Oh yes, again

Yeah, this just happened. I'll have a new post coming next week sometime wherein I will rename my first child Saucony.

Saucony Kinvara 3

These Boots Are Made for Running

I have no idea who Jeremy Scott is but apparently he’s some kind of fashion designer that is finally bringing some Southwestern flair to the sports world. Just check out these running boots!

I don’t mean to imply that these shoes are out there but Lady Gaga’s wardrobe consultant was taken aback by them. I however am in love with them. I simply must have a pair. Race photographers would be unable to snap just one picture of you if you were wearing a pair of these bad boys, especially if I were to pair them with my bikini briefs and a mesh tank top. Oh how I long to race in some Adidas boots.

Don’t worry ladies, Jeremy Scott didn’t stop after he envisioned the Men’s boot, he rode the crazy train all the way to toon town so there’s a lady’s version too.

They’re still probably safer than running in Reebok EasyTones. All you need now is a dri-fit cowboy hat to complete the ensemble. Speaking of completing the ensemble, you can check out all of Scott’s hallucinations at his Adidas product page which includes winged shoes, gorilla shoes and even fringed track pants. Yes, fringed track pants! So many jokes to be made and so little time to do it in.

Hat Tip: With Leather

Pumped Up Kicks

If you’re one of those people who thinks that I don’t post enough to be getting free stuff to review then you might want to go ahead and skip this post.

You see, the kind people at Saucony decided that I’m exactly the kind of person that should be testing and writing about their new Saucony 8mm drop shoes. I was as surprised as you are, probably more so because the last time they sent me shoes I went out of my way to call them ugly (the shoes not the people at Saucony).

When I took my new Saucony Guide 5s out of the box it was love at first sight. Unlike the last pair of Saucony shoes these are not uglier than a batman villain nor do they look like part of Boy Wonder’s costume. How running shoes look is important to me because I’m a very superficial person. I can afford to be superficial about my shoes because I’ve run in so many different types and brands of shoes and have almost never had any problems (*cough*Mizuno sucks!*cough*).

However, since I know that some of you like to pretend that you don’t judge a book by its cover let me tell you about Saucony’s new line of 8mm drop shoes. The line includes the Guide 5, the Triumph 9 and the Hurricane 14, together they form the Justice League; fighting crime wherever it exists. These shoes all have an 8mm heel-to-toe drop as opposed to the more typical 12mm. Basic math eludes me, but my assistant tells me that’s a difference of 4mm or, to put it in perspective, the size of my tiny, banker heart. According to Saucony this difference “puts the runner in a more balanced, comfortable and powerful position without reducing cushioning or stability. Also, runners can more easily adjust their stride to a midfoot strike, aligning the lower body to absorb impact.”

I’ve never been a fan of messing with your stride and foot strike unless you’re seeing frequent overuse injuries, but if you are going to start adjusting your foot strike it’s best to make small, incremental changes. These shoes would be a good starting point for someone who was looking to gradually change their foot strike or make the switch to barefoot running.

The shoes are really comfortable to run in and to sit around and watch football in – they’re a double threat! They’re lighter than my other shoes at 10.2 oz (yes I weighed them). They don’t feel like they’re altering my stride as radically as the Saucony Hattoris did and they’ve made me roughly 25% faster! (Blatant lie!)

Many thanks to Saucony for the free shoes. Your move, Pearl Izumi.

For more on the geometry of these new Saucony shoes check out this video on YouTube.

These shoes don’t need no alibi!

Somehow someone at Saucony thought it would be a good idea to send me a pair of their Saucony Hattori shoes to review. I guess they thought this would be a good marketing opportunity. They must have missed the fact that I post about as frequently as a bear poops during hibernation and the fact that most of my posts are riddled with sarcasm and scat humor, or maybe they’re just into that kind of thing. Since I’m not one to turn down a free pair of shoes, I agreed.

I missed the part of the e-mail where they told me that these were minimalist shoes and also the part where they told me that the shoes were hideous. I used to have a pair of water shoes that I wore to the beach when I was a kid that looked just like these and every time I see pictures of myself wearing them I cringe. As you can see from the picture the shoes don’t have laces they use Velcro to attach themselves to your feet. That would be really cool if I needed to get them on quickly for an emergency, like if my boat was sinking over a rocky seabed but even then I’d probably still look around to see if I could borrow a pair of my wife’s shoes first. (Full disclosure: I do not own a boat.)

