The Winter Olympics

I love the Winter Olympics. Love it. I watch almost everything. I watch the hockey, I watch the alpine skiing events, I watch the sliding events, I watch the cross country skiing and the biathlon - it’s skiing AND shooting! I watch the speed skating (note to Sven Kramer: “What are you stupid?”). I even watch some of the curling. “The USA has a curling team? Awesome, TiVo it I’ll watch it while I’m running on the treadmill!” (Side note: Why is men’s and women’s curling segregated? Can women curlers not hold their own with the men? Keep it segregated I say, all the more curling events for me to watch). I watch the snowboard cross and the ski cross, I watch the aerials, the moguls, the ski jumping, and the halfpipe. It’s all very good. I do draw the line at the ice dancing though. When the ice dancing comes on that’s when I catch up on the other shows I’ve been neglecting in order to watch the Olympics.

The other night I was watching... I don’t even remember what event I was watching but I had a thought. You know what the Winter Olympics needs? A marathon. The marathon is the pinnacle of the Summer Olympics, you can argue that the 100m is watched by more people or that the swimming gets more coverage, but none of the other events have their medal ceremony incorporated into the closing ceremony. Only the marathon winners get to receive their medals during the closing ceremony of the Olympics. It’s like a tip o’ the hat to the marathon as the original Olympic event, so why not have a Winter Olympic Marathon too?

Now the Winter Olympics likes to have a bit of an X Games feel to it and we’d have to make some changes to the Winter Olympics Marathon course to keep with that theme. The race would be held in and around the host city so it would be a cold weather marathon. Perhaps the race would actually be an ultra marathon, what’s more X-treme than that? The course could traverse deep snow fields and treacherous frozen lakes, maybe it would even have transition areas so the runners could change into snow shoes or spiked shoes for the different sections. The runners could run up one side of a mountain and down the other side, it would make Heartbreak Hill look like a pimple. I think it would be a great event, but unfortunately we will have to wait for the next Winter Olympics to incorporate this idea because the Canadians would have tried to make the down hill portion of the race faster and more dangerous, eh.

2009: The Year in Review

It’s time for another one of those ‘year in review’ posts that everyone has been doing, but this one is different because it’s long past the time for year in review posts. At this rate I’ll get around to my new year’s resolutions in February and start setting goals for this year in March or April.

The biggest accomplishment of the year was finishing my first marathon back in January. After that the year pretty much went downhill. To be honest with you I didn’t even remember what my goals for this year were until I went back and looked them up moments ago. That probably speaks volumes to why I didn’t accomplish many of them. Let’s break out Viper’s Big Red FAIL Stamp and take a look back at my list of 2009 goals (originally posted here).

• Get faster. FAIL (Zero new PRs this year.)
• Don’t get slower. FAIL (Technically the marathon was a PR but only because it was my first.)
• Run a sub 50 minute 10K. FAIL
• Win an age group award, and by win I mean take first, second or third, I’m really not that picky. FAIL
• Shave my 5K. As the host of the SY5K Challenge it would be embarrassing for me to get slower. Check! (My smooth time was faster than my stubble time, though neither were PRs.)
• Set a new PR at the half marathon distance. FAIL
• Not sign up for another marathon. Check!

I’ve been running for almost five years now and up until 2009 I was getting faster regardless of how much speedwork or effort I put forth. It was just a given that I was going to set new PRs every year and I think it probably made me a little complacent. It turns out I’m going to have to actually work harder to get faster in the future and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I prefer to have things handed to me with minimal input on my part, it’s one of the things that makes me such a good employee.

2009 will be known as the Year of the Marathon for me. Five years ago when I started running, my only goal was to post a faster time in the annual Bolder Boulder 10K, I never set out to run a marathon. In fact whenever anyone suggested that I should run a marathon I would explicitly tell them that I had no interest in running that far. I still have no interest in running that far, but I’m glad that I did it last year. My biggest accomplishment in 2009 was finishing a marathon and my second biggest accomplishment was not signing up for another one. I’m an inspiration, for sure.

Marathon Race Pictures

A post in which I debut the Wizard of Oz heel-kick finishing move and the post race Double Guns pose.

The space blanket makes it official.
The race pictures are now available from the PF Chang’s Rock ‘N’ Roll Arizona Marathon over at Action Sports. I’ve never actually ordered an official race picture before but I think I might make an exception for this race. Paying for a race picture will make me feel better about all the times I’ve blatantly stolen race pictures from these sites.

