10 miles

1:39:59. 1 second under!

5 miles

Positive part of negative splits :). 51 min at 5. Ian said "this s@?!
Is easy. I'll ask again at 20 if it's easy.

America Runs on Dunkin’...

... And so do I. My wife found a Dunkin’ Donuts not far from where we are staying last night, and I found it again this morning. So far it is the best thing about this trip and I don’t see anything on the horizon that will change that.

On the plane to Phoenix I heard a few other runners discussing the upcoming marathon so I made sure to speak about my training loud enough with Candis that they invited me into their conversation, in much the same way that you invite a jury summons in the mail and equally pleasant. It was obvious from the conversation that they did not recognize me as the world renowned Vanilla of Half-Fast. I politely raised my hand, stopping them mid-sentence and said “Sorry to interrupt you, but... I’m kind of a big deal!” I told them all about Half-Fast but they were not impressed. I’m beginning to suspect that they weren’t really runners at all. I suspect they were just flying into town for the NFC Championship game and pretending to be runners to impress people. I mean, really, how could a real runner have not heard about Half-Fast? It’s just not possible.

By the way speaking of the NFC Championship game, the Cardinals are winning that game. I don’t think I’ve ever given any gambling advice on this site, but the current line is Eagles by 3.5 which is just like free money. Personally I think the Cards are winning this game outright, but they sure as hell aren’t losing by more than a field goal. Take the Cards and the points, it’s a sure fire way to double your kid’s college education fund and your retirement account all at the same time.

Finally, I met Razz and his Sister today at the marathon expo and he’s surprisingly nice in person. Best of luck to everyone else that’s running this race; Lisa, Eileen, Kristina, Pat, Mary, Jessica, and anyone else who I’ve forgotten or just outright ignored.

Candis will have updates here tomorrow, and I’ll catch you all on the flip side.

The Things I’m Telling Myself

In the face of my somewhat lackadaisical training for Sunday’s marathon (some might even call it Half-Fast training, HiYo!) I’ve found myself having some wild mood swings, the kind I’m sure some of you ladies are prone to. One minute I’m certain that I’m going to have a great time, and the next minute I’m terrified that I won’t even finish. In the interest of fostering a positive mindset for this marathon I’ve asked Candis to keep reminding me of these things that I’m telling myself:

• I did all my training at altitude (5,300 ft) so running in Phoenix (1,100 ft) will probably make me feel like superman.
• I ran over 80% of my training runs in windy conditions, it was almost as though I was doing my long runs wearing a wind sprint parachute. As long as it’s not windy in Phoenix then this will also make me feel like superman.
• A lot of my training runs have incorporated good sized hills, but the marathon course is relatively flat which will make me feel like superman.
• Just get through this, and then you don’t have to run again for the rest of January.
• Many of my training runs were in the cold weather and I was forced to bundle up to stay warm. Surely the weight of the winter clothes and the way they restrict my movement caused me to run slower.
• Even though I didn’t run a 20 miler, I probably put forth the same amount of effort to run an 18 miler at altitude, into the wind (both ways), in the cold, on an uphill course (both ways), right? Right?
• Finally, I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me... almost as much as they like superman.

Of course, I could always use more thoughts like this (by which I mean over-emphasizations of the truth) so if you can think of anything I’ve left out then I’d love to hear your positive thoughts about this marathon in the comments. If there’s anything that you disagree with or if you have any negative thoughts then please take those over to Feet Meet Street or Viper’s place, I’m quite certain that they deserve it more than I do.

For Those About To Rock...

For those of you who are going to be in Phoenix this weekend running the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon or Half Marathon, I suggest you wear sunglasses. Not because it’s going to be sunny, although I hear that is occasionally the case in Arizona, but because I have decided that I will be taking this opportunity to debut my fluorescent, neon, day-glo yellow race shirt. (You might be thinking that all those adjectives were superfluous but you won’t when you see the shirt.) So if you see something that looks like a blinding beacon of light lumbering down the road or passed out somewhere on the course, pull your sunglasses on and yell something encouraging to me. I also plan on hanging out for a while after the race in the family reunion area, chances are I’ll be standing sitting lying on the ground somewhere with Candis and her family close by, so please wander over and say hello. Candis and her family will thank you as I’m sure they don’t want to listen to me go on and on about how awesome I am for running a marathon.

