Drinking Induces Exercise

Good news everyone, according to an article that I read yesterday on WebMD, drinking alcoholic beverages on a regular basis makes you more likely to exercise. Even better, the more you drink the more likely you are to work out and I found the article on the internet so you know it’s true.

The study, performed by Michael T. French, PhD, from the University of Miami reports that “Compared with abstainers, light drinkers exercised 5.7 more minutes per week, moderate drinkers 10.1 more minutes, and heavy drinkers 19.9 more minutes.” Finally a French man does something useful for a change. (You see what I did there?) So the next time you find yourself lacking motivation to get out there and run, Dr. French and I both suggest that you pour yourself a stiff drink and watch your motivation soar. You’ll be running in no time, running out of Jack Daniels that is.

If you think that’s good news wait until you hear the rest. The study classifies ‘heavy drinkers’ as men who have upwards of 76 drinks in a month. That seems high to me but who am I to argue with a PhD? This means that at worst I’m a ‘moderate drinker’ and maybe even a ‘light drinker’ by their standards. You hear that friends and family members, I’m not a heavy drinker so you can take your interventions and stick ‘em in your ear. In fact, drinking leads to exercise and exercise is good for you, ergo drinking is good for you. (That’s deductive reasoning at its finest.) I will point out however, that most of your runs probably last longer than 19.9 minutes so you’ll want to go ahead and exceed the study limits of what constitutes a ‘heavy drinker’ just to make sure that you have all the motivation that you need for that 16 miler.

In summation, drinking adds minutes to your exercise routine. Now I’m not sure how all this science stuff works, but I think it’s pretty safe to conclude from this study that heavy drinking leads to increased endurance while running. Bottoms up running friends!

Fantasy Football League Update
As of this morning we had 7 out of 12 spots filled and we need to fill the other 5 spots by the end of the day otherwise the league gets disbanded and we’ll all be sad. :( So if you want to play or were thinking of playing you should go sign up. Do it now. (League Password is: fartlek)

There’s No Running in Margaritaville...

... which is why I left work early and got my run in before going to the restaurant last night. Those of you who were hoping for a video of me running falling on the treadmill after imbibing some margaritas! are just going to have to wait because I’m sure it will happen some day. Yes, I had a margarita! with dinner and no, that is not cause for revoking my man card as some of you had hoped. I mean, take a look at this picture and tell me that’s not manly.

I hold it with my pinkie extended because I’m classy!
Incidentally this is not the first time that some of you have clamored for my man card. There have been various attempts at confiscating it here, here, here and here (which is ridiculous since my wife wrote that post!), but I’m happy to report that I am still firmly in possession of it. I keep it right here in my man-bag with my guyliner. You can have my man card when you pry it from my cold, dead, well-manicured hands you heathen barbarians!

Ha! Just when you thought that Nitmos was going to have the unmanliest post of the day all locked up I slap you with this one. Winner: me! Wait... I won right?

Streak Update

I thought it would be nice if I used pictures of different streakers each time I gave a streak update and since the last Streakapalooza post featured a man streaking this one features a woman. Quick lesson for all you current and future streakers out there: If you’re going to streak a sporting event then do it right and remove all your clothes. Streaking in your underwear is like sending out those e-mails promising naked Jessica Biel pictures that end up downloading viruses to my computer, at first you’re all excited and filled with hope but then it’s nothing but disappointment. It would be like Googling “naked Jessica Biel pictures” and winding up and some stupid running blog. See how disappointed you are.

So far I’ve run every day in the month of June except today, but fear not I still have plenty of time to get in today’s run. Actually, I’m supposed to meet some folks after work tonight at the Rio for dinner and yes, you guessed it, margaritas! (I think whenever you write margaritas! it should have an exclamation point behind it.) I’m either going to have to leave work a little early to get my run in or try to run on the treadmill tonight after dinner and margaritas! Either way it sounds like a good time.