I also put together some pictures and video clips below. The quality sucks, but as soon as the video starts playing you should see a small “HQ” logo in the bottom right corner of the video. Click the “HQ” logo to watch the video in High Quality because it really, really sucks otherwise, but in HQ it only kinda sucks. Either way it’s still mostly images of me so you don’t want to expose your eyes to it for too long... it will make everything else you look at today seem dull and boring.


I think I’ve found my trademark finishing move.
I actually managed to find Razz and his sister after the race and he secretly confided in me that he’s a huge CU Buff fan, I even managed to get a picture of him wearing his favorite CU jersey. You might be thinking that Nebraska beat CU this year which is true, but they didn’t cover the spread. At first I felt bad making Razz wear the jersey since his team did actually win the game, but then I realized that this was all the satisfaction that I was going to get out of the game so here he is:

New profile picture, Razz?

Why am I still running in this picture?
On a recovery note, I think I’m healing up quite nicely. I can go up and down stairs with ease and I no longer groan when I get up out of my office chair. I haven’t run since the marathon, but I’m thinking about going for a short run this weekend, or maybe next weekend, I haven’t decided which yet. I thought I heard that you were supposed to take 2 weeks off after a marathon while continuing to carb load, but I could be wrong. I guess I’ll have to find other things to blog about while I’m not running.

Enjoy the weekend!

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Despite arriving at the starting corrals mere minutes before the starting gun fired, I meandered through the crowds with all the urgency of the Maytag repair man. I was nervous on the inside but I refused to let it show, figuring that my exterior Joe Cool attitude would override my nerves, or at the very least cause my exterior Joe Plumber to hike up his shorts a little. I elbowed my way into the starting corrals and we started walking towards the start. The plan was to run the first 10 miles at a 10 minute pace, run the second 10 miles at a 9:45 pace and finish the final 10K at a 9:30 pace, but I was well aware that I might slow down as the race wore on instead of speeding up.

Five minutes after the gun souned I reached the starting line and started out at a 10 minute pace. The sky was clear, the terrain was flat and I was surprised to find myself enjoying the run. I smiled at the thought that I was running a marathon, I was actually doing it. Over the first 10 miles there wasn’t much to report except a guy running in cargo shorts and a polo shirt, needless to say I passed him but not before I snapped a picture of him (right). I also saw a guy wearing a shirt that said “Since my lame family is not here please yell ‘Go Jeff!’” which made me laugh.

I hit mile 10 feeling good, feeling refreshed and I started to drop my pace down to the 9:45 range. Somewhere around mile 14 I made the transition from working to keep my pace in check to working to maintain my pace. Candis and the boys were waiting for me just past the mile 15 marker, I stopped for a good luck kiss, some gels and quick application of bodyglide to my sweaty undercarriage (applied by me, not Candis. She was supportive, but not that supportive).

The real low point of the race came shortly after my pit stop. Mile 16 was longer than Gone With The Wind. My legs started to get tired, my head wanted to call it quits and I began seriously debating just taking a DNF. I slowed to a walk for this internal struggle. I called Candis and she told me to get going, she read me some of the comments that you were all leaving on her updates and I somehow managed to start running again. I struggled through mile 16 and was struggling through mile 17 when R. Kelly’s I Believe came up on my playlist. It was the boost I needed. I was running again, I was even running a sub 10 minute pace again.

At mile 21 I felt my pace starting to slow, I knew I was going to have to use Nitmos’ war of posts approach to the remaining miles and I cursed him for entering my thoughts during a marathon, and for being right, and for existing. I walked through all the water stops from mile 21 through the end, I stopped occasionally to stretch my quads because they were starting to get really tight, but each time I stopped I managed to start shuffling my feet forwards again.

My kids were at the final turn before the finish line, I gave them both a high five and ran to the finish. I even had enough energy left for a little Wizzard of Oz heel kick as I crossed the finish line (video and pictures to come later). It was over. All I felt was relief. I was relieved that it was over, I was relieved that I didn’t stop at mile 16. My official time is posted as 4:31:06, which is a PR since this is my first marathon. Here’s a quick recap of my race goals as originally posted here, and my splits. I’ll have more about the race and meeting up with Razz, including more pictures and video in the coming days. Thanks to all of you who read this demented little blog for encouraging me and supporting me, especially to those of you who left comments during the race, you all mean more to me than I’ll ever let on. Thanks.

