Two Weeks and Counting

The Bolder Boulder is 2 weeks away and I have absolutely no idea what to expect out of myself. I mean, I still expect to be handsome and to wake up in the morning and piss excellence and fart distinction, but I have no idea how fast slow what my time will be. Incidentally, there’s always a lot of ‘distinction’ on race morning, must be nerves or something. I’m fairly certain that not knowing how well you’re going to perform is a bad sign. It probably means that I haven’t done nearly enough training and certainly means that I haven’t logged enough miles at race pace.

Of course the big question for BB10k 2011 is whether this is the year that Candis actually beats me. I’m hoping that the answer to that question is a resounding no, hell, I’d settle for a scrawny no or a feeble no just as long as it’s a no. I’m just not sure that my ego could take it if she beat me and it just makes it worse knowing that you’re all rooting for her. All your ‘Team Candis’ comments from last year just serve to engorge my determination (it’s almost at half mast!). Failure is not an option.

This year’s race plan is simple: stay ahead of or with Candis and outkick her at the finish. In past years I have had a detailed race plan broken down by mile and elevation and while that worked well in 2008 it has not been successful in subsequent years. Some things just aren’t as successful the second time around; think of Harrelson and Snipes in Money Train, Gere and Roberts in Runaway Bride, Farley and Spade in Black Sheep or Keanu and anyone in anything - all examples of things that were successful once but failed spectacularly the second time around. And yes, I do think it’s a good idea to base my race strategy on Hollywood movie couplings, but it’s probably too brilliant for you to understand.

Goodbye 2010

You know what’s sad?  I spent a good twenty-five minutes sitting in front of a blank screen trying to come up with a really clever title for this year in review post and couldn’t come up with anything better than Goodbye 2010.  Lame. 

It seems like everyone does a year in review post and I hate being the same as everyone else but how can you pass up the old year in review post?  You can’t, as evidenced by the fact that I’ve done a year in review post every single year of this blog’s stinking existence.  Yes, some of those links are duplicitous because this blog has only existed for 3½ years but it seemed more emphatic to link every word.  And just because I disappeared for 6 months of the year is no reason to not review the year, believe it or not I was still running even though I was not here telling you about it.  On top of that the year in review post is an easy one to write.  You simply repost your goals from last year, giving excuses for the ones you missed and patting yourself on the back for the ones you accomplished.  The only thing you really have to work at is an introductory paragraph... well would you look at that... it practically wrote itself.  (If only the title would write itself too, lazy title!)

2010 Goals (as posted here)

Post more frequently this year - I swear I’m not making that one up.  That was the first goal I posted last year and I even talked about writing 200 posts this year.  Obviously 33 posts is not going to be enough to call this a success.  Not off to a good start.

Run a sub 50 minute 10k - Nope.  0 for 2.  I only ran one 10k and I ran it in 54:something.  I don’t even care enough to go look it up or link to the post where I discussed it.  Haven’t I already linked to enough posts?

Set a new Half Marathon PR - YES!  I am awesome!  1 for 3!  No linking to that post either since it is the previous post.

Set a new 5k PR - Nope.  Nuh-Uh.  Didn’t do it.  1 for 4.  This is getting depressing.  Why do people write these posts again?

Run some different races Yes!  2 for 5!  I ran the Crossroads Half-Marathon and a couple new 5ks that I hadn’t run before.

Wait?  That’s it?  Where are all the other goals?  I really only set 5 goals for last year?  What’s truly unbelievable is that in almost every year that I’ve set goals (except for 2010 I guess) I’ve included ‘win an age group award’ as one of the goals.  In 2010 I didn’t include it as a goal and it actually happened.  I took 1st place in my age group at the Hawk Hustle 5k.  Why wasn’t that a goal this year?  What was I thinking?  You know what, I’m going to go ahead and give myself an extra credit point for winning that age group award which puts me at 3 for 5.  And now that I think of it, PRing the half marathon was a HUGE deal to me and really deserves to be worth 2 points instead of 1 which brings me to 4 out of 5.  So there you have it.  I scored 80% on the year for my 2010 goals, that’s a solid B+ (I’m grading on a curve).  Wow!  What an awesome year 2010 was for me.  I really rocked it.  Here’s to 2011.  I’ll call it a success if it can be even half as successful as 2010 was.

