Running Companion

I run alone. I'm like a lone wolf that way, a free spirit or the tiger who hunts in solitary. I do however have a running companion. It's the best friend a runner could ever have. It's 3.5 oz of sleek black plastic. It's my Sony Ericsson W810i cell phone.

I Love You Sony Ericsson W810i
Oh, but it's so much more than just a phone. It's a music player, it's a flashlight, it's a radio, it's a camera, it's a stopwatch, it's an internet browser, it's a crime deterrent, it's too good to be true is what it is! Allow me to show you why I need all of these incredible features, and the benefits they provide.

Feature #1 - Phone
The ability to make phone calls during a run is a blessing, not because I DO make phone calls, but because I know I COULD make phone calls. Should I try to run around this lake before I head back home? Yes, because I can always call someone to come pick me up if it turns out to be too far. Should I stop running because I feel a twinge in my knee? No, because if it snaps I can call 911 to come get me. Benefit: Having a phone makes me run further and train harder. I assure you that my logic in this matter is quite infallible.

Feature #2 - Light
The phone has a very bright light, and if you've been paying attention you know that I am often out running in the wee hours of the morning when it is still dark. I often turn on the light to scare off potential muggers and to see the path that I am running on. I am less likely to step in a pothole if I illuminate my way with the light. This in turn makes it less likely that I will be hobbled by a sprained ankle, making me an even more attractive prey to the muggers than before. You don't want to be the wounded baby rabbit when the lone wolf comes along because, where do you think you're going? Benefit: Having my light decreases my chance of injury and ambush.

Feature #3 - Camera
The phone has a 2 mega pixel camera. This is essential for me because I am a dedicated running blogger and there may be something that I need to photograph so that I can blog about it, or maybe there is just something I have never seen before. For example, during my first ever morning run I saw the sun rising in the east. I know, I couldn't believe it either! Benefit: Having my camera makes me a better running blogger, and a better human being.

Feature #4 - MP3 Player
The phone holds up to 2 MB (upgraded) of songs. Not just any songs, songs that make me faster. Songs like ‘Til I Collapse by Eminem and Fergalicious by Fergie. Hey, don't judge me. Benefit: Having my MP3 player makes me run faster.

Feature #5 - FM Radio
If I ever get sick of listening to my stolen legally downloaded and paid for MP3s, then I can annoy myself by listening to the afternoon show DJs or the always asinine 'Morning Zoo'. Nothing makes me want to end my run faster (or jump into oncoming traffic) than suffering through the ramblings of these idiots. Benefit: Having a radio will annoy me into being faster.

Feature #6 - Stopwatch
The phone boasts a stopwatch that will track and remember up to 9 laps. Benefit: If you need me to explain the benefit of this feature to you then you should turn in your runner's membership card right now, and go become a morning DJ... or a door-stop... or a boat anchor. Your potential is limitless.

Feature #7 - Internet Access
The phone allows me to check my e-mail, view sports scores, and pull up directions on Google maps. 'But you can't do those things while you're running?' Maybe YOU can't do those things while you're running you sausage-fingered-chucklehead, I do them all the time. Seriously. How else am I going to pass the miles during my long runs? Benefit: Having internet access stops me from getting bored.

Feature #8 - Crime Deterrent