Set Bowels to Liquefy

Well, there’s no other way to put it: I’ve got the squirts. Actually I suppose there might be another way to put it, a more polished way of letting you all know that my excrement flows from my posterior like my prose flows onto the page, but that just wouldn’t be my style. It also begs the question of why I felt the need to let you all know about the fluidity of my bowel movements and the answer is two-fold like my wallet.

1. It pertains to my upcoming race because I’ve dropped two pounds in the last 24 hours which can only help me accomplish my goal in my upcoming 10K right? Less weight to carry = faster race. If I can stay sick right up until Sunday then I might lose 12-15 lbs. Score!
2. It makes for a fantastic excuse if I don’t make my 50 minute goal. Pay attention all of you who are rookie runners, you can learn from this. I set my goal in yesterday’s post, and in today’s post I am already preparing my excuses in case I fail. I have upper management written all over me.

Well that’s all for today because I’ve got to go. I mean I really have to go, I feel a fart coming on and that’s far too dangerous an endeavor to attempt unless I’m seated on the throne.

Warning: This post contains some disturbing mental images and probably should not be read during lunchtime.

Note: The above warning should be read before reading the rest of the post.