You and Intervals

I’ve decided that intervals are the bane of my training. I hate them. They’re like an abusive relationship. You do the first interval and it feels great, you feel fast and you know that you’re making yourself a better runner. You love intervals, you doodle ‘intervals’ as your last name on a scratch pad and dot the i with a heart. You’d do anything to get in Intervals’ pants. But then pretty soon Intervals gets angry with you and yells at you for something insignificant. This should be a warning flag but Intervals is always so apologetic and sweet during that recovery lap. You can’t help yourself, you find yourself begging for more. By the time you get around to your final few laps you’re gasping for breath as Intervals chokes all the air out of you and punches you repeatedly in the legs. It’s over! You’re not going to take this anymore, you’re a self-respecting runner and you don’t need this. When you were dating Long Slow Distance he never treated you this way.

You finish your final lap and you don’t want to be a better runner anymore, you just want to call the cops and have a restraining order issued against Intervals, but you can’t. You can’t because you’ll be right back there at the track again next week thinking ‘weeee look how fast I am’ during that first interval. You’re like an idiot bounding around the track and you don’t even see the oxygen debt coming, but every week it comes and is quickly followed by the physical abuse. Every week you swear off Intervals. You curse Intervals under your breath and sometimes if you’re feeling bold you curse Intervals out loud, hoping to hurt Intervals’ feelings. “I hate you Intervals, and Long Slow Distance is way more endowed than you’ll ever be!” (You should probably spend some time working on your insults.)

You walk away from the track, shunning Intervals but then you can’t keep yourself from glancing over your shoulder and mouthing “call me” with your hand imitating a phone. ‘Oh yeah,’ intervals is arrogantly thinking ‘you’ll be back for more. You know you want me,’ and Intervals is right. I hate it when Intervals is right.

Hey, I bet you can’t guess what kind of workout I did last night.
5 x 800s (7:35 average pace)
Blech. I hate you Intervals!

Running for Lunch

As we continue to have wonderful weather here in Denver (and I continue to rub everyone’s face in it) I see more and more runners out at lunchtime pounding the Denver asphalt. I’m glad that they’re out there running while I’m filling up on Jimmy John’s and dollar cookies from the hole-in-the-wall bakery because they motivate me to get out and run when I get home. I envy them being out there running while I’m walking back to my office, trying to figure out how I got mayonnaise on my breast pocket and if it’s worth the condescending glances to untuck my shirt and lick it (it is). I do however wonder how it’s possible to run at lunch, so if some of you run during your lunch break then please let me know how you do it because I have some questions.

It seems like there would be a number of obstacles to overcome. First of all, do you change into your running gear at the office or do you wear your running clothes to the office? If so, do you keep wearing them all day even after they are sweaty from your run?

Speaking of sweaty, do you shower after your run? Is your work so nice that they provide you with a shower? Or are you the stinky person in your office that everyone avoids like the plague. Every office has one.

How far do you run? Unless you’re taking a long lunch or are a lot faster than me (in which case shut up) then it doesn’t seem like you’d have the time to run very far. After you add up the time you spend to change into and out of your running gear and the time you spend showering and the time you spend waiting for your Garmin to find a satellite how can you possibly have more than 30 minutes to run?

Why do you judge the guy with the mayonnaise on his breast pocket? He’s a runner too!

I don’t think there’s anyway I could become a lunchtime runner. I’m either wearing a suit and tie or business casual depending on the day so I’d have to find a place to change clothes. (I do have an office with a door, but it has a glass wall so that wouldn’t work, and I hate trying to change in the men’s room.) I’d also need a place to shower after my run and the only logical choice seems like a nearby gym, but a gym membership is way too expensive for the privilege of running outside at lunchtime. Besides, when would I make questionable food choices if I spent my lunch hour running?

Daylight Savings Time

This is a public service announcement to remind you that you need to Spring your clocks forward this Sunday at 2am, or Saturday night if you don’t want to stay up until wee hours and do it the right way. This probably doesn’t apply to you if you live outside the US or in the crazy state of Arizona. My theory about Arizona is that there are a lot of retired folks there and they get confused trying to reset the clock on their DVD players so the Grand Canyon State just decided to save them the trouble by avoiding Daylight Savings Time altogether.