Those of you who are not coming to Phoenix to support me can follow along and track my progress on the PF Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon website (http://www.rnraz.com/). I’ll be wearing bib number 3780 unless it looks like that bib is not doing so well in which case that was just a typo, that’s not me. You may also be able to track my progress right here at Half-Fast as I’m contemplating live blogging the marathon, or more specifically having Candis live blog the marathon for me. Since my mp3 player is also my phone I will be updating Candis periodically on how I’m feeling or what restaurant I’ve stopped at for lunch and Candis will in turn be updating the blog and filtering any of your comments back to me, emphasis on filtering. I’m not completely sure if it will work or if we’ll actually do this, but it is under consideration. If there are no updates then I might have decided not to live blog the marathon, or maybe there were some technical difficulties like I ‘technically’ decided that a marathon would be too ‘difficult’ and just stayed in bed, this is also under consideration.

There is an eager anticipation that I’ve been feeling about the marathon in the past few days. I’m not real sure how to explain it other than to say that whenever I think about the marathon I get butterflies in my stomach, but not the bad kind. I imagine that perhaps this is how General Custer was feeling prior to the Battle of the Little Bighorn.

I look forward to meeting those of you who will be there, shoot me an e-mail and we can figure out a good place to drink beer together after the finish... or before the start.

Shave Your 5K Results!

When I first announced this challenge back on January 14th last year I wanted it to be a competition that anyone could win, from the beginning runner to the seasoned veteran. In that vein I stated that prizes would be awarded for most seconds shaved and highest percentage of time shaved, thinking that this would respectively benefit slower runners and speedier runners. Unfortunately this did not work out as I had planned because the top 3 shavers by actual time were also the top 3 percentage shavers. So, in order to stick to the original intent of the contest every runner was placed into 2 divisions based on their Stubble Time; The Over 30 Minute Division, and The Sub 30 Minute Division.

The winner of the Over 30 Minute Division (and overall winner) improved so much over the course of the year that when he first e-mailed me his Smooth Time I called him a liar, a cheater, a sandbagger and a toe-jam-licking-snot-guzzler. I had no idea about the last one but it seemed likely and I needed something that stung a little bit worse than ‘cheater’. After a few e-mails back and forth and after checking his other race results on Athlinks I decided that he was in fact telling the truth. Give it up for the overall SY5K winner: Shaun.

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Shaun	39:37	25:57	13:40

Congrats Shaun, sorry I insulted you and keyed your car... a little turtle wax will get that right out, the insults I mean, those scratches are there to stay.

The Sub 30 Minute Division winner was none other than: Sherry.

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Sherry	28:19	23:58	4:21

Sherry entered the SY5K contest with an initial time of 32:03 in February of ’08 and then in a raging bout of honesty asked me to reduce her Stubble time after she ran another 5K in March in 28:19. Sherry then went on to shave an additional 4:21 off her new stubble time when she posted a time of 23:58 in a November 5K, making her the best shaver in the sub 30 minute starting corral. Ironically, had Sherry not told me about her improved Stubble Time she would have remained in the over 30 minute starting corral and would not have won anything. Honesty, you guys should try it sometime.

Both winners will receive a Performance Microfiber T-Shirt complete with the SY5K logo emblazoned above the word “Winner” and a mildly humorous slogan. The rest of you can purchase one of said shirts right here, but without the “Winner” inscription, sorry, you’ll have to get the affirmation you so desperately crave elsewhere. I’ve contacted the winners by e-mail and asked them for their shipping address, which probably creates quite a conundrum for them. On the one hand, you want the free shirt, but on the other you don’t want me to have your home address because I’ll likely sign you up for all kinds of junk mail and maybe even send you a dead cat, or worse, a live one.

Please join me in congratulating Shaun and Sherry on Shaving their 5Ks this year.

Full Results

Over 30 Minute Division

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Shaun	39:37	25:57	13:40
Kitzzy	44:38	33:50	10:48
})i({ Runnergirl	38:40	30:14	8:26
Chris	31:48	25:18	6:30
AndrewE	31:01	24:38	6:23
Stacy	39:14	33:33	5:41
Katie	36:07	31:12	4:55
J~Mom	35:01	31:17	3:44
KimsRunning	30:50	27:25	3:25
Danielle	39:03	36:18	2:45
sherijung	30:02	27:27	2:35
Jim	31:15	28:42	2:33
Jess	30:54	28:29	2:25
Viv	35:57	33:33	2:24
Mrs. Half-Fast	31:54	29:40	2:14
Bill	41:55	40:48	1:07
Pam	31:34	30:40	0:54
Jeanne	30:22	29:59	0:23
Linda	32:11	31:59	0:12
lil 1/2 pint	34:41	35:12	+0:31
Non-Runner Nancy	31:40	32:45	+1:05