For the first week or so it was kind of fun to try and run every day but the novelty is definitely starting to wear off. The one thing that it has done is made me more dedicated to finding time to run. For example if the above situation would have occurred last month I would have already postponed today’s run in order to order some margaritas! and spicy Mexican food, instead I find myself figuring out how to run despite the other things that are going on. Don’t worry too much though, in true Half-Fast spirit I’m certain that once we hit July I’ll be back to postponing runs at the drop of a hat, especially if it’s my running hat. Can you imagine running in a hat that had just been dropped on the ground and was all dirty? Ewww, gross! You would have to wash the hat first and let it dry which would put your running on hold for at least a couple of days. Man, I wish July would hurry up and get here, I am just bubbling with good excuses not to run!

Don’t Drink and Run

With Memorial Day weekend already upon us many folks will be reminding you not to drink and drive as you celebrate your 3 day release from work. That’s solid advice, but I don’t think it goes far enough. I’m reminding you not to drink and run this holiday weekend, at least not in that order. As with drinking and driving, drinking and running is only safe when performed in the reverse order: Run first, then drink. The video clip that follows is Adam Savage of Mythbusters demonstrating what happens when you get drunk and then run on a treadmill.

I love Mythbusters. Where else on TV are you going to see a clip of a drunk guy running on a treadmill filmed with a high speed camera? I’m not sure if this clip has been aired on the show yet but this version of it includes Adam’s commentary of what he was thinking each step of the way.


Have a great Memorial Day everyone, I’ll catch you all on the flip side with a race report from the Bolder Boulder. I’d post my bib number for those of you who can’t wait until Tuesday to learn how I did but I don’t remember it so you’ll just have to look me up by name. I’m assuming that you’ve already figured out my real name, what with those creepy, stalker tendencies that you display. Don’t make me get a restraining order, you sicko.

Getting Back on the Wagon

Can someone please give me a hand back up onto the running bandwagon? I seem to be having some problems getting motivated and given that I’ve only run 9 miles since the marathon I don’t have much to write about. I’ve been sitting here staring at this blank text box for a while trying to come up with ideas but I’m feeling totally RazZDoodle’d. Yesterday, I was determined to run. I set my mind to it while the day was still young and even left work a little early so that I would have plenty of daylight remaining.

But then I arrived home, and there was a little bit of wind and I was all “Well I hate the wind and I don’t have a race coming up so maybe I could skip another day of running,” and my wife, bless her heart was all “I ran 7 miles on the treadmill today, you could use the treadmill like I did,” and I had to fight really hard to stop myself from doing that thing that kids do where they repeat what you just said but in a squeaky, high-pitched voice like they’re mimicking you. So I just kind of procrastinated a little until it started to get close to dinner time and then I asked my wife what she was making for dinner in a totally loving and not at all chauvinistic way, because sometimes if she’s making something that isn’t very exciting it makes me want to go run just to take my mind off the fact that dinner isn’t going to be exciting tonight. Anyway, Candis told me that she was making guacamole and that we were going to be having tacos, then as if it just occurred to her she was all “Oh, and if you like I could whip up a pitcher of margaritas” and all of a sudden running was totally out of the question. I guess the point I’m driving at here is that margaritas go really well with chips and guacamole, don’t they? And also that I didn’t run last night because when your choices are ‘running’ or ‘margaritas and Mexican food’ then you take the margaritas and Mexican food and you don’t look back.

I didn’t run this morning before work either, because I had margaritas and Mexican food last night and that’s not conducive to getting up at the butt-crack of dawn and running. So, perhaps I’ll run tonight or perhaps I’ll come up with another excuse, stay tuned tomorrow to find out what happens. (Speaking of excuses, you can win free stuff over at the Runners’ Lounge if you can come up with creative excuses like me.)

Finally, I apologize for that second paragraph up there, I just went back and read it and I think my writing might have slipped back to a grade school level because it sounds an awful lot like those posts featuring the literary stylings of a young Vanilla and I don’t want to go back to those habits where I avoided periods (or full stop’s as we called them in England) like I’m now avoiding running, but now that I think of it, I guess maybe this is just the circle of life coming full circle, so to speak. Whatever that means.