Your feelings about DST as a runner probably vary depending on whether you are a morning runner (masochist), an evening runner (too lazy to get up early and run) or a mid-day runner (unemployable). If you are a morning runner then it was just starting to get light towards the end of your runs and now all of a sudden you’re going to be running in the dark again. Additionally, it will probably be colder when you run since the sun is an hour further away from rising, sucks to be you. If you are an evening runner then you’ve just garnered an extra hour of daylight which means that you’re going to have to procrastinate for an hour longer before you can use the excuse that it’s too dark to run. (It’s never too dark to run if you have enough reflective gear, and in some areas of town enough pepper spray, but it does still make for a good excuse.) If you’re a mid day runner then you probably don’t care what time of day it is since you clearly don’t have anything better to do with your time than go run, just be sure you don’t miss your favorite day time television shows.

I mostly run in the evening which means that I’m happy about DST coming earlier in the year than it used to. Of course it means that I have to change the time on all of the electronic devices in my home and then watch them all re-adjust themselves again a few weeks later since no one told them that we switched DST to the 2nd Sunday in March. Or I could just let them display the wrong time for a few weeks... yeah... I think I’ll go with that option.

Have a good weekend everyone!

I would run 600 miles...

These are my old Asics 2110s (right), as of yesterday they have logged 600 miles. Some people say that you should change your running shoes out every 400 - 500 miles and some people even go so far as to say that you should change them at 300 miles, but you need to remember that some people are liars. Some people who are not liars are paid to sell shoes which can often lead to becoming a liar. It’s like they say; if all you have is a hammer then every problem looks like a nail and if you’re a running shoe salesman then every problem’s solution is to buy new shoes. It’s time we stopped being duped by the running shoe companies, it’s time for us to demand the truth from Big Running Shoe, because hey, like we need an excuse to buy another pair of running shoes.

While I’ve certainly had shoes that were clearly done after 300 miles *ahem - Mizunos suck* I don’t subscribe to the idea that an arbitrary mileage number should signify that the shoes need to be replaced. My 2110s still provide the support and cushioning that I need and they’re still in the active running shoe rotation. I’m kind of hoping that they’ll reach 700 miles someday although that’s admittedly going to take some time because they no longer rack up the miles like a starting pitcher. I like to think of them more along the lines of middle relief pitching, they are there to take some of the pressure off the starters.

Finally, just in case you didn’t recognize where I was going from the title or in case you didn’t properly get that song stuck in your head, there is a video to accompany the post. Click play and let the Scottish brogue wash over you with its rolled r’s and cut off e’s, cleansing you from all your worries like a fine Single Malt. Is it too early to start drinking?

The Proclaimers - I Would Walk 500 Miles

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Well, maybe ye shan’t but that’s because ye have such little faith (and such small readerships). I however, asked for some YakTrax a few months ago in this post and now I have a pair. Technically I don’t think I asked for a pair of YakTrax in that post, as much as I cursed YakTrax for not sending me a free pair but what’s important is that someone at YakTrax read that post and sent me a free pair! You may catch more flies with honey but you get more free swag with vinegar, and really, who wants to catch flies?

I actually received the YakTrax a month ago but we haven’t had enough snow for me to try them out. You East Coasters are so lucky! I was getting pretty sick of all the sunshine and 60 - 70 degree temperatures so this past weekend I went in search of some snow and I found some up at Grand Lake, CO (elev. 8,500 feet). I pulled on my free Pearl Izumi shoes and my free YakTrax and headed out for my run on a frigid 50 degree morning. The skies were clear, the air was fresh and my feet had more traction than a congressional bill laced with a congressional pay raise.

I was pretty cautious at first, not wanting to put too much confidence in my new YakTrax and end up on my delicate tushie. However after a half mile I had completely forgotten that I was running on snow and ice. I raced up hills on my toes and I barreled down them at full speed without even the slightest hint of slippage. Usually when I run on snow and ice I have to run with a shorter, more careful stride, but that’s simply not the case when you’re wearing a free pair of YakTrax. (I obviously don’t know how it is when you wear a pair of YakTrax that you’ve paid money for but I assume it would be similar.) People out walking their dogs gazed on in wonder at the sure-footed runner with the magnificent stride, I was a thing of beauty.

I didn’t ever notice the snow building up on the YakTrax, which I had suspected might be a problem so they must have used some NASA space technology to prevent that from happening. I had also thought that I might be able to feel the coils beneath my feet when I ran, but that was not an issue either. All in all I am very impressed with the stability provided by the YakTrax. Really the only downside is that I can no longer use “it was pretty slippery out there” as an excuse for a slow run, I guess I’m going to have to stick with the old “it was at an elevation of 8,500 feet” and the trusty “I didn’t really fuel properly” and then there’s always the reliable “it was too windy” that I can fall back on. One thing I don’t need someone to give me for free is excuses, I’ve got plenty of those to go around.