I’m probably not a great test subject for these kind of shoes because I really like my running shoes to correct my over-pronation. I like the motion control, the stability and the heel cushioning that my current shoes provide and I like to feel the reverberations crash up my leg as my heel strikes the pavement first. It just feels right. I guess I’m not much of a minimalist. In fact I’d go so far as to say that I’m a maximalist; it’s the American way! I want a bigger house, a faster car, more money and bigger shoes that do more for me. More is always better! (Notable exceptions: bikinis and cavities.)

Nevertheless, I wanted to give Saucony a fair shake and try the shoes because despite the tone of this post I really do like Saucony. Naturally, before running in minimalist shoes for the first time I wanted to take some precautions so I made sure to go run when I thought the fewest amount of people would be around to see me in these disastrously ugly shoes. I also took my dog with me so that anyone that did see me would look at the cute dog and not notice my ugly, ugly shoes. Initially I felt like I was coming down hard on my heel but that went away after only a quarter mile. I went 4 miles and felt fairly confident that I hadn’t changed my stride too drastically but for the next couple of days my calves were screaming so I had obviously been compensating.

While I’m not a fan of the shoes or of minimalist running in general I am a fan of strengthening my calves so I’ll probably continue to take short sporadic runs in the Saucony Hattori shoes, but mostly after dark when no one’s around to see me.

If you’re looking for a good review of these shoes by someone who is actually a minimalist you should check out http://minimalistrunningshoes.org/saucony-hattori-shoe-review.

My Marathon Shoes

I ran the Arizona Rock ‘n’ Roll marathon (which has gone totally underreported) in a pair of grey and red Asics 2130s and up until last week I couldn’t bring myself to wear them again. It was really quite strange, I would put all my running gear on and then pick up the marathon shoes, look at them wistfully and then put them down and grab one of the other pairs of shoes in the rotation. While we’re on the subject of my shoe rotation, Candis thinks it’s excessive that I have 6 pairs of shoes in the current rotation. Back me up here guys, I think you need at least 6 pairs. What’s excessive is having PMS 12 times a year.

Last week before one of my runs, I placed the marathon shoes back in the closet but decided that I was just being silly. You can’t retire a perfectly good pair of shoes that only have 175 miles on them just because they carried you through your first marathon, right? So, I put them on and ran in them. I think it was the right decision.

It’s going to be up to you guys to provide the humor and run on sentences today because I’m going to be short (story of my life). So let’s hear it, have any of you ever had any strange attachment issues to a particular pair of running shoes? How many shoes are in your current rotation?

I would run 600 miles...

These are my old Asics 2110s (right), as of yesterday they have logged 600 miles. Some people say that you should change your running shoes out every 400 - 500 miles and some people even go so far as to say that you should change them at 300 miles, but you need to remember that some people are liars. Some people who are not liars are paid to sell shoes which can often lead to becoming a liar. It’s like they say; if all you have is a hammer then every problem looks like a nail and if you’re a running shoe salesman then every problem’s solution is to buy new shoes. It’s time we stopped being duped by the running shoe companies, it’s time for us to demand the truth from Big Running Shoe, because hey, like we need an excuse to buy another pair of running shoes.

While I’ve certainly had shoes that were clearly done after 300 miles *ahem - Mizunos suck* I don’t subscribe to the idea that an arbitrary mileage number should signify that the shoes need to be replaced. My 2110s still provide the support and cushioning that I need and they’re still in the active running shoe rotation. I’m kind of hoping that they’ll reach 700 miles someday although that’s admittedly going to take some time because they no longer rack up the miles like a starting pitcher. I like to think of them more along the lines of middle relief pitching, they are there to take some of the pressure off the starters.

Finally, just in case you didn’t recognize where I was going from the title or in case you didn’t properly get that song stuck in your head, there is a video to accompany the post. Click play and let the Scottish brogue wash over you with its rolled r’s and cut off e’s, cleansing you from all your worries like a fine Single Malt. Is it too early to start drinking?

The Proclaimers - I Would Walk 500 Miles

You Run Like an Animal!