Sub 30 Minute Division

Name	Stubble	Smooth	Difference
Sherry	28:19	23:58	4:21
Jon	26:35	22:23	4:12
Chad Stevens	24:12	21:25	2:47
Kevin	22:01	19:25	2:36
KdoubleA	22:43	20:27	2:16
Amanda	26:40	24:25	2:15
Reluctant Runner	28:00	26:12	1:48
suzee	28:30	26:44	1:46
Robert	27:49	26:23	1:26
Viper	25:37	24:20	1:17
Kristin	26:16	25:04	1:12
Glaven Q. Heisenberg	27:34	26:25	1:09
Shoreturtle	22:18	21:12	1:06
audgepodge	28:45	27:41	1:04
Renée	24:37	23:53	0:44
Sarah	23:19	22:44	0:35
running private	17:05	16:32	0:33
Vanilla	25:56	25:26	0:30
Laura	24:37	24:17	0:20
Eric Gervase	23:08	22:53	0:15
Ewen	21:30	21:45	+0:15
speedygeoff	19:25	19:54	+0:29
Marcy	23:16	23:50	+0:34
kyle	21:44	22:46	+1:02
kara	24:36	25:48	+1:12
runatthemouth	28:14	29:27	+1:13
Bill	21:02	22:55	+1:53
Irene	27:26	33:30	+6:04

Regular Posting Will Resume Shortly

This week has been crazy at work and I’m quite certain that you don’t care unless you’re my boss in which case thanks for making me sit on that conference call that did not apply to me in any way, shape or form. *Deep breaths* Anyway, I usually try to post my inane ramblings here 4 times a week, furthermore I’d like to get back into the habit of regularly posting the Weekend Splits and I think things will return to normal next week, or maybe the following week since I’m running a marathon next week. (Side note: AHHHHHHHH!)

So I don’t have much time to post anything of substance today but in the meantime you can read the following e-mail that I sent out to everyone who hasn’t submitted a Smooth Time for the SY5K Challenge. It may even apply to you. If you didn’t get this email, then I got your results or my e-mail went straight to your junk mail folder, I hear they have a tendency to do that when you repeatedly use the word ‘ass.’

Subject: Hey, Remember the Shave Your 5K Challenge?

Hello all,

You are receiving this e-mail because at some point in the last year you thought it would be a good idea to enter the Shave Your 5K Challenge at that oh-so-awesome blog Half-Fast and you have not sent me your Smooth Time. Maybe you posted the result on your blog assuming that I’d see it, but you know what they say about assuming. (It makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘ming,’ and ‘ming’ doesn’t care too much for your insolence.)

I originally set some parameters around when the Smooth Time had to occur but I’ve made so many exceptions that I’m no longer holding people to running their faster 5K in the Nov/Dec window. If you ran a 5K last year at some time after your original Stubble 5K then please feel free to send me that time and I’ll include you in the results which will be posted on Monday January 12th.

Perhaps your attempts at Shaving Your 5K all fell dreadfully short of your original time and so you have not submitted it to me, but I encourage you to reconsider. I already have several people who posted slower times in their later races and the sting of my mocking will be greatly reduced if there are more of you to mock. I’m
kidding of course... it will still sting just as bad.

Since the results will be announced on Monday, I will include any results that I receive before noon on Sunday, January 11th. That’s Mountain Time.

Some of you have already asked whether I’ll be doing this again next year and the answer is: Yes. I plan on making the 2009 SY5K Challenge a little simpler while throwing in a few new wrinkles. “But Vanilla,” you ask, “how can it be simpler and have more wrinkles?” Well I’ll save that for a later post when I’m not busy missing deadlines and ignoring clients.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Taper Gladness

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read about runners suffering from Taper Madness, a case of the crazies resulting from running less during the 2 weeks leading up to a marathon. I guess that’s what makes me different from a lot of other runners because I’m suffering from Taper Gladness. I’m loving all of this running less. I just checked my schedule and discovered that tomorrow’s run is a 3 mile tempo run with a couple of easy miles thrown in for good measure and it warmed the cockles of my oversized heart. Sayonara 8 - 10 mile tempo runs, arrivederci track repeats, hasta la vista 30+ mile weeks, adios laddering intervals, and au revoir long runs. You see, running sucks, ergo running less puts me in a cheery mood, so much so that I am inspired to break out in song as though this post was some kind of musical:

“So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu”

Ahhh yes. I am in a delightful mood this morning. I’m in such a good place right now that I might even flush the toilet in the office bathroom after I use it. I’ll even make some more coffee if I finish the pot in the break room. Yes, life is grand today.

