Analyze This

[by Candis]

It’s that time of year again, time to panic. It’s 11 days until the Bolder Boulder. It’s the race that made us runners. For those of you who don’t know (where have you been?) every Memorial Day thousands of runners trek to beautiful downtown Boulder, Colorado. We trek for 30 minutes- some Kenyans trek further (it’s why I never win, not my 10:40 pace). [Ed. Note: This year Deena Kastor and Ryan Hall are also treking to Boulder.]

I’m not panicked about my training. I’ve run year round and followed a strict scientific plan the last 12 weeks (FIRST). I’ve researched tapering so as not to repeat last year. (Did you know that if you taper too much it can be seriously detrimental? Of course you did- shut up.) Plus, it’s only 6.2 miles- almost all of my runs the last 3 months have been longer than that. I’ve dropped 5 lbs, 3% body fat, and shaved over a minute off my pace. It’s minor but it’s a step in the right direction. I should be out of excuses and ready.

Ya, right. Ian probably never lets on, but I’m a little obsessive compulsive [Ed. Note: A little? And Amy Winehouse has a ‘little’ drug problem.] So every year when we hit May- I hit panic. I run the same but my mind runs into overload.

• Is my tapered schedule right?
• Should my hair just be in my normal ponytail or would a bun without any movement help. I want all momentum going forward not side to side like a little girls hair- yup I think about it with each swish.
• Does a visor help enough blocking the sun to compensate for the loss of the cool breeze?
• Should I run through the sprinkler or dump water on my head if I get really hot? It must cool your body several degrees and add a nice breeze for a block or two, but it will make my face and eyes sting, my glasses slip and add ounces of water to my frame that may cost me valuable seconds (like 3).
• What shirt should I wear? I feel like I get super hot when I run. Maybe just the Under Armor base gear? Maybe sleeveless? I ran in just my sports bra once but I chafed and I don’t know if that’s really appropriate- unless you’re Katie Holmes. [Ed. Note: This is diametrically (+8 word score) opposed to official Half-Fast policy which is in full support (pun intended) of women running in just a sports bra.]
• Which clothes weigh the least? Nope, none of my stuff will work. I will have to go buy those $28 Adidas short shorts (Ian will be happy.) They weigh like an ounce less and aren’t black. (Can you say butt on fire?)
• Should I eat my pre-race Rice Krispie bar 30 minutes or an hour before?
• When do you pin your bib on your shorts? Before the drive? On the shuttle while you wait? While you’re waiting in the starting wave? What if a big wind comes up and blows my number away?
• What if I carb load too much? Last year I was so nervous (first 10k) that I didn’t eat hardly anything and the wench of a waitress (that’s right I know who you are) wouldn’t bring me my bottomless breadsticks until I had ordered.

Now I realize you’re saying “she said 10:40 pace not 5:40 right?” Yup- and I still care, these are all important decisions that could affect my time. Now you can feel sorry for Ian, but just this once.