[by Candis]

Ian is completely swamped at work. It’s like they expect him to actually do something now that the financial services industry is in the tank. I, being the wonderful wife that I am, offered to post the winning animal- because darn it, free shoes don’t wait for bankers!

And the winner is... ME! Just kidding. You will however notice that when the Pearl Izumi rep contacted my loving husband, Ian replied by emailing his own shoe size and preferred style with nary a thought about me. Hey I have feet too! (Bonus question: Name this movie “Hello? I have a neck too! This thing holding up my head!” - you don’t win anything for it, just like me.)

Just once I wish someone would write Ian “Your wife is so great, would she like a wicked fast tri-bike?” “Your wife is so supportive, would she like compression gear?” “Honey, you’re so great. Why don’t you win that contest and get yourself some hotpink and red Pearl Izumis.”

Ian claims the free Pro Wash Detergent we got is for me. Now don’t get me wrong- it’s awesome. Our clothes smell like a meadow instead of an armpit in the drawers and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that they used 83% less plastic with their ingenious bag vs. bottle... but it’s still just soap! Next thing you know I’ll get a clothes dryer for Christmas.

You might be thinking that this is not the post Ian had in mind. Well, you’re right. I guess if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

And, without any further griping...

I am quite impressed at the creativity with which you all run. I will now think of how animals look while running in my sleep. Unfortunately creativity here gets you squat. It’s just a crap shoot... I mean a random number picked using an online, unbiased number generator.

Congratulations to Rachelsdaddy! You run like an animal!

Now with your new Pearl Izumis, you had better look like a cheetah streaking by. Except not really streaking. Good grief man no one wants to see that!

Thanks to all the entrants for running with such poor form that you could easily come up with such horrid animal analogies. Thanks also to Pearl Izumi for loving us so much that they gave away 2 pairs of their snazzy looking speedsters. (Don’t let Ian fool you- he buys shoes totally based on their looks.) We really do appreciate it (all jokes aside).

And to Ian’s employer… Seriously it’s Friday!

Run Like an Animal Giveaway

Do you run like an animal? I do. Sometimes it’s more guinea pig than gazelle but I still like to think of it as animalistic. If you run like an animal then you could win yourself a new pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes (see below for details).

A rep from Pearl Izumi recently contacted me and offered me a free pair of their shoes to try. (Before I continue, let me just say that I think it’s awesome that Pearl Izumi has chosen this particular method of marketing their shoes.) Anyway, since I’ve already received a free pair of their shoes and loved them, I was torn between whether to accept another pair or try to give them away to one of my dear readers. On the one hand I really wanted another pair of free Pearl Izumis, and on the other hand it would be really cool if I could give a pair away to one of you guys. I knew what I had to do. I wrote an e-mail back to the PI rep demanding that he give me two pairs of shoes, one for me and one for you guys. I tried to pretend that I had a lot of influence in the running blogosphere, and I threatened that I would tell people to not buy Pearl Izumi shoes if he didn’t acquiesce to my demands (and I used big words like acquiesce so that I sounded important). OK, that’s a lie. However we did work it out so I get a free pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes and you get a free pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes, just like that Directv commercial used to advertise.

I’ve already received my free pair. I went with the Pace III running shoes (pictured right) and I even ran a couple of miles on the treadmill in them, which may not seem very animalistic to you but it totally is because I was growling and baring my teeth while I did it. Candis thinks I’m really sexy when I run on the treadmill. OK, that’s another lie.

Anyway, if you want a free pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes then all you have to do is leave a comment on this post telling me how you run like an animal. You have until midnight on Thursday to leave your comment, and on Friday I’ll randomly pick a winner. The winner will receive a Pearl Izumi card that has a special discount code on it, allowing you to go onto their website and pick out any pair of running shoes free of charge. After you leave your comment, I recommend heading over to www.wearenotjoggers.com to pick out your shoes in anticipation of your victory on Friday. You’re totally going to win this thing, I can feel it.

Me and My Izumis do the Illest Things

You may remember (because you’re totally jealous) that I received a free pair of Pearl Izumi SyncroInfinity running shoes a little over a month ago. At the time I posted about how much I liked the look of the shoes and said that I’d save the performance review for a later date. Today is that later date.

