A post in which Vanilla sets a goal for himself that he has no chance of sniffing and talks about himself in the third person. You’d probably be better off just skipping it.
This was going to be just another “dull statement of intention,” but Nitmos really raised the bar on race goals yesterday with his Setting Race Goals post. If you missed his post then you should go check it out because there’s nothing like a good race goal post... and that was nothing like a good race goal post! Ba-Boom Cha! (Thanks, you’ve been a great audience. I’ll be here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitress!)
I mentioned back in February that I wanted to do a 50 minute 10K and I hate to back down from that even though I doubted its attainability when I first wrote it. However I did write that on Leap Day (a day that doesn’t REALLY exist), so it doesn’t REALLY count. This is known as the Leap Day Rule; you can’t be held accountable for things that you say on February 29th in much the same way that people cannot be offended by insults that you preface with the phrase “with all due respect.” Allow me to demonstrate: With all due respect, Nitmos is a blathering, self-absorbed tool. (Zing!) See, no harm done.
Now where was I? Oh yes, a 50 minute 10K. No chance in hell. I want it so bad that I can taste it. It tastes a little like chicken, not delicious fried chicken mind you, but more like a bland, unseasoned chicken that I could picture them serving in England. I ran Nancy’s 10K on the 10th last weekend in 52:43, but that was done as the middle part of an 8 mile training run, without carb loading, and without the additional motivation of knowing it was a race. I think that I’ll be able to run the Bolder Boulder in 51:30 and if I use Nitmos’ patented method of multiplying by 0.975 I come up with 50:13 which is so close to 50:00 that I really should just make that my goal, my Pie-Eyed Optimist goal. It’s OK. I’ve started working on a doozey of an excuse in case I miss that goal, it starts out like a regular excuse but then out of nowhere it turns out that I’m blaming you the reader for my shoddy performance.
This was going to be just another “dull statement of intention,” but Nitmos really raised the bar on race goals yesterday with his Setting Race Goals post. If you missed his post then you should go check it out because there’s nothing like a good race goal post... and that was nothing like a good race goal post! Ba-Boom Cha! (Thanks, you’ve been a great audience. I’ll be here all week and don’t forget to tip your waitress!)
I mentioned back in February that I wanted to do a 50 minute 10K and I hate to back down from that even though I doubted its attainability when I first wrote it. However I did write that on Leap Day (a day that doesn’t REALLY exist), so it doesn’t REALLY count. This is known as the Leap Day Rule; you can’t be held accountable for things that you say on February 29th in much the same way that people cannot be offended by insults that you preface with the phrase “with all due respect.” Allow me to demonstrate: With all due respect, Nitmos is a blathering, self-absorbed tool. (Zing!) See, no harm done.
Now where was I? Oh yes, a 50 minute 10K. No chance in hell. I want it so bad that I can taste it. It tastes a little like chicken, not delicious fried chicken mind you, but more like a bland, unseasoned chicken that I could picture them serving in England. I ran Nancy’s 10K on the 10th last weekend in 52:43, but that was done as the middle part of an 8 mile training run, without carb loading, and without the additional motivation of knowing it was a race. I think that I’ll be able to run the Bolder Boulder in 51:30 and if I use Nitmos’ patented method of multiplying by 0.975 I come up with 50:13 which is so close to 50:00 that I really should just make that my goal, my Pie-Eyed Optimist goal. It’s OK. I’ve started working on a doozey of an excuse in case I miss that goal, it starts out like a regular excuse but then out of nowhere it turns out that I’m blaming you the reader for my shoddy performance.
To which we'll say...
ReplyDeleteSorry we let you down Vanilla.
There, it's been written.
Good luck!
To quote from the movie The Waterboy: 'You can do it!'
ReplyDeleteAnd that is exactly how chicken tastes in this country. Unless you go to the KFC down the road.
I believe you can do it Vanilla. It's just mind over matter. LOL
ReplyDeleteDo you really want to have to come back here and face the insults from Nitmos if you don't? :P I personally want to see you fail for that reason alone. I'm KIDDING!! I think you'll be able to swing it, no probs :-) You've been getting speedier since the short time I've been reading. Now go get it done!
ReplyDeleteFortunately, my robust self absorbency can soak up this chiding leaving me none the worse for wear.
ReplyDeleteWith all due respect, your race goal is like the chicken you can taste: plucked and fried.
After absorbing this broadside, it may be time to go to the mattresses. If I had a glove, good sir, I'd flamboyantly strike you across the face.
Oh, and Good Luck with your race where you'll no doubt finish at 50:13 plus or minus 1 second. My methodology is extremely accurate.
ReplyDeleteBlaming your kids and your spouse also works.
ReplyDeleteVanilla,
ReplyDeleteYou didn't get hugged very much as a child, did you?
Almost half of the Bolder Boulder course is downhill, your muscles will not have to work to stay warm and you don't have to "cut" through the thick sea level air as you race.
If you don't go under 50 minutes for this race, I don't know if you ever will.
happy racing
You are a real riot - I can't help but keep visiting to see what wacky ideas you'll come up with next!
ReplyDeleteBTW - good luck with your goal!
~K
I knew a girl that started all of her insults with "no offense, but..." and then she'd offend you. But she'd feel okay about it. :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I think you've got it.
With all due respect, you excel at underachieving. Keep those goals as distant as possible. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteOh boys. Do we need to seperate you? Don't make me come down there.
ReplyDeleteit's always our fault isn't it?
ReplyDeleteNow you've done it, buster. You've gone and insulted my race. "without the additional motivation of knowing it's a race." (in my catiest mocking voice)
ReplyDeleteGod will probably strike you down for that one or at least give you a 52:44.
;)
LMAO at Nancy's comment! Good luck! I hope you can disprove Nitmos's theory although i am a firm believer.
ReplyDeleteWe, your faithful readers, are in a win-win situation. Either we get to say "Hongera!" if you hit your goal or we get to read you excuse when, I mean "if" you don't. :)
ReplyDeleteWill team cheer Vanilla be making another appearance? I hear cute kids improve race times. Or was that blood doping that improves race times? I forget.
ReplyDeleteDude. Just run.
ReplyDeleteWhether you make the goal or not... I can't wait to see the exchange between you and Nitmos. It's bound to be explosive. My guess is you're gonna go under 50.
ReplyDelete"It tastes a little like chicken"! That's awesome. Though not as awesome as it tasting like delicious fried chicken. Or even better, tasting like pot roast.
ReplyDeleteHey Vanilla -- I ran a 10K on April 26 in 50:12 and I'm a girl. You're not going to let a GIRL beat you, are you? BWAK BAK BAK BAK BAK
ReplyDelete(in case you're wondering, that's supposed to be chicken sounds).
50 minutes?? Seriously? Can you set the bar any LOWER!!!
ReplyDeleteI Kid I Kid.
It's easy dude. Just run more. A lot more. Like every day. And then some.
You should also be aware of the "bless your heart" rule, which is similar to the "with all due respect" rule. Example:
ReplyDeleteAw, Vanilla set a goal for himself, bless his heart.
(Just kiddin', buddy. You'll rock it.)