Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.*
The above picture is my favorite running hat. I don’t always wear a hat when I run but when I do, this is the only one I ever wear. It has kept my face from sunburn on hot summer days, and it has kept the raindrops from my eyes at the Denver Half Marathon.
It’s true, the hat has seen better days, but I still remember fondly the day we first met. You were perched on a hat rack at Quincy Mah-ket in downtown Boston. I spotted you looking at me from across the room and I could tell that you wanted to buy me a drink if only you weren’t so shy, or inanimate. I approached you cautiously at first, wary of having my heart broken again by a beautiful hat that wasn’t available in the right size. After a few minutes of playful flirting, I purchased you and watched as the cashier stuffed you carelessly in a plastic gift shop bag. I didn’t take you out and wear you home because I was having a particularly fantastic hair day and you didn’t complain. Not once. It was like you got me right from the start.
And while I have since bought another newer, redder hat that I wear on formal occasions (sweat stains just don't go with my suit and tie) you’re still my go-to hat in running and sweaty situations.
Not only has my hat shielded my delicate features from the elements, but it can also be used in place of a Garmin to determine how far I’ve run. I simply remove the hat and check the sweat stains. Someday perhaps the sweat stains will go all the way to the top, indicating that we’ve completed our first marathon together. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
And to think that my wife wanted to throw you away and usher in a new era.
*You might have just witnessed the worst ever use of Ol’ Bill Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18.
P.S. Don’t forget to enter the Great Bike Giveaway on the post below.
P.P.S. Yes, you can expect to see that previous postscript appended to the end of every post between now and next Thursday.
*You might have just witnessed the worst ever use of Ol’ Bill Shakespeare’s Sonnet 18.
P.S. Don’t forget to enter the Great Bike Giveaway on the post below.
P.P.S. Yes, you can expect to see that previous postscript appended to the end of every post between now and next Thursday.
That's a nice strata of sweat. It'd be a nice hat if it weren't a Red Sox hat.
ReplyDeleteIf I won this hat I would...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I thought this was something else.
Totally my hat. Only I have the red "B" and the whole hat is one big sweat stain. The bonus? If you're ever low on electrolytes, its a portable salt lick!
ReplyDeleteI'm conflicted. You're a fan of the greatest baseball organization, yet you couldn't find a CU hat to ruin?
ReplyDeleteYou guys are cracking me up today. And Frayed Laces, I'm kicking myself for not thinking of that and adding it to the original post.
ReplyDeleteI think your markings for the sweat lines are going in the wrong direction. Seems like shorter distances (e.g. 3miles) would produce a sweat stain right at the crown, where it originates, whereas longer runs would produce more sweat, extending the sweat stains farther down the hat.
ReplyDeleteI think you real goal is to have the stains run all the way down the hat to the bottom.
Just sayin'.
I can't even tell you how offensive that hat is. It's not the stains that are offensive :P
ReplyDeleteLike the rings on a tree. But gross. Greatly resembles my husband's Sox hat, which I, too, am dying to replace.
ReplyDeleteIt's red sox hat, sigh, my heart just fluttered a little.
ReplyDeleteHey, thought you were a big fan of Colorado Rockies?
ReplyDeleteThat was the most touching tribute to fabric and salt I've ever read. I'm unclear on how this has anything to do with me winning a bike though?
ReplyDeleteLike salt through the grungy hat,
ReplyDeleteso are the days of our lives.
I got confused looking at the salt rings photo. Thought I was looking at another excavation report.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, a few hundred years from now, an archaeologist would have a field day with this hat.
My new Nike Dri-Fit hat (souvenier from Vegas, baby) is starting to develop rings, too. When my 3-year-old dashed my hopes of a Garmin, I don't know why I didn't think of using it as a measuring device. Brilliant, but I never expect anything less from you.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, your post on Complete Running was also brilliant. My only thought was there should be a category of pics for people immortalized on film looking like they really should have stopped at the last port-o-potty. I love the grimmaced-faced looks on their faces.
I was going to comment on the whole Red Sox thing, but I don;t wanna ruin my bike chances.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny--my husband has lost that exact same hat three times. I took the trash out those days.
ReplyDeleteThanks for trying to guess the Mystery Smutty Word. I would never have thought of Disney in that context, Miley what's-her-name notwithstanding.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to re-think the copyright blurb on your blog. A newspaper in England lifted articles from a blogger, blithely claiming it was 'public domain' and that amateurs loved to see their stuff in print.
He sent them an invoice, pointing out the word 'copyright' on the page. And they paid it!
http://privatesecretdiary.com/2008/04/26/i-receive-an-alarming-telephone-call/
Sweet Sox hat. Every run is just another love session for your hat. Love it. And the fact that it seems to have never seem a washing machine...love that even more.
ReplyDeleteThat hat picture is great. I've got 6 or seven just like it. Do you wash it in the washing machine? I do but they never come out quite the same.
ReplyDelete