So as to not appear like a complete sell-out I’m going to start with the cons:

• The laces are a little shorter than I’d like, but they do have the Pearl Izumi logo on the fluglebinder (+6 word score, -15 cool points) which I always think looks awesome.
• The Pearl Izumi logo on the inside of the shoe has rubbed off on some of my running socks meaning I have to wash them after every run instead of after every 3 or 4.
• The tread on the bottom of the shoe appears to be wearing out a little quicker than I think it should.

All of those are pretty minor details, especially when you take into account the pros:

• They might be the most comfortable shoes that I’ve ever run in. Seriously. You’re probably taking this with a grain of salt since you know that I was given the shoes free, but you shouldn’t. I hope that you all know me well enough to know that I would have loved to write a scathing, sarcasm-riddled rant against Pearl Izumi about how crappy their shoes are, but that’s simply not the case.
• They still look awesome. Did I mention how much I like the way these shoes look?
• Two words: Seamless Upper. I read somewhere that Pearl Izumi’s “seamless upper delivers a superb, friction-free fit,” and it seamed (get it) like something I should mention. Now I’ve never noticed any friction from seams on other shoes, but there definitely isn’t any with the SyncroInfinity.
• SKYDEX® Heel Crash Pad and High Rebound SKYDEX® forefoot propulsion pad. Absolutely NO IDEA what those are but don’t they sound comfortable? They are. Plus anything that gives any kind of “propulsion” has to be a good thing, right?
• No need for iPod. When you lace up a pair of Pearl Izumi SyncroInfinity running shoes the Rocky soundtrack starts playing as if by magic. (OK now I’m totally selling out, and lying too.)

Bonus points awarded in the comments (and street cred revoked) for anyone who can tell me where “fluglebinder” is from. Bonus points forfeited for telling me that it’s actually called an aglet. Just shut up, OK.

New Shoes!

There aren’t many things in this world better than the smell of new running shoes fresh out of the box. You unfold the tissue paper that covers the shoes, remove the wadded up balls of it from the toes of the shoes and you catch your first whiff of new running shoe. It’s fantastic, but do you know what’s even better than the smell of new running shoes? Actually buying new running shoes. Trust me they look at you kind of strange when you ask if you can smell several pairs and then just leave the store without buying any. Do you know what’s even better than buying new running shoes? You probably don’t because you’re not awesome like me. I’ll tell you what’s better than buying new running shoes: Being given a free pair of new running shoes to review on your blog. Pretty awesome huh? Do you know what’s even better than being given free shoes? Being given a new pair of the latest Pearl Izumi SyncroInfinity running shoes. (Syncro Infinity? syncroINFINITY? I can’t figure out which one is right, Pearl Izumi must be loving this right now.) Do you know why I keep phrasing everything as a question in this post? Me neither.

Receiving a free pair of Pearl Izumi running shoes is better than receiving any other brand because it’s as if Pearl Izumi is endorsing me as a runner. It’s as if they’re saying “Hey Vanilla, you’re not a jogger, you’re a runner, you run like an animal, you are our kind of people, we want you in our shoes, and not all those lame joggers who read your blog,” – personally I would be offended by that last statement if I was you guys.

Now you may think that me agreeing to review their shoes in exchange for a free pair is a conflict of interest. You may call my actions “selling out” or “whorish behavior” but I call it “shut up you’re just jealous!” I assure you that my review of the shoes will not be tainted by the fact that the super-duper, totally awesome, stupefyingly great company Pearl Izumi just gave me free running shoes. I will not allow it to impair my judgment.

I’ve only run in the shoes a couple of times, so I will save my review of their performance for another day but let me just say that these might be the coolest looking shoes that I’ve ever owned, and that’s saying something because I once owned a pair of grey dress sandals that I wore with grey socks (by the way, thanks for that Mom). I was fully expecting to receive the same running shoes that I’ve always run in, you know the kind; white mesh upper with a colorful stripe or two, some reflective material and a multi-colored sole (whoa, flashy!). So I was pleasantly surprised by the black and grey shoes that you see pictured. My favorite thing about the Pearl Izumi SyncroInfiinity is the snarling teeth on the back of the shoe (pictured right). They say to other runners, “back off man, I’m dangerous!” I feel b-b-b-b-bad to the bone when I run in them and that’s probably what Pearl Izumi was striving for, especially when you consider all their ads.