2009: The Year in Review

It’s time for another one of those ‘year in review’ posts that everyone has been doing, but this one is different because it’s long past the time for year in review posts. At this rate I’ll get around to my new year’s resolutions in February and start setting goals for this year in March or April.

The biggest accomplishment of the year was finishing my first marathon back in January. After that the year pretty much went downhill. To be honest with you I didn’t even remember what my goals for this year were until I went back and looked them up moments ago. That probably speaks volumes to why I didn’t accomplish many of them. Let’s break out Viper’s Big Red FAIL Stamp and take a look back at my list of 2009 goals (originally posted here).

• Get faster. FAIL (Zero new PRs this year.)
• Don’t get slower. FAIL (Technically the marathon was a PR but only because it was my first.)
• Run a sub 50 minute 10K. FAIL
• Win an age group award, and by win I mean take first, second or third, I’m really not that picky. FAIL
• Shave my 5K. As the host of the SY5K Challenge it would be embarrassing for me to get slower. Check! (My smooth time was faster than my stubble time, though neither were PRs.)
• Set a new PR at the half marathon distance. FAIL
• Not sign up for another marathon. Check!

I’ve been running for almost five years now and up until 2009 I was getting faster regardless of how much speedwork or effort I put forth. It was just a given that I was going to set new PRs every year and I think it probably made me a little complacent. It turns out I’m going to have to actually work harder to get faster in the future and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I prefer to have things handed to me with minimal input on my part, it’s one of the things that makes me such a good employee.

2009 will be known as the Year of the Marathon for me. Five years ago when I started running, my only goal was to post a faster time in the annual Bolder Boulder 10K, I never set out to run a marathon. In fact whenever anyone suggested that I should run a marathon I would explicitly tell them that I had no interest in running that far. I still have no interest in running that far, but I’m glad that I did it last year. My biggest accomplishment in 2009 was finishing a marathon and my second biggest accomplishment was not signing up for another one. I’m an inspiration, for sure.

Failure in the Making

There’s been little running as of late and even littler caring. Shocking, right? I don’t know if it’s the product of a sub-par year of racing or if it’s just me being lazy. Probably the latter. With the Denver Half Marathon less than 4 weeks away now, I’m on a collision course with failure. The light at the end of the tunnel is actually a train and I can’t even muster up the fear to step off the tracks. Usually the closer I get to race day the more dedicated I become to my training but I can’t remember the last time I went out for a long run and I can’t even go look it up on my running log because lately I really haven’t bothered to write my runs down.

Unfortunately those crafty folks at the Denver Half Marathon suckered me in several months ago with the early bird discount otherwise I probably wouldn’t even consider running it. I’m thinking that my goal for the race should just be to try to avoid another PW at the half marathon distance this year but even that seems a little naïve. Even Candis’ taunts that she’s going to beat me haven’t scared me into training harder, in fact, the other day I told her that I don’t really give a crap how slow my time is and it’s completely true. 3 hours and 10 minutes, here I come!

It will make for an entertaining race report, as Candis likes to remind me: “It’s much funnier on the blog when you fail.” I’m sure when it comes time to write the race report I’ll be befuddled as to why I continue to get slower this year, but you can all point me back to this post and remind me that I haven’t been running nearly enough to expect good things at the Denver Half Marathon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about getting slower (at least not in this post) I’m just putting it out there that I don’t feel like running much right now, and I’m OK with that.

Who you should be concerned for is Candis, because apparently laziness loves company just as much as misery does; I’ve been trying to talk her into skipping her training runs, and I know what her weaknesses are. While she’s trying to get ready to run in the evening, I’m pouring her a glass of wine. When she gets up to run on Saturday morning, I suggest breakfast at LePeep. I may be fixing to go down hard, but I’m taking as many people with me as I can. I’m like the Pied Piper of laziness. Speaking of which, why don’t you skip your training run today. You’ve earned a much needed break from running and I’m sure there’s something good on TV tonight. (Wipeout anyone?) In fact, you know what? Go ahead and take the rest of the week off. You probably deserve it, I know I do.