[Expletive Laden Title]

Until Saturday morning I was able to count myself as one of those fortunate runners who had never suffered a running injury. Until Saturday. I really don’t have the words to describe how frustrated I am right now, but that’s only because this is a PG-13 blog and I try to avoid using words like [censored], [redacted], or mother[expletive]!

At the end of my first run of the week I noticed a twinge in the back of my right knee. I skipped my midweek run due to other commitments, although I used the aforementioned twinge to justify skipping the run. Then on a brisk Saturday morning I headed out for a 17 mile run (my longest run to date). Through the first 5 miles things were going swimmingly. I was feeling good and the pain behind my right knee was barely noticeable at all. I stopped at a crosswalk and waited for the traffic to stop. The cars stopped, the walk signal lit up, and I took off at my crosswalk pace, which is a little faster than my usual pace because there are more people watching at crosswalks. I made it two steps before wondering who was stabbing the back of my right knee with a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils. I stumbled, hopped and caught myself from falling before beginning the walk of shame. No, not that walk of shame, the runner’s walk of shame. You know, the one where people see you walking in all your running attire and know that you’re a quitter. Yeah, that was me on Saturday.

I walked for a minute, barely able to put weight on my right leg before deciding to try running again. Yes, you read that right, even though it was difficult to put weight on my right leg I thought I’d give running another try. Needless to say, it did not go well. I actually ended up calling Candis and telling asking her politely to come and pick me up so that I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame all the way home. It sucked.

Since Saturday morning I’ve just been R.I.C.E.-ing it (Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation for those of you who aren’t ‘in the know’). Except, the Ice was really, really cold and I didn’t like that so I replaced icing my knee with drinking beer, and that seems to be just as effective at relieving my pain. And then I also modified ‘resting’ to be ‘watching football’ which is still pretty relaxing even though it often involves me raising my voice at the TV. I don’t have anything to compress my knee with either so I changed ‘compressing’ with ‘nachos’ because nachos go great with football and beer. Elevating my knee worked out OK, but I usually have my feet up when I’m watching football anyway so I changed ‘elevation’ to ‘hot-tubbing.’ Suffice it to say it was a pretty relaxing weekend, even taking into account the intermittent screaming out obscenities at my right knee, and on the plus side I did come up with a new injury recovery system for runners: F.B.N.H. which is short for Football, Beer, Nachos and Hot-tubbing. Sure, it’s not an easy to pronounce acronym like R.I.C.E. but it more than makes up for its difficult pronunciation in its enjoyment factor.

For those of you are wondering (including you Candis), no, I’m not going to see our family physician, those people are nothing more than witch doctors and voodoo specialists with their fancy cars, high priced degrees and white coats. No, I’ve always believed that laughter was the best medicine, which is why we took our kids to the circus instead of the pediatrician when it was time to get their measles, mumps, and rubella vaccination.

As if all this isn’t bad enough, the weather has been absolutely perfect for running these past few days in Colorado. I can’t tell you how many runners I’ve cursed at for having the nerve to be out running while I was injured. Have they no sense of decency? No compassion for a fellow runner? Those selfish rat-[censored] can kiss my [bleep]ing [expletive]!

Where’s Me Bloody Green Beer?

The following is a guest post by my wife. It is her race report from the St. Paddy’s Day 5K which she ran this past weekend.


The Highlands Ranch St. Patrick’s Day 5K forgot one key ingredient for a successful race. I’m sure that Booze Hounds would agree with me: You run a race for the free swag, you run a St. Patrick’s Day race for Free Green Beer!