Weekend Splits

Weekend Splits is my recap of things that I found interesting or humorous over the past week. If you have a submission for the weekend splits, e-mail me.

This week’s image for the Weekend Splits is courtesy of Lance: The Blog, meaning I’m giving him the courtesy of a link right there, not that he indicated that I could steal that picture. Is it bad if you laugh at a joke that someone else refers to as corny? Probably. On to the links:

• Geekologie has a video of some idiot doing pull-ups from a crane, high above the city. It made my man bits feel all tingly watching it, but only the first 27 times, after that it got kind of boring. UPDATE: That video was taken down, try this one.
• Running and Rambling posted some of his favorite jokes to tell on the run, except he only told the punch lines. Can you guess the jokes from the punch lines he gives? If so then come back here and tell them to me.
• Laura at Absolut(ly) Fit takes issue with the biggest loser catching a ride for part of the marathon and still claiming to have finished it. Actually a lot of people have taken issue with this, but I first heard about it on Absolut(ly) Fit.
• Spike had to issue an apology on his blog this week to the lady he inadvertently yelled at on his run. Yeah. Sure. Inadvertently, kind of like how I inadvertently hitched a ride for miles 17 through 20 of my marathon. What? That’s frowned upon or something?
• Finally, EverymanTri reveals the top cities in the US to train in. Boulder, Colorado tops the list, probably because your chances of a Vanilla sighting are so high there. Did your city make the cut?

Random Non-Running Related Video of the Week
This is a time lapse video of a sidewalk art creation. You can see more pictures at metanamorph.com.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Video Friday

I don’t feel like writing a post today so I’m just going to post videos that I’ve seen on some of your blogs over the past week. It’s a little bit like plagiarism or stealing but I don’t like those terms so let’s just say that I’m giving some shout outs today. The first video comes from Flatmans Blog and features Lance Armstrong in a SNL skit about the Ironman. Unlike many SNL skits, this one is actually kind of funny.


Say what you will about Lance, but he’s a pretty funny guy.

The next video is from With Leather, a site that I’ve stolen many videos from over the years. This video was shot at the NFL Scouting Combine and features host Rich Eisen running the 40 yard dash. The best part of the clip is after the half way point when they simulcast Rich’s 40 with some of the other prospects that ran it. I don’t know what my 40 time would be, but I’m pretty sure I’m faster than Rich.



Finally, I’ll leave you with a video from Topher at I’ll Run for Donuts. The irony level in this video is off the charts. Comparing a McDonalds quarter pound cheeseburger to running a marathon is almost as ironic as a running blog with an obsession for donuts, although to be fair, I think the blog is now named I’ll Run From Donuts.



You know, now that I think of it, the way that a quarter pounder would run a marathon is pretty much exactly how I ran a marathon, aside from the short shorts. That’s all I’ve got today. Have a great weekend everyone!

Gearing Up

Starting in March I’ll be back on an official training plan and I’m actually excited about it. I don’t know what it is about printing out a training schedule that makes me go run but I just don’t do well without one. Maybe it’s the fact that there’s a race at the end of the training schedule, maybe there’s something about having an official training plan or maybe I’m just lazy during the off-season. I suspect it’s the latter.

On Monday I’ll start training for the Bolder Boulder 10K using the 12 week plan put together by FIRST. Right now the plan is sitting beside me on my desk, calling out to me, ready to kick my butt into gear and then just kick my butt. Right now the training plan (which was printed on our color printer at work. . . shhhh) is unblemished. There are no notations of runs shortened or intervals changed, there are no arrows indicating I moved workouts around to accommodate my occasional bouts of laziness or apathy, but there are also no checkmarks on the plan either. I hope to add a checkmark on Monday (or maybe Tuesday if Monday’s no good for me) but make no mistake, racing season is here again and my enthusiasm and hopefulness have yet to be squashed by an oppressive tempo run.

It may seem weird to some of you that a 10K is my most important race of the year but that’s OK because some of you seem weird to me, I mean, what’s with those shoes? The Bolder Boulder 10K was the first race I ever ran back in May 2005, and every year I use it as a gage to see how I have progressed as a runner over the past year. The least amount of time that I’ve shaved from one year to the next is 2 minutes 53 seconds. If I could shave that much off last year’s PR of 52:07 then I would finally be under 50 minutes. If that happens I’ll be ecstatic! A finishing time of 49:xx would be a bigger accomplishment than finishing my first marathon earlier this year, that’s how bad I want this.