It’s Just a Hill... Get Over It!

Granby Gut Buster 5K Race Report
This past weekend we joined Candis’ parents at their cabin in Grand Lake, CO for a little R and R, which stood for Running and Racing. As luck would have it Saturday was the 21st Annual Granby Gut Buster 5K in the nearby town of Granby and even though I have the Georgetown half marathon this coming Saturday I was itching to race and too impatient to wait 7 more days. So on Saturday morning Candis, David (age 6) and I all headed out to test our mettle on the race course while Graham (age 4) decided to stay at the cabin and test his Grandparent’s mettle.

As we drove to the race I daydreamed that I was crossing the finish line with a new PR, breaking the tape and being showered with roses from adoring fans. I was rudely jarred out of my daydream by a roadside sign that read ‘Welcome to Granby, Elev. 7982.’ My confidence in a PR slipped a little. It slipped a little more when we registered and were handed our race shirts that had a picture of a runner on a mountain with the slogan: ‘It’s Just a Hill... Get Over It!’ I was disheartened to notice that there were a lot of steep hills around us. However, there appeared to be fewer than 100 participants and I figured that might lead to the elusive age group award that I’ve been chasing for some time now.

In the first mile of the race we did indeed run up a steep hill, which was followed by more steep uphill sections. Seemingly around every turn we were faced with another uphill climb and I was feeling winded from the lack of oxygen and from starting out way too fast. The good news was that this course was a loop, so I knew that the downhills were coming.

As we started the downhill section of the course I was no longer thinking about a PR, instead I was keeping my eye on the people around me and attempting to stay ahead of the guys who looked to be in their 30s. I was OK being passed by anyone that wasn’t competing in my age group until somewhere in mile 2 I was passed by an 11 year old girl wearing Kinesio tape on her calves. Oh crap! This would not do. I hung on a few steps behind her, determined not to let her get away from me.

We hit the final mile and I was still hanging on. As we made our way around a hairpin turn we were able to see the runners trailing us and I noticed a guy not far behind me that looked to be in his 30s. He was clearly trying to steal my age group award and I would have none of it. I pushed the pace and tried to ignore my distressed breathing. My push away from the age group award thief put me closer to Kinesio tape girl and I used my momentum to get past her, but I failed to pass with authority and could hear her settle in a few yards behind me.

As we came down the penultimate stretch before turning to the finish we ran past Kinesio tape girl’s father who I later learned is a High School track coach. He was screaming at her like an overbearing parent to start her finishing kick and to run like this was the final 200 meters, despite the fact that we still had over a quarter mile to go. I heard her footfalls quicken and she began closing the gap. (I can actually feel you all rooting for her as I type this.) I waited until she was right on my shoulder before starting my own kick and I separated from her again, but a quick glance at my Garmin revealed we had a quarter mile to go. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold this pace for that long and hoped against hope that she would fade before I did. She did not. As I started to slow down she bounded past me, apparently unaffected by fatigue. I thought briefly about summoning one more surge, one more kick, but I decided against it because I was fast approaching the puke threshold and the only thing worse than a 33 year old man losing to an 11 year old girl would be for him to lose and then puke his guts out at the finish line. Plus, I didn’t want to be the guy that let his competitive spirit get out of hand and outkicked the sweet little blond girl, crushing her spirit in defeat. At the same time I didn’t want to be the guy that got beat by an 11 year old girl, but that’s the guy I ended up being.

I crossed the line with a time of 24:53 (8:01 pace), missing my PR by 25 seconds. I stood at the finish with no PR and having just been beaten by an 11 year old girl. The only thing that was going to save this race was if I finished in the top 3 in my age group. Seriously, in a small mountain town with roughly 88 racers how many males could there possibly be who were in their 30s and faster than me? I won’t keep you in suspense. The answer to that question is 3, there were 3 men faster than me in their 30s who showed up that morning which left me off the podium.