I suppose that this Taper Gladness is a testament to how burned out I’ve been on my long runs of late. It seems as though every long run over the last couple of months has been done in windy conditions. It’s the one thing I didn’t take into consideration when deciding to train for a marathon in the winter months, which was stupid of me because I hate running in the wind with a passion, I hate it the way that Oprah hates the way she looks again. It also occurs to me that this is normally my off-season. Usually as December rolls around I stop running for specific paces and training goals and start going on leisurely jogs, nothing more than a quick calorie purge before the next holiday party binge. I thought that my off-season could wait until mid January this year, but it turns out that I miss it more than I thought I would. You could even say that I miss it like Oprah misses her skinny jeans. What I don’t miss is all that running, I’m glad that it’s taper time and I’m actually looking forward to this marathon again. After all, the end of the marathon marks the beginning of my off-season.

And before anyone asks, no, I’m not bilingual, that was just a phase I went through in college. Wait, no! I’m talking about the French class I took in college, I swear it only happened once and I didn’t even like it, I’ve been strictly heterolingual ever since.

SY5K Update
The Shave Your 5K results are still being tabulated, (read: I haven’t gotten around to it yet) but I am planning on announcing the winners and posting the full results on Monday, January 12th.

I Guess I Don’t Look Like a Runner

Contrary to what you might think, I’m really not the boisterous, chest thumping, braggart in real life that I portray so well on this blog, at least not entirely. This means that very few people in my office actually know that I’m a runner and fewer still know that I’m running a marathon in a couple of weeks but that will all change when I wear my medal (assuming I earn one) around the office for the remainder of 2009. However, as meetings are planned and schedules are being made for January it has given rise to the question of why I’m taking a couple of days off surrounding the weekend of January 18th. Here’s what I notice when I tell people that I’m running a marathon; their eyes get a little bigger and then they look me up and down as if to say “Really? You are running a marathon?”

I guess it’s because they can’t see the rippling abs beneath my dress shirt and believe me, my abs do ripple. Just the other day I stood shirtless in front of the mirror and watched the ripples radiate from a hearty gut smack all the way up to my neck and back in concentric circles, so maybe they don’t ripple in the traditional sense but they do ripple. OK so I’m being a little facetious. While I haven’t yet been able to put the finishing touches on my granite six pack, I’m also not afflicted with the ol’ Dunlop belly, which is to say that my belly hasn’t “done lopped over” my pants.

So what is it? Why does everyone feel the need to look me up and down like some piece of meat when they discover I’m running a marathon? Is it just because people have this preconceived notion that all marathon runners look like skinny Kenyans? Is it because I don’t have the sunken-eyed, gaunt look of some other fellow runners? Is it because of my muscular build? Is it because I’m too handsome to be a marathoner? Yes. I like to think it is.

Get a Hold of Yourself Man!

Thanks for all the advice on my last post, particularly to Andrew who gave me the literary bitchslap I needed in reminding me to HDFU. I am still planning on running the full marathon, and I’m planning on beating Haile Gebrselassie’s world record time of 2:03:59, that was his first half split right?

When I originally signed up for the PF Chang’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon I had wanted to run a 4 hour marathon or more specifically a 3:59:59 marathon. I believe that a sub 4 hour time might have been possible had I not been injured and wimped out on some of my training runs, but I find myself coming to grips with the fact that I probably won’t achieve that goal. That’s OK. I’ve always said that in order to achieve all of your lifelong goals sometimes you have to lower your expectations, but that’s just the over-achiever in me coming out. (The under-achiever in me is totally OK with failing to meet goals entirely, at least the over-achiever tries to make it look like I accomplished my goals.)

With that in mind I’m going to establish several levels of goals for this marathon, and hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish one of them. Here they are, ranked from most likely to occur to least likely to occur:

1. Start the marathon.
2. Finish the marathon.
3. Finish the marathon in an upright position.
4. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours 30 minutes.
5. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours 15 minutes.
6. Finish the marathon with a smile on my face.
7. Finish the marathon with a time under 4 hours.
8. Qualify for Boston - requires a time of 3:10:59 (my computer audibly chuckled when I wrote that).
9. Set a new marathon world record - requires a time of 2:03:58 or better.
10. Take it easy and enjoy myself.

I think I have a realistic shot at the first 4, maybe even number 5 if I’m having a really good day. If I accomplish number 7, then number 6 will just naturally follow suit, but I doubt that either of those will happen. Numbers 8 through 10 are just there for humor because none of them are going to happen.

Have a great weekend everyone! Stay tuned next week for the announcement of the Shave Your 5K winners.

Update: Oh yeah, and Happy New Year and all that jazz.