The Difference Between Men and Women

On Sunday my wife and I decided to run together, but since we have two young kids she jumped on the treadmill and I went outside in the beautiful sunshine. I got to go outside on account of my awesome Rock-Paper-Scissors (Rochambeau) skills and I'll let you all in on the secret to always winning at RPS. You should always throw the secret 4th option: Fire. (Note: the Fire move is not officially recognized by the World RPS Society.)

When I returned home from my run in the beautiful outdoors I went down into the unfinished basement to check on my wife. She too was done with her run, had taken off her shoes and socks and was walking around the basement picking up toys. I immediately noticed that her foot was bleeding. “Do you realize that you’re bleeding all over the basement floor?” I asked, hoping that she didn’t catch that the concern in my voice was clearly for the basement floor. She stopped and looked at the floor around her. Sure enough there were bloody footprints all around, revealing exactly where she’d been since she took off her shoes and socks. It was almost cartoon-like.

It became even more cartoon-like when she shifted her weight to her bloody right foot and picked up her left foot to look at it. “Uhhhh, I’m pretty sure those are right footprints on the floor Babe,” I said as she stood balanced on her right foot in a puddle of blood. “How much blood did you lose?” I asked, my concern starting to switch away from the unfinished basement floor.

All of a sudden it occurred to us both at the same time that maybe she’d lost her first toenail. “Hey, check your toenails” I said excitedly. We both eagerly looked at her toenails to see if one had come off and even tugged at a few that were caked with blood but alas, no luck. All 5 toenails were securely in place. The only thing we could find was what looked like a very small blister that had rubbed off.

We went back and looked at her shoes and socks and not surprisingly the toe of the right shoe was stained a deep crimson red color. I’m not sure how she missed it when she took her shoes off but somehow she managed it. This is where I guess men and women are different. I saw the blood on the shoe and was overcome with jealousy. I looked down at my nice new white Asics and wished I could see some evidence there that would prove I could run through pain. My wife saw her nice new white Asics stained with blood and was disappointed that they were ruined.

After we had both showered and changed it occurred to me that I needed to post about this and I grabbed my camera to capture what would have surely been a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph of the bloody shoe. I found the shoe clean and drying in the tub. Ruined! If this would have happened to me there would be multiple pictures accompanying this post. I would have told the story to everyone I met on the trail and it would have been bigger and better every time. “You see that. That’s not Gatorade that I spilled on my foot, that’s blood. My blood. It’s from this one time that I lost a toe, not a toenail, a toe. I guess I was going too fast or something.” Also, I would have definitely written “K ALCS” somewhere on the shoe.

Back to Asics

Despite the fact that my Mizunos only have 325 miles on them, they are just killing the balls of my feet on longer runs and they have been for quite some time. When I told the guy at the running store this he agreed with me that Mizunos do in fact “suck more than the suckiest suck that ever sucked!” I think that was the technical term that he used. We also agreed that anyone who likes Mizunos is a good for nothing, low-life, under-achieving simpleton. I know from your comments and blogs that many of you just love your Mizunos so I’m sorry that you had to hear that from me. It must be tough to find out the sad truth about yourselves from a blog.

OK, maybe Mr. Running Shoe Guru said something more along the lines of the Mizunos being designed for a heel-striker, and that I would break them down a lot faster as I have become more of a forefoot runner since I bought them. Maybe he said that they were good shoes for some folks but just not for me. I was reading between the lines, I know what he meant.

One thing that I think we can all agree on is that buying new shoes is like runner’s crack. I get high off it and I don’t want to stop at just one pair. I tried on so many different shoes last night that I simply couldn’t make up my mind which ones to buy. I was like the over-sympathetic dog lover picking out a puppy at the pound. “Can’t I just take them all home?”

I finally bonded with a pair of the new Asics 2130 GTs and thought that I was done, but the store carried them in several different colors. Running is not just about being fast it’s also about looking good, so choosing the right color shoe is just as important as choosing the right type of shoe (motion control, stability, cushioning, trail etc.). I settled on the blue and white ones that you see in the picture.

I’m excited to run in my new shoes, I’m excited to be going back to Asics as I have had good success with them in the past, but most of all I’m excited for my balls not to ache after long runs... balls of my feet... the balls of my feet ache after long runs!