I wallowed in the post race cookies which were pretty good (although they tasted vaguely like failure and disappointment) and waited for my son to finish his first ever 5K. When he crossed the finish line with Candis in 42:30 I was so proud of him that all of my shortcomings were completely erased. His splits were 15:48, 13:27, 12:19.

A cotton T-shirt? Rookie!

Suckage Report

First of all, huge props to Candis for crushing her previous PR by over 6 minutes with a time of 58:52 and easily achieving her goal of a sub 60 minute 10K. She rocked it. When I realized that I wasn’t going to make my goal I started rejoicing vicariously for Candis’ PR because I knew that she was going to get it. I was more confident going into this race that Candis would PR than I was that I would PR. This is why I decided that the winner of our bet should have to sleep with the loser, because then I win even if I lose, which I did. The agreed upon time deduction that Candis received was 10 minutes, which means that Candis beat me by nearly 5 full minutes. I’m so proud of her, but that’s really quite enough happiness for this post.

We awoke on race morning to cloudy, overcast skies, temperatures in the low 50s and a 92% chance of suckage. It was perfect racing weather which is unfortunate because there’s one more excuse that I can’t use for my suckitude. Candis and I got split up when I went to the pre-race bag check and she had to go drop a pre-race deucer. (I mention this because I imagine that telling you about her bowel movements takes some of the bloom off the rose of her awesome race and when I’m down I like to drag as many others down with me as possible.) We never found each other before the start of the race and Candis ended up going out in the wave ahead of me.

My pacing strategy was to attempt 8 minute miles the entire way allowing myself to lose some time on the uphill miles and hoping to gain some time back on the downhill sections of the course. When I turned in an 8:10 first mile and felt winded I knew that I might be in trouble. My mile 2 split came in at 8:28 but it was one of the tougher miles on the course and I was still hoping to make up time on the downhill sections of miles 4 and 5. With that in mind I tried to save some energy on mile 3 and posted an 8:48 mile.

I started the 4th mile with a bang, charging down 19th street with steely resolve. I was going to make up the minute and 26 seconds that I was behind, or at the very least get back onto pace to set a new PR. I could not be stopped, I floated down the downhill sections like a gazelle and I attacked the uphill sections like a crazy man. Like Forrest Gump, I. Was. Running. As I dashed up Casey Hill (the highest point of the course) I crossed the 4 mile mark and checked my Garmin for my split: 8:44. 8:44? Are you freaking kidding me? That was at least a 7:25 mile! It certainly felt like a 7:25 mile. I cursed my Garmin and had I not been so exhausted I would have probably chucked it into the side of a building but that sounded like too much effort.

I kept an even effort for the 5th mile and posted another 8:44 mile. A few quick calculations brought the realization that not only was I not going to make my goal, but I wasn’t even going to PR. OK, so there was nothing quick about my calculations, the math probably took me 2 minutes. I began to think about Candis, who I had passed somewhere in the 2nd mile. I thought about waiting for her and pacing her to the finish, but really that would have just been an excuse to stop and rest. I hoped and hoped that she would get her sub 60 minute time so that she wouldn’t have to run the final mile the way I was running it. I decided not to kill myself on the final mile and I’m OK with that decision. I rounded out my race with a half-fast 9:03 mile and a final time of 53:50. Disappointing to say the least. I drowned my sorrows in free Michelob Ultra before heading to a Memorial Day BBQ where I continued drowning them in... well to be honest I don’t remember all the specifics of how I drowned them, I just know that I did. It turned out to be a good day anyway.

Running Sucks!

I hate running. I didn’t even PR at the Bolder Boulder today, but Candis totally rocked it. More tomorrow, but probably not until the afternoon as I’m going to watch my son’s Field Day in the morning. Hopefully he takes after Candis’ performance and not mine.