Serious training is about to begin. As for the rest of this week? Meh, maybe I’ll try and squeeze in a few miles between watching TV and eating.

That’s What You’re Wearing?

A post in which I extol the virtues of technical running gear and find myself unable to let go of a bad analogy. Shocking, I know.

Most of us know that as runners we shouldn’t wear cotton when we run. It doesn’t dry as fast as other fabrics, it doesn’t breathe, but most importantly it makes you look like a rube. It really doesn’t matter how fast you can run if you’re doing it in a cotton T-Shirt. Take my long run this past Saturday as an example; I was running down the trail when I spotted a fellow runner heading towards me. He seemed to be moving pretty fast which provoked my male ego and caused me to feed a little speed to my ride, and by ride I mean my sweet, new Pearl Izumis. Was that not clear? I hate it when my analogies don’t land.

As we passed each other I noticed that he was wearing a cotton shirt with sweat stains resembling a world atlas, only less colorful. (Had he been wearing one of those 80s Hypercolor shirts then this analogy could have been awesome.) His iPod was strapped around his arm just a few degrees west of the Perspiration Peninsula and he was wearing a Garmin, but all the running gadgetry in the world doesn’t distract the eye from a cotton shirt. Clearly, he wasn’t half the runner that I am with my Under Armor compression shirt and technical shorts regardless of how much faster he appeared to be. Just like that I had judged him by his cover, his sweaty, 100% cotton cover. Our paths crossed again later on that same trail loop and I still couldn’t take my mind of the fact that he was running in a cotton shirt, except for a brief moment when it occurred to me that continental drift doesn’t actually take thousands of years, it only takes a few miles.

I ended up running 7 miles, which easily constitutes a long run these days, and it doesn’t matter how far or how fast Sweaty McSweatsalot ran that day, I refuse to believe that he is a better runner than I am.


Site News: Feed Address Change
The feed address for Half-Fast has changed, actually it changed several months ago and I kept meaning to tell you in a separate post but I could never remember to do it. I’m told the old feed will continue to work just fine which seems to be true, except that it takes longer to update than the new feed does. So in reality it shouldn’t matter what feed you’re using if you don’t mind waiting for your daily dose of sarcasm but I know that some of you take your Half-Fast like you take your women: As quickly as possible and over too soon. Here endeth the triple crown of bad analogies. Oh, and the new feed address is: feedproxy.google.com/half-fast.

You Run Like an Animal!

[by Candis]

Ian is completely swamped at work. It’s like they expect him to actually do something now that the financial services industry is in the tank. I, being the wonderful wife that I am, offered to post the winning animal- because darn it, free shoes don’t wait for bankers!

And the winner is... ME! Just kidding. You will however notice that when the Pearl Izumi rep contacted my loving husband, Ian replied by emailing his own shoe size and preferred style with nary a thought about me. Hey I have feet too! (Bonus question: Name this movie “Hello? I have a neck too! This thing holding up my head!” - you don’t win anything for it, just like me.)

Just once I wish someone would write Ian “Your wife is so great, would she like a wicked fast tri-bike?” “Your wife is so supportive, would she like compression gear?” “Honey, you’re so great. Why don’t you win that contest and get yourself some hotpink and red Pearl Izumis.”

Ian claims the free Pro Wash Detergent we got is for me. Now don’t get me wrong- it’s awesome. Our clothes smell like a meadow instead of an armpit in the drawers and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they used 83% less plastic with their ingenious bag vs. bottle... but it’s still just soap! Next thing you know I’ll get a clothes dryer for Christmas.

You might be thinking that this is not the post Ian had in mind. Well, you’re right. I guess if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

And, without any further griping...

I am quite impressed at the creativity with which you all run. I will now think of how animals look while running in my sleep. Unfortunately creativity here gets you squat. It’s just a crap shoot... I mean a random number picked using an online, unbiased number generator.

Congratulations to Rachelsdaddy! You run like an animal!

Now with your new Pearl Izumis, you had better look like a cheetah streaking by. Except not really streaking. Good grief man no one wants to see that!

Thanks to all the entrants for running with such poor form that you could easily come up with such horrid animal analogies. Thanks also to Pearl Izumi for loving us so much that they gave away 2 pairs of their snazzy looking speedsters. (Don’t let Ian fool you- he buys shoes totally based on their looks.) We really do appreciate it (all jokes aside).

And to Ian’s employer… Seriously it’s Friday!