Original Goals

1. Start the marathon. - CHECK!
2. Finish the marathon. - CHECK!
3. Finish the marathon in an upright position. - CHECK!
4. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours 30 minutes. - Close, I’m going to give myself a Semi-Check!
5. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours 15 minutes. - Nope.
6. Finish the marathon with a smile on my face. - CHECK!
7. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours. - Hahahahahahahah, nope.
8. Qualify for Boston - requires a time of 3:10:59 (my computer audibly chuckled when I wrote that). - Nope.
9. Set a new marathon world record - requires a time of 2:03:58 or better. - Nope.
10. Take it easy and enjoy myself. - Surprisingly, CHECK!

Splits

Mile 1 10:11 Mile 2 10:00 Mile 3 10:08 Mile 4 9:56 Mile 5 10:23 (Pee Break) Mile 6 9:43 Mile 7 9:49 Mile 8 9:50 Mile 9 9:58 Mile 10 9:53

Mile 11 9:43 Mile 12 9:38 Mile 13 9:48 Mile 14 10:07 (Pee Break) Mile 15 9:46 Mile 16 11:02 Mile 17 10:33 Mile 18 9:58 Mile 19 9:49 Mile 20 9:56

Mile 21 10:54 Mile 22 11:57 Mile 23 10:30 Mile 24 12:00 Mile 25 11:25 Mile 26 11:53

Beer Time.

Finished.

4 30

Done happy and upright! 4:30

[UPDATE: Official Time was 4:32:38]

UPDATE AGAIN: New Official Time listed as 4:31:06. That is much closer to my Garmin time than the first update was.

23

3 53 leg cramp gonna do it :)

22 plus

It's a fight. (Editor note: I'm a wreck)

20!!!!

3 20

Fighting it

18. 3 40

Dip

Slow 16. 10 30 picked it up a little 17. I'm reading him your
comments. Send some motivation

Half way half fast

2 10 at half! Enjoying it so far. Who knew? Hope it keeps up. (Editors
note: asked for body glide ???? Where is it for? New :)

10 miles

1:39:59. 1 second under!

5 miles

Positive part of negative splits :). 51 min at 5. Ian said "this s@?!
Is easy. I'll ask again at 20 if it's easy.

America Runs on Dunkin’...

... And so do I. My wife found a Dunkin’ Donuts not far from where we are staying last night, and I found it again this morning. So far it is the best thing about this trip and I don’t see anything on the horizon that will change that.

On the plane to Phoenix I heard a few other runners discussing the upcoming marathon so I made sure to speak about my training loud enough with Candis that they invited me into their conversation, in much the same way that you invite a jury summons in the mail and equally pleasant. It was obvious from the conversation that they did not recognize me as the world renowned Vanilla of Half-Fast. I politely raised my hand, stopping them mid-sentence and said “Sorry to interrupt you, but... I’m kind of a big deal!” I told them all about Half-Fast but they were not impressed. I’m beginning to suspect that they weren’t really runners at all. I suspect they were just flying into town for the NFC Championship game and pretending to be runners to impress people. I mean, really, how could a real runner have not heard about Half-Fast? It’s just not possible.

By the way speaking of the NFC Championship game, the Cardinals are winning that game. I don’t think I’ve ever given any gambling advice on this site, but the current line is Eagles by 3.5 which is just like free money. Personally I think the Cards are winning this game outright, but they sure as hell aren’t losing by more than a field goal. Take the Cards and the points, it’s a sure fire way to double your kid’s college education fund and your retirement account all at the same time.

Finally, I met Razz and his Sister today at the marathon expo and he’s surprisingly nice in person. Best of luck to everyone else that’s running this race; Lisa, Eileen, Kristina, Pat, Mary, Jessica, and anyone else who I’ve forgotten or just outright ignored.

Candis will have updates here tomorrow, and I’ll catch you all on the flip side.