FAIL

I was out running my long run this weekend when I started thinking, something that I should not be allowed to do and especially not whilst running. The thoughts that started rattling around inside my head were how much I hate my long runs lately. HATE. I blame Amy Lawson for this (because it couldn’t be my fault), she mentioned on our first podcast that she always thought about how much she hated running while she was running. Anyway, I was thinking about how slow my long runs have been lately (something you’ll all be able to see when I post my December running log in a couple of days, I know you’re all eager to see it), and how much I loathe my long runs. They’ve felt like such a chore these past few weeks. Somewhere running ceased to be fun and enjoyable, and when I realized this at mile 15 of my scheduled 20 miler, I stopped. I considered what this meant for my marathon training and I didn’t care at all because there was a 90 percent chance that if I pushed on through to 20 miles I’d have quit running altogether. Forever.

So I’m heading into the taper with one 18 miler, one 16 miler and no 20 milers under my belt. It’s the perfect recipe for my first ever DNF! Or maybe, for a downgrade to the half, which is awesome because the half marathon in Phoenix is 13.1 miles less than the marathon and that sounds really appealing at this point in time. On the one hand I’m tempted to still go out and try to run the marathon because if I don’t do it now then I probably never will and no one likes a quitter. On the other hand I’m not so sure I actually want to run a marathon, which is probably not a good mindset to be taking into it.

I’ll probably end up running the full marathon anyway, but I’m guessing that you’re going to want to shield your children’s eyes from that race report.

On a lighter note, I’m off work all week which means it’s harder to keep up with all of your blogs but that will remedy itself in January when I get back to the office. When I’m at the office I have much more peace and quiet to read blogs, plus they block my access to Facebook’s Texas Hold’em game so I have nothing better to do. I hope that you are all doing well and that your runs have been more productive than mine. I’ll catch up with you all in the new year.

Delicious Sesame Chicken to Blame for Dropped Batons

Drop it like it’s hot.
As you have probably heard by now both the men’s and women’s US 4x100m relay teams dropped the batons in the semi-finals at the Olympics. Many of the pundits have looked at the tapes and tried to figure out where the mistakes were made and what was to blame for the Americans raging case of the dropsies. What has gone unreported until now is the underhanded tactics that were employed by the seedy underbelly of the Chinese Olympic committee.

The shocking truth that I am about to expose was relayed to me by confidential sources (like a friend of a friend and anonymous e-mailers so you know it’s totally true), and could cost me life imprisonment or even death should I ever go to China.

As the US men’s relay team tried to focus on their upcoming semi-final in a locker room under the Bird’s Nest stadium, they were startled by a knock on the door. A young Chinese girl, no more than 13 years of age entered with a special delivery, a large bowl of sesame chicken and 4 pairs of chopsticks. The athletes, suspicious at first decided to leave it alone, but the smell was too tempting. Unable to operate the chopsticks provided, the men dug in with their fingers unsuspecting that the cunning and Machiavellian Chinese Olympic committee had turned off the water in the US locker room, leaving them unable to wash their hands.

The rest, as they say, is history. It’s hard enough to pass a baton with clean hands. When your hands are slick with sesame chicken residue it’s all but impossible. The devious scheming didn’t stop with the men’s relay team either, as the slippery, sesame chicken baton was then given to the US women to use in their heat too. Two birds taken out with one stone, actually three birds if you count the chicken, or believe that it was really chicken.

When reached for comment Tyson Gay was upbeat. “The joke’s on them,” Gay said, “because that was the best sesame chicken that I’ve ever had. You get to compete for Olympic medals every 4 years. You only get sesame chicken like that once in a lifetime. It was that good.” Gay went on to add that it didn't really matter because he “didn’t think we were going to beat Usain Bolt and the Jamaican team in the finals.” When asked whether he was worried about a similar situation cropping up in London 2012 Gay told reporters that he didn’t see it as a problem because “British cuisine sucks.”

History In The Making?

History is written by the winners. You don’t often hear about guys who issued a challenge and then failed to live up to it, but that just makes this post unique. What I’m trying to tell you here is that I’m not the winner. I’m the loser. While I did set a new PR this past weekend at the Georgetown to Idaho Springs Half Marathon, I failed to best Viper’s time of 1:54:49. It was the most disappointing PR I’ve ever set.

I needed to average an 8:46 pace to beat Viper’s PR and what’s really frustrating is that I was on pace to do it for a while. Here’s a fun little game that you can all play at home: I’ve listed my splits below, see if you can figure out when my quads decided to lock up tighter than Fort Knox.