The Return of the Snow Heels

I once again went running in the snow with my Mizunos. After reading about the problems I had in my 8 on the 8th report you may be wondering why I would do this and the answer is because I thought I had found a solution and I lack the mental capacity to learn from previous mistakes.

A couple of commenters who shall remain nameless *cough Jon and Linda cough* left comments on that post and suggested that I put Vaseline or Pam into the hole because oil and water don’t mix. I tried this and it turns out to be an outright lie. What is this world coming to when you can’t trust the advice of faceless blog commenters on the internet. And when I say faceless I don't just mean anonymous, I heard that Jon really doesn't have a face! Freakshow!

I actually didn’t have any Vaseline or Pam so I ended up spraying WD-40 into the cavity in the sole of the shoes, and it did seem to work for a little while but pretty soon I was having the same old problems again. It starts off looking like this:

After a while though it gets ridiculous. The snow keeps building up and building up and before you know it I’m running in heels, snow heels. By the time I was finished my Mizunos looked like this:

Sure, laugh it up but I’m going to roll an ankle if I try to run in those things. If those heels get any taller people will start calling them... um... you know... “do me” heels... except with “F”. Despite their height I don’t find them at all sexy, although that may have more to do with who was wearing them. Still, I’m not sure what you could wear with those heels, something that was both sporty and dressy at the same time. Perhaps THIS would work?

Dr. Scholl is an Outrageous Liar

Almost 2 months ago I mentioned that I was experiencing a lot of pain in the balls of my feet when I ran for any length of time. Some of you mentioned that you had gone through the same kind of thing when increasing your mileage and that it eventually went away, so I decided to wait it out. Last week I decided that I was done waiting it out and that the problem was with my Mizuno shoes. A quick check of my training log revealed that they had soaked up little more than 200 miles and I really didn’t want to replace them yet, which is what led me to try Dr. Scholl’s Gel Sport Insoles.

What attracted me to these insoles was their claim to provide “Outrageous comfort for active feet.” I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a level of comfort for my feet that I’d describe as outrageous. I’d estimate that I’ve only ever experienced a ‘preposterous’ level of comfort, which as you probably know falls above ‘ludicrous’ comfort but below ‘outrageous’ comfort on the ‘ridiculously-overstated-comfort-scale.’ Needless to say I was ‘outrageously’ excited for my feet to feel a new level of comfy, one that I haven’t felt since my wife got rid of my sheepskin slippers.

I put the new Dr. Scholl’s inserts into my Mizunos on Friday night and went to sleep anticipating my long run on Saturday morning. I dreamt of comfortable things; goose down comforters and overstuffed chairs, while pillow-top mattresses danced in my head. When I awoke on Saturday I downed two cups of coffee so that the ‘outrageous comfort’ wouldn’t induce me back to sleep. I was beyond excited. I sat on the edge of the bed to put my shoes on. I loosened the laces, closed my eyes, held my breath, and braced myself for the comfortslaught that was about to wash over me. I slipped my feet into my newly insoled shoes and I waited. And waited. I cautiously opened one eye and glanced at the mirror to make sure I was in fact wearing the shoes. Something was amiss, my feet were not ‘outrageously comfortable.’

Convinced that I was doing something wrong I took the shoes off and double checked that I had installed the insoles correctly. Then it dawned on me. These were Sport Gels, so perhaps they weren’t going to exude comfort until I started running. I ran 10 miles on Saturday morning and while I am happy to report that I did not experience the level of pain that I have had in the past, I most certainly did not experience anything that I would describe as ‘outrageous comfort.’

While I am thankful to Dr. Scholl for providing me with a solution that should be able to see me through the end of my racing season (Dec. 15) I am disappointed that he felt the need to overzealously market his insoles. I will be writing a letter to Dr. Scholl and suggesting that they consider downgrading their description of this product to ‘admirable comfort’ for active feet.

Guest Blogger: My Running Shoes

Every now and then I have a guest blogger write a post here at Half-Fast just so that I don’t have to write one, and so that you get to read something from someone other than me. It’s really a win-win situation. Today I’d like to introduce a new guest blogger who hasn’t posted here before. Please give a warm welcome to: My Running Shoes.

