Fat Guy in a Little Cart

My legs have been feeling a little tight lately, so when it came time to do my long run on Saturday afternoon I decided to take it easy and run at a much more leisurely pace than usual. It was a pleasant and enjoyable run until it went south. I’m speaking metaphorically here because I was actually running north when things went metaphorically south.

I turned north onto a street that runs past the golf course and was wishing that I was playing golf because regardless of how pleasant a run is it still doesn’t compare to the joy of cursing your way around a golf course for 4 hours. As I ran down the sidewalk a golf cart pulled up next to me on the adjacent cart path, separated only by small strip of perfectly mowed grass. At first I thought nothing of it, but then I began to wonder why the cart was keeping pace with me. I glanced over to see two fat guys grinning at me from their ride.

Now when I say that these guys were fat I’m not just trying to be offensive towards them (although if it comes across like that I’m totally OK with it), they were absolutely huge. The golf cart could barely contain them. Their legs were oozing out from under the armrests, performing an intense stress test on the tensile strength of their plaid golfer’s shorts. The guy that was (mostly) in the passenger seat was so big that he had fat rolls on the back of his head above his nonexistent neck and I can only assume that his polo shirt had been custom made by Omar’s Tent and Awning Company. OK, so maybe I’m trying to be a little offensive, but they totally started it.

As I glanced over at them the passenger began swinging his arms like he was running and hung his tongue out in what I assume was mock exhaustion. At first I was quite taken aback that these two supersize human beings were mocking me for running, but I quickly regained my composure and yelled “Hey, why don’t you come join me, you look like you could use the exercise!” Not a great comeback admittedly but I was still a little gobsmacked at the preposterousness of the situation.

The passenger’s expression went from laughing to angry and he shouted something at me that I was not able to hear over whatever P!nk was angrily yelling through my earbuds, but I assume it was something like “Get in mah BELLY!” Not wanting to give him the last word I yelled at him again, “Why don’t you show some mercy to that poor golf cart and walk a few holes!” Much better comeback. At this point the golf cart path veered away from the sidewalk and we went our separate ways. The funny thing is that we probably both referred to our Saturday afternoon activity as ‘exercise,’ but only one of us was correct with that description, and as usual that one was me.