Mile 1 - 8:52
Mile 2 - 8:43
Mile 3 - 8:31
Mile 4 - 8:22
Mile 5 - 8:45
Mile 6 - 8:23
Mile 7 - 8:33
Mile 8 - 8:54
Mile 9 - 8:53
Mile 10 - 8:50
Mile 11 - 9:34
Mile 12 - 9:33
Mile 13 - 9:30

If you said mile 11, you win! Give yourself a pat on the back. At the end of mile 10 I was starting to slow a little but was still averaging an 8:41 overall pace and feeling like I’d be able to push myself in the final miles. Shortly after the water stop at mile 10 my quads just ceased up. I tried pushing through it, I tried changing my stride, I even stopped and tried to stretch for a few seconds. Nothing worked. My pace dropped to 9:30 in the final 3 miles and I couldn’t find speed anywhere within myself. I crossed the finish line in 1:56:45 (8:55 pace), a PR by over 3 minutes. Not nearly enough of an improvement considering that it’s been almost a year since my last half marathon.

I offer no excuses for my suckitude, and I’ll gladly take my lumps in the comments. I opened the trash talking last week and came up short, I guess I know how the French 4x100m Freestyle Relay Team feels.

Congrats to Viper who smashed my 10K PR with a blistering 50:48. I’m actually glad that he beat me because if we’d have both failed it would have just been pathetic. Despite my vows in the final 3 miles to give up running forever, I find myself resolving to train faster and longer in the upcoming months in that never-ending quest for self improvement - it’s one of the reasons that I really hate running. Running, I wish I could quit you.

My New Shoes SUCK

I’ve now had 2 runs in my new shoes. They're the Mizuno Wave Alchemy's and I have to tell you, I'm not impressed. They didn't make me any faster, they didn't make me any less tired, they didn't make me sweat less, and that nice new shoe smell? Gone. Just up and vanished like a fart in the wind.

I will say in their defense that I look good in them. I mean, I didn't think that it was possible for me to look any more handsome than I already do, but somehow Mizuno managed to accomplish it. Bravo Mizuno! They look so good that I wore them to work with my suit. I know, I know big fashion faux pas right? Wrong! I totally rock the running shoes with a suit look, as does Justin Timberlake (right).

In all fairness to Mizuno the shoes feel great. I suppose it's possible that the slowness and tiredness is due to operator error, or more likely due to the fact that the FIRST plan has me running high intensity intervals on Wednesday and a pretty fast tempo run on Thursday. Yeah, that's better, let's blame this on the FIRST plan not my ineptitude. Shouldn't I get a rest day or a cross training day in between?

Yesterday when I started my tempo run, my legs were stiffer than Richard Simmons in an NFL locker room, so I ended up just doing an easy run and forgoing the 'tempo' all together. It was so bad that even when I felt like I was really pushing the pace I was actually running at what should be considered a recovery pace. There's nothing more disheartening than feeling like you're going fast and discovering you're not, except maybe seeing that devastatingly handsome runner in the Mizuno Wave Alchemy's and then realizing that it's Vanilla so all you can do is look. Sorry ladies, that 165 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal is happily married.

Personal Running Log

Running log for this past week.

Week of 4/15 through 4/21
Mon 4/16 - Easy Run 4 miles @ 10 min/mile pace
Wed 4/18 - Easy Run 3 miles @ 10 min/mile pace
Thu 4/12 - Tempo Run 3 miles @ 9 min/mile pace*
Sun 4/22 - Long Run 10 miles @ 10:10 min/mile pace
Total Miles: 20 miles

*My training plan from the Runners World Smart Coach called for a tempo run of 8 miles including 6 at a 9 min/mile pace. This was my first major failure on the Smart Coach program. I attribute it to a soccer double-header on Tuesday and an emergency evacuation at work causing me to run down 49 flights of stairs. (Yeah, I'm important enough that I work on the 49th floor.) On a positive note this week marks my first ever run of double digit miles with the 10 miler.