The Things I’m Telling Myself

In the face of my somewhat lackadaisical training for Sunday’s marathon (some might even call it Half-Fast training, HiYo!) I’ve found myself having some wild mood swings, the kind I’m sure some of you ladies are prone to. One minute I’m certain that I’m going to have a great time, and the next minute I’m terrified that I won’t even finish. In the interest of fostering a positive mindset for this marathon I’ve asked Candis to keep reminding me of these things that I’m telling myself:

• I did all my training at altitude (5,300 ft) so running in Phoenix (1,100 ft) will probably make me feel like superman.
• I ran over 80% of my training runs in windy conditions, it was almost as though I was doing my long runs wearing a wind sprint parachute. As long as it’s not windy in Phoenix then this will also make me feel like superman.
• A lot of my training runs have incorporated good sized hills, but the marathon course is relatively flat which will make me feel like superman.
• Just get through this, and then you don’t have to run again for the rest of January.
• Many of my training runs were in the cold weather and I was forced to bundle up to stay warm. Surely the weight of the winter clothes and the way they restrict my movement caused me to run slower.
• Even though I didn’t run a 20 miler, I probably put forth the same amount of effort to run an 18 miler at altitude, into the wind (both ways), in the cold, on an uphill course (both ways), right? Right?
• Finally, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me... almost as much as they like superman.

Of course, I could always use more thoughts like this (by which I mean over-emphasizations of the truth) so if you can think of anything I’ve left out then I’d love to hear your positive thoughts about this marathon in the comments. If there’s anything that you disagree with or if you have any negative thoughts then please take those over to Feet Meet Street or Viper’s place, I’m quite certain that they deserve it more than I do.

For Those About To Rock...

For those of you who are going to be in Phoenix this weekend running the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon or Half Marathon, I suggest you wear sunglasses. Not because it’s going to be sunny, although I hear that is occasionally the case in Arizona, but because I have decided that I will be taking this opportunity to debut my fluorescent, neon, day-glo yellow race shirt. (You might be thinking that all those adjectives were superfluous but you won’t when you see the shirt.) So if you see something that looks like a blinding beacon of light lumbering down the road or passed out somewhere on the course, pull your sunglasses on and yell something encouraging to me. I also plan on hanging out for a while after the race in the family reunion area, chances are I’ll be standing sitting lying on the ground somewhere with Candis and her family close by, so please wander over and say hello. Candis and her family will thank you as I’m sure they don’t want to listen to me go on and on about how awesome I am for running a marathon.

Those of you who are not coming to Phoenix to support me can follow along and track my progress on the PF Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon website (http://www.rnraz.com/). I’ll be wearing bib number 3780 unless it looks like that bib is not doing so well in which case that was just a typo, that’s not me. You may also be able to track my progress right here at Half-Fast as I’m contemplating live blogging the marathon, or more specifically having Candis live blog the marathon for me. Since my mp3 player is also my phone I will be updating Candis periodically on how I’m feeling or what restaurant I’ve stopped at for lunch and Candis will in turn be updating the blog and filtering any of your comments back to me, emphasis on filtering. I’m not completely sure if it will work or if we’ll actually do this, but it is under consideration. If there are no updates then I might have decided not to live blog the marathon, or maybe there were some technical difficulties like I ‘technically’ decided that a marathon would be too ‘difficult’ and just stayed in bed, this is also under consideration.

There is an eager anticipation that I’ve been feeling about the marathon in the past few days. I’m not real sure how to explain it other than to say that whenever I think about the marathon I get butterflies in my stomach, but not the bad kind. I imagine that perhaps this is how General Custer was feeling prior to the Battle of the Little Bighorn.

I look forward to meeting those of you who will be there, shoot me an e-mail and we can figure out a good place to drink beer together after the finish... or before the start.

I Guess I Don’t Look Like a Runner

Contrary to what you might think, I’m really not the boisterous, chest thumping, braggart in real life that I portray so well on this blog, at least not entirely. This means that very few people in my office actually know that I’m a runner and fewer still know that I’m running a marathon in a couple of weeks but that will all change when I wear my medal (assuming I earn one) around the office for the remainder of 2009. However, as meetings are planned and schedules are being made for January it has given rise to the question of why I’m taking a couple of days off surrounding the weekend of January 18th. Here’s what I notice when I tell people that I’m running a marathon; their eyes get a little bigger and then they look me up and down as if to say “Really? You are running a marathon?”