Right Shoe: Hello to all of Ian’s readers and welcome...
Left Shoe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don’t think he wants you using his real name. I think you’re supposed to call him Vanilla.
RS: Vanilla? Really? That’s so lame!
LS: I’m just saying.
RS: Sorry. Hello to all of Vanilla’s (*snicker*) readers. We are sorry to have to tell you that we believe that Vanilla (*snicker*) has given up on running. We haven’t seen him since that lady jabbed and poked us trying to cut the timing chip off at the end of the Denver half marathon.
LS: I thought she was quite nice.
RS: Well that’s because you NEVER carry the timing chip. Anyway if any of you readers happen to see Vanilla (*snicker*) around then please tell him that it’s been 9 days since he last ran. 9 Days! Do you know what that makes you?
LS: Don’t say it!
RS: It makes you a ‘JOGGER!’
LS: Oh no you didn’t!
RS: That’s right. I said it. You’re a JOGGER! You like to think that you’re hardcore, you like to think that you’re a dedicated runner but you aint nothin’!
LS: You are going to get us replaced for a newer pair of shoes.
RS: You know what I wish? I wish that we’d fit well on that guy that came into the store and tried us on before we ever saw Vanilla (*snicker*). That guy was fast! If he’d have bought us we’d have won some races with that guy. None of this middle of the pack, taking 9 days off, slowly jogging, crap. You’re not half-fast, you’re all-slow! And you’re probably getting slower from not running! And while I’m at it, haven’t you ever heard of nail clippers? Hello? I’m sick of getting stabbed every time we go out.
LS: You’re going to get us replaced.
RS: Well maybe that’s for the best. If it means that I never get peed on again then I’ll gladly retire.

Half-Fast Pronunciation Guide

I was recently fitted for new running shoes at the Boulder Running Company in Boulder, CO. The gentlemen that was helping me seemed very knowledgeable until he recommended that I try on a pair of the latest shoes by Saucony. The problem wasn't that he recommended them, the problem was that he pronounced it saw-kah-nee, when everyone knows that Saucony is pronounced saw-so-nee. We ended up picking out a pair of the Mizuno Wave Alchemy shoes as you may remember from this post. I couldn't help but shake my head in wonderment that a running shoe store could employ someone who was supposed to know what he was talking about and then not tell him how to pronounce the various brand names. What a moron.

Then I got home and opened up my issue of Runner's World magazine only to find the ad that you see pictured to the right. Turns out, I'm the moron. I can't believe that I've been mispronouncing this my whole life, it was just like when I found out that The Weather Girls weren't singing "Israeli Men! Hallelujah, Israeli Men!" but were actually saying that it was raining men. Or like the time when I found out that the Beatles were singing about a woman who had a ticket to ride, instead of "she's got a chicken to ride." How cool would it be if you had a chicken to ride or if The Weather Girls had a thing for Israeli men? And since we're discussing misheard lyrics, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention my wife singing "God forbid you ever had to walk in my linen shoes" by Everlast instead of "walk a mile in his shoes."

On the subject of mispronouncing things, let's go over some other commonly mispronounced words. Triathlon is pronounced try-ath-lon, not try-ath-a-lon, athlete is pronounced ath-leet, not ath-a-leet, and nuclear is noo-klee-ur, not noo-kyu-lur. Please try not to sound as ignorant as I do.

My New Shoes SUCK

I’ve now had 2 runs in my new shoes. They're the Mizuno Wave Alchemy's and I have to tell you, I'm not impressed. They didn't make me any faster, they didn't make me any less tired, they didn't make me sweat less, and that nice new shoe smell? Gone. Just up and vanished like a fart in the wind.

I will say in their defense that I look good in them. I mean, I didn't think that it was possible for me to look any more handsome than I already do, but somehow Mizuno managed to accomplish it. Bravo Mizuno! They look so good that I wore them to work with my suit. I know, I know big fashion faux pas right? Wrong! I totally rock the running shoes with a suit look, as does Justin Timberlake (right).

In all fairness to Mizuno the shoes feel great. I suppose it's possible that the slowness and tiredness is due to operator error, or more likely due to the fact that the FIRST plan has me running high intensity intervals on Wednesday and a pretty fast tempo run on Thursday. Yeah, that's better, let's blame this on the FIRST plan not my ineptitude. Shouldn't I get a rest day or a cross training day in between?

