever seen, but he is also clearly a serious runner.” I like the Garmin because it is a status symbol, just like the Starbucks coffee that I take into the office everyday. My Starbucks let’s everyone know that I’m too good for the break room coffee and I’m wealthy enough to do something about it, i.e. pay $5.48 for a grande, non-fat, no-whip, half-caf, extra hot, vanilla latte.

Some of the other features that I liked:

• Auto Pause. Whenever I stopped at a crosswalk the Garmin automatically stopped the timer. It took about 3 - 4 seconds to pause and only 1 - 2 seconds to restart so technically it was stealing a few seconds from me at every stop, but it’s a cool feature nonetheless.
• Auto Lap. I set the Garmin to begin a new lap every mile allowing me to analyze my mile splits at the end of the workout.
• Distance Alerts. It can be set to beep at you every mile (or whatever distance you select).
• Digital Training Partner. I didn’t use this feature but I will, and I’m pretty sure I’ll love it, unless my digital training partner keeps beating me.
• Accuracy. I ran a route that I’ve mapped out many times on various pedometers as well as on Gmaps Pedometer and the Garmin appears to be very accurate.
• Pace. I’ve read complaints elsewhere about the pace being erratic, but it seemed to be pretty much dead on right from the start. Of course I’m in Colorado so I’m a mile closer to the satellites than all of you flatlanders.

Some of the things I disliked:

• I disliked that it made me do stupid things, like running with my wrist near the ground and then leaping into the air and throwing my hand up high just to see if I could get it to register a 9 foot spike in elevation. (Didn’t work by the way.)
• I disliked that it does not have a backlight to illuminate the display which led to me only looking at the Garmin when I ran under a street light. Of course when I got home I discovered that the Garmin DOES have a backlight which is very easy to use, I’m an idiot.
  All in all, there was nothing that I disliked.

I love my new Garmin and I’ve only run with it once. Maybe I’ll post a more complete review after I get more familiar with it, but until then I need everyone’s help with something. My digital training partner needs a name. He needs an identity so that I can motivate myself to beat him and talk trash to him as I run. My wife suggested I call him Chocolate, since I’m Vanilla and that would be opposite. You can’t see it but I’m rolling my eyes and groaning as I type this. My idea (Chump) wasn’t any better. Please tell me that you are all more creative than we are. Your suggestions in the comments.

My New Garmin Forerunner

I’ve never been so excited to try out a new toy in my entire life. I took my Garmin Forerunner 205 out of the box and read the entire manual on Tuesday night and on Wednesday night I was ready to go put it to the test.

The first thing I noticed was how freakin’ huge it was. Look how big it is on my manly wrist? (picture right) I would put it around my ankle but then I’d just look like someone under house arrest or Lindsay Lohan when she had that ankle monitor, and if I looked like Lohan I’d have to spend even more time in front of the mirror, naked.

So I strapped it on and started my run. I decided beforehand that I wasn’t going to keep looking at because a) that’s how faceplants are born and b) I didn’t want to be distracted from my run. After a few minutes though, my curiosity got the best of me and I looked at it to see how it was doing. Nothing. I was disappointed to find it staring blankly back at me. The timer was running but there was no distance displayed, no pace, nothing. I kept running until I had gone a mile, hoping that it would start to pick something up. No luck. It was not registering that I had gone any distance at all.

At that point I was so disappointed and mad that I just got off the treadmill and put it back in the box!

I’ll give it one more chance tomorrow when I run outside and if it still doesn’t work I’ll be shipping it back with a strongly worded letter!

Katie Holmes is Running

Katie must’ve dropped something. Too bad it wasn’t that freakshow husband of hers.
You've probably already heard that Katie Holmes ran the NYC Marathon this past weekend and you’ve probably already seen the pictures. You’re probably thinking that I’m awfully late to the table with this entry but quite frankly Half-Fast has never claimed to be quick on the uptake, nor has it ever been considered a source for breaking news. Yes, all the best jokes have already been written by others and there’s very little left for me to say. Why then would I go ahead and post this blog entry? Because it gave me an excuse to Google pictures of Katie Holmes, and because if I don’t mention it on Half-Fast then it never really happened.

As much as I applaud Katie Holmes for running the NYC marathon I’d prefer that she stick to what she does best: Cavorting around in my dreams sans underwear while we play in the warm surf of the Caribbean waters, giggling as our toes sink into the sand. Later we’ll go back to the cabana and I’ll quote French poetry to her as she gazes at me in wonderment, all the while wanting to... uhmm... what? Sorry about that. I was just getting caught up in the moment.