I guess it’s because they can’t see the rippling abs beneath my dress shirt and believe me, my abs do ripple. Just the other day I stood shirtless in front of the mirror and watched the ripples radiate from a hearty gut smack all the way up to my neck and back in concentric circles, so maybe they don’t ripple in the traditional sense but they do ripple. OK so I’m being a little facetious. While I haven’t yet been able to put the finishing touches on my granite six pack, I’m also not afflicted with the ol’ Dunlop belly, which is to say that my belly hasn’t “done lopped over” my pants.

So what is it? Why does everyone feel the need to look me up and down like some piece of meat when they discover I’m running a marathon? Is it just because people have this preconceived notion that all marathon runners look like skinny Kenyans? Is it because I don’t have the sunken-eyed, gaunt look of some other fellow runners? Is it because of my muscular build? Is it because I’m too handsome to be a marathoner? Yes. I like to think it is.

Get a Hold of Yourself Man!

Thanks for all the advice on my last post, particularly to Andrew who gave me the literary bitchslap I needed in reminding me to HDFU. I am still planning on running the full marathon, and I’m planning on beating Haile Gebrselassie’s world record time of 2:03:59, that was his first half split right?

When I originally signed up for the PF Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon I had wanted to run a 4 hour marathon or more specifically a 3:59:59 marathon. I believe that a sub 4 hour time might have been possible had I not been injured and wimped out on some of my training runs, but I find myself coming to grips with the fact that I probably won’t achieve that goal. That’s OK. I’ve always said that in order to achieve all of your lifelong goals sometimes you have to lower your expectations, but that’s just the over-achiever in me coming out. (The under-achiever in me is totally OK with failing to meet goals entirely, at least the over-achiever tries to make it look like I accomplished my goals.)

With that in mind I’m going to establish several levels of goals for this marathon, and hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish one of them. Here they are, ranked from most likely to occur to least likely to occur:

1. Start the marathon.
2. Finish the marathon.
3. Finish the marathon in an upright position.
4. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours 30 minutes.
5. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours 15 minutes.
6. Finish the marathon with a smile on my face.
7. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours.
8. Qualify for Boston - requires a time of 3:10:59 (my computer audibly chuckled when I wrote that).
9. Set a new marathon world record - requires a time of 2:03:58 or better.
10. Take it easy and enjoy myself.

I think I have a realistic shot at the first 4, maybe even number 5 if I’m having a really good day. If I accomplish number 7, then number 6 will just naturally follow suit, but I doubt that either of those will happen. Numbers 8 through 10 are just there for humor because none of them are going to happen.

Have a great weekend everyone! Stay tuned next week for the announcement of the Shave Your 5K winners.

Update: Oh yeah, and Happy New Year and all that jazz.

Did I Mention I’m Running a Marathon?

You should all prepare yourselves for the fact that I’m going to act like I’m the only person ever to train for and run a marathon. Before this thing pounds me into humility I plan on making it a big deal around these parts, despite the fact that many of you readers have already run marathons. Thank you to those of you who left comments on my last post suggesting how many times I should run a 20 miler, extra special thanks if you told me that I should definitely not do 5 of them. I was giving some serious consideration to that plan and now I’m not.

Right now my plan is to run a couple of 20 milers before the race and I’m even considering doing a 22 or 23 miler too. It’s easy to say that right now, because the furthest I’ve ever run is 13.1 miles and I have no concept of how much pain and agony goes into a 16 mile run much less a 20 or 22 miler. Nevertheless, the plan is to do at least 2 20s and maybe a 22 or 23 miler too. Here’s the logic behind my thinking: What’s the longest run that most runners run prior to a marathon? Answer: 20 miles. Where do most runners say that they hit the proverbial wall in their marathon? Answer: 20 miles. Coincidence? I have no idea, but that’s my thinking. Of course I may just throw all this out the window when I start getting into those looooong, long runs.

I received an e-mail from another running blogger who is considering coming out to Arizona to run the marathon, I won’t give his name because I’m not certain if he’s decided to do it or not and I’d hate to steal his thunder if he’s planning a big blog announcement. I once had my thunder stolen and it was no fun at all, the police didn’t even take my stolen thunder report seriously and just rolled their eyes when I mentioned I would offer a reward. Stupid cops. Anyway, JavaMom has also mentioned to me that she is going to be running the half marathon and if anyone else is going to be out in Arizona for the race then I’d love to meet up with some of you. Not all of you, just the cool people out there. So if you’re going to be around and you’d like to meet up and buy me a beer, and if you think you’re cool enough, then shoot me an e-mail or leave me a comment.