I got a bottle of water, an apple, an orange and a new homes flier. I think federal inmates eat better. The swag bag looked like a stocking gone wrong from a RE/MAX Santa. I don’t want fruits sleighed across the border and I don’t want your organically grown Whole Foods oranges. I appreciate that no oranges were harmed by angry pesticides during growing or shipping, I eat them all week long after my runs. What I want after your race is ALCOHOL. You may decide what kind. Is it because it was 10am? Because I would have happily run later in the day, plus I’m pretty sure that rule doesn’t apply after a race or on vacation. I would also be willing to run it in the Bahamas- they would probably blend my fruit up with some rum for me. Is it because I only ran a 5K? I would run it again for some Free Green Beer.

Ian loves getting race shirts. It makes him feel cool. He can’t wear his running gear to the movies, so he likes to wear a shirt that proves his addiction. I however, am over cheap cotton, garish-logoed T-shirts that are going to look like a car rag in a month. They are just more shirts I’ll have to hide at the bottom of Ian’s shirt drawer. My St. Paddy’s Day wearable is a really soft white technical shirt! Best race shirt I ever got. Problem is they printed a clip art leprechaun in a tragically wrong green on the front and stamped company logos all over the back- I know those logos paid for the shirt, maybe next time they’ll spring for food. (OK, I’m over it. Really.)

The race was a Bolder Boulder qualifier- I say was because after they read this, it might not be. It was also not on St. Patrick’s Day but I don’t think the Bolder Boulder cares about that.

When my company plans social events we go over A LOT of details, sometimes we have to make small, last-minute changes. When I’m waiting for a race to start I often appreciate how well planned it is and notice how well the masses of people are routed. The Highlands Ranch St Patrick’s Day 5K was very well organized: the tents were well placed, there were extra staff to move cattle to appropriate lines, there was free, pre-race lukewarm Starbucks (hey, Starbucks is Starbucks), motivational music, a great announcer that was actually audible, and a warm pub that I could stand in and dream of... what else... green beer.

Ten minutes before the race, I began looking for the start. The finish was excitingly visible. No starting line… No wait, here it comes, race officials were bringing it up the street. (It wasn’t supposed to be on this street.) Last minute changes I guess, I hope they measured well from where it was supposed to be. Why did it get moved? It did make more sense in its new location, but it created one glitch- The course would cross the finish line 3 times. Really. After the announcer yelled “Go”, (I’m always disappointed- seriously call the track coach and get a starters pistol) runners crossed the finish line within the first tenth of a mile and then turned right. (#1) With a quarter mile remaining we ran past it again in the opposite direction (#2) and then looped back around a Cul de Sac and headed back to the finish (#3). After the first pass Ian overheard a volunteer say “they’re running back over this mat when they come back? That won’t work!” (Keep in mind all the racers were gone now.) “You can’t have people running both ways across the mat! You’ve got about twelve minutes to fix it!”

When you call a 5K a “run/walk” you obviously get some folks who are going to walk, you hope that they won’t line up towards the front. It’s really good to see that all those people are working on their fitness and trying to get faster. It’s refreshing, when so many people strap a Slendertone® to their green-beer gut and try to drop 50 pounds while eating their Sam’s Club Tub-O-Cheetos. (Sorry, soapbox.) I’d just be more refreshed if you wouldn’t work on your fitness WALKING 3 people across on a frickin’ bike trail. Again, people please etiquette! I realize my crabbing is ill-placed because the 21 minute 5K runners had no problem. They were long gone. Yes, I want to be Mrs. Half-Fast and for you to just stay out of the way!

That’s me in the middle, without the feather boa.

In the last 5K that I ran in September I posted a time of 34:18. [Ed. Note: Race report here] I read in Runner’s World that shaving 20 seconds off your time was impressive but I was not about to be impressed with a 20 second deduction.