Hey look! It’s just like my dreams! She’s not wearing a bra! At least that’s what someone told me. I didn’t actually notice that she wasn’t wearing a bra, in fact, I’m not even sure how one would be able to tell if that was the case or not.

Ahh yes. Nothing says “loving husband” like dreaming of another woman on your wife’s birthday. Happy Birthday babe! I love you!

Many thanks to reader and fellow celeb stalker, Marcy for the tip on this story.

Katie finished the NYC Marathon in 5:29:58 which equates to a pace of 12:36 per mile. I mention this only to add some legitimacy to this post. Now, back to that dream that I was having. Where were we? Oh yes... gazes at me in wonderment, all the while wanting to...

An Extra Hour You Say?

I hope that everyone took advantage of the time change over the weekend, and I don’t mean by just getting an extra hour of sleep. What better way is there for a runner to enjoy that extra hour other than to be running. Better yet, to be PR-ing. Think about the possibilities here, time doesn’t just stand still, it rewinds.

Like most of the great ideas that I have this one came to me too late to matter, but let me outline the plan for next year. I will head out for my run at 1:50 am without using a watch to time myself but rather I will simply note the time on my cell phone (because it updates to the time change automatically). Assuming that I haven’t gotten any faster I will complete a 13.1 mile run in roughly 2 hours. However, when I finish and look at my cell phone to determine how long it took me I will see that the current time is 2:50 am and my awesome powers of deduction will reveal that I have just run a half marathon in 1 hour! That’s a new PR by almost a full hour! Hooray for me!

Join me next year as I attempt to PR during the time change. When you get into the office on Monday and everyone’s talking about how they liked that extra hour of sleep or how they hate that it gets dark so early, you can be the one who actually has something interesting to share.

If there isn’t already some kind of organized race that takes advantage of the time change then there should be. They could call it the ‘Sprint Forward at Fall Back’ or the ‘Half-Fast Half Marathon’ since it was my idea. I could totally BQ if they were taking an hour off my time.

Weekend Splits

Weekend Splits is my recap of things that I found interesting or humorous over the past week. If you have a submission for the weekend splits e-mail me.


Finally we have an answer to the question that has plagued the minds of scientists and intellectuals for decades. If the world’s fastest speed walker is in mortal danger he runs! And you thought that there was nothing good on Japanese television.

Kelly from Fitness Fixation is here to pump you up with her article on Weight Lifting for Women which is actually posted over at Straight to the Bar. I like Fitness Fixation a lot. I go there for my daily dose of badassery and fitness advice laced with swearing (swearing and fitness go hand in hand). If you only read one fitness blog a day... well... then you should just keep reading Half-Fast, but if you read more than that, Fitness Fixation ought to be one of them.

The Running Laminator posted the Top 10 Things that he won’t miss about marathon training. I love top 10 lists, but I’m not going to lie to you. I still haven’t figured out why he named himself The Running Laminator? I know, I know, it’s ironic that a guy who called himself Vanilla is posing that question.

P.O.M. posted a hilarious Ode to her muffin top. To be quite honest I didn’t even know what a muffin top was until I read her post. I do know that the Atlanta Bread Company has the best Muffin Tops in the entire country. That Mocha Chocolate Chip is simply to die for, and you don’t even have to worry about whether or not to eat the bottom part of the muffin because you only bought the top! How do they make just the tops? Do they throw away the bottoms? Boy I sure hope not.

Finally, I’d like to point out that voting for the 2007 Weblog Awards is currently taking place. Half-Fast officially supports The Lawsons do Dallas! under the category of Funniest Blog and Kissing Suzy Kolber (R Rated for Language) under the category of Best Sports Blog. Please take 30 seconds and go vote, if you need more encouragement go read Amy’s plea for help which includes... you guessed it... a Top 10 list! Yay!

Random Non-Running Related Video of the Week
I’ve said before that radio DJs are morons, but the evidence that is mounting against them is piling up faster than beer bottles in the back of Kiefer Sutherland’s car. The screams in the video below are even funnier in slow motion.


That’s not a divot that you can replace, genius. The good news is that he probably just took himself out of the gene pool so we won’t have to suffer through any of this idiot’s children. Have a great weekend everyone!

Video credit to With Leather for both videos.