Yesterday when I started my tempo run, my legs were stiffer than Richard Simmons in an NFL locker room, so I ended up just doing an easy run and forgoing the 'tempo' all together. It was so bad that even when I felt like I was really pushing the pace I was actually running at what should be considered a recovery pace. There's nothing more disheartening than feeling like you're going fast and discovering you're not, except maybe seeing that devastatingly handsome runner in the Mizuno Wave Alchemy's and then realizing that it's Vanilla so all you can do is look. Sorry ladies, that 165 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal is happily married.

Runner’s Creed

Old Shoes, New Shoes. Dull Shoes, Bright Shoes.

These are my shoes.
There are many like them, but these ones are mine.
My shoes are my best friend. They are my life. I must master them as I must master my life.
My shoes, without me, are useless. Without my shoes, I am useless.*

As you can probably guess from the picture above I bought new shoes over the weekend. My old shoes have served me well, but they now have over 430 miles on them and a little bit of pee. Yes, you read that right, but I'll have more about the pee thing in tomorrow's post. I bet you can't wait can you?

I went to a running store and had them fit me for a new pair of shoes. It was the first time that I've done this and I got to wear several different running shoes on a treadmill that they filmed and then analyzed. The analysis was a little difficult due to my 4 year old figuring out where the camera was and continually poking his smiling mug into the shot and waving, but we found out that I'm pretty average. Imagine that, the guy whose moniker is Vanilla is plain and average. Shocking. Essentially we found several pairs of shoes that would work for my gait including the same pair of Asics that I was retiring but I wanted something that looked a little different.

I ended up buying a pair of the Mizuno Alchemy's. Alchemy, as you probably know is the medieval science of turning baser metals into gold, which is ironic because that's how I intend to pay for the shoes. I have some lead that I can use but just need to get my hands on that formula. If you have access to the formula for this please post it in the comments section.

*Adaptation of the Rifleman's Creed (AKA My Rifle, AKA The Creed of The United States Marine)

New Running Shoe Technology

I admit that I’m always skeptical when I hear that, but in this case I think it’s valid. Today I came across Newton Running and was very impressed by their website, apparently they’re located right here in Boulder, Colorado so you see, good things do come out of Boulder.

They have engineered a line of shoes that are designed to make your feet feel like you’re running barefoot which causes you to land on your forefoot, which in turn reduces injury risk and is a more efficient way to run. Essentially, your feet are suspended on a hammock over the sole of the shoe, but you should check out their website for a more technical description of how it works.

When I hear ‘hammock’, I’m thinking about relaxing, not running and I’m biting my tongue to suppress the childish ‘banana hammock’ joke that must be in there somewhere.

I will say that I’m genuinely intrigued by these shoes and I’m seriously thinking about giving them a try but I’ll have to wait until they come down in price because I’m not going to pay $155 for shoes that look like they’re straight out of the 80s. So if you’re going to buy some, be sure to wear them with your matching slap bracelets and dig up the old leg warmers to complete the look. And remember, if you’re planning on running early in the morning: Wake me up before you go go.

Tip of the hat to The Goat for finding this first (or before I did at least).

And Now For Something Different

Every once in a while someone comes along who looks at the way we do things and thinks "Hey, you know what would be an easier/better/cheaper/faster way to do this…” Typically these are the people who end up living in ocean view houses in Newport Beach, but only for the spring because the summer months are too humid and those peasant tourists really overrun the marina during busy season.

A good example of this is the guys who created You Tube. What I'm trying to say is that if you ever discover a new way to do something I hope you have a trusty financial advisor because you're about to run into a truckload of money. Unless of course your new idea is something mundane like a better shoelace knot. Or you decide to give the info away free on your website. Or, as is the case here, both.

Today’s useful link is to a website put together by Ian Fieggen and it contains a number of new and creative ways to tie your shoes. I’m sure that Ian wishes that he’d instead thought of new and creative way to share videos online, but I for one am glad that he has found some better ways to tie your shoelaces. So give some of these a try and let me know which ones you like in the comments. Me, I kind of like “Ian’s Secure Shoelace Knot,” because there’s nothing worse than having your shoe come untied in the middle of a training run, or even worse a race.

Without further ado, here’s the link: Ian’s Shoelace Site