With the sweat that I’ve invested, I’ve earned more than a 20 second return. I felt much stronger, faster, and more in control than I did at my last 5K. This was in part due to running with a Garmin and partially due to more intense training. I have been completing tempo runs at a 10:30 pace, so I knew that I could achieve that pace during this race. I was actually slightly faster as I finished in 31:54 (10:17 pace). A new PR! It felt good, even though I probably just screwed myself in the Shave Your 5K Challenge. As if that wasn’t enough, the FIRST plan calculates your training pace based on your current 5K time so my workouts will be speeding up. Additionally, the McMillan Calculator indicates that I should run the Bolder Boulder 10K in 1:06:16 which just sounds like crazy talk to me but I think Ian is expecting it now. [Ed. Note: Actually with 10 more weeks of training I’m expecting closer to an hour.]

Want to run faster? Train harder. It works and I hate it- during my FIRST intervals I’m pretty sure I curse under my breath- sometimes they slip out. (Confidential to the red-head with the Pekinese: Please tell your mommy I’m sorry you learned that word from me- someday you’ll understand.)

When Blogging Pays Off

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about CLIF Bar’s new recovery drink, a 2003 vintage Cabern-ade Sauvignon. In that post I linked to the CLIF Bar Family Winery and somehow the folks over at CLIF Bar Family Wines found Half-Fast and my post about their wine. I received an e-mail from their Brand Manager telling me that they enjoyed my blog, and asking for an address so that they could send me some free wine and CLIF Bars. How freakin’ cool is that? It’s cooler than finding out your official race time is several minutes faster than what your watch said at the finish.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more eager to respond to an e-mail in my life, I hastily sent them my name and address. I crossed my fingers that they weren’t just looking for an address to send the Cease & Desist Letter to and waited for my wine. The package came on Friday morning, which is handy because that’s when I like to start my weekend drinking. Inside the box I found: 4 CLIF Bars, 2 packages of CLIF SHOT BLOKS (Piña Colada flavor and Margarita w/Salt flavor - do these people know me or what?), 1 bottle of The Climber 2006 White Wine Blend, 1 bottle of The Climber 2004 North Coast Red Wine, 1 hand written thank you note, and 0 Cease & Desist Letters!

Needless to say, I love the CLIF Bar organization! I may even go buy a case of CLIF Bars to send to the winners of the Shave Your 5K Challenge. I would send the winner a bottle of their wine, but the odds of me buying liquor and not drinking it myself are slim and nil.

Many, many thanks to the owners and staff at the CLIF Bar Family Winery, who I’ve heard are all elite runners, members of Mensa, as beautiful as models, and spend their free time ending world hunger, curing cancer, stamping out oppression wherever they find it, and ridding the world of road rage by always practicing safe driving habits. They have won themselves a loyal customer, despite the fact that they did not like my suggestion for adding a sport nozzle in place of a cork.



Above are a few pictures of the goodies they sent me just to prove I’m not making this up. All that, just because I mentioned how much I enjoyed their wine... Have I mentioned how much I love my new Asics? Have I told you how great my Under Armor cold gear shirts are? Hello? *knocks on monitor* Hello? Is anyone from Asics or Under Armor reading this?

For more about how awesome the CLIF Bar organization is, check out what they’re doing here.

CLIF Bar® Releases A New Recovery Drink

I was at the liquor store earlier this morning, as I often am on weekdays, preparing to honor Martin Luther King Jr. Day when I came across the following:

I took the picture on my camera phone so you’ll have to forgive the image quality (as always you can click to enlarge).

That is a bottle of 2003 vintage kit’s killer cab from the CLIF Bar Family Winery. You can read more about the CLIF Bar family wines at their website http://www.cliffamilywinery.com/. Kit’s killer cab is described on the website as “deep red in color with floral aromas of vanilla, dense ripe fruit and spicy nuances of black raspberry. The palate is vibrant and concentrated with flavors of chocolate, mocha and dried cherries that lead to a soft, velvety and lingering finish.”

I don’t know about all that, but then again I’m no sommelier. What I can tell you is that it makes for a fantastic recovery drink. After a quick run this afternoon I was feeling a little soreness in my legs and decided to try out my newly found sports drink, my Cabern-ade Sauvignon. This stuff works great! I was barely done with the bottle when I realized that I had completely forgotten about the pain in my legs. In fact I had completely forgotten about the run, I had even forgotten why I was drinking this delightful recovery elixir in the first place, and why the room was spinning.

At $36.99 a bottle it’s a little bit more pricey than the Gatorades, Powerades, and Accelerades of the world, but I’m still going to give it my full endorsement. The CLIF Bar kit’s killer cab receives the official Half-Fast seal of approval. The only upgrade that I would recommend would be to add some kind of a sport nozzle to the bottle.

In case you’re thinking that I’m an idiot for calling a 2003 vintage a ‘new release’ in my headline, well, you may be right but I couldn’t really care less what you think. I guess that’s one of the other benefits of the CLIF Bar cab.

How to Ice Bath

So you just finished up your long run, your legs are tired and you’re considering an ice bath but you’re not sure if you want to put up with the torture of sitting in ice cold water. As you often do when confronted with an unpleasant running situation you find yourself wondering “What Would Vanilla Do?” The answer to that question always runs through the path of least resistance, which you will no doubt see by reading on.

Far too often people go overboard with the ice, this is a MISTAKE! I recommend that you begin with 2 cups of ice. Now I know you’re thinking that 2 cups of ice doesn’t sound like anywhere close to enough, but hear me out on this.

Place the 2 cups of ice into a medium sized pitcher. Bathe the ice by adding the following:

• 12 oz silver tequila. I am partial to the Milagro Silver Tequila, but you can use whatever tickles your fancy.
• 8 oz Cointreau.
• 8 oz freshly squeezed lime juice. Some people substitute frozen limeade concentrate here but it really tastes better with fresh lime juice.

Take the leftover lime skins and use them to wet the rim of your glass, then dip the glass into a plate of coarse salt - your body loses salt when you sweat you know.

Mix the contents of the pitcher well and then pour over ice into your already salted glass. Finally add a small umbrella or better yet a palm tree with a monkey on it. Some people may call this ‘girly’ or may disparage your manhood, but I never really liked those people anyway. If they’re laughing it’s just because they’re jealous and you don’t need them. Everyone knows a margarita tastes better when garnished with a monkey in a palm tree and it really adds to the ambiance.

Finally take your margarita out to the HOT TUB, being careful not to step on a pop-top or blow out your flip-flops, and climb in. Relax your aching muscles. During these cold winter months you will want to remember to bring the pitcher out with you so that you don’t get too cold running back in to refill your glass. Also, Half-Fast advises against ‘running’ to and from a hot tub after you’ve had a couple of margaritas. Remember, safety first.

Speedo’s are prohibited, swimming trunks are optional.

Best ice bath ever? Best ice bath ever.

Editorial Note: I am aware that I have some Mormon readers and perhaps there are some other teetotalers out there. Feel free to replace the margarita with a delightful Arnold Palmer (one part lemonade, one part iced-tea) and enjoy a sober soak in the hot tub. For the record, a sober soak in a hot tub still beats an inebriated soak in an ice bath.

UPDATE: The Editor is an idiot. Mormon commenter Topher informed me that Mormons do not partake of the tea either. Really? Even if it’s decaf? I thought it was just a caffeine thing. Anyway, I’m changing my suggestion to Freckled Lemonade. Enjoy.

Site News

Just a couple of housekeeping items. First, I've added some additional links on the right side of this blog, it's not comprehensive by any means and I'm sure that I'll be adding more to it in the future as I discover more blogs.

If you'd like me to consider posting a link to your blog then write a more interesting blog.

Second, I will be leaving on vacation tomorrow and posting may be sporadic at best over the next week. Hopefully I'll be able to log in and update you all about what it's like to run in San Diego (which is where I'm headed), but posting to your blog whilst on vacation might just put me into the super-geek category and I'm not sure that I'm ready to go there just yet. Besides, I really can't guarantee the quality of my writing when I'm sitting by a pool sipping an umbrella clad banana daiquiri pounding Guinness and Jager Bombs.